A/N: Okay, let's see if I remember how to do this….haha, just joking. I'd like to take a few seconds to sincerely apologize for the long space between this chapter and the last (nearly two months)….let's just say Miss Emily bit off a little bit more than she can chew. So, after many, MANY emotional, mental, and physical draining weeks (including a couple breakdowns, I just haven't been too happy lately), I have decided that the only thing I can do is try to make myself happy and others happy. I can and will make time in my life for those who give me happiness and things that make me happy. This includes writing, which apparently makes you all happy. Life is too long to focus on your own personal hells, and I have missed out on too many good moments. It's all changing, and I've got a whole new outlook on how I'm going about EVERYTHING.
In short, I'll be busting my butt to update regularly because I love to write and I love it when you guys review, be good or bad (though I prefer good ^_~). Thank you to everyone who has reviewed up to this point and to everyone who has been reading and I promise you I will finish this fic no matter what.
Disclaimer – I do not own Hey Arnold!
Where to Begin
Chapter 22 – Almost There, Going Nowhere
Helga drummed her fingers on the armrest to Air Supply's "All out of Love," as she read an old issue of Time. She did not know where she was, why she was here, or how she had gotten here. All she knew was that she was in a very white room: white walls, white title floors, white chairs. Everyone was dressed in white, except she was wearing a long, red dress. It looked similar to a waiting room in a doctor's office. A rather large, masculine-looking woman sat at the receptionist desk, and a handful of people were scattered around the room, including a man sitting two chairs from her who was eating checkers.
She tried to ignore him. She turned her attention from him and spotted a little blond boy sitting across the room with an elderly couple, whom she guessed were his grandparents. The couple looked rather sad, but they were smiling for the little boy's sake as he played with a toy airplane. The boy spun around in circles until he was so dizzy he fell, sending the plane into flight.
Helga watched as the airplane landed at the feet of a little girl sitting by herself. Helga could not stifle her gasp as she stared at the dark eyes, pale skin, and long, blond hair of the little girl. She was wearing a white jumper similar to the pink one Helga had worn religiously when she was younger. It hung loosely on the girl's tiny frame, and Helga's eyes widened in horror as she noticed the girl's arms. They were covered in large, purple bruises. Her eyes were puffy as though she had been crying. Helga's heart broke as she watched her pick up the plane.
The boy ran over to her. Calmly the little girl asked him, "Is this yours?"
The boy nodded and took the plane from her. "Where are your parents?"
The girl's eyes weld up with tears. "I'm here alone."
The boy tilted his head, and his young face filled with concern. "Why are you here alone?"
Pain flashed upon her little face, but she gathered all her strength and said smoothly, "I always come alone."
"Oh," the boy said, clearly not focusing on her pain, although Helga knew that he was well aware it was there and tearing up her insides. "I'm here with my grandparents. Grandma's got a routine check-up, and Grandpa's here to keep her in line and make sure she doesn't do anything crazy. I'm here for the lollipops they give me."
The little nodded as fresh tears ran down her face. The little boy climbed up into the seat beside her. He put his tiny arm around her shoulders and waited for her to calm down. "Why are you crying?"
She said nothing and refused to look at him. She seemed uncomfortable, as though no one had ever tried to console her in her entire young life.
"Are you scared?" he asked.
She nodded.
He smiled. "Well, that's easy to fix. I'll go with you."
She looked up at him, clearly confused. "Why'd you wanna do that?"
"Because it's not so scary when you have someone beside you. Besides, if we go together we'll be sure to get lollipops!"
She smiled, and Helga could tell it was a rarity for the girl.
"Helga Pataki!" The receptionist cried. "It's time to go!"
Helga stood up and walked to the white door beside the desk. "Were am I going?"
She stared at her. "Why, Helga, you are going to be cleansed. Just look at your hands!"
Helga looked at her palms. They were covered in blood that dripped onto the white floor. "What –?" But how?" she cried.
"Go, you must meet your fate!"
"No! I want to watch what happens to them!"
"Go, Helga. Face your fate!" she shouted as she shoved Helga through the door.
"Wait! Don't make me go alone!"
The door slammed shut, and Helga was surrounded by blackness. She looked all around, but all she could see was darkness. She could faintly hear a bell ringing in the distance. She walked forward, and the sound grew louder. She kept moving until she saw a faint white light in front of her feet. In a trance Helga took a step forward and began to fall … falling … falling … falling closer to the light, but never reaching it …
THUD.
