A/N: I have been listening to a lot of Sarah McLachlan lately, so I used a line from her song Answer on the Afterglow album as the title of this chapter. It touched me so much; I couldn't get it out of my head until I used it in some way.
Chapter 27- Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind…
An early afternoon Quidditch practice had sent Harry straight to the showers of his dormitory to soothe his sore muscles. They had begun to practice much more frequently now that the weather had gotten a bit warmer, and their captain seemed intent on utilizing every free moment that the team could take advantage of. There was only one match left in the season and a victory would bring the Gryffindor's that much closer to winning the house cup.
After spending a good twenty minutes under the pounding hot spray of the shower, Harry toweled off and dressed quickly. He wanted to write down some of the things down he had been thinking about all day before he had to go to dinner. It was surprising how much clearer things seemed when they were written down on paper.
Flopping down upon his bed, Harry grabbed his journal from his trunk and a pen. Although he used a quill almost exclusively for his homework assignments, he had taken to using Muggle pens while he wrote in his journal. They were much less messy and he enjoyed writing in blue, instead of the oppressing blackness of his ink well that his professors required of them. It sounds stupid really, but it made him feel much more cheerful.
Dear Journal,
With our final Quidditch match coming up, it seems like we're practicing harder than ever. Oliver would be proud how the team has progressed this year. Ron is turning out to be a pretty fair Keeper and Ginny is amazing as our Chaser. I never would have thought when I first met her that behind her petite frame lay the body of an athlete.
Everything is going well in my classes too. I have no real complaints about schoolwork this year other than there is a lot of it. Although it certainly helps not having to worry about taking a major test this year. There is only one thing that seems to be on my mind lately… and that's Sirius.
I'm a bit nervous about leaving to save Sirius in a couple of days. I haven't had a lot of time to plan everything between Quidditch practice and my studies, so I hope that I have covered all the bases. I have my mother's journal and the maps I found in the library. I even remembered to bring my compass that came with my broom kit. And I have Dobby preparing me a bunch of food that I will take with me. I didn't like doing it, but I had to lie and tell him that I was going on a picnic with my friends so that he wouldn't be suspicious. I hope that it will be enough. I'm also bringing an extra change of clothes. I have no idea what Sirius will need when he comes back through the veil so it's the best I can do. And of course I will bring my invisibility cloak. I'm going to shrink all these things, along with my cauldron and potion supplies, and place them in my shoulder bag. I finally have all the ingredients that I need for the potion as well. What I didn't have in my potions kit, I was able to buy through owl mail from the local apothecary. It was fortunate that none of the ingredients were restricted, or I might have had to have another go at Snape's potions chest.
As the date April 29th approaches I grow more and more anxious. I plan on leaving in the evening and traveling most of the next day so that I make it in time for Beltane. What if the spell doesn't work? What if I make the potion wrong? What if I run into Death Eaters or Dementors along the way? I'm praying that my dragon charm will be enough to warn me of danger I guess there is no way to know the answers to these questions so I can only hope to do the best that I can.
Draco and the others are starting to get pretty suspicious about the whole ordeal. I find myself ignoring their questions, and when I can't avoid them any longer I side step the truth by saying that I don't know enough right now to share anything with them. There is still a deep pain in my chest over the loss of Sirius, and I think my friends can somehow sense that his death is still a difficult topic for me. They are so petrified that they might trigger me to cut again that they don't even push the issue with me anymore. I know I'm taking advantage of their friendship, but I don't want them knowing about what I'm going to do.
As odd as it sounds, it felt wonderful to hear Ron and Draco fighting over my well being a few weeks ago. I felt loved despite their bickering. They both mean well, and I know they are truly worried about me, but I can't bear to put anyone else in danger. It's bad enough that I lost Sirius. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to my friends. I'm the one that has made mistakes. I'm the one who is going to fix this.
As awful as I feel about keeping my friends in the dark, I feel even worse about hiding everything from Remus. He has been so supportive about everything this year and I feel like I'm betraying his trust. Part of me wants to tell him what I have learned, but something tells me that he shouldn't know. I don't want to get his hopes up thinking I can bring Sirius back when I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I feel like I'm winging this entire "mission" every step of the way.
Harry
Just as he finished his entry, Ron stepped into the room and walked across to his bed. Though he was fully dressed, his hair was still a bit wet. He used the towel he had with him to continue drying his hair.
"Hey," said Harry rising from his bed to return his journal back where it belonged.
"Hey yourself," said Ron smiling down at him. "Great practice, wasn't it?"
Harry nodded in agreement. "You were bloody brilliant out there, Harry. I don't know if it's possible, but your flying skills have really improved," said Ron.
"Thanks…er… you too…" said Harry. He never knew how to react to compliments and they made him feel uncomfortable.
Harry then found himself in front of the dorm's mirror. He ran a comb through his hair trying to make some semblance of peace with it, but his messy locks refused to obey. They were still sticking out every which way defiantly.
"It's not going to work," the mirror said softly. Scowling at his appearance, Harry turned away from the mirror.
His gaze instantly found Ron sitting on his bed looking at him strangely. "What? I know my hair is a wreck… what do you expect me to do about it?" he asked, good-naturedly.
"It's not that…" said Ron.
"Then what?" asked Harry. "You're staring at me as if I have three heads."
"I'm worried about you… you've been all secretive lately… like last time…" said Ron, almost in a whisper. His blue eyes were soft with concern and his body language suggested a determined air about him, like he had given this conversation a lot of thought already. Harry knew from the expression on his best mate's face that he was thinking about when he found him bloodied on the bathroom floor. Ron's unwavering friendship was still amazing.
