Disclaimer: We own nothing. That we actually agreed on.
M: Although Akvar insists he's controlling J. K. Rowling
Akvar: Well, I am! She's easily-maneuverable.
M: So? What changes have you brought to the plot?!
Akvar: Well, Voldemort doesn't die anymore...
M: Right. I'll keep an eye on that one. Anything else?
Akvar: Petunia knows a witch and a wizard who are not James and Lily.
M: Who?
Akvar: Aw, but that would spoil the whole plot!
M: Yeah, and telling me that Voldie doesn't die doesn't, huh?
Akvar: You believed that?
M: frowns Are you mocking me?
Akvar: I guess we'll never know, since we should go on with the chapter:
Chapter 9
"Well, that didn't work too well, did it?" M. asked.
"No, not at all, not at all" Akvar answered in a casual tone. "Well, Mrs. Let's-Trick-Them, what's the brilliant idea now?"
"Wait a second, are you blaming this on me?"
"Wooow, you're sooo bright. Of course!"
"Well, it wasn't me who said let's act like Harry and Draco!"
"You started this!"
"Maybe, but you full-heartedly agreed!"
"No, I haven't."
"Yes, you have. And it was you who said that the originals won't be coming for a while."
"Is it my fault that the bloody pipes blew up?"
"No, it was your fault you didn't anticipate this!!!"
"I might be a demon, but I most definitely do not know what happens in the whole bloody UNIVERSE!"
M. and Akvar were tied up back in back in the middle of a room, sitting down. The room was pretty small, windowless and with only a table and two chairs in a corner. As Akvar cried out loud the last word, she smiled.
"What?!"
"What what?"
"Why are you smiling?"
"How come you know I'm smiling?"
"I can feel it, you insufferable brat! Now, why are you smiling?"
"Because the whole situation is sooo absurd."
"Have you checked the dictionary lately?"
"Yes, I have."
"Are you sure?"
"'Course."
"What is absurd about this situation?"
"Absurd: ridiculous, impossible to believe..."
"I know what absurd means!!!"
"Hey, no need to get cranky. It's ridiculous: a small quarrel and a weird thirst for revenge lead to... this."
"Ha, ha, ha, I'm laughing to death. So, anything else absurd?"
"Yes: a great demon fails to realize when the Lord of Light returns, the aforementioned Lord comes and..."
"Stop. You know what, I don't know about you, but instead of laughing my head off, I'd rather think of a way to escape."
"Suuure."
"Well, we can't Apparate..."
"No shit."
"Shut up, I'm thinking."
"That's a contradiction in terms."
"Since when are you sarcastic?!"
"Since I was tied up back in back with you"
"Too bad you didn't get my intelligence too."
"No comment."
M. smiled again and waited for a few minutes before saying something.
"Well? Got anything?" she asked.
"No, not really. The brat has put darn good wards and, although I could get past them, he would notice me doing so and come here. As I said, I'm not powerful enough to defeat him. His power is given from above and something tells me that he'd get more if he needed it."
"Is that normal?"
"It is with Lords of Light."
"Aha."
"And Lords of Darkness, and White Dragons and Dark Dragons and Knights of fire, water, shadows, etcetera."
"Long list."
"Yep."
"And besides, he's the core of magic, isn't he?" M. asked and smiled.
However, she did not expect Akvar to laugh like that.
"What?" she asked.
"Harry Potter, the core of magic... Yeah right, I see the day"
"When he killed Voldemort, it got sucked into him, you know that, don't you?" she asked, intrigued.
"Yeah right, as if. Tell you what: there's only one core of magic and guess who it is"
"You" she said, shaking her head.
"Don't be an idiot" he replied. "It's Big G"
"Who?!" she asked.
"You know, alpha and omega, the Creator of the Universe, magic itself, the infinite, etcetera" Akvar said in a duh tone.
"Great, a religious demon!" M. muttered to herself and shook her head.
"What?" he asked surprised. "You mean, you don't know the Code of the Dragons?"
"No, what is it?" she asked, frowning.
"I'm surrounded by idiots" he replied in a mutter. "It's the rule code for all bloody warriors and beings in the fucking Universe! The more powerful you are, the more careful you should be with respecting it. And there's some stuff that proves Alpha and Omega exists... like the fact that no beings on the path of spirituality are to be killed by no means"
"And you should respect that... why?" she asked. "You're a demon and..."