"Ow," Helga muttered after colliding with her bedroom floor. She rolled over and stared at the clock. 12:51 pm. She sighed, but the ringing continued. After a few seconds Helga realized it was not in her head but the doorbell.
She stood up and walked to the front door. Miriam and Bob must have forgotten their keys, Helga thought as she opened the door.
However, Helga's parents were not at the door. "If I had to wait much longer I was going to break down the door."
Helga smiled. "No, Jake, I'm up."
He followed her into the kitchen. "What's wrong?" he asked her as he bravely kissed her.
"Nothing, I just thought you were my parents."
"They're not back yet?" He was very surprised.
"No."
"Oh." He watched her face fall. "Hey, I'll bet their on their way home. The pageant's all they've been talking about for weeks. Hell, I got sick of it, and I'm not around them that much."
"Well, I don't make it a priority to be around them, but still…"
"Helga, I'm sure they wouldn't miss it for the world. They can't wait to see you wi—" He stopped as she telephone rang.
"Hold on," she said as she picked up the receiver. Jake smiled at her as she talked. "Hello?"
"Helga! It's about time! I've been trying to get a hold of you all morning!" Arnold cried.
Helga felt her face turn red, and her body tensed. Jake noticed and mouthed, Who is it? "Oh, uh, I was asleep," she replied, trying to act normal.
"You just woke up?"
"Yeah. What of it?"
"I just – uh – nothing, forget it. How ya feeling?"
"Fine," she said. Helga was growing very impatient. Arnold was talking about nothing, and Jake was giving her a weird look, clearly dying to know to whom she was talking to.
"Are your parents home yet?"
She sighed. "No."
"Have you heard from them?"
"No."
"Really? Well, I'm sure they'll –"
Jake frowned as she cried, "Look, not to rude, but why did you call?"
The pause at the other end told her he was caught completely off guard. "I just wanted to make sure you were awake."
"Well, I am," she snapped. "Mission complete."
"Helga, please, I've got to tell you something—"
"Look, Arnold, now's not a good time. You'll see me tonight, and you can tell me then."
Another long pause. "Oh, I see," he said in a very cold voice that cut at Helga's heart. He knew Jake was there, she was sure of it. And thanks to her large mouth Jake knew she was talking to Arnold, and he was not happy about it at all. He leaned over the counter and began grabbing for the phone.
"Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you, but I'll talk to you later. I promise."
"Right, Helga."
"Look, I'll see you in a couple hours. I got to go, so good-bye," she said, avoiding Jake's long arms.
"Right. Good-bye."
Helga heard his phone click in her ear as she stepped away from the counter. Jake fell and stared up at her. "What did he want?"
Helga stared at the phone. "I'm not quite sure…" She looked at Jake. "But don't ever interrupt my phone calls again."
"Sorry, but that one was a waste." He sat in one of the bar stools with his arms crossed.
"Jake!"
"Helga, can you blame me for being upset? The guy's practically stalking my girlfriend. You want me to be okay with that?"
She sighed. "Jake, he's my best friend, nothing more, nothing less. I promise you that, but you have to understand I can't just cut him out of my life."
"I would," he muttered.
"Jake."
He stared up at her. "I know, I know. I believe you, really." He sighed. "Look, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came to take you out for breakfast, or lunch, or whatever the hell you eat when you sleep until one."
"I not hungry."
"Well, that's too bad because you're going to eat." He walked over to her, picked her up, and carried her into her room. "Here, get dressed."
She laughed. "Are you going to leave like a good little boy?"
Jake wrinkled his nose up. "But being bad's so fun." He kissed her deeply. "Change your mind?"
"Nope!" she cried, smiling broadly.
"Damn," he said, grinning down at her. "Well, I'll just wait downstairs."
"Okay." Helga waited until he left and quickly got dressed. She looked at the phone for a moment before heading back downstairs. What do you need to tell me, Arnold? She sighed. I can't take much more of this.
~¤~¤~
Arnold stared gloomily at the phone. Ring…ring…ring…. He sighed. Why should Helga call him back? She had Jake to talk to. Never mind her best friend Arnold.
