Notes: Sorry for the delay with this chapter, but the past week has been
the busiest holiday I have ever had. In fact I need another holiday to get
over this one. This chapter has not been proof-read because I just want to
get on with the next one. It would be most appreciated if any mistakes are
pointed out in reviews.
. . .
James paced up and down the room as Lily fished something out of her pocket and held it up for Remus and Sirius to see. It was very dark now, and Lily had tried to put all the lights on, but James had yelped and extinguished all but two lamps in the corners of the living room. Remus and Sirius sat one either side of Lily, peering at the thing in her hand. It looked like a Sneakoscope, but clearly wasn't.
"I've heard of these," said Sirius. "They use them at work; don't they flash and wail when you're being spied on?"
"They're meant to, but this one is very old. It only has an effect when the owner is in great peril. It went off two hours ago."
James stopped pacing and snatched the contraption. "Maybe it's utterly broken," he wondered, and tossed it into the fireplace. "But I don't care. We have to make sure no strangers can get in or out of this house. I happen to know a very good charm, and I can fix it so only a select few can ever get access here."
Sirius nodded suddenly. "The Roburius Charm? That's not a bad idea."
"I've never heard of that," admitted Remus.
"No offence, Moony, but you won't have. It's one of a set of protection spells only disclosed to certain organisations and their associates. Like Jim said, he can cast the charm over a select – or elite – group of people in a specific place, and only they will ever be able to find the place again."
James nodded. "Secret societies and the like are always trying to get clearance to use it, but they have to apply to the Ministry and that can take months. I think Dumbledore will be able to get us instant permission though."
Lily looked sceptical. "Are you sure this is completely necessary?"
"Of course I am! Sirius, back me up here."
Sirius shrugged. "He's got a point, Lily. I reckon he's right for once."
"So," she asked, "who are you going to include with this charm?"
"Only the obvious people; Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dumbledore, Minerva."
"And the post-owl," said Remus helpfully.
"No! You guys will have to receive our post from now on. We can't take any risks. So." He stared from Lily to Remus and Sirius. "We'll cast the charm the day after tomorrow, if you can all get here after full moon."
Sirius nodded. "Have you told Peter?"
"Briefly, just before I went to find you. He had to run off, something about his mother." James didn't sound at all concerned about Peter's mother, with good reason. People's mothers were the Marauders' equivalent of Mr Bunbury, and everyone assumed the mother-visitor was either talking about full-moon shenanigans, or had planned some secret romantic liaison. Remus had been foolish enough to try and use that one on Sirius when he had first started seeing Lucius, which was how Sirius knew of the existence of his mysterious boyfriend in the first place.
"I worry about him," Sirius sighed. "He's always running off somewhere. Almost as bad as Moony here, except I think it's Peter's family. You know his grandmother relies on him, and he really doesn't think about his own health as much as-"
James snorted. "Shut up, Sirius. Peter's a big boy now, he can take care of himself." He stopped pacing and peered at his friends. Suddenly he looked incredibly weary. "You two. . .I guess you can go. I'm sorry I disturbed you." He had the decency to go bright red, although he seemed to only just realise what he had caught Remus and Sirius in the middle of. "We were just really worried and-"
"It's not a problem. We can stay here if you like, in the spare room-"
"Not necessary!" said James and Lily together. They exchanged a glance. "But thank you," Lily added. "We've got some basic protection spells to last us out a couple of nights."
Remus and Sirius stayed for an hour or so, then apparated back to their own flat ("You just hold onto my hand, Remus, I'll do the apparating, imagine the chaos if you got caught, we'd never get this charm on James' house with you locked up would we?") and their own living room. Sirius made some tea while Remus slumped anxiously on the sofa. A moment later, Sirius had pressed a warm mug into his hands and curled protectively around him.
"I hope you realise," said Sirius, pausing to sip his tea, "that I'm not going to let you out of my sight from now on?" He gently stroked his werewolf's cheek. "You need a shave," he added. "Facial hair is bad . . . Don't tell me, Lucius liked it?"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "I liked it, actually. But if you insist."