"Yeah, I thought it was bullshit too, until I fell face to face with a Guardian" Akvar replied.
"What's a Guardian?" M. asked.
"They're the weird beings that make sure the most important rules in the Code are respected. They can't be killed. Magic or non-magic ways of battle have nearly no effect on them. And they're really, really powerful. That one warned me never to kill one true spiritual guy –or Sautaus, as they're called- unless I want to meet Kali. And she's the Goddess of Time and Death and all that"
"So, you go to church and all that?" she joked.
"Be serious!" he replied. "Alpha and Omega isn't shooting everybody in sight, ya know. As long as you don't break the really important rules in the Code, there's no problem. Look at me!"
"I can't, I'm tied back to back with you, remember?" she asked. "Which brings us back to our problem: what do we do about the Lord of Light that gets a tone of power out of the blue?"
"I'm thinking. Only special beings can get power like that" Akvar replied thoughtfully. "What do we do?"
She waited for a few minutes before asking:
"So?"
"So, just normal people don't get any cool powers out of nowhere" he replied.
"I meant about our situation."
"Oh, right. Well, I'm sick of being tied up. You?"
"Yes."
"Let's just get these off, shall we?"
"You can get these off and you still haven't? Why?!"
"No particular reason. Actually, one particular reason: I haven't thought of it."
M. muttered darkly as Akvar stared at the ropes. Slowly, they started moving and finally got off them.
"Better?" he asked and she nodded.
"For a smart guy, you sure are an idiot" she said and looked around. "Now what?"
"Now, we search for a way out" he replied.
"How about the door?" she suggested, but he had been quicker. He went and checked it.
"Locked" he concluded.
"Wow... really?" she sarcastically said as he made it back to the middle of the room.
"Really" he replied and grinned, putting his left hand in front of his face at about forty centimeters so that the palm was horizontally and his right hand with the palm perpendicular on his other palm.
"What the-? She started asking, but he gave a low 'shh' before, in less than a second, he conjured a large log with a pillow on one end. "Whoa"
"And guess what? No wand" he said and grinned, putting his hands down. "But I was never good with summoning unusual stuff, so I needed the hand gesture"
He merely looked at the pillowed log and it crashed into the door so hard, she thought it would give a loud bang. Just that there was no sound.
"Impressive" she said slowly.
"I know" he replied. "Directly charming the door would attract their attention a lot. But this way, I charmed the pillow... and conjured the log."
So, he quickly led the way and she followed. But there was one thing neither had thought about: the Lord of Light and his right hand.
"Well, well, would you look at that?" Draco said slowly, staring at the globe where the room was shown. "The two fled. Shall we catch them?"
"Definitely" Harry replied. "There are a few things that bug me, though"
"What things?" Draco asked.
"That he didn't use a wad, for once... that they said something about pranks... I don't think they meant for anything bad to happen" Harry said slowly, before sending Severus Snape a telepathic message to bring some Veritaserum. "Let's get them"
-----------------
"What, again?!" Akvar said desperately. "Hell, this is one of the worst days of my life"
Draco smirked. The man seemed to be just unnerved, not really afraid of what could happen. The girl looked as if she had broken Harry's favorite object beyond repair.
"Yes, I guess it is" Harry replied casually as Severus Snape appeared from behind him. "And guess what? You'll drink some Veritaserum and tell me what's going on"
"Not likely" Akvar replied, shaking his head. "You see, I have a tendency to not react properly to Veritaserum. Trust me, I can say whatever I want under that potion."
"Drink it nevertheless. You and her, too" Harry said and Akvar shrugged.
"Have it your way, Lord of Light" he said. "What a waste of the potion..."
Severus gave the bottle to the two and Akvar drank it and smirked. M., however, didn't seem too pleased.
"What is your name, grey haired man?" Draco asked and Akvar smirked.
"Edgar Allan Poe, poet extraordinaire" he replied, smirking.
"Which is your age?" Draco continued, not noticing that Harry was staring weirdly.
"5 years old" he replied casually with a smile and Harry nodded and muttered to himself.
"Excuse me?" Draco asked.
"35 years old" Akvar replied, smirking continuously.
