"Anecdotes For Yesterday"
Disclaimer: All Lilo & Stitch characters are copyright Disney
Jumba's Anecdote:
The Kwelterkwanian principal looked at the remains of a kindergarten classroom, face distorted in rage. Furniture was overturned, acid had burned holes in the walls, and the windows were broken. "Was it your idiotic idea to give a young boy a chemistry set?"
"I'm sorry," stammered the teacher. "Jumba Jookiba is exceptionally talented. He was so bored, so I brought him the set. He promised to read the instructions." She picked up the singed instruction manual. "I read this cover to cover before giving him the thing. There were no explosives or poisons. I don't know how this could have happened."
The principal glared. "At least the insurance covers all this!"
Pleakley's Anecdote:
"Mooom!" wailed Pixley. "Bernie's picking his nose!"
"I am not!" Bernie stuck two tongues out at his sister.
Wendy Pleakley tuned out the ensuing argument and looked out the hovercraft window. It was a dull summer day on the planet of Monocula. He longed to be outside and play, instead of visiting the zoo. His mother had insisted – "Any kids of mine will understand the importance of nature – even nature from other planets.
A few minutes later, the family had parked their hovercraft and they were in the zoo. Wendy found that he had wandered from the group tour. Swell, he thought grimly. Soon Mother would realize he was missing and he'd hear the message over the intercom: Wendy Pleakley please report to the Entrance. Wendy hated his name. When I grow up, I'll just be Pleakley. And I'll have a title. Doctor Pleakley? Too pretentious. Mister Pleakley? Too mundane.
The single eye shifted to a hall to his right. "Exotics." Maybe the tour group came in through here. He headed inside, casting only cursory glances at the animals inside.
Except one.
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The massive creature was slate gray. A horn protruded from its nose. Its black eyes gazed out toward its viewers, then turned to the grass. It munched at the green foliage, alone and liking it.
"I wish I could be like that..." Pleakley's one eye fell on the label. He stumbled over the syllables. "Rye-noss-sir-russ." Planet Earth, Milky Way, Gamma Quadrant. Such a long way from home, but he seems so content. The young boy saw the group passing out of the corner of his eye and rushed over. "How did things go when I was gone?"
"You were gone?" asked Pixley.
The Twins' Anecdote:
"They named her Lilo?" asked Villefort.
"Such a cute name for such a cute baby," cooed Maharene. The twins were on the porch of the Pelekai house. Nani sat between them.
"I wonder if your parents saw the stork –"Villefort began again. "What's so funny."
Maharene was laughing. "The stork? The stork does not bring babies in little bundles!"
"Oh, how would you know where babies come from?" Nani asked.
"I don't know," Maharene flipped her long black hair. "But I'm pretty sure they don't come from a long-legged bird!"
Nani patted her stomach. "And in all this excitement, nobody's remembered to feed the new big sister."
Villefort grinned. "Let's modify that." He held up a twenty-dollar bill. "I borrowed some money from Dad. Wanna go to Sweet Temptations?"
"For an ice cream cake?" Nani asked.
"Sure. You're the big sister," answered the boy.
"Goody!" Maharene squealed. "Vanilla ice cream heaped on chocolate cake. Yummy."
So the three children walked to the dessert shop with the air of rock stars.
Nani ordered the ice cream cake and plopped the money on the counter. The cashier gave her a funny look, but opened the freezer and handed her a small cake. Nani got her change and brought the prize to a booth. "Bon appetit."
The trio didn't bother slicing the cake. They dug in with plastic spoons."
"What about when Uncle and Auntie ask us to eat dinner?" Maharene inquired. "We'll be too full to eat."
Nani grinned. "We keep this a secret between us, and tell Mom and Dad we're too excited to eat."
They all laughed.
Gantu's Anecdote:
From the moment he had gotten out of the dentist's chair, thirteen-year-old Gantu hated his new braces. They were heavy titanium wires and brightly colored brackets. He closed his mouth. The wires cut into his lips. His teeth felt weighed down.
"Don't fret it," his father said cheerfully. "The pain's a small sacrifice for perfect teeth like Guildenstern's."
Gantu's older brother, Guildenstern, said nothing. Neither did his mother, who cradled Baby Rosencrantz. The baby gazed at Gantu with big blue eyes.
Gantu didn't want to complain, even though the pain was agonizing. He knew he wouldn't be able to eat dinner tonight. Or breakfast tomorrow morning.
"Why couldn't he have just gotten the clear plastic kind?" asked Gantu's older sister, Orcella. "I hear they work just as well."
"Shut up, Orcella!" their father replied.
Guildenstern finally spoke. "Dad, don't talk to her that way!"
