Author's Note: Still very depressed over the ending to Final Fantasy X-2 so I decided to write it out in my own way. Also, sorry that Switched is so confusing, I didn't think it was but hopefully the next chapter will explain things better. Anyway, here's definitely a one-shot. Enjoy! P.S. to note, this is the first of my work that actually made ME cry as I wrote it, I hope you will get the same emotions as I did. Oh my god, I have to tell you all...it was...so hard to write this story, I just kept crying...
Just one foot in front of the other, Yuna, that's all there is to it. That's all that I could think as I walked across the Farplane Glen. The flowers, the pinks, the blues, and the whites brushed across my legs like tiny fingers reaching for help. I moved slowly, not wanting to leave this place. This was the place where the dead went, after I sent them or if they died naturally.
I swung my arms and clasped my hands together, reassuring myself that I would be leaving. Is this it? Is it...all over? I knew in my head that my second journey had ended...but I didn't want it to. All the battles and with all my friends, I was still no closer to finding you than I was six months ago. It was as if...my journey was in vain. I helped Shuyin and Lenne rest together but would I be able to rest?
It seemed that every time I reached the Farplane Glen my memories of my past would come flooding back to me. Maybe it was the beauty of the Abyss. The flowers that cover the floating platform I was on, or the rushing water falls off in the distance, or even the purple haze that surrounded me, giving off a sense of romanticism that was not to be shared. Whatever the reason, I kept thinking of how lonely I was, even though Paine and Rikku were by my side. There was...an emptiness, a void in my heart that had not been filled during my journey. The whole reason for my new adventure was to fill that gap, but I had failed.
Things that happened in the past, things that I said in the past still haunted my memory and danced on the tip of my tongue. I repeated them to myself to try and forget...No...not forget, let go. I will not forget my past, but maybe now...now that I've come so far...maybe its time to let go.
"I don't like your plan." I said. So many times had I heard the same plan over and over again. 'I'll die to save the world.' That's what it always seemed to boil down to. There was never any other way. Someone we cared about always had to die so that Spira could survive. "It sucks." I added, since no one seemed to be listening.
Everyone, Rikku, Nooj, Paine...they all turned to face me, waiting for me to continue. I didn't know what to say. I didn't have another plan, other than to tell Shuyin how Lenne felt. But how could I let Nooj die? I had seen my father die, along with his guardians. I had watched as we reached the Farplane on my first pilgrimage...when everyone was all together, and everyone was speaking to the ones they had lost.
"Your plan is awful. Think about it. Its no different than what we did two years ago."
There was an anger in my tone that I did not recognize. Was I taking out my own guilt on Nooj? He was going to kill himself, in order to save Spira. That is what...Jecht did for my father, and what Ti--...you, were prepared to do for me. I couldn't let that happen again, there was a rage inside of me that was begging to be let out, but I could not get angry. Anger...never solved anything.
"We destroyed our own allies. We destroyed the Aeons who had fought together with us, at our side."
I remember our final battles together. How we defeated each of the Aeons and their spirits. It kept me alive, but I know...that it was so hard for me to watch them go. They had been the ones to help me, the ones that I was trained to fight along side. But then...I had to let them go. Maybe...it was a sign. A sign...to let you go.
"We didn't have a choice then." I continued, nearly lost in my own words. I don't think that in all my life I had ever said so much. "We believed that was the only way we could save Spira." I looked down.
That's what everyone had believed, back then, myself included. I was prepared to die, and...even though it hurt the people around me...they were prepared to help me, to protect me, right up until the end. You were the only person who ever stood up to the unspoken rule. You were the only one who wanted to find another way, who demanded to find another way. If it weren't for you...I wouldn't be here right now.
"Do you know...what it felt like to watch them die?" I said, fighting back the tears that were forming in the corners of my eyes and waiting to slide down my cheeks. "Right before my eyes?"
My father had died, many other summoners and guardians had died...and I had watched them. I had watched as they disappeared, right before my eyes. I had sent them, danced, when they died...I danced. It was what I had to do, it was what I was trained to do. You had even mentioned it once during our pilgrimage. So many things that you said to me...I still remember. Everything that we did together, I cherish. The lake...it will, always hold a special place in my heart...and I hope that...they will not tear it down. I don't know what I'd ever do without it in my memories, a reminder of you, and a place that still stood. I had lost Zanarkand. Isaaru and tourists now stood in your spot. It still angered me, but...we still had Macalania.
"It was the only thing we could do. It was the only choice se had." I shook my head and looked down. I looked back up at them and closed my eyes for a moment. "I gave in, I accepted, I believed. I allowed it to be true."
I spoke as if I could have changed things. In truth I suppose that I could have, but the thought had never occurred to me. It never occurred to me that there could be another way until...you. If I didn't allow it to be true, it wouldn't, that's how I had said it. Looking back...I feel pretty ignorant for not thinking otherwise. I looked down again. The floor was the only thing I could focus on that would keep me from crying.
"I thought I'd be able to go through with it without ever doubting myself. But I..." I trailed off and clasped my hands against my chest, feeling my aching heart. I don't know how I managed to keep from crying. "It hurt so much."
I could still hear the Fayth as they faded away. They had never wanted to hurt anyone, but Sin...Sin controlled them. The Fayth had all once been good people, like you, who wanted to help the world. So they became another creature, a guardian to a temple, to help the summoners on their pilgrimage.
"Forgive us." Bahamut had said to me. The child inside of him had been the closest to us of all. I don't think that anyone else around me that day heard him, but I did. He had asked for our forgiveness before we sent him. He had said...not to worry...that he would take care of things and that he did not blame us for sending them. We needed to send them...in order to save them. To save them from destroying what they had sworn to protect.
"Everyone was so happy. 'Great job Yuna. You did it. You saved us...all."
I thought about it for a moment. I hadn't saved everyone. So many people were not there. So many people I wanted there were not. You weren't there.
"There were...too many smiles to count." I looked off to my right shoulder and gave a small smile. "And I know that...I was smiling too."
I had smiled. I was alive, the first Summoner to ever survive her pilgrimage and witness the Calm. It was more of a fake smile, really. Put on a happy face. That was my philosophy. If you put on a happy face then maybe things would turn out better. But...that never happened. Inside I was dying...and no one knew.
Every night I would go off by myself. It was usually late, after everyone else had gone to bed. In Besaid...I would go to the docks. At first it had been difficult to find my way to them in the dark, but soon...I could go blindfolded if I had wanted to. I would walk to the edge of the dock and stand, just looking at the stars. Looking...for I don't know what...your face always came to my mind. And every night, without fail...I would collapse, falling to the wood, onto my knees. I would bow my head and cry. I would sob for you. I would place my hands over my face and cry for hours, until the morning sun peeked over the horizon, bringing a new day. A new day...without you.