"Why are you here?" the blond continued.
"To enlighten you with my newest poem" the demon replied, taking an artistic stance.
"Why on earth did you then take my face?!" Draco asked, confused.
"Because being you was the only way I could get your appreciation" he replied and started laughing. "Oh, and by the way, I'm saying a lot of bullshit right now. Told you the potion has no effect on me"
"Yes, I've noticed that" Harry replied. "What's your name?"
"Malina" she replied. "M., for short"
"Why are you here?" Harry continued.
"To play some pranks..." she replied slowly.
"What for?" the Lord continued his interrogation, making her feel a bit unnerved.
"For... revenge. A little threat there, you know... Imach'ra told me about it"
Harry frowned.
"I never threatened you" he said slowly.
"Actually, you did. You said that you'd send a couple of Red Dragons after me if didn't update soon" she replied, frowning. "Now, how did I know that?"
Harry stared at her, trying to recall the event.
"I don't even know you" he said slowly.
"Um, no, I work in the underground, you know... Searching the Muggle world for different things and you said to somebody that you'd send Red Dragons after the one who was in charge of the research if he or she didn't update soon. But I'm still wondering why I know this since I was only told that you'd hex the person into oblivion" she said slowly.
"Actually, kid" Akvar said, "your subconscious part caught that from the letter. Imach'ra had written it and then he erased it. You didn't read it, but it kinda got into your system nevertheless"
"Whatever" she muttered.
"What havoc did you break?" Harry asked.
"Well..." she said slowly. "We sent you to Trelawney's party, we made Dumbledore throw the costumed ball, we made Remus and Sirius train Cornish pixies, we sent Athan after a Necromancer ..."
Draco started laughing.
"Oh, yeah, he was pissed about that" he said and Harry had to admit that indeed the Ball Dumbledore would give was an... interesting idea.
"So, basically, you did all this because..." the Lord of Light said.
"I hate being threatened" she replied.
That was it. Draco was nearly on the floor with laughter and Akvar was smiling in a way that spoke of the fact that he wanted to laugh, too.
"Told you Muggles were crazy" Severus said, before he realized that that... that girl had acted like his Harry. Which meant she probably liked him... But he definitely didn't like her. He liked Harry and, wow, this was a mess...
------------
Akvar: that's done.
M: rolls eyes You were eager to be done with it!
Akvar: Yes, well... By the way, do you know what 'Avada Kedavra' really means?
M: No, but what does this have to do with anything?
Akvar: Proving something. I remember the abracadabra's origin as a word now...
M:?! What on earth? Are you in a weird language studying mood right now?!
Akvar: Why, yes, my dear Watson. So, you interested?
M: shrugs Nope.
Akvar: How come you're not?!
M: I am Romanian. I fully understand what Avada Kedavra means.
Akvar: It's in Latin.
M: Check the Romanian history, my boy! We're ahem 'descendants of Rome, yadda, yadda, it's even said so in our national song. Trust me.
Akvar: I know, I lived through history and –as a matter of fact- I know that 'cadavru', pronounced almost like 'kedavru' with the accent on the second 'a' means corpse in Romanian and I know that 'avea', with an accent on 'e' means 'to have'. I am perfectly capable of understanding that it sound nearly like 'avada', so you assume it means 'to have a corpse'. But hey, did you know that, even in English, 'cadaver' means corpse, so for that you needn't any Romanian?
M:... And your point is?
Akvar: It doesn't mean 'have a corpse'
M: raises eyebrows Oh, no?
Akvar: Check the Latin-English (or Romanian) dictionary: no!
M: mutters As if any sane person has such a dictionary or cares about the subject anyway.
Akvar: ignoring her It means to 'strongly desire a corpse'
M: shakes head Oh, bother...
Akvar: What was that?
M: I was admiring your knowledge. What the hell does it have to do with anything, anyway?
Akvar: grins Nothing!
M: through gritted teeth I noticed that.
Akvar: Then, why did you ask? Anyway, guys, see you soon... And review!
M: If you're not bored by Akvar's insane rambling!
Akvar: That's not nice... smirk You'll pay for that.
M: Is that a threat for a revenge? Another revenge? silence for 5 minutes Akvar? Akvar! AKVAR! Well, seems that he's off to somewhere... See you later and, by the way, REVIEW!
