A/N: This is up a little quicker, and I hope it is to your liking.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and thank you for your sympathy, thoughts, and prayers for my town. The water has gone down a lot and is off the roads, but clean up has started. It will be a long time before things are back to normal. I thank God every day that my family and my friends and I were okay. Unfortunately not everyone was as lucky as us. I hope and pray that those who lost a lot will be able to rebuild and move on to the future. I guess everything has humbled me a bit, because tragedy hit me personally. Anyways, onto something lighter, I hope that you enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold!, and I doubt I ever will. Damn.

Where to Begin

Chapter 15 – With or Without You

Wednesday pasted with little excitement. No one talked about the game because it still amazed everyone that the shot did not fall. Their chances of winning conference all but disappeared, and Gerald did not talk to anyone, not even Phoebe. Jake was so stunned he did not even complain that Arnold took the last shot.

Arnold was back to his normal self, except he kept avoiding eye contact with Helga. She did not ask any questions or talk about the night before; he figured that she thought he had sorted everything out and was fine. Except he was not fine, but his current mood and philosophy was going to have to do for the moment.

"Arnold, how can you be doing homework at a basketball game?" Gerald asked Thursday night at Helga's game. Arnold skipped pageant rehearsals. Helga was probably glad that she was not there as well. She had told him during chemistry that it had been the worst yet, and they still had a week left to go. Like Helga, he could not wait for the pageant to be over.

"When you are getting a C minus in chemistry, and you have a load of other stuff to do, you kinda have to do homework whenever you can," he said dryly. He would be at home if Helga had not begged him to go; that and Harold made Gerald come with him, and Gerald did not want to be alone with the still annoying, wrestling star of West Hillwood Harold Berman.

Gerald just shrugged, and Arnold felt a bit of jealousy. Gerald's schedule was full of easy and blow off classes, with the exception of their English class, but that was a joke in itself. Arnold sighed. He was too tired to have to deal with another emotion and/or petty fight, so he returned to his homework.

"Hey, Arnold. How's it going?"

Arnold looked up to see Stinky sitting down beside him. "Hey," he muttered. Stinky was a good friend, but he really needed to do his homework.

"Whatcha doin' your homework at the game for?"

Arnold started to explain his current predicament, but thought better of it. "I'm not really sure, Stinky. The game's not too exciting, and there's nothing else to do, so I figured what the heck?"

Stinky nodded. "I understand entirely. The girls are killing the other team, as usual. I wonder why I even come anymore."

"Because you like to watch girls play against other girls."

"Oh, yeah." He began to focus on the game, his eyes slightly glazed over.

Arnold again returned to his homework, but was quickly interrupted again.

"Hey, Arnold, have you seen Jake? Coach wanted me to tell him somethin'."

Arnold looked up and again felt the anger inside him rising. Come to think of it, he had not seen Jake here, and it was nearly the half. Why was it that he, the best friend, had been forced here, and the boyfriend did not have to drag his sorry-ass to the game? "No, I haven't seen him."

"Dang. Well, I figured he'd be here on account of being Helga's boyfriend. You would think that he would come here, since his girlfriend is playin'. I know if I had a girlfriend on the basketball game, I would be at every game."

Arnold's patience was being tried as Stinky continued.

"I know that if I had a girlfriend as beautiful and amazing as Helga, I would never let her out of my sight. That Jake is one lucky fella, having a girl as great, as talented, and as just plan wonderful as Helga. She used to be not so amazing, but she sure is now."

"Stinky, shut up."

"What's wrong with you, Arnold? You are usually such an easy-going guy, but lately you have been grumpy, crappy, and down-right moody."

"I've had a lot on my mind."

"Is it Helga? Because it would be a darn tight spot to be in. Your best friend's boyfriend is your rival so to speak on the team, not to mention he hates your guts, and she's spending more time with him and less time with you. I know I would have a lot of trouble being in your shoes. It would drive me nuts to see her with him all the time, and never with me. It would be darn right hard to take. And who knows how long she's going to be with him. It could last a lifetime."

