Lullaby Part One
Companion pieces to String Quartet No. 4. You don't have to read that to understand what's going on, but it would help a great deal. And please me immensely! ( The response I received to that was overwhelming. Thanks everyone! I wasn't sure if what I had planned for this fic would work, so I've written two different endings (oh, the conceit!). This is the original. Choose which you prefer.
Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing, and stand to profit little from this venture besides personal satisfaction. And hopefully feedback.
This is dedicated to Buttons, my own personal Trevor.
The pained glassy eyes look up at me with such trust as he snuggles into the warmth of my hand. I can't do this. I promised Neville, but I can't.
It's not that I haven't lost pets before. I was well-acquainted with the unfairness of life when, at six, the cat that had been a sibling to me was run over by a careless motorist.
It's the way he hops, though limping to one side, as if he still wants to tackle the world. His courageous leaps forward are crippled by the left back leg that refuses to function, dragging behind him, a dead weight. Neville has had to feed him crickets ground into paste to get him to eat anything. For the past two weeks, Trevor has only had the energy to flounder against the side of his cage, a far cry from his normally masterful escapes worthy of Houdini. The confinement has not dampened his spirit, however, and he takes in the surroundings from the comfort of my hands with a spark of curiosity and enthusiasm. His pebbled skin is gray, quivering through each uneven breath, and though I know it cannot possibly be, the sheen in his raised eyes seems to come from tears yet unshed in affliction.
I cradle him in one arm, taking my wand from its holster and holding it ready. He gazes at me expectantly and I pause. The words come to my lips, my hand tightens in anticipation of the wandstrokes, but a hitch in the back of my throat stops me once, twice, until I lower hand. If I cannot end the life of an animal in mercy, how will I be able to defend myself in battle?
Then again, no Deatheater will ever look this innocent and defenseless. He croaks a bit, shifting against my arm in an effort to gain more of the heat from my robes. The iciness of the hallway must be torture, one which I am prolonging in my weakness. I steady my breathing and raise the wand again, preparing myself for the spell that will end his misery-
"Well, Ms. Granger, I am sure you have a very good excuse for breaking curfew. I wasn't aware that prefects are exempt from all school rules."
The deep voice slithers from the shadows as its owner's form materializes in the light from the nearest candle, black robes separating from the darkness only in movement.
"What are you doing wandering the halls with..." -I cannot see his face clearly, but can easily enough detect the sneer forming there in the pause- "...a toad?"
"He's Neville's, sir."
"Really? Are you accompanying him on a stroll perhaps? To take in the night air?"
He is close enough that the flickering light cuts his features sharper than usual, granting his visage an aura of cruelty unmatched in daylight. I tighten my hold on Trevor, but do not falter before depthless shadow of his eyes.
"No, sir. He's been very ill lately. We took him to Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid, but neither could help him. There isn't much to do for old age."
The low growl he emits is probably a veiled message to get to the point.
"Well, he can't walk anymore, and breathing hurts him. Tonight, Neville decided that he wouldn't make him suffer any longer, but couldn't do it. I- I volunteered."
His attention shifts from me to the toad in my arms, then back to me with an indecipherable expression.
"Well?"
"I tried." I look away in anticipation of the cutting remark concerning my infallibility I expect to leave his lips with this admittance. When he does speak, though, his voice is the gentlest I've ever heard it.
"There is no shame in not being able to end the existence of another living creature, Ms. Granger."
I meet his gaze and he raises an eyebrow in question, for once not mockingly. I nod slightly, and he places a hand carefully over Trevor in a manner that would be affectionate in anyone else. I can feel the warmth of his hand and arm near mine, and it is far more comforting than I would have expected from the vampire of the dungeons. He rubs the pad of his thumb over the pebbly skin between the bleary eyes now locked on him, and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "sleep." Trevor shudders once before relaxing completely.
"Thank you."
Snape looks up at me, surprised, and I realize that it was I who spoke. Taking advantage of his momentary shock, I wrap my free arm around him, pressing my cheek to his chest for as long as I expect him to tolerate the close proximity of annoying student and dead toad. He freezes even more at this trespass, but gradually relaxes into the embrace. The amount of time passing in the peace between us is much more than I could have hoped, and I wonder if I imagine the hand lightly grazing my face. When I finally release him, we step back from one another silently, and he gives me a slight bow of the head before turning in a swirl of black robes toward the dungeons.
I return to the common room with Trevor wrapped in the spare cloak I carried. I wordlessly hand him to Neville, giving him a tight hug in the process, before retreating to my dormitory. He does not need to know that his familiar's executioner was his most feared professor. I will keep this to myself; I know Snape will. But it shifts my perception of him just enough. He is a bit less of the smirking mystery, and more the solid form I felt against me. I wonder if anyone has ever told him that compassion is not a weakness, either.
Hehe. Has anyone else seen offers for "Removing Snape at Our Low Prices" on ads while using search engines? Apparently, he's been infesting personal computers...
Please review, and if you have any trouble with that pesky Snape, I will gladly take him off your hands. Thanks for reading!