Sometimes Lulu, or Wakka, or Rikku, if she were staying over, would come out to comfort me. But it never worked. I was too far-gone. I was lost in my past, just as Paine had warned. I didn't care, that was...how I felt. The real me, behind all the smiles and laughter. Behind the fake persona that I showed to everyone on the streets. The real me was dying a little each day.
"But now..." I turned my head to the side. The tears were so close that I could almost taste them. "When I look back..." I closed my eyes.
How could I tell Nooj what I was feeling? He wouldn't understand, he couldn't. He wasn't there. He wasn't there when I had fallen flat on my face. He hadn't been there, when I stood atop the airship, sending my guardian, Auron, the great Auron...away. He wasn't there when Auron's skin began to change colors as he slowly disappeared.
He wasn't there when I turned around and saw you. Your skin was acting like Auron's. Nooj wasn't there when I ran to you. I didn't want to believe that...you would be leaving me. Nooj didn't see when I leaped to grab you, but fell straight through you. He didn't see the pain and anguish on my face as I hit the floor and came to the realization that this was real...and you weren't. He wasn't there when I told you I loved you. He didn't see my heart split in two as your soul slipped away from mine. He didn't see you...fade away. I did. I was there...it was me there with you. It was me who had wished...at that moment...that I had fallen off the airship, so that I wouldn't have to live without you...knowing that you were gone.
"The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here."
I wanted to tell him. Tell him how I cried every night, alone on the docks, wishing for my time to come. I wanted to tell him how I felt about you, but I think that...he knew. I think he sensed how deeply I felt for someone...that was why I was lecturing him...telling him things he had already known. He knew how a Summoner defeated Sin. He already knew what I was saying. I guess...I was venting more than lecturing.
"We had no choice." Nooj said.
I had expected him to say that. I stood for a while, just thinking about what to say to that. I wanted to scream, to yell...like Rikku always did, when she was upset. She didn't do it often, or even let anyone know...but I knew...that when she walked off on her own...she was going into her own little world to scream. She did it a lot after we would speak with Gippal...I wondered if he was the reason.
"'We had no choice.'" I mimicked. I can't recall how many times I had heard those words. They were beginning to sound more like a cheesy pick up line than an excuse. "Always 'we had no choice'. Those were our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again but you know...the magic never worked." I looked down at my feet again. "The only thing we're left with...is regret."
"Yuna, I'm sorry." Nooj said.
He sounded like my father. Exactly like my father. It was what my father had said to me before he had left for his pilgrimage. He had explained to me that he would not come back. That I was going to be alone. My mother had already died by that time. And soon I would be completely alone...just as I was now. I clenched my fists to my sides and stared him right in the eyes.
"No...I don't want this anymore." I looked around, at Rikku, at Paine, and a smile escaped my lips. "I don't want friends to die..." I thought about you. "Or fade away. I don't want battles where we have to lose in order to win." I closed my eyes.
I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be on Spira. Everything I said...I said for you. I didn't want this anymore. I couldn't stand to lose Rikku or Paine, or anyone else. I didn't want to suddenly find out that someone would...disappear. I didn't want any more battles where I had to lose someone I loved...in order to conquer. I looked up Nooj again.
"Nooj...I know that what you say...is what you mean to do." I nodded, encouraging myself. "Give me your resolve. Believe in Yuna."
Everyone had always believed in me. But still...if I made a big decision for myself it was still viewed as inferior. Maybe it was because I was so young...and a girl...but I couldn't help but feel like everyone took what I said in stride, as if...I were confused. It was like...they would give me a pat on the head if I did a good job, but just laugh and sigh if I made a mistake, as if I were still learning. But I was done learning. I had learned that the ones you loved most are always the ones taken from you too soon. I was tired of learning.
Believe in Yuna. Nooj did, and we were able to stop Vegnagun and save him. But did I truly believe in myself? How could I when everything I had worked for just faded...right before my eyes? You were still so far away from me. Would I ever find you? I wish that...you were here with me. I was happy for Lenne and Shuyin, glad that I could help them but deep down inside of me...I was wishing that I had helped myself.
Maybe that's all that I could do. Maybe all that I would be able to do to pass the time until I die was to help other people. I guess that's what I'll do. I do enjoy it...its just that...sometimes...I would like to help myself. I want a little happiness once in a while, that's not selfish, is it?
I knew that as soon as I left the Farplane Glen I would be completely gone from you. You would be gone from me. I didn't want that to happen, but I knew...you would always be in my heart. I had said it before. 'The people and the friends we have lost...or the dreams that have faded...never forget them.' I wouldn't ever forget you; I couldn't, even if I tried. Whenever I saw a Blitzball game, or whenever I walked the same roads that you and I had once walked together, or whenever I heard a whistle...I would think of you. A whistle...I could still hear it in my head, but each time...I still turned to look for you. Thinking...maybe you were there. Maybe...you were with me the whole time. I always hoped that you would be. I wasn't worried anymore...because you will always have a place...here in my heart. We'll always be connected.
You had told me that if I whistled, you'd come running. But where were you? I had tried and tried...ever since you faded, but you never came. Sometimes, after I tried...when my breath would run out and my lungs would hurt...I'd be bitter. You had lied, and yet...I couldn't hold it against you. I would whistle and whistle, but still nothing...How many times must I do this until you appear? Whenever I was in the Farplane I could hear you. I could hear you...whistling back to me...but you were never there. I heard it again, just as loud and clear as ever. Again I turned, frantically searching the Abyss with my eyes...hoping...that you might finally come back to me. But again...nothing. I bowed my head and turned back to where I was going.
"Thanks." I heard the small voice say. I turned to see Bahamut's soul standing beside me. He was always so gracious...for everything I did...and he always understood what needed to be done. I smiled and walked over to him.
"You're very welcome." I said, leaning over to his eye level. I wanted to leave before I cried in front of the Fayth, but he didn't fade...he acted...like he had something more to say.
"You heard it, didn't you?" He stated, referring to the whistle. Why was he suddenly torturing me? It was like he was toying with my emotions. I wanted to cry, but he continued. "You want to see him?" The Fayth asked. I wasn't sure what he meant, did he mean...you?
"Him?" I asked, hoping that I was correct in my guessing.
"Yes. You want to walk together again?"
He didn't know how badly I wanted to walk with Tidus again. He couldn't possibly have known. I was elated, but unsure. Could this be real? Could he actually be offering you back to me?
"Yes!" I exclaimed, a single tear finally rolling down my cheek.
"I can't promise anything, but we'll do what we can." The Fayth said to me as he disappeared.
I wasn't sure what to think. Was he being serious? Would you actually come back to me? I wanted to believe him, but he did say he wouldn't promise anything. That could mean anything. I may very well never see you again.
But on the other hand...what if he was telling the truth? My heart almost skipped a beat as I thought about it. I thought about returning home...and you would be there. Oh how I wanted to go home, I thought. I quickened my pace to catch up to Paine and Rikku, hoping that somehow...someway...we'd be together again.
