At times, I've found myself vacant of happiness. When I feel that way, it seems like I don't have anymore smiles to dispense, or any good will to spare. The nurse that I so easily slip into...falls away. Then...I'm just empty. When I am empty, or even angry, I go to the bars. When I am feeling empty, I like to beat up skanky men who are full of themselves. I always thought it made me feel like I was doing good in the world, using myself for bait to slay the demons of the slum. But later I realized that the after-dark-justice wasn't nearly as satisfying as my day job. And I was just making excuses for my hobby of depression.
It was never a problem to find a bar, and it wasn't that night. After Yugo and I had fought, I had still stayed my course with Yugo and Kenji. Then I thought about them. I thought about me, and all my happy security. I thought about all the smiles and good will I had ever wasted on people that didn't deserve it. It seemed wrong to look at it that way. Wrong to the purple haired nurse that cared about everyone. But I didn't care. I have always found myself to be a generally charitable person, until I loose my temper...or I'm sad. This was one of the times when I didn't want to be anything or anyone.
After we had arrived at the hotel, I made my arrangements first, to make clear the separation of our suites, and my independence, although all it really did was mark me for a girl afraid of being snubbed, if one looked at it the right way.
So, after I had checked in and gotten my key, I went out for a walk. When I came back, I didn't go to my room. I went to the bar. Without Yugo. Although I was sure Yugo couldn't resist the bar calling him to sit and drink; I was sure that he would find his way there sooner or later. In the mean time, I flirted with some people and left, all alone, by-my- little-ole-self. It's a hard world to live in for a little rabbit like me. But life is made easier by the small things. So many small things. Like the skanks. After I left, it didn't take very long for a man to follow me. It's always a question for me, of how long it is until I make them feel pain. How long I let them believe that they have some kind of power. I give them all something. A strand of time. But I want something from all of them. It's my special secret. I'm a good girl, with high standards and morals, but I have a few glitches.
"Hey sweet-cheeks." he leaned towards me, hand on the wall next to me. Every bad pick-up line I hear in my life only makes me more intolerant of men like this one.
"If I have sweet cheeks, they're not for you." I push him away from me, not breaking eye contact. I have my sweet, flirtatious voice on.
"Aw, what a cold little lady. Surely you have room for a lonely boy like me in your life."
He didn't know the meaning of lonely. "You mean, in my bed?"
"You've got the hang of it. So, where would you like to go? Back to my place, maybe?"
"No, I don't think so, Mister." Or maybe you would like me to disembowel you. The thought brings a secret smile to my face.
"Aw, you're a cold one. What do you say we go back to my place and I show you something?"
"No, I don't think I want to." ...If we go to your place, I'll show you something. But it won't be a good fuck, I thought, already impatient. Before he could muddle anything further, I shook my head. "What do you say we skip a couple lines, and you attempt to forcibly remove me from the property or attempt to sexually assault me so I can beat the shit out of you?" I smiled sweetly, tilting my head. "Hmm?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, but how 'bout I pay you?"
"What? No." I was getting frustrated with his lack of intelligence.
"C'mon, I'm not cheap...."
"No, night's over, go home."
"You say, forcibly remove, or...rape?" He looked at me for a couple seconds, maybe sizing me up. I saw him slowly making the biggest mistake he would ever make...tonight. And I even knew the outcome. He grabbed my shoulder, pushing me up against the wall. "You have an attitude problem, little girl."
I stared at him coldly, with a happy voice that didn't match; Innocent. "Are you gonna try and teach me a lesson?" I almost sounded excited.
"No, not really." He said, blandly. I pushed him away from me, slapping him. He jumped on me, struggling to gain control of my hands and rip my clothes off. I pushed his shoulders, throwing him away from me again. Then it came. He punched me. I tasted blood, a little. I smelled blood. I sunk back into the wall, sighing. It was uncomfortable, and it was also burning. Like something familiar. Like sitting in the chair at the dentist's office having to sit through a painful procedure. He punched me again. Most people did not hit that hard. Most people couldn't hit that hard. He hadn't held back the second time. I blinked, bent over a little. It was almost sweet. It had been missing. I looked at him, wiping my nose. He delivered the next blow to my solar plexus. I lost my breath, but it didn't have the desired effect. I glanced into his eyes, and over his hands. Something felt wrong. I thought I saw his eyes flicker; yellow. The whole situation was wrong, actually.
I was slammed into the wall again, and then he grabbed my dress; pulling a rip down it. I punched him, and I slammed into him, throwing him backwards. I kicked upward and brought it down on his head, sending him to the ground, where he lay. "Bam." I said softly, out of breath.
I was scared, for the first time in a little while, and ashamed that I'd been riding on such a high horse. "You should clean up your act." I said through gritted teeth, kicking his body on the ground with a grimace. When he didn't get up for a minute, I began to walk backwards, watching his body for movement. When I was almost to the door, I turned my back, reaching for the doorknob.