"I'm fine," he replied, trying to sound as convincing as possible. He was feeling a lot better than he had in a long while. Things were seemingly going his way for once.
"You always say that… you seem okay, but I just feel like you're keeping something from us …"
Harry didn't say anything as he looked away. He felt awful about keeping all the information he had learned from his mother's journal to himself, but he didn't want to drag Ron or anyone else into his problems anymore. They had already done so much for him.
"You know you can tell me anything Harry… what are you keeping from us… Is this about Sirius?" he asked as he stood up, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Listen, I don't want to talk about it… not right now…"
Ron looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn't. Instead he stood in front of the door in an attempt to block Harry's passage.
"I'm not letting you off that easy, Harry. What's going on? What's with all the owl packages you've been getting? Why are you being so secretive?"
Ignoring him once again, Harry took a small step left… then right, but Ron still blocked his path. "I don't want to talk about it right now!" Harry yelled.
"Why not? What are you hiding?" he yelled back. Ron could be quite stubborn when he wanted to be.
"Nothing!" Harry replied in an exasperated voice.
"Then why are you avoiding my questions! Harry, I'm worried about you! Can't you see I'm trying to help?"
"Because I'm hungry and would like to go to dinner!"
Harry brushed past Ron roughly and made his way down the stairs. He crossed the common room, ignoring Hermione's pleading calls from where she was seated, and headed toward the main hall. He followed the crowd of traffic replaying what had happened in their dorm room. He was mad at himself for reacting like that, but at the time he felt he had no other choice. He had to lie to protect his friends at all costs. He just hoped that he hadn't damaged their relationship too badly.
Dinner ended up being a silent affair. Both Ron and Hermione were rather sullen, and they didn't try to initiate a conversation with him like they usually did. He suspected that Ron had already briefed her on what happened. That was the down side to having best friends who were dating. It was impossible to tell one of them something without the other one knowing. They kept to themselves mostly, and the few times Harry looked over at them there were hurt expressions on their faces. Ginny and Neville sat near by, but knew enough not to ask what was wrong.
Harry knew that Ron's line of questioning was not over, and he was desperately trying to think of what he could tell them to satisfy their curiosity. Nothing was coming to mind at the moment, and his head was starting to hurt from all the frustration. After a fairly good day, he really didn't feel like being irritated so he closed his eyes and took some cleansing breaths to clear his mind. He could worry about what he would say to the two of them later. For now he felt like relaxing a bit.
It was then he began to take in his surroundings a bit. Refusing to speak to others during meals had a way of making you notice things that you wouldn't normally pay attention to. He ate slowly watching the others around in him in silent fascination. He even turned around in his seat to get a better view. There were a lot of excited conversations bouncing all over the Great Hall indicating that most were in good moods. Even Draco seemed to be in a pleasant mood as he talked animatedly with Blaise. He caught the blonde's eye briefly and received a small wink when the others weren't looking.
He turned his attention towards the staff table and saw that Remus was listening intently to one of Hagrid's stories. The others seemed to be chatting to one another quietly.
Feeling like he had stared at everyone long enough, he lifted his eyes upwards and noticed a most peculiar sight. Bright light was streaming through the large windows of the Great Hall as the last rays of the evening sun streaked through the ever growing dark clouds. The large room was aglow with the soft orange light, and everything seemed suddenly still. Dangerously still. Even the normally loud conversations at each of the house tables had lessened to a dull roar as they noticed the change in lighting. Was this the calm before a storm?
The enchanted ceiling above their heads slowly morphed from the once pleasant image of the setting sun, into dark menacing shapes. The angry black clouds gathered and swirled about the concave structure, matching the weather just outside. As the room fell into darkness, the ever present floating candles magnified their flames in order to make up for the difference in light. The entire scene was somehow unsettling, and everyone sensed the immediate change.
Grabbing a forkful of mashed potatoes, Harry strained his neck upwards slightly to peer out of the large windows to see what was going on. The wind had picked up considerably and the trees that surrounded the ancient castle swayed back and forth in warning. It was as if Mother Nature herself knew about the sudden unrest in the wizarding world and was attempting to alert her precious children.
"Looks like we are in for quite a storm," said Seamus. "I haven't seen the skies look so troubling in quite a long while."
"Nah, this is nothing," replied Dean, munching on some corn. "I visited my aunt and uncle once in the States. You should see the storms they have back there."
Harry looked at Ron and Hermione who were chatting quietly and said, "Something's not right."
They were both surprised that Harry had chosen to speak to them after their awful silence. "What do you mean?" asked Hermione curiously.
"I don't know, but don't you feel it… something feels off," he replied. "It's almost as if the air is somehow charged with energy."
"Maybe it's just the storm. I've read about people sometimes feel the same way just before a bad storm," she said matter-of-factly.
"Maybe." Somehow Harry knew that what he was feeling had nothing to do with the storm. He glanced over his shoulder in search of Draco again. The look on his face told Harry that he felt it too. Maybe they were picking up on some type of magical energy around the castle.
Feeling a sudden spray of rain on his face, Harry looked upwards again and saw that one of the windows had opened momentarily to allow a great horned owl entrance. The seal on its broad chest revealed that the majestic creature was a messenger of the Ministry. It soared across the massive room on silent wings and landed gracefully in front of Hogwart's headmaster.