He leaned back on his bed and stared up at the sky through the skylight, watching the clouds float through the sky. Maybe it's just time to give up. All we are doing is causing each other more pain. I don't want to hurt her, and I know she doesn't want to hurt me.
He could hear kids playing in the street beside the boarding house. Arnold closed his eyes. He did not wish to be young again; there was nothing to be gained by doing that. He just wished that he knew what to do. Should he continue to go after Helga, or let her go? Now that was the million-dollar question.
Another face rose to the surface as Helga's melted away. What was up with Lila last night? She acted like the funny, nice, real Lila that I liked. He sighed. That was for damn sure over. When he was completely honest with himself, he did not care for Lila much at all. Even if she was her true self, she meant little more to him than any other acquaintance from school.
He opened his eyes. In about an hour he had to go to the theater and make sure everything was perfect for the pageant. His weeks of hell were going to finally end tonight. He would not see Josh and Callie everyday, and Helga and he would spend less time together. Helga would be wrapped up with basketball playoffs and school and Jake, and he would be busy with his own basketball and raising his grades as the end of the grading period neared. Helga would not have to drive him to the Omni everyday, and he would not have to listen to her complain about practices anymore.
Basically things would return to normal, which was the last thing he wanted. He did not want Helga to be just a friend. He did not want to have to live everyday knowing the girl he loved could not be his. He did not want to live everyday pining over her like he was now.
He stood up. "So that's it," he said quietly aloud. "I'll just have to get over her."
Really, how hard could it be?
~¤~¤~
"Oh, God, I shouldn't have eaten anything today. I think I'm going to throw up," Helga said as Rhonda finished last-minute touch ups on her make-up.
"Yeah, you look a little bloated in that dress."
"Rhonda!" Phoebe cried. She had been talking to Jake, but she now eyed the two to make sure they got along well enough.
"I'm just joking," Rhonda said rather unconvincingly.
Jake looked at his watch. "Shit. Helga, it's about fifteen minutes until the show starts –"
"WHAT? No, no, no, no, no! I'm not ready! I—"
"Helga, relax," he said placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her down. "You're going to do fine, but I've really got to go. You need to finish getting ready, and my mom's probably going crazy out there."
Helga nodded slightly. Jake tried to kiss her, but Rhonda yelled, "No! No! I just finished her lips!"
The two rolled their eyes. "Anyways, you'll do great. Don't worry about it. I'll see you afterwards."
She nodded again, and watched in a trance as Jake left.
"Whew," Rhonda muttered as she began to apply more eye shadow. "I always forget how amazing that boy looks."
Phoebe's face scrunched up, but she said nothing.
"Okay, and you are ready," Rhonda said happily. "Ta-da."
Helga groaned as she looked in the mirror at her overly dolled-up face. "I can't do this."
"Helga, just try to relax. It's almost over. You just have to get through the next couple of hours," Phoebe said calmly.
"That's easy for you to say!"
"Just pretend the judges are you. You talk to yourself all the time," a voice said behind her. "You'll feel right at home."
"Arnold," she breathed as she spun around in her chair. Rhonda and Phoebe watched the two with interest.
Helga and Arnold's eyes locked for a second, but he quickly rolled them. "C'mon, we need you backstage."
She swallowed hard. "Right."
Somehow she managed to walk while her legs felt like jelly. Arnold grabbed a sash that said Miss West Hillwood High and placed it around her. "You'll go out second to last, before Lila." He fidgeted at the cuff links on his tuxedo, avoiding her gaze.
"Great."
"Helga, there you are!" Josh cried. "You ready?"
Ready to faint and make a complete fool of myself in front of thousands of people. "Sure."
"Well, I brought some people who wanted to say good luck to you."
"What?"
"There she is!" Nadine cried from behind Josh. She hurried towards Helga, with Eugene, Harold, Sid, Brainy, Alex, Stinky, Curly, Lorenzo, Sheena, Park, and Gerald at her heels.
Gerald walked over to a flabbergasted Helga. "We just wanted to say we're all behind you."
"And you have two minutes," Arnold said.
"Right, right," Lorenzo muttered.
Tears filled Helga's eyes since she was already overly emotional with nerves. "You guys all came here to see me?"
"No! Don't make her cry!" Rhonda yelled, rushing to the group.
After a few more moments, Arnold came over to the group. "Okay, you seriously have to leave now. Helga's due on stage in three minutes."