"I do. And I insist also on knowing exactly where you are at all times. I'm not trying to sound pushy or patronising," he added quickly, "but it's not safe. Nothing is safe. Like I said, I'm even concerned about you when you are home, and I couldn't bare it if I didn't have a clue where you were."
Remus stared at him for a long time. "All right, Padfoot," he said eventually. "As long as this doesn't get stupid. And I have to know where you are too."
"It's a deal." Sirius put his mug down and gave Remus a lingering kiss. The werewolf did his best not to deepen it, but as usual he was powerless. Sirius seemed to control his every move, and he sank blissfully into an embrace he told himself he could not be held accountable for.
. . .
Full moon passed smoothly. Lily tried to persuade James not to go to Remus, but she knew from the start it was futile; the four friends hadn't missed a full moon together in a decade and not even the threat of the Dark Lord could come between James and peter, and Remus and Sirius' flat that night.
The night was quiet. The four of them simply stayed in the cellar under the flat, enjoying each other's company, and come morning they helped Remus to his room, helped him dress and piled onto his bed to watch over him as he dozed. One of his hands gripped Sirius' and couldn't be pried away.
James stretched out, his feet on the pillow by Remus' head. Sirius was curled between them with his head on Remus' stomach, and Peter sat at the foot of the bed, nibbling on an apple. The werewolf's breathing was steady, suggesting he was sound asleep. He often slept for a day or more after full moon, and the others usually stayed with him for all that time. But today the Roburius Charm was to be performed, and Remus would have to be woken soon.
James stared at his friends' hands, locked together by their sides. "So," he said, "are we rid of the mystery boyfriend?"
Sirius shrugged. "Not yet. It's more complicated that I thought."
"Going to tell me?"
"Not yet."
James nodded. "Well when you're ready. I guess you know who it is now?"
"Yeah. I don't know, Jim, maybe I should let Remus tell you if he wants. It's. . .Kind of complicated. He might not want it general knowledge."
James raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't even tell Lily if you asked me not to, you know that."
"Of course. But let Remus do the telling, okay?"
James admitted defeat and slumped back on the bed. Peter muttered irritably and moved out of the way. As he nestled back to get a few minutes rest, James spared a moment to gaze at each of his friends before his eyes flickered shut and he drifted into a peaceful and completely trusting sleep.
. . .
Lily was pacing anxiously when they arrived back at Godrick's Hollow a few hours later. Harry was sitting quite happily on the living room floor, surrounded by stacks of wooden building blocks. He swiped at a tall tower in an attempt to knock it over, but missed completely.
"I think we ought to take him to the opticians," murmured James. "He keeps doing that."
Lily didn't hear him. "Dumbledore will be arriving any moment and you're filthy!" She batted at his dusty clothes. Somehow whatever he, Sirius and peter got up to in their Animagus forms managed to show itself on their clothing the next morning. They did not, however, take for granted the fact that they transformed back fully-dressed, unlike Remus. The werewolf slumped onto the couch, rubbing blearily at his red eyes, and Sirius and Peter took a seat either side of him while Lily dragged James away to get changed and cleaned up. Sirius and Peter were both rather dusty, but neither felt inclined to do anything about it.
A sudden squealing noise made the three jump; Sirius leaped off the couch and searched the room until he found James' old sneakoscope hidden behind a photo frame. He glared at it, then at the two still on the couch. Remus winced.
"Shut that bloody thing up, Padfoot. I think my brain is melting."
"Yeah. Everyone knows those things are rubbish anyway," added Peter.
Sirius shrugged and silenced the contraption, then sat back between Remus and Peter as Lily answered the front door and led Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall inside. The pair looked grave.
"Why you didn't do this sooner, I'll never know," said Dumbledore, pulling a stack of paperwork from his pocket. "Sign these, please James. And you, Lily. And now you three sign here . . . I'm sorry about all this but I'm going to have to justify the emergency use of this charm. Really, you should be out of the country by now."