Companion pieces to String Quartet No. 4. You don't have to read that to understand what's going on, but it would help a great deal. And please me immensely! ( The response I received to that was overwhelming. Thanks everyone! I wasn't sure if what I had planned for this fic would work, so I've written two different endings (oh, the conceit!). This is the original. Choose which you prefer.
Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing, and stand to profit little from this venture besides personal satisfaction. And hopefully feedback.
This is dedicated to Buttons, my own personal Trevor.
The pained glassy eyes look up at me with such trust as he snuggles into the warmth of my hand. I can't do this. I promised Neville, but I can't.
It's not that I haven't lost pets before. I was well-acquainted with the unfairness of life when, at six, the cat that had been a sibling to me was run over by a careless motorist.
It's the way he hops, though limping to one side, as if he still wants to tackle the world. His courageous leaps forward are crippled by the left back leg that refuses to function, dragging behind him, a dead weight. Neville has had to feed him crickets ground into paste to get him to eat anything. For the past two weeks, Trevor has only had the energy to flounder against the side of his cage, a far cry from his normally masterful escapes worthy of Houdini. The confinement has not dampened his spirit, however, and he takes in the surroundings from the comfort of my hands with a spark of curiosity and enthusiasm. His pebbled skin is gray, quivering through each uneven breath, and though I know it cannot possibly be, the sheen in his raised eyes seems to come from tears yet unshed in affliction.
I cradle him in one arm, taking my wand from its holster and holding it ready. He gazes at me expectantly and I pause. The words come to my lips, my hand tightens in anticipation of the wandstrokes, but a hitch in the back of my throat stops me once, twice, until I lower hand. If I cannot end the life of an animal in mercy, how will I be able to defend myself in battle?
Then again, no Deatheater will ever look this innocent and defenseless. He croaks a bit, shifting against my arm in an effort to gain more of the heat from my robes. The iciness of the hallway must be torture, one which I am prolonging in my weakness. I steady my breathing and raise the wand again, preparing myself for the spell that will end his misery-
"Well, Ms. Granger, I am sure you have a very good excuse for breaking curfew. I wasn't aware that prefects are exempt from all school rules."
The deep voice slithers from the shadows as its owner's form materializes in the light from the nearest candle, black robes separating from the darkness only in movement.
"What are you doing wandering the halls with..." -I cannot see his face clearly, but can easily enough detect the sneer forming there in the pause- "...a toad?"
"He's Neville's, sir."
"Really? Are you accompanying him on a stroll perhaps? To take in the night air?"
He is close enough that the flickering light cuts his features sharper than usual, granting his visage an aura of cruelty unmatched in daylight. I tighten my hold on Trevor, but do not falter before depthless shadow of his eyes.
"No, sir. He's been very ill lately. We took him to Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid, but neither could help him. There isn't much to do for old age."
The low growl he emits is probably a veiled message to get to the point.
"Well, he can't walk anymore, and breathing hurts him. Tonight, Neville decided that he wouldn't make him suffer any longer, but couldn't do it. I- I volunteered."
His attention shifts from me to the toad in my arms, then back to me with an indecipherable expression.
"Well?"
"I tried." I look away in anticipation of the cutting remark concerning my infallibility I expect to leave his lips with this admittance. When he does speak, though, his voice is the gentlest I've ever heard it.
"There is no shame in not being able to end the existence of another living creature, Ms. Granger."
I meet his gaze and he raises an eyebrow in question, for once not mockingly. I nod slightly, and he places a hand carefully over Trevor in a manner that would be affectionate in anyone else. I can feel the warmth of his hand and arm near mine, and it is far more comforting than I would have expected from the vampire of the dungeons. He rubs the pad of his thumb over the pebbly skin between the bleary eyes now locked on him, and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "sleep." Trevor shudders once before relaxing completely.
"Thank you."
Snape looks up at me, surprised, and I realize that it was I who spoke. Taking advantage of his momentary shock, I wrap my free arm around him, pressing my cheek to his chest for as long as I expect him to tolerate the close proximity of annoying student and dead toad. He freezes even more at this trespass, but gradually relaxes into the embrace. The amount of time passing in the peace between us is much more than I could have hoped, and I wonder if I imagine the hand lightly grazing my face. When I finally release him, we step back from one another silently, and he gives me a slight bow of the head before turning in a swirl of black robes toward the dungeons.
I return to the common room with Trevor wrapped in the spare cloak I carried. I wordlessly hand him to Neville, giving him a tight hug in the process, before retreating to my dormitory. He does not need to know that his familiar's executioner was his most feared professor. I will keep this to myself; I know Snape will. But it shifts my perception of him just enough. He is a bit less of the smirking mystery, and more the solid form I felt against me. I wonder if anyone has ever told him that compassion is not a weakness, either.
Hehe. Has anyone else seen offers for "Removing Snape at Our Low Prices" on ads while using search engines? Apparently, he's been infesting personal computers...
Please review, and if you have any trouble with that pesky Snape, I will gladly take him off your hands. Thanks for reading!