Sure enough, Samson was yelling, "Miss Pataki! Over here!"
"Thank you!' Helga yelled at them as Josh led them back to the theater. Rhonda and Phoebe followed their boyfriends out the door, wishing her good luck as they went.
Arnold stared at her. "Well, you better get going."
"Yeah." She took a deep breath and turned to leave just as a thought hit her. "Hey Arnold! What did you want to tell me?"
"Nothing. Don't worry about it."
Samson walked over to her and grabbed her arm. "Miss Pataki, now! You need to get in line to go on stage!"
"Right, right, just hang on! Arnold, are my parents here?"
Arnold looked surprised. "Oh, I don't know. I'll check for you."
"Thanks, Football head!" she cried as Samson drug her away.
Arnold shook his head, but a disturbing thought filled his head. What if the Patakis did not make it? Helga would never forgive them. He ran to find out.
"Would you let go of me?" Helga demanded as Samson practically threw her in line between Lila and Alyson Parquet. Mr. Soares began to open the pageant.
"Look, Helga, I know I haven't always been the nicest to you, but you can do this, understand?" he said to her.
She smiled. "Yeah. No sweat, right?"
He smirked. "Haughty until the very end, right?" He left her.
Callie, who was standing in front of Alyson, turned around. "See you in the top five, Helga."
Suddenly feeling a lot more at home, Helga said, "Damn straight."
Lila cleared her throat behind Helga. Helga turned around. "Yes?"
"I guess this is the moment of truth."
Helga's eyes narrowed as Sarah Andrews introduced herself. The pageant had begun. "May the best girl win."
~¤~¤~
"Callista Hayeworth, Miss St. James High School."
"She's amazing, isn't she?" Josh asked Arnold. They were in the back of the theater while the rest of the boys were escorting the late arriving members of the audience.
"Yeah," Arnold said half-heartedly. His heart skipped a beat as Helga walked out on stage after Alyson announced herself. Acting as though she did it everyday, Helga walked up to the microphone and as clear as day said, "Helga Pataki, Miss West Hillwood High."
Arnold leaned towards Josh and whispered, "I'll be back. I've seen the dance routine about a million times."
"Where are you going?"
"I just have to find something. I'll go back backstage when they announce the top five."
"Okay. I'll get going there now."
Arnold bolted out the door and ran to the main lobby were Chloe and Kathryn were taking tickets at the door.
"Hey Arnold," Kathryn said pleasantly, oddly out of character for her.
He pointed to the pile of tickets in her hands. "Is that all the tickets you've got?"
"Yeah, and Chloe's got all hers. Why?"
"Can I look through them?"
"Sure," she shrugged, handed the pile to Arnold as she continued to great people.
Arnold flipped through the pile, not finding what he was looking for. "Damn," he whispered as he handed them back to Kathryn.
"What's wrong?" she asked, but Arnold ignored her and took Chloe's pile from her. Bob and Miriam's tickets were not in her pile either. "No!" he cried.
"Arnold, what is it?" Chloe asked.
"How could they do this to her?" he muttered to himself as he walked away, leaving the girls very confused. He went backstage were Josh was talking to Rhonda and Phoebe.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Josh asked.
"No." Arnold looked at Phoebe. "They're not here."
Phoebe's face went white. "Arnold, Helga just made it in the top five. Mr. Pataki needs to be here. They both do"
Arnold tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Sure enough, Helga was standing in front of the rest of the girls along with Sarah Andrews, Sabrina Verducci, and Callie.
"And the last member of the top five is," Mrs. Chadwick started, "Jacquelyn McKinley, Martinsville High School!"
The young girl squealed and slowly made her way to the front of the stage as all the other girls hugged her. Arnold sighed. He was ecstatic that both Helga and Callie made it into the top five, but Helga was going to be crushed when she learned that her parents were not here. They better make it here soon, he thought.
"Uh-oh," Phoebe whispered.
"What now?" Arnold asked.
"Do you notice anything about the top five?"
Arnold looked at the girls again. Helga, Callie, Sarah, Sabrina, Jacki…
"Oh, crap," he muttered. Rhonda was jumping up and down. "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes!"
Lila was not in the top five.
A/N: I'll leave it at that. So finally the pageant has started. Next chapter's titled, "Feeling like a Little Girl." Make what you want of it. I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. Later days.