The gravesite was a sea of dark uniforms. Lt. Colonel Sam Carter automatically stood with her back ramrod straight in her own dress blues as she glanced around at the hundred or so officers standing solemnly as the casket was lowered into the ground. She was barely conscious of the sympathetic glances from those that knew her. It wasn't until her eyes rested on his ex-wife flanked by friends that she forced her eyes downward to stare at the toes of her dress pumps.

She knew that the man standing protectively next to her was wrapped in his own grief, but still concerned for her. She felt like such a fraud. Not that she wasn't grieving, because she was. She had loved the man being buried here this day in her own way. She just hadn't been in love with him. She had decided several weeks ago that she wasn't being fair to him, and she had planned on telling him she thought it was time they moved on when 'the' phone call had come. Pete Shanahan had been killed in the line of duty. As the funeral came to a close her brother Mark placed a comforting hand on the small of her back.

"Sam, a bunch of Pete's friends are going to their favorite hangout near the precinct for a drink. We've been invited if you want to go," he suggested.

"Sure," she shrugged. She really had no desire to go, but she thought maybe Mark might want to share a few stories with some of Pete's buddy's to help relieve his grief at losing an old friend.

As they walked away she took one last look back at the final resting place of Pete Shanahan and said her own goodbye. Then she turned and gave her brother a small reassuring smile and said, "Let's go."

.

Sam wasn't surprised when she and Mark arrived back from Denver to find Daniel and Teal'c at her house. They had let themselves in with their key and they were watching movies when she and her brother walked in. Sam quickly introduced Mark to her team and then excused herself to go change. She desperately needed to get out of her dress blues. Five minutes later she emerged dressed in jeans and a sweater to find the three men deep in a discussion of their favorite classic movies. She smiled, glad they were getting along so well and told Mark the bathroom was free if he wanted to change out of his suit. Then she headed for the fridge to get a beer.

"Long day?" Daniel asked in sympathy.

Sam nodded. Despite her best intentions her eyes filled with tears and she was grateful when Daniel simply gathered her in for a hug. After a moment she pulled back, and turned to kiss Teal'c on the cheek.

"I'm so glad you two are here," she told them.

"Well, Jack wanted to come too, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea," Daniel admitted.

"Probably not. At least not today. After my brother leaves tomorrow I'll give him a call," she sighed.

Mark returned at that point and they concentrated on warming up the Chinese take out that Daniel and Teal'c had brought over. The four of them chatted quietly until Daniel and Teal'c left.

"I like your friends," Mark commented.

"They are both pretty special people," Sam replied.

"Neither of them are married?" Mark asked.

Sam was sure he wasn't already trying to set her up with someone else, so she assumed he must just be

curious.

"They were, both of them lost their wives. Daniel's wife died five years ago, Teal'c's just over two years ago," Sam told him. "They both have pretty special women in their lives at the moment though. The General and I have a bet as to which will be the first to take the plunge again. I have Teal'c."

"Were there bets on you and Pete?" Mark teased gently.

"Probably," Sam replied with a grimace.

Then she chose her next words carefully. She and Mark had become a lot closer in the time she had been dating one of his best friends. There had been a lot more frequent phone calls and he had even come to Colorado to visit. It was the closest the two had been since they were kids. She hoped what she was about to tell him didn't destroy that. But if they were to remain close she had to be able to confide in him.

"Of course there are also still a lot of bets out on the General and I getting together," she confessed.

Mark looked at her to see if she was kidding. She wasn't. "Isn't he a lot older than you?" he inquired now curious.

"Only twelve years, but that's not why nothing has ever happened between us," she sighed. "He's been my commanding officer since the day we met."

He was surprised to say the least. "And if he wasn't?"

"I'd probably be married with two or three kids by now," she admitted. She met his eyes cautiously. "Are you shocked?"

"What about you and Pete?" he questioned in return.

"We had a wonderful six months together, but I think we both knew it wasn't going any further. He was still hung up on his ex-wife. A part of me will always be in love with Jack O'Neill. But we made each other laugh, and we had a great time when we went out," she told him. Then with a mischievous look she added, "The sex wasn't bad either, especially after living like a nun since Jonas."

Mark actually blushed which caused his sister to chuckle. "You are really evil," he complained.

"Sorry. It's not as if I have a lot of people to discuss my sex life with. As much as I love Daniel and Teal'c, I am their commanding officer and need to maintain a little respect," she said. "Gosh, I miss Janet."

Mark nodded sympathetically. They had talked about Dr. Fraiser after she had died and Sam had explained how she was now going to be guardian to her best friend's daughter. Sam had been grieving deeply. He saw his sister sober instantly now and knew that she still was.

"I'm going to miss Pete, too. But I can't help but feel a little guilty that I didn't love him more," Sam confided.

Mark first instinct was to be angry at his sister for her treatment of his friend, but then he realized that the few times he had talked to Pete about his relationship with Sam he had never gotten the feeling that Pete thought it was anything more serious either. There had been no mention of long term plans together.

"Sam, your relationship was what it was. As long as you weren't lying to each other you have nothing to feel guilty about," he finally told her.

Sam gave him a grateful smile. Of course her brother wasn't about to let the subject drop.

"Now about this other guy? Should I be meeting him?" he quizzed, only partially teasing.

Now it was Sam's turn to blush. "It's complicated, but yeah eventually you probably should. He's still my CO, but that will probably change soon," she confessed.

And that was the crux of the matter. The knowledge that had sent her world spinning a few weeks ago and led to her decision to break up with Pete. In a private conversation in her lab, Jack O'Neill had quietly walked over to her calendar and circled a date. When she had asked what it was he had smiled and told her.

In five months, two weeks, and three days he would be officially retired, and the look in his eyes had left her in no doubt as to why he was letting her know that fact. Through it all, he still hadn't given up hope for the two of them starting a relationship. In an instant she had realized that despite her attempt to get a life outside of the SGC, she was still hanging onto that hope, too.