Taking the scroll of parchment from the bird's talons, Professor Dumbledore silently read over the contents of the letter. Harry watched his reaction carefully, hoping to find some type of validation of the feeling that had suddenly gripped his heart. Seeing the headmaster's normally twinkling eyes dull for a moment was all Harry needed to know that something was most definitely wrong.
The entire student body watched as the headmaster motioned to his staff to rise and meet him in a small huddle behind the staff table. Each one hung their head in despair as they processed whatever news their superior had just delivered. As the huddle broke, the professors grouped themselves and made some quiet decisions.
Harry watched anxiously as Lupin, Snape, and McGonagall ran wordlessly across the great hall and out the main doors. It was a most unusual sight. Hundreds of heads followed their movements and then snapped around to look at Dumbledore when the three members of the Order disappeared out the entranceway.
"I will explain everything in due time, but for now all I can say is that we are on high alert tonight. I expect that everyone will go straight to their dormitories after dinner and remain there until further notice. I will not tolerate any disobedience in this matter. Prefects will guard each house entrance to ensure that their house members remain in the dorms this evening. That is all," said Dumbledore.
He gathered the owl on his arm and quickly left the staff table, striding out of the hall with a sense of determination. Hagrid was close on his heels. The remaining teachers stayed behind to supervise the rest of dinner, but it was unnecessary. Everyone had just lost their appetites, and they soon began to file out of the large room.
Although the headmaster really hadn't confirmed anything, there could only be one reason why the school would be on high alert. There must have been an attack by the Death Eaters.
Harry looked back at the pale faces of his friends. "This is really happening, isn't it?" asked Ginny. Neville reached across the table and took her hand in comfort.
Ron pulled his sister in a brotherly hug, "It's alright, Gin. We don't even know what's going on yet."
"We knew this day would eventually come. The Order is probably going to go fight in the battle… I wonder where it's taking place…." said Hermione sadly.
"Does it really matter? People are going to die regardless of where it happens," said Harry bitterly. People are going to die and it's all my fault. It should be me out there fighting. Isn't that what everyone is expecting of me anyway?
"Don't you start talking like that Harry Potter," said Ginny, scolding him. "You don't know that anyone is going to die. The Ministry and the Order might be able to stop the battle from ever taking place. Don't assume the worst!"
"I can't help it. I've seen what that sick bastard does to people!" Harry countered.
"So have I!" she shouted back. Harry looked into her tear-filled eyes and remembered once again that Ginny had her own emotional scars when it came to Voldemort. He looked away in shame for his sudden out burst.
"Everyone calm down. Fighting with each other isn't going to do any of us any good," said Ron.
"He's right. Why don't we head back to our tower? Ron and I need to be on duty anyway," said Hermione.
They all nodded and followed each other out of the Great Hall. Seeing his boyfriend leaving at the same time, Draco reached out to Harry and gave his hand a quick squeeze before following his house members back towards the dungeons. It was understood that neither one wanted to be separated right now, but they didn't really have a choice in the matter.
As the Gryffindors walked the stone hallways towards their tower, Harry felt a small arm snake around his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. Turning his head, he found himself staring into the shining hazel eyes of one his best friends. He was surprised she was even speaking to him after the way he had treated Ron and Ginny.
"He's going to be okay, Harry. I know you are worried about him," whispered Hermione.
"Who?" asked Harry, trying to sound nonchalant despite the knot that was beginning to form in the back of his throat.
"Remus… he's going to be okay," she replied. He nodded and then titled his head towards hers and sighed deeply. Ever since his guardian had left with the other Order members, he had been thinking about his safety. He didn't know what he would do if he lost yet another father figure. It was amazing how well she knew him sometimes. It was kind of scary really.
The common room was deathly quiet when the friends stepped past the painting. No one knew what to say to each other as they had no idea what was really going on. Each person thinking that their family's lives may be in danger, but not knowing what to do about it. There was no way to even send an owl right now to check on them.
Some were talking to their friends in various corners of the room. Others tried reading to preoccupy their mind. And some retired early to bed, hoping that they would wake up tomorrow and this would all be some terrible mistake. Was this how it felt the last time Voldemort was in power; constantly worrying about the unknown?
A few of the younger students kept eyeing Harry expectantly, like he was going to take some sort of leadership position and could explain things. Or maybe they felt that he might still have his visions of Voldemort and knew what was happening. Or maybe they were even thinking that he should be out there fighting.
Feeling rather uncomfortable under their scrutiny, Harry excused himself and went upstairs. He needed some time alone to think. He was thankful that the boy's sixth year dorm room was otherwise unoccupied. He walked straight toward the window and sat down upon the stone ledge, drawing his knees up to his chest. He had spent many sleepless nights seated in this position, thinking about anything and everything.
He watched the raging storm that was still howling outside and wondered if it was raining wherever the battle was taking place. A part of him still felt guilty that he wasn't trying to help the Aurors in battle, but he was after all still a child. Well, not really a child, but he certainly wouldn't consider himself an adult. And it wasn't like he was trained for this kind of thing… sure he had read a lot of literature on defense this year on his own time… but book knowledge doesn't make up for practical application. But still… didn't the prophecy say that the only way the Dark Lord would be defeated was by his own hand. Neither one can survive while the other lives…
He realized for the first time since the prophecy was revealed to him what his fate actually meant. This war wouldn't end… and many people would die… until he put a stop to it. He was really going to have to do this. As much as he didn't want to he knew that he had a lot of people counting on him. When he had the chance he was going to ask Remus or Dumbledore if he could start training.
