Chapter Two

Ed and Jillian quietly walked down the tiled corridor of St. Rose Dominican Hospital. They spent the twenty minute car trip in silence except for the occasional mention of the weather and Jillian asking Ed again if he's sure he can take the afternoon off.

Ed didn't say a word to anybody why he wanted to take the afternoon off. What could he say? He knew that he could always tell the truth, but he didn't want to look at the faces of his co-workers and get the dreaded "How are you doing with all of this?" question. They both agreed to wait and tell their daughter until they knew something, "Why worry her when we don't have the answers ourselves?" was Jillian's response when Ed asked if he should call and tell Delinda.

As she walked, concentrating on the clicking sound her heels made when they hit the tile, she felt something warm slip into her hand and she smiled softly as he squeezed her hand. Ed stopped her and took her other hand in his and brought both to his lips and kissed them and pulled her in for a hug, sighing softly, whispering into her hair, "There are no words for how much I love you... You know that, right?"

His wife nodded, struggling to keep her tears at bay. She sighed quietly and kissed his cheek and walked over to the woman at the desk and gave her her name. Ed sighed softly as he watched his wife talk to the desk nurse. He walked over and placed his hand on the small of her back gently to let her know that he was with her. Jillian reached around and took her husband's hand in hers as she finished filling out the paperwork. Handing it back to the nurse, she smiled softly as she went over and sat down with Ed in the plastic chair in front of a window that overlooked the city.

"Maybe we should have called Delinda."

Ed looked at his wife who was looking straight ahead. Her cloudy blue eyes seemed to be staring off into space. Placing a hand on her knee he sat back and cleared his throat, softly, "There's still time."

Jillian shook her head no in silence and then let out a slow, deliberate sigh. "Not yet, Eddie."

Ed nodded quietly and squeezed her knee and the two remained silent for a few minutes until the nurse stepped out into the waiting room.

"Jillian Deline?"

Jillian closed her eyes for a moment and leaned over and kissed her husband and stood up. Ed followed suit but soon sat back down when the look on his wife's face told him that she didn't want him to be in the room with her. Under any other circumstances, Ed would have protested, but there was something about her facial expression that told him to decide against it. Watching his wife walk through the double doors, Ed sighed again and looked around on the tables. Magazines, newspapers and other paraphernalia littered the table tops. Not finding anything that sparked his interest, Ed stood up and stretched his legs, walking around. Eventually he wandered over to a rack of brochures about various medical problems... Diabetes, AIDS, glaucoma, pregnancy, prostate cancer... his eyes settled on a brochure that was cream in color with faint pink lines and a faint pink ribbon graphic on it... reaching out for it, he picked it up and opened it and then closed it, reading the words on the cover "Breast Cancer: A Before, During and After Care Manual".

Ed walked back over to the chairs and opened it and started to read.

"Okay, Jillian, why don't you remove you clothes, leaving your panties on, and slip this gown on and Dr. Meadows will be with you momentarily."

Jillian looked at the young nurse and nodded, thinking she can't be more than Delinda's age. After the nurse left, she slowly began to unbutton her clothes. She looked at her body and sighed in disgust. For the past few years, she was finding more and more about her body that she didn't like. An unsightly vein here, an extra roll there... No matter how many times her husband had assured her that she was still beautiful, Jillian felt as if she were nothing more than the beginnings of an old hag.

Slipping the gown on, Jillian sat on the edge of the table and waited for the doctor. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened and in walked an attractive African American woman who smiled at Jillian. "Hello, Jillian, how are we today?"

Jillian couldn't help but laugh softly, "Well, 'we', Doctor, are very nervous."

Dr. Renée Meadows laughed softly, "I can understand that." Looking around, she noticed that it was just the two women in the room, "Ed couldn't get away?"

The other woman took in a deep breath, "No, he could, and he did, but I had him wait outside... I love my husband, but sometimes Eddie can make me a little more nervous when he's around at times like this. I know he doesn't mean to, he probably doesn't even realize that he does it, but he does."

Dr. Meadows nodded thoughtfully as she pulled up the stool and sat down, "That's understandable. Unless it's happening to them, men don't really know what to do." Jillian nodded in silence as Dr. Meadows looked through her chart.