M: Although Akvar insists he's controlling J. K. Rowling
Akvar: Well, I am! She's easily-maneuverable.
M: So? What changes have you brought to the plot?!
Akvar: Well, Voldemort doesn't die anymore...
M: Right. I'll keep an eye on that one. Anything else?
Akvar: Petunia knows a witch and a wizard who are not James and Lily.
M: Who?
Akvar: Aw, but that would spoil the whole plot!
M: Yeah, and telling me that Voldie doesn't die doesn't, huh?
Akvar: You believed that?
M: frowns Are you mocking me?
Akvar: I guess we'll never know, since we should go on with the chapter:
Chapter 9
"Well, that didn't work too well, did it?" M. asked.
"No, not at all, not at all" Akvar answered in a casual tone. "Well, Mrs. Let's-Trick-Them, what's the brilliant idea now?"
"Wait a second, are you blaming this on me?"
"Wooow, you're sooo bright. Of course!"
"Well, it wasn't me who said let's act like Harry and Draco!"
"You started this!"
"Maybe, but you full-heartedly agreed!"
"No, I haven't."
"Yes, you have. And it was you who said that the originals won't be coming for a while."
"Is it my fault that the bloody pipes blew up?"
"No, it was your fault you didn't anticipate this!!!"
"I might be a demon, but I most definitely do not know what happens in the whole bloody UNIVERSE!"
M. and Akvar were tied up back in back in the middle of a room, sitting down. The room was pretty small, windowless and with only a table and two chairs in a corner. As Akvar cried out loud the last word, she smiled.
"What?!"
"What what?"
"Why are you smiling?"
"How come you know I'm smiling?"
"I can feel it, you insufferable brat! Now, why are you smiling?"
"Because the whole situation is sooo absurd."
"Have you checked the dictionary lately?"
"Yes, I have."
"Are you sure?"
"'Course."
"What is absurd about this situation?"
"Absurd: ridiculous, impossible to believe..."
"I know what absurd means!!!"
"Hey, no need to get cranky. It's ridiculous: a small quarrel and a weird thirst for revenge lead to... this."
"Ha, ha, ha, I'm laughing to death. So, anything else absurd?"
"Yes: a great demon fails to realize when the Lord of Light returns, the aforementioned Lord comes and..."
"Stop. You know what, I don't know about you, but instead of laughing my head off, I'd rather think of a way to escape."
"Suuure."
"Well, we can't Apparate..."
"No shit."
"Shut up, I'm thinking."
"That's a contradiction in terms."
"Since when are you sarcastic?!"
"Since I was tied up back in back with you"
"Too bad you didn't get my intelligence too."
"No comment."
M. smiled again and waited for a few minutes before saying something.
"Well? Got anything?" she asked.
"No, not really. The brat has put darn good wards and, although I could get past them, he would notice me doing so and come here. As I said, I'm not powerful enough to defeat him. His power is given from above and something tells me that he'd get more if he needed it."
"Is that normal?"
"It is with Lords of Light."
"Aha."
"And Lords of Darkness, and White Dragons and Dark Dragons and Knights of fire, water, shadows, etcetera."
"Long list."
"Yep."
"And besides, he's the core of magic, isn't he?" M. asked and smiled.
However, she did not expect Akvar to laugh like that.
"What?" she asked.
"Harry Potter, the core of magic... Yeah right, I see the day"
"When he killed Voldemort, it got sucked into him, you know that, don't you?" she asked, intrigued.
"Yeah right, as if. Tell you what: there's only one core of magic and guess who it is"
"You" she said, shaking her head.
"Don't be an idiot" he replied. "It's Big G"
"Who?!" she asked.
"You know, alpha and omega, the Creator of the Universe, magic itself, the infinite, etcetera" Akvar said in a duh tone.
"Great, a religious demon!" M. muttered to herself and shook her head.
"What?" he asked surprised. "You mean, you don't know the Code of the Dragons?"
"No, what is it?" she asked, frowning.
"I'm surrounded by idiots" he replied in a mutter. "It's the rule code for all bloody warriors and beings in the fucking Universe! The more powerful you are, the more careful you should be with respecting it. And there's some stuff that proves Alpha and Omega exists... like the fact that no beings on the path of spirituality are to be killed by no means"
"And you should respect that... why?" she asked. "You're a demon and..."