All thoughts of Sirius put aside for the moment, he focused his attention to thinking of Remus… willing him to be okay… praying that he would return home safely. He had come to depend on him like a parent, and he couldn't bear it if he found out something had happened to him.
He watched as a sudden bolt of lightning pierced the night sky, illuminating the dark black clouds with eerie purplish glow. The thunder that rumbled across the sky a mere second later seemed to shake the castle to its very core. He sat there watching the storm for what seemed like hours while he worried about Remus.
Later that evening, he felt Ron shake his shoulder gently. "Hmm?" called Harry, as he raised his head, blinking his eyes warily. He had been sleeping with his head lying on his arms, which were still resting on his propped up knees. He must have fallen asleep sitting beside the window. No wonder he felt so cold now.
"C'mon mate, everyone else has gone to sleep. You should go to bed too," he suggested. Harry got up willingly and felt the ache in his joints for sleeping in such an awkward position for so long.
"Okay, what about you?" Harry asked as he made is way through the now dimly lit room to his bed. He noticed that his other dorm mates were already sleeping soundly. He wondered why they hadn't woken him when they came in earlier. Either they hadn't seen him sitting by the window or they didn't want to bother him.
"I'm on duty for another hour. Hermione has been resting all this time. She will relieve me and then I can come up to bed. I left my post for a moment because I wanted to check on you," he said, as he turned to leave the room again
"Oh… hey, Ron… I'm sorry for the way I treated you earlier…."
Ron nodded, but said nothing further. He was still hurt that Harry was keeping things from him, but right now everyone's attention was on the possible battle taking place. No one knew yet what was going on and it was very disconcerting.
He removed his glasses from his tired face and placed them on the nightstand beside his bed. Rubbing gently around his eyes he felt the painful indentations that had been made from falling asleep with his glasses on again. Harry tried desperately to go back to sleep, but oddly enough once he was nestled beneath the warm covers of his four poster bed, he no longer felt tired. Part of him wanted to go downstairs and keep Ron or Hermione company while they made sure everyone was safe, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too afraid that they would try to ask him what he was hiding from them again, and he wanted to avoid any serious conversations for the time being. So he lay there quietly in bed, waiting for morning to come.
And morning did finally come, in all its glory. The now gentler skies broke to reveal the rising sun. Harry padded his way across the cold stone floor to get a better look at the awesome scenery. The view was spectacular. Bands of soft light broke through the clouds creating a halo-like affect. It was as if heaven itself had parted for just a moment, and allowed its peaceful light to push away any lingering reminders of last night's storm. Harry hoped that this was a symbolic indication that whatever occurred last night was finally over.
He dressed quickly and decided to see if Remus had returned yet. He nearly ran through the deserted hallways to the older man's quarters. He didn't even knock; he just said the password and barged right in his private rooms. Unfortunately, the werewolf was no where to be seen. What did this mean? Is he not back yet? Is the Order still in a meeting or something?
Frustrated not to find his guardian in his rooms, he walked over to the bookshelves that lined one of the walls. There he glanced at the photographs searching for the latest addition to the memories. In the center of the pictures of the marauders and Remus's family was a photograph that was taken at Villa de Luna. It was picture of the two of them sitting beside each other munching on popcorn. It had been taken the day after Remus had gained custody of Harry… after that fateful moment in which Harry communicated with Sirius through the veil… after they bonded for an entire evening talking endlessly. The picture itself was a little off center and tilted slightly because Remus had enchanted the camera to take the picture while floating in the air.
Harry stared at the picture and sighed. It felt good to know that Remus cared enough about him to insist upon having a picture of the two of them together. He stayed a few moments longer looking at the other pictures that adorned the small room. He had done this dozens of times and he never tired of it.
Glancing at his watch, he noticed that it was almost time for breakfast. He decided to make his way down to the Great Hall, hoping that Dumbledore or one of the other professors would shine some light onto their current situation.
Upon his arrival, he seated himself at the long table and watched as the entire student body began to file into the large room quietly. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville sat down on either side of Harry, but remained quiet. No one seemed to know what to say, so they all waited quietly for some answers. They made an attempt to eat something, but everyone was so sick with worry that most just picked at some toast or sipped their tea.
Finally, the staff began to enter the room and take their seats up at the head table. Dumbledore and McGonagall came in last. The headmaster stood before the entire school after he reached his place at the table and looked ready to give a speech. Harry noticed that both Snape and Remus were missing from the staff. He shot a worried look across the room at Draco. He had noticed too. Where could they be?
The headmaster closed his eyes briefly before opening them again to address the students. "I'm afraid that I have some very grave news to share with you. I apologize for not telling you all the truth earlier, but we didn't have much information until now."
"Last night, Voldemort sent his Death Eaters to attack a small village outside of Dartmoor, England. The Ministry of Magic responded to the villagers' desperate plea for help, and then sent word to the Order of the Phoenix. Unfortunately, despite everyone's best efforts, many people died. We have calculated that at least 56 wizards and witches were killed in the attack. There were also 23 Muggles killed, who lived in close proximity to the village. The actual death toll keeps rising. We won't know for sure how many perished last night until a few days from now when the Ministry is able to conduct a full investigation. The Ministry's Aurors and the Order members all survived, but many were injured."
Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach. So many had died… He felt both guilty and relieved that he was no longer connected to Voldemort in order to have visions. Glancing around the hall, he noticed that several students had begun to cry. He wondered how many of them had family members who lived in that area of England.
Dumbledore continued with his speech. "Together, the Order and the Ministry were able to capture several Death Eaters, but many also escaped," he said with a small sigh.
