Chapter 3: How Do I Explain It To Her?

I sigh and breathe in the afternoon air. I love the air here. It's so much cleaner and lighter. I think this is where I want to grow old and die. In an innocent, pure place like this.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and let my gaze lazily stray to the blue sky and clouds hovering above me. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of walking barefoot in the grass and the feeling of my robes billowing lightly in the late spring breeze as it plays with the sleeves of my shirt in passing. I'm glad InuYasha can't see me right now. He's always uncomfortable when I'm dressed in miko garb. I can't blame him, but I don't have a choice this time. My last uniform was destroyed in the battle.

And what a glorious battle it was. You can still see the resulting carnage and destruction for miles in every direction. Only one of us walked away from the fight. One of Kouga's wolves will never walk again.

Shippou took the least damage and therefore was elected to be the one to rush back to Kaede. To our surprise, not only did Kaede come, but also a good percentage of the villagers and a few mikos from neighboring villages. The villagers helped carry wounded back to the village and tend to those whom could not be moved without immediate medical attention first.

I didn't take too much damage considering I was able to make the trip back to the village. Granted I was sporting a grip-load of lacerations and bruises from being blasted, knocked, and thrown around. Three broken ribs from colliding with trees, rocks and other people. A fractured ankle from kicking Naraku in the face when he tried to eat me. And a puncture wound in my right shoulder where one of Naraku's tentacles decided to insert itself in me.

After the chaos of getting everyone back to the village and stable was over, we finally began to digest the reality of the situation we were in. Naraku has been defeated, I hold in my possession the mostly-completed jewel except for the two shards in Kouga's legs, and almost no one from our side died.

By a surprising turn of event's, Kikyo and Sesshoumaru have apparently "reached an agreement." Kikyo will stay in the Western Lands and aid in the schooling and raising of Rin, and in return, has freedom to steal souls from the women in the Western Lands whenever necessary. I can't say that I'm not surprised, but I hope those two are happy together.

Kouga and his wolves are being housed in the same hut they had a week ago until they are all well enough to make the journey back to their own lands.

Speaking of the wolf prince, I can feel his energy signature as he walks up behind me. Wild and barely contained energy pulsating and swirling, eager to be unleashed. Just like Kouga.

Kouga had had the luck of getting knocked out during the battle and as a result received minimal damage. A fractured knee, concussion paired with a two-inch laceration on his forehead, a bruised rib and a dislocated shoulder. Being the full demon he is, he healed quickly and now only retains a light limp that he'll shake in the next day or two.

"Woman, what are you doing out here? You should be resting from your injuries."

"I just needed some fresh air."

"Then you could have just stepped out of the hut, not walked all the way up this hill, especially without telling someone first. What if you had fainted or something?"

I sigh and sit down in the grass. He's starting to sound like InuYasha and it's annoying coming from him. I only need one over-protective, chivalrous male in my life, thank you.

"I'm fine Kouga. I needed to get out of the village for a bit. I can't stand that much blood for long."

I look out over the village and inwardly cringe as my gaze passes over Kaede's hut. Lying inside that hut was...

"InuYasha and I would sit up here on this hill and overlook the village at night after really big battles. No one would bother us up here and we could talk and clear our minds."

I don't know why I was telling Kouga this. I guess I just needed to say InuYasha's name out loud again. I've been avoiding it this whole week, since we got back from the battle. It was like I was afraid it would break or that it would mean I was giving up hope.

"Kagome... I need to ask you something, but... I don't want you to be mad at me."

I turn and face him, he opts to stare at his hands, fiddling with a piece of grass between his fingers.

"What is it Kouga-kun?"

"Have... did.... Um ....Has Dog Breath... uh... Has he... touched you... intimately?"

That's a shocker. I swallow nervously and can feel the blush heating my cheeks.

"No... Inu and I never... uh... why do you ask?"

"The day of the battle, I could smell him on you. I mean, you sometimes carry his scent since you spend so much time with him, but it was... stronger than usual... like he'd been... close to you..."

Oh boy, talk about embarrassing. I guess I've been nice to Kouga too long. InuYasha's right. He'll never get a clue if I don't lay it out straight. I just never wanted to hurt him. He's a good friend. But if InuYasha could risk everything to clear the past and present for our future, I can too. Ah well, I guess it's now or never.

I clear my throat and turn to face Kouga, but before I can even open my mouth, he turns to me and grabs my hand.

"Kagome... You know how I feel. I've staked my claim on you. Why do you insist on refusing to come back to the Northern Lands with me? You're just leading that mutt on to think that you have feelings for him. I know you're just taking pity on him and trying not to hurt his feelings, but he's a dirty half-breed. He's not worth your time. Come back to the pack with me and become my mate."

Oh my. I didn't think it had gotten this bad. InuYasha tried to warn me, but I never listened to him. Poor Kouga has it all backwards. I was flattered that he would keep coming back for me, trying to whisk me away like some fairytale prince. I never thought he seriously thought that I returned his feelings.