I laughed. A soft breeze was blowing in Luca as my companions, Rikku and Paine, and I stood at one of the docks in front of the Celsius. I had my hands clasped behind my back and was rocking gently as I thought to myself. Did I want to stay for the ceremony? No. I wanted to go home...in the hopes that...you would be there. Nooj, Gippal and Baralai stood before us, waiting for my answer. I jumped up, having made my decision.
"It's time for me to go home!" I said, bending over and smiling with a wink.
The three across from us nodded in understanding. I turned back to Rikku and Paine and gave them both a high-five. I couldn't wait to go home. But what will happen if I get there and...you're not waiting? I pushed that from my mind. For now...I would be happy with expectation of seeing you again. And if you weren't there...then...I would deal with that then.
We boarded the Celsius and prepared for take off. I had heard much of the speech. I remembered when I had stood at the podium, giving my own speech...at the end of our journey. I don't think I would be able to hold myself together if I had to try and speak again...not now...not after losing you...again.
"Hey Rikku, let's go up on deck!" I proclaimed. She gave me a strange look, then smiled.
"Yeah, okay, come on Paine!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down in her usual way.
"What?" Paine asked, having not been paying attention.
Rikku grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind us as we ran up to the top of the airship. It was the same place where...you had faded from me. I ran up the stairs and out towards your final standing place. I threw myself down to the ground, down to my knees, and placed my hands on the ship for support. Rikku and Paine each squatted behind me, letting the wind catch their faces. The feeling of flying was intense as the Celsius took off.
"See you next time, Kiddies! Yee haw!" Brother screamed as the ship rose into the air above Luca Stadium.
I could feel the wind whip around me. It calmed me, and a smile came to my face. I looked ahead, at the clouds coming toward us. The sky was as blue as your eyes, a peaceful, tranquil blue. I knew that my eyes were shining, I could feel a happiness envelope me that I had not felt since that night in Lake Macalania.
"Did we really have to leave like that?" Rikku asked, her hair struggling to stay in her headband. "Just think of the party we're missing!" She whined.
Even though she complained at times, Rikku was still my best friend. My cousin as well, but first and foremost, a friend. She was enjoying the ride as much as I was, even though my hair was in her face. She blocked it, and tried to keep her balance.
"I think we party enough, don't you?" Paine asked.
Rikku agreed. Paine too, was enjoying the flying. She wouldn't admit it, but when I turned back to look at her...she was smiling. Maybe it was because her squad was back together and her captain was safe. Either way, for the first time ever...she seemed truly happy. And I hoped that...I could be happy as well.
"Brother, higher!" I yelled. I could feel the ship beneath me rise. My stomach sank at the speed, but nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
"Roger!" Brother called back to me.
"Brother, faster!" I screamed.
I wanted to get home as soon as possible. I wanted to know, I needed to know if you would be there. I was on the fastest airship in all of Spira, but even that couldn't get me home quick enough.
"Rogerr!" Brother called back, rolling his 'r's. I laughed at his accent.
"I can't hear you!" I called back to him.
"Rogerrrrrr!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as the Celsius flew higher into the clouds.
I couldn't help but laugh. Brother always tried to please me, I wonder what he'll say if you're there when we come back. I'm sure he'll be glad that I'm happy. I hope so. I don't want...any of my friends...to ever be sad again. From this day on, I want...no more tears. I looked ahead...out into the distance. The ground was going by so fast, I couldn't be sure where we were...but I knew that...we were getting close.
'So much has happened.' I thought to myself. 'And I'm sure it's only the beginning. Through the smiles and tears, through the anger...and the laughter that follows...I know, that I'll keep changing.' I smiled. 'This is my story. It'll be a good one.' I laughed. 'It all began...when I saw this sphere...of you'.
"Yuna?" I could hear Brother's voice over the ship's intercom. "We're almost over Besaid."
I could feel butterflies in my stomach rise into my throat. I wanted to scream...not a scream of pain...but of excitement. I climbed to my feet, the wind nearly knocked me over, it was so strong. I smiled and clasped my hands together. Rikku and Paine stood up with me. I twisted back and forth, thinking of you. Will you be there? I was about to find out. I just hoped...no...I prayed...that you would be.
I nodded my head. This is it. This was the moment of truth. I turned and ran into the airship, and onto the bridge. I flew past Shinra and into Rikku's seat. I grabbed the telescope and peered through it.
I could see...clear water. The water of Besaid. It was a beautiful sunny day, but I didn't even look at beach. I was scanning the water. This was where you surfaced last time...right? Nothing. There was no one there. Was the Fayth unsuccessful? Was this it? I didn't even want to think of a life...without you.
But then...out of the blue water...there was a splash...like somebody had just surfaced. I zoomed in...was it you? The source of the rippling water was definitely a person. I could see...blonde hair and...your clothes? I had to blink just to make sure that what I was seeing was real. You were...standing there...walking towards the shore. I could hear...whistling...you were whistling for me. I jumped up. I wanted to scream...there was so much I wanted to say...but mostly...I wanted to say it to you.
I think I squealed. I remember...running...running down to the engine room, where the ramp was. I heard Rikku yelling at Brother as I ran. Something like 'open the hatch' I'm not quite sure. It doesn't matter anyway. All that matters is that...you're here now. I could feel the ground beneath me start to shake as the mechanical whirling of gears started. I could see...the water, below my feet. The ramp was being lowered, and I could feel the Celsius start to slow.
I was laughing. Not because of anything funny, but because I was so happy. I jumped from the Celsius and landed in the water, knee deep. I think I hurt my knee, but I'm not sure...and I don't care. I ran...as fast as I could...to you. I threw my arms around you as the tears started to flow freely from my eyes. Can this really be true?
"Are you real?" I asked. God how I hoped so.
"I think so." You responded, hugging me tight. Then you pulled away from me and looked straight into my eyes. "Do I pass?" I laughed and nodded, through the tears.
"You're back." I stated, as if to convince myself. I threw my arms around your neck once more, never wanting to let you go.
"I am back." You said. It was true...you were back. You hugged me tight as I cried into your chest. "I'm home." I let out a soft cry and looked up into your eyes.
"Welcome home." I said as I laid my head against your chest again. I closed my eyes and smiled. "Yes...home..." I said quietly. I don't think you heard, but that's okay.
I could hear Rikku and Paine giggle from the airship. You and I...we looked at them. It was the first time Paine had seen you...but it looked like she approved. I heard a voice off in the distance. Wakka?
"Hey, get a room you two!" He called.
We turned to watch. It was...a little embarrassing...but...it reassured me that you were there...standing with me. Everyone in Besaid, the whole village...was standing there, gathered on the beach. They were...cheering. For us? I was so happy...I was smiling...for real this time.
"Whassup?" Wakka teased, as if you had been there the whole time. As if...you had never faded.
"Who asked you to watch, Wakka?" You said with a laugh, still holding me.