I heard a rustle, and I felt him throw himself into me from the back grabbing both of my arms and holding them behind me. I heard rugged breathing...that was almost like a growl. He pushed me up against the wall. "You are one stupid zoanthrope bitch." He turned my body so I faced him. His eyes flickering. His face looked different; longer. He slapped me for good measure.
I shook my head, breathing rapidly. I was way too close to his face. "You're not a....regular...human." I sounded a little dead to myself. I had known that he didn't fight like any other human. Didn't have the strength of one. Not human like all the other skanks.(Pun possibly intended=) It hit me that zoanthropes could be common criminals too. And that meant that I couldn't be so careless with all common criminals just because I'm stronger and faster than a human. And with zoanthropes as well as humans, when the consequence isn't at most a KO or something, like it is in the ring, it's dirty. Deadly. I ducked from under his arms, trying to kick his legs out from under him, but he grabbed me and pulled me up by my hair, throwing me back to the wall.
I don't know when I said "fuck." so softly, but I did at one point. His assault seemed to blend together when I started blocking and stopped trying to hit him. Warm, angry tears slipped out of my eyes as I desperately blocked his hits, feeling every one of them, the adrenaline flowing through my veins. Fear flooded me. Then I thought I would collapse.
And I was going to hit him. I really wanted to hit him, again and again. I wanted to beat him unconscious, and cry over his limp body. Because I was so hungry for revenge; because we were half-way the same thing. But I never got to do that. There was a rustling sound to the side, and he flew backward, hitting a dumpster. I fell over with the impact of him being tossed away from me. I closed my eyes and didn't get up for a minute. But I heard the sounds of some good-Samaritan beating the bum of a zoanthrope. Or rather...some good Zoanthrope-Samaritan...capable of beating him.
I squatted by the wall, bent over. I didn't look up until there was a someone standing over me, casting a shadow. Yugo was standing there, regarding me with a look I couldn't place. I didn't want to look at him; into his eyes. Of course, I thought, exhaling angrily. "I was going to do that myself." I threw out at him quickly. "You don't need to intervene. It's my fight." I stood up quickly, almost losing my balance. It sounded ungrateful. Harsh, even to my ears. I was sorry about my rash tongue. Ashamed of my quivering girly voice, when I was so much rage inside.
"You really shouldn't do this anymore Alice." I could feel myself burning under his gaze. I suddenly became self-conscious of my looks after my semi-beating. I became aware of the throbbing in my ears and the despair I had been feeling the whole time. And I had forgotten during that fight we had had that Yugo was on my side. He looked from the man on the ground back to me. "We should go take care of your...face." Or I could just wander the streets looking for a human to compensate my mischief with, I wanted to say. But I couldn't find the will or desire to say it.
The tears slipped down my face, completely without my permission, breaking my resolve to be so cold. "Yugo..." I glanced at him, and looked at my hands.
"Let me walk you back to your room." he returned, his eyes considering me as quietly as ever. A distance between us.
It was never a problem to find a bar, and it wasn't that night. After Yugo and I had fought, I had still stayed my course with Yugo and Kenji. Then I thought about them. I thought about me, and all my happy security. I thought about all the smiles and good will I had ever wasted on people that didn't deserve it. It seemed wrong to look at it that way. Wrong to the purple haired nurse that cared about everyone. But I didn't care. I have always found myself to be a generally charitable person, until I loose my temper...or I'm sad. This was one of the times when I didn't want to be anything or anyone.
After we had arrived at the hotel, I made my arrangements first, to make clear the separation of our suites, and my independence, although all it really did was mark me for a girl afraid of being snubbed, if one looked at it the right way.
So, after I had checked in and gotten my key, I went out for a walk. When I came back, I didn't go to my room. I went to the bar. Without Yugo. Although I was sure Yugo couldn't resist the bar calling him to sit and drink; I was sure that he would find his way there sooner or later. In the mean time, I flirted with some people and left, all alone, by-my- little-ole-self. It's a hard world to live in for a little rabbit like me. But life is made easier by the small things. So many small things. Like the skanks. After I left, it didn't take very long for a man to follow me. It's always a question for me, of how long it is until I make them feel pain. How long I let them believe that they have some kind of power. I give them all something. A strand of time. But I want something from all of them. It's my special secret. I'm a good girl, with high standards and morals, but I have a few glitches.
"Hey sweet-cheeks." he leaned towards me, hand on the wall next to me. Every bad pick-up line I hear in my life only makes me more intolerant of men like this one.
"If I have sweet cheeks, they're not for you." I push him away from me, not breaking eye contact. I have my sweet, flirtatious voice on.
"Aw, what a cold little lady. Surely you have room for a lonely boy like me in your life."
He didn't know the meaning of lonely. "You mean, in my bed?"
"You've got the hang of it. So, where would you like to go? Back to my place, maybe?"
"No, I don't think so, Mister." Or maybe you would like me to disembowel you. The thought brings a secret smile to my face.
"Aw, you're a cold one. What do you say we go back to my place and I show you something?"