This got Melchor's attention. "Sorry. I didn't mean to." He didn't disguise the fact he was sexist. His second child, a daughter, was a disgrace. But he'd apologize if his firstborn wished it. He'd stand on his head for a day and a half for his favorite child, whom he regarded as Perfection Incarnate.
Gantu resented his father's favoritism. He went outside and sat on the porch.
Orcella sat beside him. In her lap was Mother's favorite clock. Rosencrantz had knocked it over trying to crawl, and Father hadn't gotten around to fixing it. The girl opened it and began to fiddle with the gears. The clock began to tick, as if it had been an asystolic heart that had been defibrillated. "Daddy! Look!"
Melchor looked dimly at the fixed clock. "Good work, Orcella. Now if only you had been born with XY chromosomes."
She was ready for the insult. "Actually, since the father chooses the gender of the offspring, it's your fault."
Melchor ignored her and turned to Gantu. "You won't let me down, will you?"
"No, sir," answered Gantu, giving a weary salute.
"Wunderbar." Melchor smiled and went inside.
One of the neighborhood kids, Tornor, waddled up to the porch. He was a stocky kid, more fat than muscle but taller than Gantu. His voice was grating. "What'cha doin', Brace Face? Tin teeth! Metal mouth!"
"Leave his alone!" roared Orcella.
"Oh, does Baby Gantu have to..." Suddenly, Orcella kicked Tornor in the stomach. Gantu covered his eyes. All he could hear were the thud-thuds of blows, ripping sounds, and a whimper.
A few minutes later, his sister tapped him on the shoulder. "You can open your eyes. That coward will never bother you again."
Gantu looked. Tornor was retreating down the street. Orcella's tunic and pants were dirt-stained. There was a long tear on her sleeve. He didn't know whether to be grateful or ashamed.
She laughed a little. "I guess I better get cleaned up. I have a date with Purster tonight."
"Purster?!" Gantu got to his feet and began to march. "Acts like he's in a parade every day. And that voice! A creature with a screechier voice should not be allowed to live." He tried to imitate it. "Oh, this room is too drafty! Ooh, one of the other guys is wearing spandex!"
Orcella laughed hysterically. "Oh, Gantu, stop that! Oh, stop! I'll never look at him with a straight face again!"
Nani's Anecdote:
The rain was pouring.
Nani paced in the living room. The rain had been steady all day, with no signs of stopping. Her parents had decided to go to Uncle Lekeke and Aunt Kalena's house. Lilo was asleep. Nani had begged her mother and father not to go, but they had insisted.
That had been half an hour ago. Nani pulled on her rainboots and raincoat. Something terrible had happened. She could feel it.
After a while, she stopped. The family car was at the base of a tree, crumpled. There were people standing all around. Maharene was inside a police car, shivering in a blanket. Nani couldn't tell through the tinted window, but she looked as if she had been crying.
Villefort was strapped to a gurney and was being loaded into an ambulance by paramedics.
Nani ran toward another stretcher.
Her mother greeted her. "You're a welcome sight. I wanted to see you one last time."
"What happened?"
"He...lost control of the car."
"Where's Dad?" Horrible realization. "He's dead."
"Killed on impact. Your aunt and uncle were in the backseat with the twins. They're all being taken to the hospital. Maharene got the least of the injuries. Please...take care of Lilo for me."
"No, Mom! You can't die!"
"It's too late for me. You know what a tension pneumothorax is? When the car hit the tree, pieces of glass lodged in my chest and punctured one of my lungs. That lung is leaking air and putting pressure on my...it's too late. I won't make it to the hospital."
"What about o'hana?" Tears were streaming down Nani's cheeks. "Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind..."
"Or forgotten," her mother finished. "I'm sorry. This couldn't be helped."
Mom will never help Lilo pick out her prom dress, the teenager thought bitterly. Or see Lilo graduate high school. Or help either one of us plan our weddings, or help us with tax forms. "It's not fair!"
"I love you, my daughter." With that, Makana Pelekai performed her last act – kissing her firstborn daughter's forehead.
The funeral had been simple and traditional.
Since the accident, neither twin had spoken or eaten. That had been three days ago. Lilo had been sluggish too.
Uncle Lekeke drew Nani aside. "Your aunt and I have decided to move to the mainland."
"When?" Nani cried.
"We've been debating it since the accident. Look at your cousins. I don't think they should become adults in a place with such bad memories."
"Where are you going?"
"I got a job offer on the East Coast. New York City."
"That's thousands of miles!" Tears sprang in Nani's eyes. "I'll have to raise Lilo alone."
"You won't be alone. We'll send money. Maybe we'll visit. In a few years, we might come back."
"I thought we were ohana!"
"We are, but I want what's best for my children. They were actually in the car when they saw..." The man was crying too.
Lilo walked in. "Nani?"