Lulu stood by Wakka's side, with Vidina in her arms. She laughed, along with Wakka. Rikku and Paine were still on the airship. Rikku waved to everyone.
"Hiya!" She called, cheerful as always.
You grabbed my hand and started to run towards the crowd. I still couldn't believe that this was happening. I let you lead me for a moment, but then...I ran ahead of you...and led you. I knew that you were looking at me...noticing how much I had changed. I was no longer timid or shy. I had matured so much since you were gone. I dressed differently too...and I think that...you approved.
"You know...you've changed." You finally said. I laughed.
"Well, you've missed a few things." I responded, still laughing.
"I wanna hear everything!" You stated, almost yelling above the crashing water beneath our feet.
"Well...it all began when I saw this sphere of you." I said as we made our way to the beach.
Everyone was...so happy. Glad that I was back and glad that...I was finally happy as well. They cheered...long into the night. We had a celebration for you. It was so much fun. There was a bonfire and everyone sat around telling stories. Wakka kept talking about Vidina and how happy he was that you were back. I couldn't stop smiling...or looking at you. You held my hand as you listened to everyone else. I closed my eyes. This was real. But would it last? I tried not to think about you fading away again...that would be...too hard to bear. I thought instead about how this was the first night...since that day...two years ago...that I hadn't cried. You were here with me...for always.
The sun was setting over Zanarkand when we arrived. There was...so much to say. I stood...where I had when everyone had been here, around the fire. You were...on your spot, looking out at the water. I knew that you were thinking of your Zanarkand but...I could tell that you liked it here with me better.
"I got a theory." You said, still gazing across the deep blue water. "I think the Fayth gathered up my thoughts and put 'em back together to bring me back. Maybe. Something like that." You turned to look at me with a smile...then...you turned away, and lowered your head. "Or maybe...I'm still a dream." Your voice was low and sad.
No. You could not be a dream. I couldn't watch you fade away again. The moment that Lenne and Shuyin had together may have been enough for them, but...this was not enough for me. I wanted to be with you...forever. I wanted to run up to you, but I froze.
"Wait! So you'll disappear?" I asked, looking at the ground, trying not to think about it. You turned back to look at me, your eyes filled with longing.
"Cherish me, Yuna. And I'll cherish you."
Your words, they...they seemed so foreign. Of course I would cherish you, but...I couldn't let you go. I could never forget...or abandon. I could never be truly happy without you.
"All right?" You asked, waiting for me to lift my head. "We gotta stay together. That's what we have to do."
I ran up to you and wrapped my arms around you from behind. I rested my head against your back, never wanting this moment to end. A life without you was a life not worth living. You can't allow your true love to die and then move on. It was just not possible. And I knew that...if you faded...my heart would fade with you.
"Is that what the Fayth told you?" I asked, hoping that's what they said. Hoping they told you how you could stay with me.
"Nah. But I like it." You mused.
We laughed together. But I had to know. As much as I was afraid to do anything that would cause you to disappear...I had to. I needed to make sure that you would still be with me when I woke up...that you would be there for me when I needed you most. I needed to know. I pushed you into the water. You yelped a little, but didn't struggle. You hit the water with a splash, and turned to look up to me, wading.
"Hey, that's not cherishing!" You teased.
I laughed. You were still there. My heart was...still there. I looked down at you. I was so happy that...you were real. I was set at ease. I clasped my hands behind my back and rocked from side to side, just thinking. Thinking of the wonderful life we would have together, thinking of...all the memories we would make together. And I knew that...you would always be with me.
"You didn't disappear." I called to you.
No. You didn't disappear. You were still there, laughing and looking up at me. I stared out across the water, just as you had. The sky was a deep orange and the sun was magenta, with purple clouds stretching across the scene. It was getting dark, but I didn't mind. We would camp out here tonight and go home in the morning. Yes...home...together. Just as it should have been two years ago. I closed my eyes and smiled. But when I opened them...something was wrong.
You were...changing. I had seen it before...on the airship...after I had sent Auron. You were...disappearing. No. You couldn't...I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that you were going. I needed to catch you, to hold you. If we stayed together...you wouldn't fade...right? I leaped into the water, hoping you would catch me...but...you couldn't.
The icy liquid stung my skin like needles. I felt like I had been stabbed through the heart. I could feel my head ache when I hit the water...and then...there was no pain. My sudden headache was gone...and I felt...happy? I felt closer to you but...you weren't there. When I opened my eyes...you were gone. You had faded...again. I was alone in the water, hoping to die. I swam up to the surface to catch my breath.
I looked around. This was not Zanarkand...but I knew where I was. I was in...your Zanarkand. Am I dead? I kept myself a float and looked around. Had we faded...together? I could see the lights all around me. Dark buildings were everywhere and I could hear people yelling and cheering. I heard...music. Loud music...like there was about to be an event that people were going to.
"Hey, you all right?" Someone called to me.
They were standing way up on a bridge, looking down at me in the water. I didn't know them, but they seemed generally concerned about me. I swam over to the rocks and climbed up onto solid ground. The man who had called to me came running over and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.
"Can't wait for the Blitzball game, huh?" He asked, joking.
Blitzball? There was a Blitzball game in Zanarkand tonight? I looked up at the man, into his eyes. There were...tears in mine. But maybe...maybe you were playing Blitzball tonight...maybe...I would find you.
"I can't either. It's the Zanarkand Abe's first home game in weeks." He continued.
I looked at him, intently. For the first time he saw my face. His expression quickly changed from one of concern to one of spite. He glared at me for a moment, looking back and forth between my blue and green eyes.
"You're not a fan, are you? You're too pretty to be a fan. You must be another one of them girls that come to see Jecht's kid." He said bitterly.
Jecht's kid? That was you. It meant...that you would be here. I felt bad for agreeing with the man, but I needed to see you. I nodded my head and he sighed.
"You need a ticket? I got an extra." He said, grudgingly.
I smiled and graciously accepted his ticket. I followed him to the stadium, looking up at the large glass structure. You were in there...somewhere. We may not be in my Spira...but we would be together again. The man and I found our seats and anxiously waited for the game to start.
You were there. You were playing Blitzball. Every move you made...the crowd cheered. But I saw...on your face...you were playing because you had to. Your heart did not seem into it and I could not help but feel responsible. Did you know that I was here?
After the game, Zanarkand won, of course, I waited out front for you. The team came out to sign autographs, and I waited patiently, hoping that...you would see me. Would you be happy I was here? I called to you, and you turned to look at me. A wide smile spread across your face and you rushed over to me, taking my hands in yours. Your smile turned into a look of despair, however, after realizing that I was for real.
"How did...?" You asked, trailing off.