Harry could see Ron and Hermione holding hands, and Ginny and Neville holding each other fiercely. He wished he could be with Draco now too.
"I don't know what our future holds… but, I promise you this. As long as you attend Hogwarts, you will not be in danger. Your professors and I are determined to make the castle a safe place to live and learn. I will do my best to keep you informed, but as of now… there are several owls waiting outside those windows that need to deliver some very important letters." Closing his eyes he sat down upon the chair behind him. He seemed so much older now than ever before. He raised his hand and flicked it towards the windows, which opened to allow the owls to enter. In all the excitement no one had noticed the flurry of birds waiting impatiently to deliver their letters.
Hundreds of owls flew into the Great Hall. They moved about in frenzy, searching for their mail recipients. Before they all left it was clear that almost every student had received a letter. Harry knew that their families must be just as worried as their children, as they were about them. A few students seemed to have received awful news, because they left the hall with their faces stained with tears. Harry turned back to talk to his friends, when he noticed that Ron had received a letter as well.
Ron motioned to Ginny to sit beside him, and the two red heads began to read the letter to themselves. Harry, Hermione, and Neville waited quietly to hear what the letter was about. When the two were finished reading, both hung their heads in sadness. Ginny's eyes welled up with tears, and Ron pulled her into a brotherly hug.
"What is it, Ron?" asked Hermione, her eyes searching his freckled face for answers.
"My mum's cousin and his family were killed in the battle," he said softly. His blue eyes seemed glassy, but they did not shed a tear.
"Oh gods, Ron, I'm so sorry," said Hermione. She got out of her seat and kissed him softly on the temple, before hugging the two siblings in support. Neville did the same.
"It's okay… we didn't even really know Albert or his family. He was a squib, actually, and worked as an accountant. Mum says that it's too dangerous to even attend the memorial," said Ron.
"It doesn't matter if you knew them or not, Ron," said Harry. "They were still family and I'm sorry that they were killed." Deep down, he knew that it was his fault that Voldemort had been resurrected. He should have somehow stood up to Wormtail before he took his blood in that graveyard. Then none of this would have even happened.
"Thanks," Ron muttered. "I think I've actually lost my appetite. Let's get out of here."
"Sure," said Hermione, helping them up.
Classes for today had already been canceled the night before, so they all had some time to relax. They began to walk out to the main entrance hall when they saw the many sad faces that were being comforted by friends. Not wanting to invade their privacy, the others turned to leave. Harry stayed behind.
"Aren't you coming?" asked Hermione.
"I think I'm going to go look for Remus again, and maybe meet up with Draco," he replied.
"You don't know where Professor Lupin is?" she asked worriedly.
"No, I haven't seen him."
"You might want to try the hospital wing. Dumbledore did say that some of the Aurors and Order members were injured," she suggested.
Harry's face blanched. He had never even considered that Remus may have been seriously injured. He had prayed that he wouldn't be killed, but it never even entered his mind that he might be hurt. He always seemed so strong and sure of himself.
"Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine. We'll catch up with you later," she said as she caught up with the rest of the group.
Harry nodded and turned to go find Draco. Much to his surprise he found himself staring up at the blonde's worried face. "I was just coming to look for you," he said.
"I know," said Draco. "It's been a long night. I missed you." He wrapped his arms around Harry's small frame and brought him into a hug. Harry was going to protest that they were in a public place, but he saw that everyone else was too wrapped up in their own grief to even notice the two boys embracing.
Draco released him, and looked into his emerald eyes. "Are you as worried about Lupin as I am about Severus?"
"Yeah, neither one were at breakfast. Remus wasn't in his rooms earlier either. Hermione seems to think that we should check the infirmary," he said.
"Then let's go," said Draco.
The pair walked the long hallways to the hospital wing, and pushed open the wooden doors. Inside they were greeted by an amusing sight: Snape was lying on a hospital bed pleading with Madam Pomfrey to let him go.
"Seriously, Poppy, I'm fine! I have things I need to attend to!" Snape growled at her, while swatting her hand away.
Snape did seem a little worse for wear. His robes were slightly tattered and his sallow face was mottled with dirt and bruises. A cut on his cheek appeared to have been healed magically.
"Just let me finish cleaning your other wounds…" she protested.
"No, I can take care of them myself. I always do. You've healed the worst of my injuries, so stop badgering me!" The Potions professor rose to his feet and realized that they had an audience.
"Severus!" Draco shouted as he ran over to his godfather. "You're alright!" The blond threw his arms around the man's waist and hugged him fiercely. Snape looked a little more than uncomfortable with the affection, especially with Harry watching him, but he returned the embrace anyways.
"Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, stepping back to look at his godson.
"I was worried the Death Eaters would go after you for being a spy!" Draco replied, as if it should have been obvious.
"That is why I used a glamour charm to alter my appearance. I'm not brainless," his godfather retorted.
"Oh, so you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Careful, you're starting to sound like this one," said Snape, pointing over his shoulder to the school nurse. She harrumphed loudly at the crude remark and then set about putting some things away. "Actually, Draco, there are some things that I need to discuss with you in private," he said in a serious tone. "Will you please follow me back to the dungeons so that I may discuss it with you?"
"Okay, sure," said Draco, sounding a bit worried.
"Um… excuse me sir… but have you seen Professor Lupin?" asked Harry, speaking up for the first time.
"Yes, your beloved werewolf is resting down there," said Snape, nodding to the other end of the hospital wing.