"It says that you think you found a lump in your breast?"

Jillian nodded, "Yeah, I was showering last week and I just happened to do one of those self exams and felt something that didn't feel normal."

Dr. Meadows nodded again, "Which breast?"

"The left."

The doctor stood up and walked over to Jillian and lifted her arm up and unlaced her gown and began to feel around, after a few minutes, she nodded and said, "Okay, you can get dressed now and bring Ed in."

Jillian blinked her eyes, "Did you find something?"

Dr. Meadows hesitated a little, "Why don't we wait for your husband? You can get dressed and I'll have a nurse go out and get him. I'll be right back, I need to make a phone call while you dress."

Before Jillian could say anything else, Dr. Meadows had left the room. Panic drove her to dress quicker than she'd ever dressed in her life. She normally made sure that she didn't miss any buttons, but this is one time that Jillian Deline didn't care if her appearance was disheveled. About ten minutes later, the door opened and Ed walked in. Without a word, he walked over and took his wife's hand and kissed it, softly, "What did the doctor say?"

His wife shook her head, softly, "She wanted to wait till you came in... Ed, what if it's something big? What if it's cancer?"

Ed took in a deep breath and pulled his wife to her, "Than we will get through it... Together. I'll take a leave of absence at work and I'll be with you every step of the way."

Before she could respond, the door opened again and Dr. Meadows re-emerged. "Ed, hello, it's always nice to see you."

Ed gave the doctor a forced smile, his mind was shouting "Just tell me what the hell is wrong with my wife" but he didn't say it. "Dr. Meadows..."

Dr. Meadows sat down and motioned for Ed to sit in the other chair. Ignoring her, Ed sat up on the table next to his wife, holding her hand.

"I did feel a hardness," the doctor began, "I can't really determine the size or even if it is anything but a calcium deposit right now. I want Jillian to go in for a biopsy and then we will know more."

Jillian sat there in silence, too scared to speak. "She has to have a surgery?"

The doctor regarded Ed, "We need to do what is called an fine needle biopsy. It is surgery, yes. Basically what happens is Jillian is put under anesthesia and a surgeon will remove a tissue sample next to the lump and we will test it. When the results come back, if they show that the tissue is cancerous, than we will need to go back in and determine the size of the cancer. If it's just a small bump, than Jillian will only need a lumpectomy, but if it is larger, than she'll have to have a mastectomy."

Ed shook his head, he knew what she was saying, but his brain wasn't comprehending, "I'm sorry, a mastectomy?"

Jillian looked ahead, her voice barely audible, "They'll have to take my entire breast, Ed."

Her husband looked at her, his eyes trailed down to her chest and back at her and then finally back at the doctor, "Can you get it all?"

Dr. Meadows quietly sighed, this was always a hard question, "We will certainly try. Jillian, I want to schedule you for the biopsy sometime this week."

Her heart began to beat deep within her chest, her blood raced, her face whitened... "This week? Dr. Meadows, I'm sorry, I can't do that this week, I have too much to do. I'm leaving for California on Friday, Ed's work schedule is horrific and I have obligations to my daughter."

"If you intend on having more obligations to your daughter and seeing California again, I'd suggest you put those plans on hold. You need to get this done. I'm sure Ed can rearrange his schedule."

Jillian flashed a quick glance at her husband and then looked at the doctor again, "I'm sorry, but this is Ed's really busy time, the hotel is a zoo..."

Ed cut her off, "Danny can handle it. I'm going to take that leave of absence and we are going to do this." He looked at the doctor, "The sooner the better, Doc."

Dr. Meadows nodded, "I want it done Wednesday at 8 am. Jillian, you are not to eat anything after midnight on Tuesday, make sure to get plenty of rest and you can have clear liquids only. And, Ed...? Call Delinda. She needs to know what's going on. Jillian, I'll see you on Wednesday morning."

She gave the couple a soft smile and left the room. Jillian slid off the table, softly, "Wednesday... the day after tomorrow... my god..."

Ed sighed as he got down and massaged his wife's shoulders, leaning in to kiss the back of her neck, softly, "Let's go see Delinda."

Jillian nodded quietly as they left the room.