I smiled. This time...you couldn't fade away. This time...we would be together forever. I threw my arms around your neck. You wrapped your arms around me and lifted me over the barrier that separated the team from the crowd. Everyone was...cheering...just like Besaid. I could tell that...other girls were jealous...but I didn't care. I had you. And I know that...this would last. We had faded...together. This was no longer my story. This...was our story. It'll be a good one. And it all started when I saw this sphere...of you.
Just one foot in front of the other, Yuna, that's all there is to it. That's all that I could think as I walked across the Farplane Glen. The flowers, the pinks, the blues, and the whites brushed across my legs like tiny fingers reaching for help. I moved slowly, not wanting to leave this place. This was the place where the dead went, after I sent them or if they died naturally.
I swung my arms and clasped my hands together, reassuring myself that I would be leaving. Is this it? Is it...all over? I knew in my head that my second journey had ended...but I didn't want it to. All the battles and with all my friends, I was still no closer to finding you than I was six months ago. It was as if...my journey was in vain. I helped Shuyin and Lenne rest together but would I be able to rest?
It seemed that every time I reached the Farplane Glen my memories of my past would come flooding back to me. Maybe it was the beauty of the Abyss. The flowers that cover the floating platform I was on, or the rushing water falls off in the distance, or even the purple haze that surrounded me, giving off a sense of romanticism that was not to be shared. Whatever the reason, I kept thinking of how lonely I was, even though Paine and Rikku were by my side. There was...an emptiness, a void in my heart that had not been filled during my journey. The whole reason for my new adventure was to fill that gap, but I had failed.
Things that happened in the past, things that I said in the past still haunted my memory and danced on the tip of my tongue. I repeated them to myself to try and forget...No...not forget, let go. I will not forget my past, but maybe now...now that I've come so far...maybe its time to let go.
"I don't like your plan." I said. So many times had I heard the same plan over and over again. 'I'll die to save the world.' That's what it always seemed to boil down to. There was never any other way. Someone we cared about always had to die so that Spira could survive. "It sucks." I added, since no one seemed to be listening.
Everyone, Rikku, Nooj, Paine...they all turned to face me, waiting for me to continue. I didn't know what to say. I didn't have another plan, other than to tell Shuyin how Lenne felt. But how could I let Nooj die? I had seen my father die, along with his guardians. I had watched as we reached the Farplane on my first pilgrimage...when everyone was all together, and everyone was speaking to the ones they had lost.
"Your plan is awful. Think about it. Its no different than what we did two years ago."
There was an anger in my tone that I did not recognize. Was I taking out my own guilt on Nooj? He was going to kill himself, in order to save Spira. That is what...Jecht did for my father, and what Ti--...you, were prepared to do for me. I couldn't let that happen again, there was a rage inside of me that was begging to be let out, but I could not get angry. Anger...never solved anything.
"We destroyed our own allies. We destroyed the Aeons who had fought together with us, at our side."
I remember our final battles together. How we defeated each of the Aeons and their spirits. It kept me alive, but I know...that it was so hard for me to watch them go. They had been the ones to help me, the ones that I was trained to fight along side. But then...I had to let them go. Maybe...it was a sign. A sign...to let you go.
"We didn't have a choice then." I continued, nearly lost in my own words. I don't think that in all my life I had ever said so much. "We believed that was the only way we could save Spira." I looked down.
That's what everyone had believed, back then, myself included. I was prepared to die, and...even though it hurt the people around me...they were prepared to help me, to protect me, right up until the end. You were the only person who ever stood up to the unspoken rule. You were the only one who wanted to find another way, who demanded to find another way. If it weren't for you...I wouldn't be here right now.
"Do you know...what it felt like to watch them die?" I said, fighting back the tears that were forming in the corners of my eyes and waiting to slide down my cheeks. "Right before my eyes?"
My father had died, many other summoners and guardians had died...and I had watched them. I had watched as they disappeared, right before my eyes. I had sent them, danced, when they died...I danced. It was what I had to do, it was what I was trained to do. You had even mentioned it once during our pilgrimage. So many things that you said to me...I still remember. Everything that we did together, I cherish. The lake...it will, always hold a special place in my heart...and I hope that...they will not tear it down. I don't know what I'd ever do without it in my memories, a reminder of you, and a place that still stood. I had lost Zanarkand. Isaaru and tourists now stood in your spot. It still angered me, but...we still had Macalania.
"It was the only thing we could do. It was the only choice se had." I shook my head and looked down. I looked back up at them and closed my eyes for a moment. "I gave in, I accepted, I believed. I allowed it to be true."
I spoke as if I could have changed things. In truth I suppose that I could have, but the thought had never occurred to me. It never occurred to me that there could be another way until...you. If I didn't allow it to be true, it wouldn't, that's how I had said it. Looking back...I feel pretty ignorant for not thinking otherwise. I looked down again. The floor was the only thing I could focus on that would keep me from crying.
"I thought I'd be able to go through with it without ever doubting myself. But I..." I trailed off and clasped my hands against my chest, feeling my aching heart. I don't know how I managed to keep from crying. "It hurt so much."
I could still hear the Fayth as they faded away. They had never wanted to hurt anyone, but Sin...Sin controlled them. The Fayth had all once been good people, like you, who wanted to help the world. So they became another creature, a guardian to a temple, to help the summoners on their pilgrimage.
"Forgive us." Bahamut had said to me. The child inside of him had been the closest to us of all. I don't think that anyone else around me that day heard him, but I did. He had asked for our forgiveness before we sent him. He had said...not to worry...that he would take care of things and that he did not blame us for sending them. We needed to send them...in order to save them. To save them from destroying what they had sworn to protect.
"Everyone was so happy. 'Great job Yuna. You did it. You saved us...all."
I thought about it for a moment. I hadn't saved everyone. So many people were not there. So many people I wanted there were not. You weren't there.
"There were...too many smiles to count." I looked off to my right shoulder and gave a small smile. "And I know that...I was smiling too."
I had smiled. I was alive, the first Summoner to ever survive her pilgrimage and witness the Calm. It was more of a fake smile, really. Put on a happy face. That was my philosophy. If you put on a happy face then maybe things would turn out better. But...that never happened. Inside I was dying...and no one knew.
Every night I would go off by myself. It was usually late, after everyone else had gone to bed. In Besaid...I would go to the docks. At first it had been difficult to find my way to them in the dark, but soon...I could go blindfolded if I had wanted to. I would walk to the edge of the dock and stand, just looking at the stars. Looking...for I don't know what...your face always came to my mind. And every night, without fail...I would collapse, falling to the wood, onto my knees. I would bow my head and cry. I would sob for you. I would place my hands over my face and cry for hours, until the morning sun peeked over the horizon, bringing a new day. A new day...without you.
Sometimes Lulu, or Wakka, or Rikku, if she were staying over, would come out to comfort me. But it never worked. I was too far-gone. I was lost in my past, just as Paine had warned. I didn't care, that was...how I felt. The real me, behind all the smiles and laughter. Behind the fake persona that I showed to everyone on the streets. The real me was dying a little each day.