Harry didn't bother to thank him, and set off to find his guardian. He didn't even hear Snape and Draco leave as he hurried across the long room. He skidded to a halt when he found the bed that Remus was lying in. Catching his breath he noticed that his guardian was lying deathly still on top of the crisp white sheets.
Remus was lying on his side; his pale face grimaced with pain as he slept. Upon closer inspection Harry found that his robes were torn and frayed on the man's exposed side. Blood stained most of his torso, revealing the true nature of his grievous injuries. Harry had no idea what caused the blood loss, but he was relieved to see that the skin beneath his torn robes had been healed, for it bore no visible wounds.
He sank in the chair beside the bed and thanked the heavens for allowing Remus to survive last night's battle. He had already lost so many people close to him that he didn't know what he would do if Remus had died. It wasn't until he saw him that Harry understood just how afraid he had felt for his safety. He raised his gaze upwards in attempt to stop the few tears that had threatened to fall upon his relief.
Suddenly, the bed before him shifted slightly, and Harry found himself looking down at Remus's haggard face. His eyes blinked open slowly and looked up at Harry.
"Hi," said Harry softly. "How are you feeling?"
"Like hell…" Remus replied. Seeing the concerned look on Harry's face he added, "Sorry… but it's true."
"Are you going to be alright?" asked Harry, leaning a bit closer to Remus.
"I will be. I just need to rest for a day or two. Pomfrey healed me completely, but she had to give me some of that Rapid Cellulo potion you had because of the blood loss. You're lucky she put you in a coma. This stuff is pretty painful to endure. My bones ache from being forced to make new blood!"
"Can't she give you a pain numbing potion?"
"No, the ingredients counteract the blood replenishing potion. I just have to grin and bear it for a day or so," he replied.
Remus then rolled carefully onto his back and then attempted to sit up properly. Harry rose to help him and gently pulled on his arms until he was in a seated position. Remus squeezed his eyes tight and bit his lip in an attempt not to cry out from the pain he was feeling. Harry grabbed an extra pillow from a nearby bed and placed it behind his back so that he would be more comfortable.
"Thanks," said Remus gratefully, settling back against the bed frame.
Feeling overwhelmed by emotion again, Harry threw his arms around the older man and pressed his forehead into his shoulder. "I'm so glad that you're going to be okay. I was really scared there for a while," Harry revealed.
"Me too. Battle is a pretty scary thing," said Remus. Harry sat down beside him on the bed and studied his face. Remus's eyes seemed to cloud over slightly as he stared across the room. The horrors of last night were apparently still too fresh in his mind.
"What happened?" asked Harry hoping that Remus would treat him with the same honesty he had come to appreciate.
"It was a mess Harry. Utter chaos really. It was hard to tell what was even happening when we Apparated in. Buildings had been set on fire everywhere and it was hard to see and breathe through all that smoke. The rain did nothing to stop all the fires from spreading, and it was near impossible to put them all out while searching for the Death Eaters. Many of the townspeople were killed before we could even get there," he explained, searching Harry's face for understanding.
"I know. Dumbledore explained some of what happened this morning. Why did Voldemort decide to strike there?" he asked curiously.
"We don't really know for sure, but we do know that Voldemort never even showed up. I think he was just 'flexing his muscles' so to speak. Letting us all know he's still out there."
"But why? What does he have to gain by terrorizing a small village?" asked Harry in a frustrated tone. He still felt the guilt over every innocent life lost by the Dark Lord's hand.
"He has everything to gain Harry. Don't you remember hearing stories about what it was like last time he was in power? We lived our lives in terror, never knowing what was going to happen next. Many people were ready to give up the cause because the cost seemed more than any of us could bear. Fear is a powerful thing," said Remus, his voice becoming hoarse.
Harry nodded at this, knowing that Remus was right. Fear can be crippling at times, especially when you feel helpless about a situation. He had felt that fear more times than he cared to admit in his short life.
"I did some thinking while we waited for news last night. I know you understand what the prophecy said about me and Voldemort…" Harry waited to see the recognition in Remus's face. He nodded wearily and waited for Harry to continue. "Well, it seems that the responsible thing to do is to start preparing for the inevitable. I want to start training, and I was hoping that you would help me like you did back during my third year."
"Harry, I don't want you looking for trouble. I am not going to allow you to just walk up to Voldemort thinking that you can destroy him!"
"I know, Remus. I've made some rash decisions and a lot of mistakes. But I also know that I'm going to end up facing him again one way or another, and I want to be more prepared. Please help me. I have to do this," Harry pleaded.
"Alright. I'll speak to Dumbledore and see what he thinks about all this. I would be happy to help you, but you may have to train with the other professors as well. You would be surprised to find out just how skilled each of the staff is in their area of expertise."
Harry nodded in agreement, knowing that he may have to eventually train with Snape. He wasn't looking forward to it, but nothing could negate the fact that Snape was a powerful and knowledgeable wizard in his own right.
Harry looked up when he heard a quick intake of breath between Remus's teeth. His guardian had attempted to shift his position in bed, but his body had been racked with pain at the smallest movement.
"Are you okay?" asked Harry worriedly. The werewolf nodded as he grimaced in pain. "Remus, how did you get hurt? What happened?"
"Yeah, about that…Harry… I have something to tell you that you may or may not like to hear…" said Remus, looking into his eyes.
"It's okay. What happened?" asked Harry expectantly.