Nani buried her face in her pillow. She didn't want her sister to see her cry.
Jumba's Anecdote:
The Kwelterkwanian principal looked at the remains of a kindergarten classroom, face distorted in rage. Furniture was overturned, acid had burned holes in the walls, and the windows were broken. "Was it your idiotic idea to give a young boy a chemistry set?"
"I'm sorry," stammered the teacher. "Jumba Jookiba is exceptionally talented. He was so bored, so I brought him the set. He promised to read the instructions." She picked up the singed instruction manual. "I read this cover to cover before giving him the thing. There were no explosives or poisons. I don't know how this could have happened."
The principal glared. "At least the insurance covers all this!"
Pleakley's Anecdote:
"Mooom!" wailed Pixley. "Bernie's picking his nose!"
"I am not!" Bernie stuck two tongues out at his sister.
Wendy Pleakley tuned out the ensuing argument and looked out the hovercraft window. It was a dull summer day on the planet of Monocula. He longed to be outside and play, instead of visiting the zoo. His mother had insisted – "Any kids of mine will understand the importance of nature – even nature from other planets.
A few minutes later, the family had parked their hovercraft and they were in the zoo. Wendy found that he had wandered from the group tour. Swell, he thought grimly. Soon Mother would realize he was missing and he'd hear the message over the intercom: Wendy Pleakley please report to the Entrance. Wendy hated his name. When I grow up, I'll just be Pleakley. And I'll have a title. Doctor Pleakley? Too pretentious. Mister Pleakley? Too mundane.
The single eye shifted to a hall to his right. "Exotics." Maybe the tour group came in through here. He headed inside, casting only cursory glances at the animals inside.
Except one.
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The massive creature was slate gray. A horn protruded from its nose. Its black eyes gazed out toward its viewers, then turned to the grass. It munched at the green foliage, alone and liking it.
"I wish I could be like that..." Pleakley's one eye fell on the label. He stumbled over the syllables. "Rye-noss-sir-russ." Planet Earth, Milky Way, Gamma Quadrant. Such a long way from home, but he seems so content. The young boy saw the group passing out of the corner of his eye and rushed over. "How did things go when I was gone?"
"You were gone?" asked Pixley.
The Twins' Anecdote:
"They named her Lilo?" asked Villefort.
"Such a cute name for such a cute baby," cooed Maharene. The twins were on the porch of the Pelekai house. Nani sat between them.
"I wonder if your parents saw the stork –"Villefort began again. "What's so funny."
Maharene was laughing. "The stork? The stork does not bring babies in little bundles!"
"Oh, how would you know where babies come from?" Nani asked.
"I don't know," Maharene flipped her long black hair. "But I'm pretty sure they don't come from a long-legged bird!"
Nani patted her stomach. "And in all this excitement, nobody's remembered to feed the new big sister."
Villefort grinned. "Let's modify that." He held up a twenty-dollar bill. "I borrowed some money from Dad. Wanna go to Sweet Temptations?"
"For an ice cream cake?" Nani asked.
"Sure. You're the big sister," answered the boy.
"Goody!" Maharene squealed. "Vanilla ice cream heaped on chocolate cake. Yummy."
So the three children walked to the dessert shop with the air of rock stars.
Nani ordered the ice cream cake and plopped the money on the counter. The cashier gave her a funny look, but opened the freezer and handed her a small cake. Nani got her change and brought the prize to a booth. "Bon appetit."
The trio didn't bother slicing the cake. They dug in with plastic spoons."
"What about when Uncle and Auntie ask us to eat dinner?" Maharene inquired. "We'll be too full to eat."
Nani grinned. "We keep this a secret between us, and tell Mom and Dad we're too excited to eat."
They all laughed.
Gantu's Anecdote:
From the moment he had gotten out of the dentist's chair, thirteen-year-old Gantu hated his new braces. They were heavy titanium wires and brightly colored brackets. He closed his mouth. The wires cut into his lips. His teeth felt weighed down.
"Don't fret it," his father said cheerfully. "The pain's a small sacrifice for perfect teeth like Guildenstern's."
Gantu's older brother, Guildenstern, said nothing. Neither did his mother, who cradled Baby Rosencrantz. The baby gazed at Gantu with big blue eyes.
Gantu didn't want to complain, even though the pain was agonizing. He knew he wouldn't be able to eat dinner tonight. Or breakfast tomorrow morning.
"Why couldn't he have just gotten the clear plastic kind?" asked Gantu's older sister, Orcella. "I hear they work just as well."
"Shut up, Orcella!" their father replied.
Guildenstern finally spoke. "Dad, don't talk to her that way!"