"But now..." I turned my head to the side. The tears were so close that I could almost taste them. "When I look back..." I closed my eyes.
How could I tell Nooj what I was feeling? He wouldn't understand, he couldn't. He wasn't there. He wasn't there when I had fallen flat on my face. He hadn't been there, when I stood atop the airship, sending my guardian, Auron, the great Auron...away. He wasn't there when Auron's skin began to change colors as he slowly disappeared.
He wasn't there when I turned around and saw you. Your skin was acting like Auron's. Nooj wasn't there when I ran to you. I didn't want to believe that...you would be leaving me. Nooj didn't see when I leaped to grab you, but fell straight through you. He didn't see the pain and anguish on my face as I hit the floor and came to the realization that this was real...and you weren't. He wasn't there when I told you I loved you. He didn't see my heart split in two as your soul slipped away from mine. He didn't see you...fade away. I did. I was there...it was me there with you. It was me who had wished...at that moment...that I had fallen off the airship, so that I wouldn't have to live without you...knowing that you were gone.
"The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here."
I wanted to tell him. Tell him how I cried every night, alone on the docks, wishing for my time to come. I wanted to tell him how I felt about you, but I think that...he knew. I think he sensed how deeply I felt for someone...that was why I was lecturing him...telling him things he had already known. He knew how a Summoner defeated Sin. He already knew what I was saying. I guess...I was venting more than lecturing.
"We had no choice." Nooj said.
I had expected him to say that. I stood for a while, just thinking about what to say to that. I wanted to scream, to yell...like Rikku always did, when she was upset. She didn't do it often, or even let anyone know...but I knew...that when she walked off on her own...she was going into her own little world to scream. She did it a lot after we would speak with Gippal...I wondered if he was the reason.
"'We had no choice.'" I mimicked. I can't recall how many times I had heard those words. They were beginning to sound more like a cheesy pick up line than an excuse. "Always 'we had no choice'. Those were our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again but you know...the magic never worked." I looked down at my feet again. "The only thing we're left with...is regret."
"Yuna, I'm sorry." Nooj said.
He sounded like my father. Exactly like my father. It was what my father had said to me before he had left for his pilgrimage. He had explained to me that he would not come back. That I was going to be alone. My mother had already died by that time. And soon I would be completely alone...just as I was now. I clenched my fists to my sides and stared him right in the eyes.
"No...I don't want this anymore." I looked around, at Rikku, at Paine, and a smile escaped my lips. "I don't want friends to die..." I thought about you. "Or fade away. I don't want battles where we have to lose in order to win." I closed my eyes.
I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be on Spira. Everything I said...I said for you. I didn't want this anymore. I couldn't stand to lose Rikku or Paine, or anyone else. I didn't want to suddenly find out that someone would...disappear. I didn't want any more battles where I had to lose someone I loved...in order to conquer. I looked up Nooj again.
"Nooj...I know that what you say...is what you mean to do." I nodded, encouraging myself. "Give me your resolve. Believe in Yuna."
Everyone had always believed in me. But still...if I made a big decision for myself it was still viewed as inferior. Maybe it was because I was so young...and a girl...but I couldn't help but feel like everyone took what I said in stride, as if...I were confused. It was like...they would give me a pat on the head if I did a good job, but just laugh and sigh if I made a mistake, as if I were still learning. But I was done learning. I had learned that the ones you loved most are always the ones taken from you too soon. I was tired of learning.
Believe in Yuna. Nooj did, and we were able to stop Vegnagun and save him. But did I truly believe in myself? How could I when everything I had worked for just faded...right before my eyes? You were still so far away from me. Would I ever find you? I wish that...you were here with me. I was happy for Lenne and Shuyin, glad that I could help them but deep down inside of me...I was wishing that I had helped myself.
Maybe that's all that I could do. Maybe all that I would be able to do to pass the time until I die was to help other people. I guess that's what I'll do. I do enjoy it...its just that...sometimes...I would like to help myself. I want a little happiness once in a while, that's not selfish, is it?
I knew that as soon as I left the Farplane Glen I would be completely gone from you. You would be gone from me. I didn't want that to happen, but I knew...you would always be in my heart. I had said it before. 'The people and the friends we have lost...or the dreams that have faded...never forget them.' I wouldn't ever forget you; I couldn't, even if I tried. Whenever I saw a Blitzball game, or whenever I walked the same roads that you and I had once walked together, or whenever I heard a whistle...I would think of you. A whistle...I could still hear it in my head, but each time...I still turned to look for you. Thinking...maybe you were there. Maybe...you were with me the whole time. I always hoped that you would be. I wasn't worried anymore...because you will always have a place...here in my heart. We'll always be connected.
You had told me that if I whistled, you'd come running. But where were you? I had tried and tried...ever since you faded, but you never came. Sometimes, after I tried...when my breath would run out and my lungs would hurt...I'd be bitter. You had lied, and yet...I couldn't hold it against you. I would whistle and whistle, but still nothing...How many times must I do this until you appear? Whenever I was in the Farplane I could hear you. I could hear you...whistling back to me...but you were never there. I heard it again, just as loud and clear as ever. Again I turned, frantically searching the Abyss with my eyes...hoping...that you might finally come back to me. But again...nothing. I bowed my head and turned back to where I was going.
"Thanks." I heard the small voice say. I turned to see Bahamut's soul standing beside me. He was always so gracious...for everything I did...and he always understood what needed to be done. I smiled and walked over to him.
"You're very welcome." I said, leaning over to his eye level. I wanted to leave before I cried in front of the Fayth, but he didn't fade...he acted...like he had something more to say.
"You heard it, didn't you?" He stated, referring to the whistle. Why was he suddenly torturing me? It was like he was toying with my emotions. I wanted to cry, but he continued. "You want to see him?" The Fayth asked. I wasn't sure what he meant, did he mean...you?
"Him?" I asked, hoping that I was correct in my guessing.
"Yes. You want to walk together again?"
He didn't know how badly I wanted to walk with Tidus again. He couldn't possibly have known. I was elated, but unsure. Could this be real? Could he actually be offering you back to me?
"Yes!" I exclaimed, a single tear finally rolling down my cheek.
"I can't promise anything, but we'll do what we can." The Fayth said to me as he disappeared.
I wasn't sure what to think. Was he being serious? Would you actually come back to me? I wanted to believe him, but he did say he wouldn't promise anything. That could mean anything. I may very well never see you again.
But on the other hand...what if he was telling the truth? My heart almost skipped a beat as I thought about it. I thought about returning home...and you would be there. Oh how I wanted to go home, I thought. I quickened my pace to catch up to Paine and Rikku, hoping that somehow...someway...we'd be together again.
I laughed. A soft breeze was blowing in Luca as my companions, Rikku and Paine, and I stood at one of the docks in front of the Celsius. I had my hands clasped behind my back and was rocking gently as I thought to myself. Did I want to stay for the ceremony? No. I wanted to go home...in the hopes that...you would be there. Nooj, Gippal and Baralai stood before us, waiting for my answer. I jumped up, having made my decision.