"Stinky, please, shut up."

Stinky shrugged, leaving Arnold to his homework since everyone else around him were talking to someone else and paying no attention to him. He did not care too much. He was busy thinking about what Stinky had said. Where was Jake? And Stinky had also said that Jake hated Arnold. That was true, but now that he thought about it, it had not always been that way. Granted he and Jake were never friends, but they used to be at least civil towards each other, at least until he started dating Helga. Then Jake suddenly wanted to beat the crap out of Arnold at every practice or find some way to embarrass him or make him look bad in front of their coach. The whole thing suddenly seemed rather interesting.

¤ ~ ¤ ~ ¤

"I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could just to keep you, but you left anyway. I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you. But I want it, and I need it. I'm addicted to you. Now it's over, can't forget what you said, and I never want to do this again. Heartbreaker."

"Helga, please stop." They were driving home after eating pizza to celebrate the girls' win, and Arnold was tired from thinking too much and eating too much.

"How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time!" she sand loudly and purposely off key. He frowned as she continued. "I don't know why I'm still waiting. I can't make you mine!" She began humming the guitar riffs.

Arnold had had enough. He changed the song.

Obviously Helga did not care too much for aliens because she went ballistic. "Don't you dare touch my radio, Football Head." She flipped it back to "Addicted."

So, naturally, he changed it again.

"Arnold! Don't touch the radio!"

"I'm not touching the radio," he said as he changed songs again, this time skipping over about five songs on the CD. "I'm touching the CD player."

"Same difference! Don't touch it!"

And thus, the war over the CD player began, and lasted for nearly three minutes before Helga's lack of attention to the road caught up with her, and she narrowly missed sideswiping an oversized SUV. Immediately they stopped fighting and sat in silence at the next stoplight. The opening notes of "Perfect" began to play. They continued in quiet, and Helga moved very little as she listened to the lyrics, which Arnold guessed always touched the pain deep inside her.

Hey, dad, look at me,

Think back and talk to me.

Did I grow up according to plan?

Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I want to do?

Cause it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it.

I just want to make you proud.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you.

I can't pretend that I'm all right.

And you can't change me.

Cause we lost it all.

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside.

Did you know you used to be my hero?

All the days you spent with me now seem so far away.

And it feels like you don't care anymore.

And now I try hard to make it.

I just want to make you proud.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you.

I can't stand another fight.

And nothing's alright.

Cause we lost it all.

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said.

Nothing's gonna make this right again.

Please don't turn your back.

I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you.

Cause you don't understand.

Cause we lost it all.

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Cause we lost it all.

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

He watched her as the song changed to a more upbeat teenage anthem. She was still silent. He struggled to find his voice. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Arnold was beginning to understand what people meant when they said silence was deafening.

"I should sing something like that, shouldn't I?"

He looked at her, but she kept her eyes glued on the road. He supposed that was not a bad thing, but he wanted to know exactly what she was feeling, and that was hard to figure out without looking directly at her. "What do you mean?"

"I should sing something more personal, right? Then I can sing it with more feeling and whatnot. I just chose the first song on a Supremes' CD."

"There's nothing wrong with the song you picked. Then again, it's not too late to change it."

She said nothing.

"Helga?"

"I can't do it." She wrinkled her face. "I can't let people see that much of me. That song has too much feeling."

"Then that's okay. The song you picked is fine, and you sing it well."

She said nothing, and they listened to Simple Plan until they reached his house. He got out. "Helga, try not to think about things too much. Just do whatever the heck you want to do." He smiled. "That's always been enough for me."

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "Right."

"One more thing."

"Yeah?"

He handed her a bunch of papers. "Could you check my chem. homework for me?"

She glared at him. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Because you are getting an A plus in class, and I am getting a C minus."

"Ouch. I didn't realize you dropped that much."