"Yeah, I thought it was bullshit too, until I fell face to face with a Guardian" Akvar replied.
"What's a Guardian?" M. asked.
"They're the weird beings that make sure the most important rules in the Code are respected. They can't be killed. Magic or non-magic ways of battle have nearly no effect on them. And they're really, really powerful. That one warned me never to kill one true spiritual guy –or Sautaus, as they're called- unless I want to meet Kali. And she's the Goddess of Time and Death and all that"
"So, you go to church and all that?" she joked.
"Be serious!" he replied. "Alpha and Omega isn't shooting everybody in sight, ya know. As long as you don't break the really important rules in the Code, there's no problem. Look at me!"
"I can't, I'm tied back to back with you, remember?" she asked. "Which brings us back to our problem: what do we do about the Lord of Light that gets a tone of power out of the blue?"
"I'm thinking. Only special beings can get power like that" Akvar replied thoughtfully. "What do we do?"
She waited for a few minutes before asking:
"So?"
"So, just normal people don't get any cool powers out of nowhere" he replied.
"I meant about our situation."
"Oh, right. Well, I'm sick of being tied up. You?"
"Yes."
"Let's just get these off, shall we?"
"You can get these off and you still haven't? Why?!"
"No particular reason. Actually, one particular reason: I haven't thought of it."
M. muttered darkly as Akvar stared at the ropes. Slowly, they started moving and finally got off them.
"Better?" he asked and she nodded.
"For a smart guy, you sure are an idiot" she said and looked around. "Now what?"
"Now, we search for a way out" he replied.
"How about the door?" she suggested, but he had been quicker. He went and checked it.
"Locked" he concluded.
"Wow... really?" she sarcastically said as he made it back to the middle of the room.
"Really" he replied and grinned, putting his left hand in front of his face at about forty centimeters so that the palm was horizontally and his right hand with the palm perpendicular on his other palm.
"What the-? She started asking, but he gave a low 'shh' before, in less than a second, he conjured a large log with a pillow on one end. "Whoa"
"And guess what? No wand" he said and grinned, putting his hands down. "But I was never good with summoning unusual stuff, so I needed the hand gesture"
He merely looked at the pillowed log and it crashed into the door so hard, she thought it would give a loud bang. Just that there was no sound.
"Impressive" she said slowly.
"I know" he replied. "Directly charming the door would attract their attention a lot. But this way, I charmed the pillow... and conjured the log."
So, he quickly led the way and she followed. But there was one thing neither had thought about: the Lord of Light and his right hand.
"Well, well, would you look at that?" Draco said slowly, staring at the globe where the room was shown. "The two fled. Shall we catch them?"
"Definitely" Harry replied. "There are a few things that bug me, though"
"What things?" Draco asked.
"That he didn't use a wad, for once... that they said something about pranks... I don't think they meant for anything bad to happen" Harry said slowly, before sending Severus Snape a telepathic message to bring some Veritaserum. "Let's get them"
-----------------
"What, again?!" Akvar said desperately. "Hell, this is one of the worst days of my life"
Draco smirked. The man seemed to be just unnerved, not really afraid of what could happen. The girl looked as if she had broken Harry's favorite object beyond repair.
"Yes, I guess it is" Harry replied casually as Severus Snape appeared from behind him. "And guess what? You'll drink some Veritaserum and tell me what's going on"
"Not likely" Akvar replied, shaking his head. "You see, I have a tendency to not react properly to Veritaserum. Trust me, I can say whatever I want under that potion."
"Drink it nevertheless. You and her, too" Harry said and Akvar shrugged.
"Have it your way, Lord of Light" he said. "What a waste of the potion..."
Severus gave the bottle to the two and Akvar drank it and smirked. M., however, didn't seem too pleased.
"What is your name, grey haired man?" Draco asked and Akvar smirked.
"Edgar Allan Poe, poet extraordinaire" he replied, smirking.
"Which is your age?" Draco continued, not noticing that Harry was staring weirdly.
"5 years old" he replied casually with a smile and Harry nodded and muttered to himself.
"Excuse me?" Draco asked.
"35 years old" Akvar replied, smirking continuously.
"Why are you here?" the blond continued.