"It's time for me to go home!" I said, bending over and smiling with a wink.
The three across from us nodded in understanding. I turned back to Rikku and Paine and gave them both a high-five. I couldn't wait to go home. But what will happen if I get there and...you're not waiting? I pushed that from my mind. For now...I would be happy with expectation of seeing you again. And if you weren't there...then...I would deal with that then.
We boarded the Celsius and prepared for take off. I had heard much of the speech. I remembered when I had stood at the podium, giving my own speech...at the end of our journey. I don't think I would be able to hold myself together if I had to try and speak again...not now...not after losing you...again.
"Hey Rikku, let's go up on deck!" I proclaimed. She gave me a strange look, then smiled.
"Yeah, okay, come on Paine!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down in her usual way.
"What?" Paine asked, having not been paying attention.
Rikku grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind us as we ran up to the top of the airship. It was the same place where...you had faded from me. I ran up the stairs and out towards your final standing place. I threw myself down to the ground, down to my knees, and placed my hands on the ship for support. Rikku and Paine each squatted behind me, letting the wind catch their faces. The feeling of flying was intense as the Celsius took off.
"See you next time, Kiddies! Yee haw!" Brother screamed as the ship rose into the air above Luca Stadium.
I could feel the wind whip around me. It calmed me, and a smile came to my face. I looked ahead, at the clouds coming toward us. The sky was as blue as your eyes, a peaceful, tranquil blue. I knew that my eyes were shining, I could feel a happiness envelope me that I had not felt since that night in Lake Macalania.
"Did we really have to leave like that?" Rikku asked, her hair struggling to stay in her headband. "Just think of the party we're missing!" She whined.
Even though she complained at times, Rikku was still my best friend. My cousin as well, but first and foremost, a friend. She was enjoying the ride as much as I was, even though my hair was in her face. She blocked it, and tried to keep her balance.
"I think we party enough, don't you?" Paine asked.
Rikku agreed. Paine too, was enjoying the flying. She wouldn't admit it, but when I turned back to look at her...she was smiling. Maybe it was because her squad was back together and her captain was safe. Either way, for the first time ever...she seemed truly happy. And I hoped that...I could be happy as well.
"Brother, higher!" I yelled. I could feel the ship beneath me rise. My stomach sank at the speed, but nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
"Roger!" Brother called back to me.
"Brother, faster!" I screamed.
I wanted to get home as soon as possible. I wanted to know, I needed to know if you would be there. I was on the fastest airship in all of Spira, but even that couldn't get me home quick enough.
"Rogerr!" Brother called back, rolling his 'r's. I laughed at his accent.
"I can't hear you!" I called back to him.
"Rogerrrrrr!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as the Celsius flew higher into the clouds.
I couldn't help but laugh. Brother always tried to please me, I wonder what he'll say if you're there when we come back. I'm sure he'll be glad that I'm happy. I hope so. I don't want...any of my friends...to ever be sad again. From this day on, I want...no more tears. I looked ahead...out into the distance. The ground was going by so fast, I couldn't be sure where we were...but I knew that...we were getting close.
'So much has happened.' I thought to myself. 'And I'm sure it's only the beginning. Through the smiles and tears, through the anger...and the laughter that follows...I know, that I'll keep changing.' I smiled. 'This is my story. It'll be a good one.' I laughed. 'It all began...when I saw this sphere...of you'.
"Yuna?" I could hear Brother's voice over the ship's intercom. "We're almost over Besaid."
I could feel butterflies in my stomach rise into my throat. I wanted to scream...not a scream of pain...but of excitement. I climbed to my feet, the wind nearly knocked me over, it was so strong. I smiled and clasped my hands together. Rikku and Paine stood up with me. I twisted back and forth, thinking of you. Will you be there? I was about to find out. I just hoped...no...I prayed...that you would be.
I nodded my head. This is it. This was the moment of truth. I turned and ran into the airship, and onto the bridge. I flew past Shinra and into Rikku's seat. I grabbed the telescope and peered through it.
I could see...clear water. The water of Besaid. It was a beautiful sunny day, but I didn't even look at beach. I was scanning the water. This was where you surfaced last time...right? Nothing. There was no one there. Was the Fayth unsuccessful? Was this it? I didn't even want to think of a life...without you.
But then...out of the blue water...there was a splash...like somebody had just surfaced. I zoomed in...was it you? The source of the rippling water was definitely a person. I could see...blonde hair and...your clothes? I had to blink just to make sure that what I was seeing was real. You were...standing there...walking towards the shore. I could hear...whistling...you were whistling for me. I jumped up. I wanted to scream...there was so much I wanted to say...but mostly...I wanted to say it to you.
I think I squealed. I remember...running...running down to the engine room, where the ramp was. I heard Rikku yelling at Brother as I ran. Something like 'open the hatch' I'm not quite sure. It doesn't matter anyway. All that matters is that...you're here now. I could feel the ground beneath me start to shake as the mechanical whirling of gears started. I could see...the water, below my feet. The ramp was being lowered, and I could feel the Celsius start to slow.
I was laughing. Not because of anything funny, but because I was so happy. I jumped from the Celsius and landed in the water, knee deep. I think I hurt my knee, but I'm not sure...and I don't care. I ran...as fast as I could...to you. I threw my arms around you as the tears started to flow freely from my eyes. Can this really be true?
"Are you real?" I asked. God how I hoped so.
"I think so." You responded, hugging me tight. Then you pulled away from me and looked straight into my eyes. "Do I pass?" I laughed and nodded, through the tears.
"You're back." I stated, as if to convince myself. I threw my arms around your neck once more, never wanting to let you go.
"I am back." You said. It was true...you were back. You hugged me tight as I cried into your chest. "I'm home." I let out a soft cry and looked up into your eyes.
"Welcome home." I said as I laid my head against your chest again. I closed my eyes and smiled. "Yes...home..." I said quietly. I don't think you heard, but that's okay.
I could hear Rikku and Paine giggle from the airship. You and I...we looked at them. It was the first time Paine had seen you...but it looked like she approved. I heard a voice off in the distance. Wakka?
"Hey, get a room you two!" He called.
We turned to watch. It was...a little embarrassing...but...it reassured me that you were there...standing with me. Everyone in Besaid, the whole village...was standing there, gathered on the beach. They were...cheering. For us? I was so happy...I was smiling...for real this time.
"Whassup?" Wakka teased, as if you had been there the whole time. As if...you had never faded.
"Who asked you to watch, Wakka?" You said with a laugh, still holding me.
Lulu stood by Wakka's side, with Vidina in her arms. She laughed, along with Wakka. Rikku and Paine were still on the airship. Rikku waved to everyone.
"Hiya!" She called, cheerful as always.