"I was helping Kingsley and Tonks put out some of the fires while looking for any survivors when I noticed a situation. Three young Aurors had managed to corner a few of the Death Eaters in a grove of trees, and I came over to help detain them. Unfortunately, the Ministry had sent some of their trainees out of desperation. The Death Eaters must have sensed their inexperience because the moment one of the young men turned his back, all hell broke loose. They quickly escaped the magical bonds and began firing shots wildly…"
Remus stopped for a moment and motioned to the glass of water on the table beside the bed. Unable to reach it himself, Harry grabbed the glass and helped Remus take a few sips of water. Nodding that he had enough, he continued his story.
"Well, anyway, the three Aurors managed to flee to safety. I tried my best to hold off the Death Eaters myself, but a spell was fired directly at me when I wasn't looking. It caught me in the side, and I howled in pain as it tore through my body. Seeing that I was injured they started to run away, but one of the Death Eaters spun around and stared at me for a moment. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now it makes sense. He must have recognized me… I fell to the ground in pain and waited for help to arrive. Seeing that the Death Eater was still watching me, I lifted up my head and fired a stunning spell."
Remus stopped again for a moment to think about what he wanted to say next. "And..." Harry said, hanging off his every word.
"I missed him. The Death Eater had transformed into his animagus form and ran off. It was pretty dark so it took me a moment to realize that it was a rat with a silver paw running away from me. I think the wolf part of me took over because I somehow leapt off of the ground and chased the rat through the woods. I caught up with him in a few strides, and I used the last bit of my energy to petrify him. The stupid fool! I would have never known it was him if he hadn't transformed..."
"You don't mean…" began Harry, his jaw hanging open in surprise.
"Yes, I caught Peter Pettigrew… he is currently in the custody of the Ministry being questioned," said Remus sadly.
"Oh my gods, Remus, this is incredible! I can't believe this happened!" said Harry excitedly.
"I wasn't sure how you would handle the news," said Remus tiredly.
"What? Why? This is amazing. Sirius's name can finally be cleared!" Harry was ecstatic with elation, but it was clear that Remus didn't share his enthusiasm about the turn of events. Of course, how could he? He had no idea about Harry's plans to save Sirius.
"I'm glad that traitorous bastard is behind bars, but clearing Sirius's name is a bit pointless now. Just a mere formality. Why couldn't we have captured him before?" asked Remus, mournfully. He closed his shining eyes and rested his head against the headboard.
Remus looked truly distraught, and Harry wasn't sure how to comfort him. He imagined that he might feel the same way if hadn't done all this research and learned the truth behind the veil.
"But this is still a good thing, Remus… I didn't get a chance to tell you before, but I have been doing some research about the veil in the library…"
"What? Why would you do that?" asked Remus angrily, as he lifted his head to question Harry. "Didn't I tell you that there was no way that Sirius could be brought back?"
"Well, yes, you did… but what if there was a way? Wouldn't you want to bring him back?" asked Harry.
"Yes, I suppose… but Harry we have no idea what we are dealing with here. Even if you did find a way to bring Sirius back from beyond the veil, would he truly ever be the same? There's an old saying that says 'Be careful what you wish for'…You have to remember that he had already spent twelve years in Azkaban and now a full year in Limbo. Don't you think he would be changed somehow? You were only in limbo for twenty four hours and look how it impacted you. There's no telling what Sirius would be like if he came back. He might not be whole, if you know what I mean."
Harry thought about the things Remus said, and he had to admit that he could be right. He had never even thought about how drastically different his godfather would be after being in Limbo for so long.
"I know, but isn't it worth a try?" asked Harry softly.
"Well, what do you know so far?" asked Remus curiously.
"There are actually two veils. One is in the Ministry, obviously, and the other is somewhere near Ireland," said Harry.
"Anything else?" Remus eyed him skeptically and seemed to sense that Harry was holding back something. Harry was starting to feel like he never should have said anything to Remus. He had just been so excited about clearing Sirius's name that he wanted to share some good news too. There's no way that Remus could make the trip in a day or so anyways. Not with the way he was feeling at the moment, so why even bring it up? Remus would never let him go alone.
"Well…er… yeah… just that there exists a potion and a spell that could bring a loved one back from beyond the veil," he replied. He was being purposely vague about the details so that he wouldn't have to tell the truth. "So what do you think?"
"I don't know Harry. It sounds too dangerous. Now is not the time to be traveling to some unknown destination to find another veil that we aren't sure even exists. We can't be gallivanting off when there are Death Eaters positioned strategically all over the U.K. Voldemort isn't going to stop until he has thrown over the Minister of Magic and rules the wizarding world."
Harry nodded like he understood, but nothing was going to stop him from trying to save Sirius. He knew there were risks involved; that was why he refused to explain anything to his friends. And even if Sirius came back… changed somehow… wasn't it worth it to save him from the hell he was currently in. Wasn't that the humane thing to do after leading him into danger in the first place?
"Do you truly understand, Harry? Because you seem to be holding something back from me!" Remus said loudly.
"No… I mean, yes, I understand… it's just that… er… I had another dream about Sirius, and I just wish there was a way to save him…" he replied deceptively.
"I'm sorry kiddo. I know all this is hard for you. I don't mean to yell… it's just that this is all pretty hard for me too right now…This war is bringing up some painful memories for me from the last war…"
Harry was surprised by his confession. Remus rarely admitted what he was feeling to him.
"I'm sorry…" he said quietly.
"It's okay…" Remus replied.
Madam Pomfrey suddenly appeared by Remus's hospital bed with a determined look on her face. "Mr. Potter, Professor Lupin still needs his rest now. Why don't you come back again sometime later?"
"Alright," said Harry, standing up. He knew better than to argue with the school nurse. "I'm glad you're going to be okay."