"Kouga-kun... Kouga..."

I take a breath and look him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Kouga, that I didn't tell you earlier but... I don't love you, not in the way you think I do. I care about you, you're a good friend Kouga...."

"Friend? Just a friend?"

There was no mistaking the hurt in his voice or his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sorry I lead you on for so long, I should have told you how I felt in the beginning. Would you please forgive me? I never meant to hurt you."

"I'm sorry too Kagome. I knew you loved him. I could see it from the beginning. But you never admitted it, so I kept convincing myself that there was hope, even though deep down I knew all along who you would choose."

Kouga lets go of my hand and drags a claw across both his shins, unearthing the jewel shards that lay just beneath the surface of his skin. Removing the shards, he places them in my hand and closes my fingers around them.

"Thank you."

I smile at him, knowing that these were the last connection he had with me. Giving them to me was a sign of resignation. He was throwing in the towel and forfeiting his claim on me to InuYasha.

"No, thank you, for being a good friend."

He stands up and brushes himself off, turning to leave.

"You know Kouga, Ayame is a good woman, and she loves you."

"Yeah, she is isn't she. Oh that reminds me, Kaede wants to speak with you."

With that he walks away, back to the village, probably back to his wolves.

After a moment, I stand and follow suit.

...................

I find Kaede in her hut, leaning against the wall and fanning herself. She looks exhausted. I know she's been running around all morning, heading the care and healing of those still hurting.

"Kaede-sama. You shouldn't push yourself so. Come, rest for a moment."

I lead her to the porch and take a seat next to her.

"Oh child, I am fine. I'm just not as young as I used to be."

"What was it you wanted to speak with me about Kaede-sama?"

"Miroku and Sango are healing quickly. They awoke this morning and are now able to sit up and eat on their own. They are still weak though and will still be bed-ridden for another week or so."

"I'm glad Kaede-sama. I will go in and look in on them soon."

"They should be sleeping now, so it is probably best if you do not disturb them until the morning. Kagome child, we have run out of bandages. I was wondering if you would be willing to go back to your time and get some more for us. It would take some time to make new ones of our own and the ones from your time are stronger..."

"Kaede-sama, I told you that I won't leave until..."

"There has been no change my child. And I do not expect there to be anytime soon. Please Kagome, I would not ask you if we did not need it. Besides, you should take a break from all of this. See your family."

"Well I do need to talk to my mother about something..."

"Then go child. Stay the night and get some rest. Everything here can wait until your return in the morning."

"But..."

"Go my dear, you need it. Do not force me to ban your entrance into the room again. I will if need be."

"Alright, alright I'll go. But I will be back first thing in the morning."

"Good, good. Now off with you."

.................

Kaede says that I'm healing so fast because my own miko powers are aiding is speeding up the process. But getting in and out of the well is still difficult. I'm still sporting a knarly wound on my shoulder. I mean, it has already closed and is healing well, but it still hurts like a mother when stretched too much.

I enter the house through the kitchen door and smile at the site before me.

Mom has her back to me and is stirring something in a pot over the stove. Whatever it is, it smells amazing. Souta is at the table with his head down, apparently working on some homework. I can hear Grandpa down the hall in the study. Sounds like he's practicing some new incantations.

Mom turns away from the stove and is about to walk towards Souta when she catches sight of me out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh Kagome dear, you're home."

Souta looks up from the table and his eyes light up when they meet my own.

"Oniichan!"

He jumps out of his chair and propels his body into mine. Since when does his head reach my shoulder?

Speaking of shoulder, I push away from Souta and cringe in pain.

"Careful little brother."

"Oh I'm sorry Kagome, are you ok?"

"Kagome dear, are you hurt?"

Mom switches into nurturing slash doctor mode and rushes to me, beginning to check me over.

"Yeah, yeah Mom I'm ok. Well, I'm healing at least."

I loosen my robes a little and show then the five stitches just below my collarbone. I was lucky Naraku hadn't punctured my lung. Souta "ooh"s and "ahh"s where as Mom gasps.

"Did you and InuYasha fight more bad guys? Is InuYasha coming to visit?"

I can't hide the look of pain that flitters across my face. They probably just think it's from the injury. To add to the ploy, I slowly lower myself onto one of the chairs from the kitchen table.

"Uh... not this time Souta."

"Oh ok. Hey Mom, I'm done with my homework, can I go play some video games?"

"Sure honey, dinner will be in about half an hour, ok?"

I can't help but smile as Souta gives a small jump of excitement before rushing from the room. It's comforting to know that even though he's getting a bit taller, he's still my little brother.

Mom pats my left shoulder gently before turning back to the stove and her dinner preparations there.

"So how long are you staying this time dear?"

"Just the night. I'm leaving in the morning. I'm gonna go change, then I have to go to the store and buy a few things that are needed back in the past, and then I'm going to take a shower. Mom, I need to discuss something with you, can we talk after dinner?"