Lily raised her chin defiantly, ready to make a speech, but Dumbledore waved a hand vaguely at her. "I know, Lily, I really do. I understand you decision completely. Now then." He began to command them to stand in various corners of the property as he wound the enchantment around his fingers. It was like spiders' silk, malleable in consistency and vivid in colour. It spangled and glittered and pulsated, shooting out sparks at all angles. Then Dumbledore encircled the entire plot, leaving a glistening violet trail behind him. Finally he returned to the living room where he gathered the others around him again and touched them all with the sparkling orb of live magic he held in his hands. Once they had all held the orb, it vanished in a violent explosion in Remus' hands, blasting him backwards into the coffee table. He stumbled over the table, knocking over Harry's blocks as he fell and sprawled in a messy heap in the middle of Harry's block city.
"Yes. . . I should probably have said something about that," Dumbledore conceded, as James and Sirius hurried to help Remus to his feet. "But at any rate, the charm is now completed. We may consider ourselves the guardians of this place; none may enter without our permission. Any further security breeches will be entirely the responsibility of one or more persons in this room." He looked sternly at them over his glasses. "I do not want any further security breeches," he said, not in the voice of a headmaster but in that of a politician. Remus, Sirius and Peter all nodded; Lily seemed to relax considerably; and James sat down with Harry to help rebuild his demolished city.
. . .
The days after that passed in a kind of haze for Sirius. When he wasn't at work, he was hot on the heels of Remus, who had not become any easier to pin down for thirty seconds at a time. He was still doing overtime, and when he didn't get home until one-thirty in the morning the only explanation he would give was that he had needed some fresh air and a long walk. This was almost true; he had had to walk a long way into the Malfoy estates before he found Lucius in a small, oriental-looking garden, and they had not bothered to go back inside all evening. They had never slept in the same room again, despite Sirius' persistent attempts to lure Remus to his bed, a fact which infuriated Sirius since he knew Remus frequently spent the night with Lucius still. And one night in the middle of October, Sirius had had enough. They were sitting at the dinner table having just finished a large meal, when Sirius suddenly put his glass down sharply on the table. Remus glanced at him over the top of the newspaper.
"Leave him."
Remus removed his glasses. "Excuse me?"
"You heard." Sirius folded his arms. "I want him gone. I'm sick of it."
Remus put the paper down and stared evenly at Sirius. "You know why I can't do that, Padfoot. Not only would Lucius be extremely upset, but it wouldn't necessarily be me he's upset with. He has ways of knowing everything. Do you see what I mean?"
"I don't care."
"You will when he comes here demanding blood."
"I don't care!" Sirius snarled. "Ditch him, Remus! I don't gave a shit what you tell him, say I'll come and kill him if he resists, just get him the hell out of our lives. Do you understand?"
Remus looked completely unmoved by this outburst. He pushed his glasses back on and leaned across the table to touch Sirius' hand. "I'm sorry it's like this," he murmured. "Maybe if you'd told me how you felt sooner-"
"It is not my fault! It's yours!" Sirius' hand clamped possessively over Remus'. "If I have to share you any longer, I swear I will resort to drastic measures. It isn't bloody fair!"
"I know it isn't," Remus soothed. "And I said I'm sorry. I can try, but I can't promise anything."
Sirius shook his head. "You can. You can promise me that you'll do everything you can to get rid of him."
"All right. I promise that, but it might not work." Remus stared intently at his new lover, although he was wary of using that term to describe Sirius. They had scarcely had a moment together since the night of James' interruption, and although Sirius kept telling him he loved him Remus had not had the chance to return the sentiments. He wondered if he did love Sirius; this relationship was very different to the one with Lucius, which was dangerous and passionate. This one was practically chaste; the embodiment of Greek love as envisioned by Plato in his ideal civilisation. But this was far from ideal. Sirius was almost rabidly jealous, and Remus was incapable of thinking up reasons to leave Lucius. Did he love Lucius, if he didn't love Sirius? Unfortunately he could not answer this question. He knew he held some form of adoration for Sirius (although whether he was in love with him or simply loved him was another matter) but he could not guarantee he felt nothing for Lucius.