"Thanks," said Remus, as Harry leaned down to give him another hug. "I'll see you later."
"You bet," said Harry as he turned to walk away.
He was filled with a mixture of emotions as he walked out into the hallway: he was still sad that so many had died… he was relieved that Remus was okay… he was happy that Peter was finally captured and that Sirius's name might possibly be cleared… and he was more determined now than ever to rescue Sirius.
He was about to turn towards the Gryffindor tower, but decided to head towards the Slytherin dungeons instead. He hoped he might be able to find Draco. He hadn't spent a lot of time with him over the last few days and he wanted to be in his presence for a while. He always made things seem better somehow.
As he descended the stone steps that led to the lower levels of the castle, Harry ran into Snape. "Oh, hello, Professor. I was wondering… have you seen Draco? I would like to speak with him if possible," he said as politely as possible.
Snape stopped and looked down at Harry for a moment. Amazingly his obsidian like eyes seemed sad and worried. Harry wondered briefly if it had anything to do with Draco. Snape opened his mouth a few times to say something, but nothing came out. Harry couldn't ever remember a time when the Potions professor seemed at a loss for words. He finally said, "He went outside," before brushing past him and disappearing down the hallway.
Confused by Snape's behavior, Harry walked back up the stairs and proceeded to find his way outside. At first, Harry didn't see any sign of Draco and he wondered if Snape had purposely led him astray or something. But then he remembered their quiet spot by the lake, and began walking towards it.
It was actually turning out to be quite a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there wasn't a trace left of last night's storm. Harry was surprised that there weren't more students outside today with classes canceled and all. But they were probably all dealing with their own problems in their own way.
The old maple tree that grew by the water's edge blocked his view of the rock that they occasionally sat on, but he somehow knew that he would find Draco there. Harry walked towards the water's edge and went around the large tree so that he wouldn't startle him.
"Hey," he said when he at last caught sight of his beautiful blond boyfriend.
"Hey," said Draco, moving over on the rock so that Harry could sit down. His hair was wild and loose now, blocking Harry's view of his face.
Harry sat beside him and could feel the tension radiating off Draco's body. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Not really," said Draco. He turned his head to look at Harry. Wanting to see his beautiful face, Harry pushed back Draco's blond locks and saw that his grey blue eyes were brimming with tears.
"What is it?" Harry asked, holding his face with both of his hands.
"My mother," said Draco. He shrugged off Harry's hands and turned away. He then rubbed roughly at his face to wipe away the tears.
"Did you find out where she is?" asked Harry. Although Draco never spoke of her, he knew that he thought of her frequently. No one had seen her since she left with Lucius last summer. After Lucius Malfoy's arrest last Halloween, a few Aurors briefly tried to find his wife, but to no avail. It was as if she had vanished off the face of the earth. Draco figured she was hiding out so that she wouldn't be captured by the Death Eaters, but no one knew for sure.
"Severus thinks she may have been staying in Dartmoor…" said Draco. "Apparently she had a distant cousin that was living in the wizarding village that was attacked."
"Oh no…" said Harry. "Is she…"
"I don't know…" he replied with a sniffle. "During the attack Severus said he encountered some villagers who said they saw a woman in town that matched my mother's description a few days prior. They couldn't remember her name, but they said it was also the name of a flower. Before the Aurors came they said they saw her being taken away by some of the Death Eaters. She struggled to get away, Harry… she was fighting them… Apparently there was nothing anyone could do to help her," he said. As he finished, a tear slid down his face.
"I'm so sorry, Draco…" Harry began.
"I secretly hoped that she was hiding from the Death Eaters and that one day she would come back for me… I guess, that's not happening anytime soon… I doubt she will even survive…" Draco's face crumpled as he began to cry harder.
Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and held his shaking frame. "Dray… I'm so sorry… I don't know what to say…"
"It's okay… it's not your fault…" he mumbled
"I know… but I wish that I could do something to help you somehow…" Harry tried to say as he comforted him.
"I wish that I hadn't been so selfish that day I portkeyed out of the mansion! I should have taken her with me!"
"Don't do that, Dray…. This is not your fault. Who knows what would have happened to you if you hadn't gotten yourself out of there!"
"I know that Harry, but it doesn't take away the pain I feel inside," said Draco.
"Shhh… I know…" said Harry as he pulled Draco closer, rubbing circles onto his back. Draco in turned wrapped his arms around Harry seeking comfort. His head was now tucked up under Harry's chin as well.
Draco soon stopped crying, but made no effort to move from his comfortable position. "You miss her, don't you?" asked Harry as he continued to rub his back.
"Yeah… it's not like she was the world's best mother or anything… but she's still my mum…"
"I know… don't lose hope though, Dray… maybe she managed to escape… you have to have faith that everything will turn out okay…"
"How can I? Do you really believe that?" asked Draco, lifting his head to stare into Harry's green eyes.
"I have to…" he replied, thinking of Sirius yet again. He kissed Draco on the temple and pulled him closer.
Now wasn't the time to reveal that Peter had been captured. It didn't feel right to celebrate when Draco was worried about his mother's safety. Maybe that bit of news could wait until he returned home with Sirius.
Neither said another one word, but relished the warmth of each other's company. They sat together with their limbs entangled for another hour or so before retreating indoors.
A/N: The next chapter will begin Harry's adventure to save Sirius. I know you all can't wait to see what happens! Just so you know, Narcissa will be important to the summer sequel I am planning on writing.
Many thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Thanks again Drae for being the world's best beta. C'mon… review… you know you want to!