"To enlighten you with my newest poem" the demon replied, taking an artistic stance.
"Why on earth did you then take my face?!" Draco asked, confused.
"Because being you was the only way I could get your appreciation" he replied and started laughing. "Oh, and by the way, I'm saying a lot of bullshit right now. Told you the potion has no effect on me"
"Yes, I've noticed that" Harry replied. "What's your name?"
"Malina" she replied. "M., for short"
"Why are you here?" Harry continued.
"To play some pranks..." she replied slowly.
"What for?" the Lord continued his interrogation, making her feel a bit unnerved.
"For... revenge. A little threat there, you know... Imach'ra told me about it"
Harry frowned.
"I never threatened you" he said slowly.
"Actually, you did. You said that you'd send a couple of Red Dragons after me if didn't update soon" she replied, frowning. "Now, how did I know that?"
Harry stared at her, trying to recall the event.
"I don't even know you" he said slowly.
"Um, no, I work in the underground, you know... Searching the Muggle world for different things and you said to somebody that you'd send Red Dragons after the one who was in charge of the research if he or she didn't update soon. But I'm still wondering why I know this since I was only told that you'd hex the person into oblivion" she said slowly.
"Actually, kid" Akvar said, "your subconscious part caught that from the letter. Imach'ra had written it and then he erased it. You didn't read it, but it kinda got into your system nevertheless"
"Whatever" she muttered.
"What havoc did you break?" Harry asked.
"Well..." she said slowly. "We sent you to Trelawney's party, we made Dumbledore throw the costumed ball, we made Remus and Sirius train Cornish pixies, we sent Athan after a Necromancer ..."
Draco started laughing.
"Oh, yeah, he was pissed about that" he said and Harry had to admit that indeed the Ball Dumbledore would give was an... interesting idea.
"So, basically, you did all this because..." the Lord of Light said.
"I hate being threatened" she replied.
That was it. Draco was nearly on the floor with laughter and Akvar was smiling in a way that spoke of the fact that he wanted to laugh, too.
"Told you Muggles were crazy" Severus said, before he realized that that... that girl had acted like his Harry. Which meant she probably liked him... But he definitely didn't like her. He liked Harry and, wow, this was a mess...
------------
Akvar: that's done.
M: rolls eyes You were eager to be done with it!
Akvar: Yes, well... By the way, do you know what 'Avada Kedavra' really means?
M: No, but what does this have to do with anything?
Akvar: Proving something. I remember the abracadabra's origin as a word now...
M:?! What on earth? Are you in a weird language studying mood right now?!
Akvar: Why, yes, my dear Watson. So, you interested?
M: shrugs Nope.
Akvar: How come you're not?!
M: I am Romanian. I fully understand what Avada Kedavra means.
Akvar: It's in Latin.
M: Check the Romanian history, my boy! We're ahem 'descendants of Rome, yadda, yadda, it's even said so in our national song. Trust me.
Akvar: I know, I lived through history and –as a matter of fact- I know that 'cadavru', pronounced almost like 'kedavru' with the accent on the second 'a' means corpse in Romanian and I know that 'avea', with an accent on 'e' means 'to have'. I am perfectly capable of understanding that it sound nearly like 'avada', so you assume it means 'to have a corpse'. But hey, did you know that, even in English, 'cadaver' means corpse, so for that you needn't any Romanian?
M:... And your point is?
Akvar: It doesn't mean 'have a corpse'
M: raises eyebrows Oh, no?
Akvar: Check the Latin-English (or Romanian) dictionary: no!
M: mutters As if any sane person has such a dictionary or cares about the subject anyway.
Akvar: ignoring her It means to 'strongly desire a corpse'
M: shakes head Oh, bother...
Akvar: What was that?
M: I was admiring your knowledge. What the hell does it have to do with anything, anyway?
Akvar: grins Nothing!
M: through gritted teeth I noticed that.
Akvar: Then, why did you ask? Anyway, guys, see you soon... And review!
M: If you're not bored by Akvar's insane rambling!
Akvar: That's not nice... smirk You'll pay for that.
M: Is that a threat for a revenge? Another revenge? silence for 5 minutes Akvar? Akvar! AKVAR! Well, seems that he's off to somewhere... See you later and, by the way, REVIEW!