You grabbed my hand and started to run towards the crowd. I still couldn't believe that this was happening. I let you lead me for a moment, but then...I ran ahead of you...and led you. I knew that you were looking at me...noticing how much I had changed. I was no longer timid or shy. I had matured so much since you were gone. I dressed differently too...and I think that...you approved.
"You know...you've changed." You finally said. I laughed.
"Well, you've missed a few things." I responded, still laughing.
"I wanna hear everything!" You stated, almost yelling above the crashing water beneath our feet.
"Well...it all began when I saw this sphere of you." I said as we made our way to the beach.
Everyone was...so happy. Glad that I was back and glad that...I was finally happy as well. They cheered...long into the night. We had a celebration for you. It was so much fun. There was a bonfire and everyone sat around telling stories. Wakka kept talking about Vidina and how happy he was that you were back. I couldn't stop smiling...or looking at you. You held my hand as you listened to everyone else. I closed my eyes. This was real. But would it last? I tried not to think about you fading away again...that would be...too hard to bear. I thought instead about how this was the first night...since that day...two years ago...that I hadn't cried. You were here with me...for always.
The sun was setting over Zanarkand when we arrived. There was...so much to say. I stood...where I had when everyone had been here, around the fire. You were...on your spot, looking out at the water. I knew that you were thinking of your Zanarkand but...I could tell that you liked it here with me better.
"I got a theory." You said, still gazing across the deep blue water. "I think the Fayth gathered up my thoughts and put 'em back together to bring me back. Maybe. Something like that." You turned to look at me with a smile...then...you turned away, and lowered your head. "Or maybe...I'm still a dream." Your voice was low and sad.
No. You could not be a dream. I couldn't watch you fade away again. The moment that Lenne and Shuyin had together may have been enough for them, but...this was not enough for me. I wanted to be with you...forever. I wanted to run up to you, but I froze.
"Wait! So you'll disappear?" I asked, looking at the ground, trying not to think about it. You turned back to look at me, your eyes filled with longing.
"Cherish me, Yuna. And I'll cherish you."
Your words, they...they seemed so foreign. Of course I would cherish you, but...I couldn't let you go. I could never forget...or abandon. I could never be truly happy without you.
"All right?" You asked, waiting for me to lift my head. "We gotta stay together. That's what we have to do."
I ran up to you and wrapped my arms around you from behind. I rested my head against your back, never wanting this moment to end. A life without you was a life not worth living. You can't allow your true love to die and then move on. It was just not possible. And I knew that...if you faded...my heart would fade with you.
"Is that what the Fayth told you?" I asked, hoping that's what they said. Hoping they told you how you could stay with me.
"Nah. But I like it." You mused.
We laughed together. But I had to know. As much as I was afraid to do anything that would cause you to disappear...I had to. I needed to make sure that you would still be with me when I woke up...that you would be there for me when I needed you most. I needed to know. I pushed you into the water. You yelped a little, but didn't struggle. You hit the water with a splash, and turned to look up to me, wading.
"Hey, that's not cherishing!" You teased.
I laughed. You were still there. My heart was...still there. I looked down at you. I was so happy that...you were real. I was set at ease. I clasped my hands behind my back and rocked from side to side, just thinking. Thinking of the wonderful life we would have together, thinking of...all the memories we would make together. And I knew that...you would always be with me.
"You didn't disappear." I called to you.
No. You didn't disappear. You were still there, laughing and looking up at me. I stared out across the water, just as you had. The sky was a deep orange and the sun was magenta, with purple clouds stretching across the scene. It was getting dark, but I didn't mind. We would camp out here tonight and go home in the morning. Yes...home...together. Just as it should have been two years ago. I closed my eyes and smiled. But when I opened them...something was wrong.
You were...changing. I had seen it before...on the airship...after I had sent Auron. You were...disappearing. No. You couldn't...I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that you were going. I needed to catch you, to hold you. If we stayed together...you wouldn't fade...right? I leaped into the water, hoping you would catch me...but...you couldn't.
The icy liquid stung my skin like needles. I felt like I had been stabbed through the heart. I could feel my head ache when I hit the water...and then...there was no pain. My sudden headache was gone...and I felt...happy? I felt closer to you but...you weren't there. When I opened my eyes...you were gone. You had faded...again. I was alone in the water, hoping to die. I swam up to the surface to catch my breath.
I looked around. This was not Zanarkand...but I knew where I was. I was in...your Zanarkand. Am I dead? I kept myself a float and looked around. Had we faded...together? I could see the lights all around me. Dark buildings were everywhere and I could hear people yelling and cheering. I heard...music. Loud music...like there was about to be an event that people were going to.
"Hey, you all right?" Someone called to me.
They were standing way up on a bridge, looking down at me in the water. I didn't know them, but they seemed generally concerned about me. I swam over to the rocks and climbed up onto solid ground. The man who had called to me came running over and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.
"Can't wait for the Blitzball game, huh?" He asked, joking.
Blitzball? There was a Blitzball game in Zanarkand tonight? I looked up at the man, into his eyes. There were...tears in mine. But maybe...maybe you were playing Blitzball tonight...maybe...I would find you.
"I can't either. It's the Zanarkand Abe's first home game in weeks." He continued.
I looked at him, intently. For the first time he saw my face. His expression quickly changed from one of concern to one of spite. He glared at me for a moment, looking back and forth between my blue and green eyes.
"You're not a fan, are you? You're too pretty to be a fan. You must be another one of them girls that come to see Jecht's kid." He said bitterly.
Jecht's kid? That was you. It meant...that you would be here. I felt bad for agreeing with the man, but I needed to see you. I nodded my head and he sighed.
"You need a ticket? I got an extra." He said, grudgingly.
I smiled and graciously accepted his ticket. I followed him to the stadium, looking up at the large glass structure. You were in there...somewhere. We may not be in my Spira...but we would be together again. The man and I found our seats and anxiously waited for the game to start.
You were there. You were playing Blitzball. Every move you made...the crowd cheered. But I saw...on your face...you were playing because you had to. Your heart did not seem into it and I could not help but feel responsible. Did you know that I was here?
After the game, Zanarkand won, of course, I waited out front for you. The team came out to sign autographs, and I waited patiently, hoping that...you would see me. Would you be happy I was here? I called to you, and you turned to look at me. A wide smile spread across your face and you rushed over to me, taking my hands in yours. Your smile turned into a look of despair, however, after realizing that I was for real.
"How did...?" You asked, trailing off.
I smiled. This time...you couldn't fade away. This time...we would be together forever. I threw my arms around your neck. You wrapped your arms around me and lifted me over the barrier that separated the team from the crowd. Everyone was...cheering...just like Besaid. I could tell that...other girls were jealous...but I didn't care. I had you. And I know that...this would last. We had faded...together. This was no longer my story. This...was our story. It'll be a good one. And it all started when I saw this sphere...of you.