"Thanks, Helga. Real confidence booster right there."

"I didn't mean it like that!"

He continued to stare coldly at her, and she caved. "Fine, I'll do it along with the other million things I have to do."

"Thanks, Helga, you're the best."

She shook her head and drove off. He really hoped that she would survive the next week and a half. She may act like she can do it all, he thought, but she's human just like the rest of us.

¤ ~ ¤ ~ ¤

I should be more careful of what I wish for, Helga thought as she checked Arnold's answers while she did her chem. homework. She had been in the kitchen for about ten minutes before Miriam and Big Bob came in. Now, a half four later, they were still asking dumb questions about the last five months of her life.

"How's that one boy?" Big Bob asked

"Arnold?"

"No, the other one."

"Jake?"

"Yeah. How's he doing?"

She thoughtlessly answered their questions about her and Jake. He said he was coming to her game tonight, but she had not seen him here. "Uh, I'm going to finish my homework upstairs." She grabbed her stuff.

"Oh, dear, do you need any help?" Miriam asked anxiously.

"No, Miriam, I can handle it."

"Okay, dear."

She escaped and ran up to her room. She quickly dialed Jake's number. The line was busy. She tired again ten minutes later. Busy. She called two more times, and the line was busy both times. She tabbed her pencil on her chemistry book. She needed to talk to him. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day, and they had not decided what they were going to do to celebrate the holiday. She spotted her computer and ran over to it. Maybe the line was busy because he was on the Internet, she thought, hoping that he was on. She logged on, but he was not on MSN or AOL. She sighed and reluctantly returned to her homework.

Hours later, Helga was staring at her wall, lost in thought. "Helga?" a voice called from the doorway.

"Huh?" It was Miriam.

"Helga, what are you doing up at two thirty?"

"Uh, homework."

"Your teachers make you stare at your bedroom wall?"

"No, I was just thinking about something." She paused. "What are you doing up?"

"Getting a drink of water. What were you thinking about?"

"Just stuff."

"Anything I can help you with?"

"Maybe. Um," she struggled to form words. "Have you ever liked another boy while you were dating a really great one?"

Miriam sat down on Helga's bed. "Yes, honey, many times, but they were just little crushes."

"Well, this is a little more than a crush."

"Oh. I thought you really liked Jake?"

"I do, it's just I really like this other boy as well."

"How does this other boy feel about you?"

"I'm not sure. We're just friends, but really good friends."

Miriam nodded. "And you don't know if you should take a chance with the other boy when you don't know how he feels about you, or stay with Jake, who you know really likes you?"

"Basically. What do you think I should do?" Helga could not believe she was asking Miriam for advice.

"If I were you, honey, I would stick with Jake. You know how he feels and how you feel about him. Now if down the road you find out how this other boy feels, and you decide that you want to be with him, then you break it off with Jake." She smiled at Helga. "You should do whatever you feel is right. Helga. You are only in high school, so even if it doesn't work out with one or both of the boys, it's no big deal. There will be many more boys. When the right one comes along, you'll know, and you won't have to worry about anything else."

"What if I miss him?"

"Helga, once he takes one look at you, that boy won't be going anywhere unless you are going there too."

Helga smiled, and flinched when Miriam suddenly hugged her. "I wouldn't worry about it for now." She pulled back and brushed some of Helga's hair away from her face. "I would just get a good night's sleep, so go to bed."

"Thanks, Mom," Helga said as Miriam left, but as she drifted to sleep, she was as confused as ever. She cared about Jake, and Jake was her boyfriend, but she could not shake her feelings for Arnold. Damn it, she thought. I thought I had gotten over him, but now I feel like I am falling for him again, and I still don't know how he feels about me. Her thoughts drowned out as she welcomed sleep, but they would be waiting for her when she woke up. Arnold or Jake . . . Arnold or Jake . . . Arnold or Jake . . .

A/N: Next chapter is "My Funny Valentine." And that's all I have to say about that. Later days.