"Of course sweetheart. Is everything ok?"

I sigh as I stand and walk towards the door leading to the front room.

"I hope so."

.........................

I turn on the water in the shower and begin to disrobe. I cringe as I pull my shirt over my head. Eyeing the wound on my shoulder in the mirror, I lightly trace my fingers over it. I remember the look on Naraku's face as my arrow pierced his shoulder, just as his tentacle pierced mine.

I've never before seen InuYasha so crazed outside of going full youkai before. The pure terror on his face as his eyes met mine. He rushed straight at Naraku, sending off one Kaze No Kizu after another....

Shaking it off, I step into the shower and let the water fall on me.

I haven't let myself be alone like this before now. Not really alone, where I know no one will interrupt me, where I can come face to face with my emotions and thoughts. I've been too afraid. Afraid that I'll break down and cry and that I won't be able to stop crying. I have to be strong. Everyone needs me to be strong, especially InuYasha. He's always saying that a miko is supposed to be strong and courageous and a rock for others to stand on.

It was InuYasha's strength that saved my life. He was the one how actually defeated Naraku in the end. He won the battle. Even if he doesn't know what he did and can't celebrate the victory with us.

Not that anyone has celebrated yet. It's a little hard to be cheerful when your loved ones and comrades are lying on the bed next to you, dying.

Or are already dead.

I can feel myself breaking so I shut off the water. I have already finished and was just standing in the water anyway.

I pull on my terrycloth bathrobe and wrap my hair in a towel before exiting the bathroom and proceeding down the hall to my bedroom. As I enter, I find that Mom is already here, waiting for me on my bed.

I join her on the bed in silence and stare at my hands.

"Souta's asleep and Grandpa is downstairs watching his shows. What did you want to talk about dear?"

"I don't know where to start."

I can feel the pain and sadness rise in my throat like bile. I swallow it back down and fight to regain my composure.

Control, I must stay in control.

Mom watches me as I fight the turmoil inside me.

"How about you start by telling me how you got that nasty cut on your shoulder?"

So I did. Starting from fifty years ago when this whole mess started till the battle a week ago. As I begin to tell her about the gruesome war we waged, I could feel my control slip and the hot tears that began to stream down my face.

"I'm scared Mama. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. I love him Mama, I love him so much."

I'm all out sobbing now. I turn and collapse on the bed, my head falling into my mother's lap. She gently strokes my hair and back as she tries to soothe me.

"I'm so scared. I couldn't stand it. When they brought him back to the village, I refused to leave his side. I couldn't stand to be away from him. Kaede had some of the men from the village pull me from the room. He looked so still and vulnerable. And his blood... his blood was everywhere. Kaede banned me from the room and said that I wasn't allowed to enter it again until I had composed myself and had regained some reasoning."

"Kaede sounds like a strong, wise woman."

"She is. She's head of the whole village."

I got my sobbing under control, but I was still lightly crying. I have been bottling up a lot of emotions and stress this last week that were now coming to the surface.

I look up into my mother's eyes and ask her the question that I have been too afraid to admit.

"What if he doesn't wake up?"

Mom gathers me into her arms while gently "shushing" me.

"No, no honey. He's going to wake up. He's going to be fine."

"How do you know? How can you be sure?"

"Because dear."

She takes my chin in her hand and looks into my eyes with a motherly "knowing" look.

"Because I've seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. I know that neither of you will let the other go without a fight. Besides, InuYasha is a strong boy. He'll wake up soon. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes rushing in here tomorrow morning demanding that you go back with him, just like he always does."

I clear my throat and stare into my lap, trying to find the courage for what I'm about to say.

"Okasan..."

"Hai, Kagome-chan?"

"I... I love InuYasha and.... I ... I want to marry him... and... and stay in the Feudal Era with... with him and my friends there...."

"What about college? And your friends in this era?"

Her tone isn't harsh, just calm and questioning.

"I've missed too much school these past four years to get into any good college. And my friends here... They don't really know me, not anymore. I've changed so much these past four years that they've become, at best, acquaintances. As much as that saddens me, it's the truth."

"And your family?"

"Oh Okasan, I could never leave you for good. Of course I'll come visit. Besides, our children will need to know their grandmother."

"If it's my permission you're asking for Kagome, you're nineteen, you don't need it anymore. If it's my blessing, I give it one hundred percent."

I smile and give my mom a hug and a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you Mom, for everything."

"You're welcome dear. Now get some rest."

"Hai, Okasan."

I crawl under the covers and my mother turns out the light before shutting the door behind her.

.....................

Ok, honestly. How many of you thought I had killed off Inu? I really want to know so when you review with your opinions about this chapter, lemme know.

I have one more chapter in mind for this story and then it's over. I don't want to hear any crying or anything. I told you all in the beginning it was going to be a short story.