Chapter Four: The First Sign of Madness is Talking To Yourself.

Disclaimer: Okay, I admit it! I don't own Yu-gi-oh! I own nothing! NOTHING!

Ryou awoke to find himself in his bed, and felt a wave of despair wash over him. (W-what did you say? I was-)

((Going to tell Yugi everything?)) his yami finished. ((And you really thought that I would let you do something like that?)) His scornful laughter rang insanely around Ryou's head. ((How many times do I have to tell you? You are nothing but a vessel, a tool in my plans to steal all of the Millennium Items and rule the world. And there's nothing you can do to stop me!))

Ryou didn't care about the meglomanic rants, having heard them too many times before. But it was being called a vessel that hurt most, the inevitable truth sinking slowly through his mind like a blunt knife. He calls me a vessel, and that's what I am. He can do anything with my body, and I'm powerless to stop him. Once unravelled, his thoughts could only get worse. What's the point in staying here? I'm just letting him get closer to Yugi and the others. What meaning does my life have? All I am is a puppet. My yami pulls the strings. Ryou had never seriously considered suicide before. It had always seemed selfish to him, to take 'the easy way out.'

But if I die, he'll no longer have a host body to do his bidding for him. What would happen then? Perhaps he'll be trapped in the Shadow Realm like before. Ah, but he came back, didn't he? But then he had a host body to come back to.

Ryou knew he should feel disgusted, discussing suicide with himself. After all, it was the coward's way out, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

So what if it was? All his life he had put other people first, making sacrifices for them. And what had other people done for him? Nothing.

He thought back to when Bakura had duelled Yami, and lost. I was willing to sacrifice myself then to rid the world of my yami, he thought, not without some bitterness. It had seemed like there was no other way.

Yugi found a way, though. But I can't depend on others to help me out all the time.

So it's decided then…

Now that he had officially made up his mind, second thoughts tugged at him like bust friends in the street, all wanting him to go with them. Guilt was a major issue in Ryou's mind, as always. And there were so many…

Yugi…He tries so hard. He thinks he freed me from my yami forever. I can't even tell him how wrong he is…

At this point, Ryou's fist clenched so hard, his knuckles turned a milky white.

My father…Another pang of guilt. We never spend any time together. He thought he was doing a nice thing for me, buying me the Ring as a present. But all it's brought me is pain…I'm a traitor. No. I couldn't have realised what the Ring was capable of. I didn't even realise what it was until my yami came. I could have stopped him. Somehow. I let him do whatever he wanted. He's right. I am weak. I could have pushed him back if I really wanted to. I just accepted his dominance and presence. I should have fought him harder.

The more he thought this, the more Ryou became convinced that it was true. He was a failure. All people remember is how you went out. Well, you couldn't get much better than self-inflicted death, right?

Feeling as though he was in a dream, Ryou crossed the room and took out a long silver stiletto knife from the drawer. There were dark patches on it, evidence of the last time his dark half had abused him. Well, he's wounded me for the last time. Dimly, Ryou wondered why his Bakura hadn't interfered before now. Never mind that. If he hadn't noticed yet, Ryou certainly wasn't going to tell him.

His hand felt slightly clammy, but when he held up the knife it wasn't shaking. He turned the knife carefully over in his palm, tilting it so that it caught the light. It felt strong and powerful in his hand. Ryou made a few practise swipes in the air with it, and was surprised at how light it felt. He moved it back so it was aimed at his chest. For the first time in five minutes, he hesitated. The throat or the heart? Which would be quicker? He wasn't his yami, who, after all, had done more than enough killing for the both of them. His darker half was essentially cold hearted, especially about little things like murder.

And speaking of yamis…