"No, I don't think I want to." ...If we go to your place, I'll show you something. But it won't be a good fuck, I thought, already impatient. Before he could muddle anything further, I shook my head. "What do you say we skip a couple lines, and you attempt to forcibly remove me from the property or attempt to sexually assault me so I can beat the shit out of you?" I smiled sweetly, tilting my head. "Hmm?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, but how 'bout I pay you?"
"What? No." I was getting frustrated with his lack of intelligence.
"C'mon, I'm not cheap...."
"No, night's over, go home."
"You say, forcibly remove, or...rape?" He looked at me for a couple seconds, maybe sizing me up. I saw him slowly making the biggest mistake he would ever make...tonight. And I even knew the outcome. He grabbed my shoulder, pushing me up against the wall. "You have an attitude problem, little girl."
I stared at him coldly, with a happy voice that didn't match; Innocent. "Are you gonna try and teach me a lesson?" I almost sounded excited.
"No, not really." He said, blandly. I pushed him away from me, slapping him. He jumped on me, struggling to gain control of my hands and rip my clothes off. I pushed his shoulders, throwing him away from me again. Then it came. He punched me. I tasted blood, a little. I smelled blood. I sunk back into the wall, sighing. It was uncomfortable, and it was also burning. Like something familiar. Like sitting in the chair at the dentist's office having to sit through a painful procedure. He punched me again. Most people did not hit that hard. Most people couldn't hit that hard. He hadn't held back the second time. I blinked, bent over a little. It was almost sweet. It had been missing. I looked at him, wiping my nose. He delivered the next blow to my solar plexus. I lost my breath, but it didn't have the desired effect. I glanced into his eyes, and over his hands. Something felt wrong. I thought I saw his eyes flicker; yellow. The whole situation was wrong, actually.
I was slammed into the wall again, and then he grabbed my dress; pulling a rip down it. I punched him, and I slammed into him, throwing him backwards. I kicked upward and brought it down on his head, sending him to the ground, where he lay. "Bam." I said softly, out of breath.
I was scared, for the first time in a little while, and ashamed that I'd been riding on such a high horse. "You should clean up your act." I said through gritted teeth, kicking his body on the ground with a grimace. When he didn't get up for a minute, I began to walk backwards, watching his body for movement. When I was almost to the door, I turned my back, reaching for the doorknob.
I heard a rustle, and I felt him throw himself into me from the back grabbing both of my arms and holding them behind me. I heard rugged breathing...that was almost like a growl. He pushed me up against the wall. "You are one stupid zoanthrope bitch." He turned my body so I faced him. His eyes flickering. His face looked different; longer. He slapped me for good measure.
I shook my head, breathing rapidly. I was way too close to his face. "You're not a....regular...human." I sounded a little dead to myself. I had known that he didn't fight like any other human. Didn't have the strength of one. Not human like all the other skanks.(Pun possibly intended=) It hit me that zoanthropes could be common criminals too. And that meant that I couldn't be so careless with all common criminals just because I'm stronger and faster than a human. And with zoanthropes as well as humans, when the consequence isn't at most a KO or something, like it is in the ring, it's dirty. Deadly. I ducked from under his arms, trying to kick his legs out from under him, but he grabbed me and pulled me up by my hair, throwing me back to the wall.
I don't know when I said "fuck." so softly, but I did at one point. His assault seemed to blend together when I started blocking and stopped trying to hit him. Warm, angry tears slipped out of my eyes as I desperately blocked his hits, feeling every one of them, the adrenaline flowing through my veins. Fear flooded me. Then I thought I would collapse.
And I was going to hit him. I really wanted to hit him, again and again. I wanted to beat him unconscious, and cry over his limp body. Because I was so hungry for revenge; because we were half-way the same thing. But I never got to do that. There was a rustling sound to the side, and he flew backward, hitting a dumpster. I fell over with the impact of him being tossed away from me. I closed my eyes and didn't get up for a minute. But I heard the sounds of some good-Samaritan beating the bum of a zoanthrope. Or rather...some good Zoanthrope-Samaritan...capable of beating him.
I squatted by the wall, bent over. I didn't look up until there was a someone standing over me, casting a shadow. Yugo was standing there, regarding me with a look I couldn't place. I didn't want to look at him; into his eyes. Of course, I thought, exhaling angrily. "I was going to do that myself." I threw out at him quickly. "You don't need to intervene. It's my fight." I stood up quickly, almost losing my balance. It sounded ungrateful. Harsh, even to my ears. I was sorry about my rash tongue. Ashamed of my quivering girly voice, when I was so much rage inside.
"You really shouldn't do this anymore Alice." I could feel myself burning under his gaze. I suddenly became self-conscious of my looks after my semi-beating. I became aware of the throbbing in my ears and the despair I had been feeling the whole time. And I had forgotten during that fight we had had that Yugo was on my side. He looked from the man on the ground back to me. "We should go take care of your...face." Or I could just wander the streets looking for a human to compensate my mischief with, I wanted to say. But I couldn't find the will or desire to say it.
The tears slipped down my face, completely without my permission, breaking my resolve to be so cold. "Yugo..." I glanced at him, and looked at my hands.
"Let me walk you back to your room." he returned, his eyes considering me as quietly as ever. A distance between us.