This got Melchor's attention. "Sorry. I didn't mean to." He didn't disguise the fact he was sexist. His second child, a daughter, was a disgrace. But he'd apologize if his firstborn wished it. He'd stand on his head for a day and a half for his favorite child, whom he regarded as Perfection Incarnate.
Gantu resented his father's favoritism. He went outside and sat on the porch.
Orcella sat beside him. In her lap was Mother's favorite clock. Rosencrantz had knocked it over trying to crawl, and Father hadn't gotten around to fixing it. The girl opened it and began to fiddle with the gears. The clock began to tick, as if it had been an asystolic heart that had been defibrillated. "Daddy! Look!"
Melchor looked dimly at the fixed clock. "Good work, Orcella. Now if only you had been born with XY chromosomes."
She was ready for the insult. "Actually, since the father chooses the gender of the offspring, it's your fault."
Melchor ignored her and turned to Gantu. "You won't let me down, will you?"
"No, sir," answered Gantu, giving a weary salute.
"Wunderbar." Melchor smiled and went inside.
One of the neighborhood kids, Tornor, waddled up to the porch. He was a stocky kid, more fat than muscle but taller than Gantu. His voice was grating. "What'cha doin', Brace Face? Tin teeth! Metal mouth!"
"Leave his alone!" roared Orcella.
"Oh, does Baby Gantu have to..." Suddenly, Orcella kicked Tornor in the stomach. Gantu covered his eyes. All he could hear were the thud-thuds of blows, ripping sounds, and a whimper.
A few minutes later, his sister tapped him on the shoulder. "You can open your eyes. That coward will never bother you again."
Gantu looked. Tornor was retreating down the street. Orcella's tunic and pants were dirt-stained. There was a long tear on her sleeve. He didn't know whether to be grateful or ashamed.
She laughed a little. "I guess I better get cleaned up. I have a date with Purster tonight."
"Purster?!" Gantu got to his feet and began to march. "Acts like he's in a parade every day. And that voice! A creature with a screechier voice should not be allowed to live." He tried to imitate it. "Oh, this room is too drafty! Ooh, one of the other guys is wearing spandex!"
Orcella laughed hysterically. "Oh, Gantu, stop that! Oh, stop! I'll never look at him with a straight face again!"
Nani's Anecdote:
The rain was pouring.
Nani paced in the living room. The rain had been steady all day, with no signs of stopping. Her parents had decided to go to Uncle Lekeke and Aunt Kalena's house. Lilo was asleep. Nani had begged her mother and father not to go, but they had insisted.
That had been half an hour ago. Nani pulled on her rainboots and raincoat. Something terrible had happened. She could feel it.
After a while, she stopped. The family car was at the base of a tree, crumpled. There were people standing all around. Maharene was inside a police car, shivering in a blanket. Nani couldn't tell through the tinted window, but she looked as if she had been crying.
Villefort was strapped to a gurney and was being loaded into an ambulance by paramedics.
Nani ran toward another stretcher.
Her mother greeted her. "You're a welcome sight. I wanted to see you one last time."
"What happened?"
"He...lost control of the car."
"Where's Dad?" Horrible realization. "He's dead."
"Killed on impact. Your aunt and uncle were in the backseat with the twins. They're all being taken to the hospital. Maharene got the least of the injuries. Please...take care of Lilo for me."
"No, Mom! You can't die!"
"It's too late for me. You know what a tension pneumothorax is? When the car hit the tree, pieces of glass lodged in my chest and punctured one of my lungs. That lung is leaking air and putting pressure on my...it's too late. I won't make it to the hospital."
"What about o'hana?" Tears were streaming down Nani's cheeks. "Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind..."
"Or forgotten," her mother finished. "I'm sorry. This couldn't be helped."
Mom will never help Lilo pick out her prom dress, the teenager thought bitterly. Or see Lilo graduate high school. Or help either one of us plan our weddings, or help us with tax forms. "It's not fair!"
"I love you, my daughter." With that, Makana Pelekai performed her last act – kissing her firstborn daughter's forehead.
The funeral had been simple and traditional.
Since the accident, neither twin had spoken or eaten. That had been three days ago. Lilo had been sluggish too.
Uncle Lekeke drew Nani aside. "Your aunt and I have decided to move to the mainland."
"When?" Nani cried.
"We've been debating it since the accident. Look at your cousins. I don't think they should become adults in a place with such bad memories."
"Where are you going?"
"I got a job offer on the East Coast. New York City."
"That's thousands of miles!" Tears sprang in Nani's eyes. "I'll have to raise Lilo alone."
"You won't be alone. We'll send money. Maybe we'll visit. In a few years, we might come back."
"I thought we were ohana!"
"We are, but I want what's best for my children. They were actually in the car when they saw..." The man was crying too.
Lilo walked in. "Nani?"
Nani buried her face in her pillow. She didn't want her sister to see her cry.