"Make it work," said Sirius firmly, clasping Remus' hand in his. And that was when Remus realised he could deny Sirius nothing. Whatever he felt for the blond, he would willingly give it all up if it granted Sirius a moment's satisfaction. He put his other hand on top of Sirius', and leaned across the table to kiss him once. Sirius gave him a huge grin. "I knew you felt the same," he declared, and hoisted himself onto the dining table. Remus' eyes widened and he was about to snap at him to get off the furniture as if he were in his canine form, but Sirius was across the table in a heartbeat and sitting astride Remus' lap.
"Ouch," said Remus, trying not to grin. "Sirius, you're completely insufferable, do you know that?"
"Of course." Sirius gave him a lingering kiss.
Remus smiled, then just as quickly his face was a picture of severity again. "I hope you don't think this is going to be easy," he said.
"No, I don't." Sirius gently stroked the back of his neck. "But I don't care. You're all I've wanted for as long as I can remember, and I'd do anything to have you all to myself."
"Mmm." Remus shut his eyes and tried to silence his conscience, but when Sirius began toying with his shirt buttons and he had to stop himself from uttering the words "not now, Lucius," he opened them and yelped quietly. Sirius looked surprised, and glanced behind him as he had done the night they had almost spent together. There was nothing there, but Remus looked disturbed.
"The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner you can live in peace," said Sirius as softly as he could. "Now then . . . Are you coming to bed or do I have to spend another night staring at the ceiling and straining to hear you breathe through the wall?"
Remus' eyes widened, then he shook himself and smiled. "My god, you're obsessed aren't you?"
"Not denying it."
He pushed Lucius as far to the back of his mind he could. It wasn't worth dwelling on him when he was with Sirius; it could cause nothing but trouble. Right here and now Sirius loved him and he could not deny he wanted Sirius. "Okay, I'm coming to bed."
Sirius grinned. "I win then."
"Oh, do you?"
"In my personal little world, yes." Sirius slid off Remus' lap and padded over to the sink to get a glass of water. Remus stood too, stretched, and rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius drank deeply, rinsed the glass, then refilled it to take upstairs. He glanced at Remus.
"Do you love me, Moony?"
Remus winced. "I don't say those words. It's stupid sentimentality."
"I just want the facts; if you feel it, say it."
Remus grinned. "Make me."
"Oh?" Sirius turned to smile seductively at his werewolf. "Do I detect the whiff of a challenge?"
He practically skipped up the stairs, Remus hot on his heels. The door of Sirius' room shut firmly behind them, and Sirius rose valiantly to his challenge. He was almost sure he caught the three faint words on Remus' breath at some point during the night but could not remember when, or if they had been a figment of his own imagination.
When he woke up, there was a space beside him and the sheets were cold.
. . .
James paced up and down the room as Lily fished something out of her pocket and held it up for Remus and Sirius to see. It was very dark now, and Lily had tried to put all the lights on, but James had yelped and extinguished all but two lamps in the corners of the living room. Remus and Sirius sat one either side of Lily, peering at the thing in her hand. It looked like a Sneakoscope, but clearly wasn't.
"I've heard of these," said Sirius. "They use them at work; don't they flash and wail when you're being spied on?"
"They're meant to, but this one is very old. It only has an effect when the owner is in great peril. It went off two hours ago."
James stopped pacing and snatched the contraption. "Maybe it's utterly broken," he wondered, and tossed it into the fireplace. "But I don't care. We have to make sure no strangers can get in or out of this house. I happen to know a very good charm, and I can fix it so only a select few can ever get access here."
Sirius nodded suddenly. "The Roburius Charm? That's not a bad idea."
"I've never heard of that," admitted Remus.
"No offence, Moony, but you won't have. It's one of a set of protection spells only disclosed to certain organisations and their associates. Like Jim said, he can cast the charm over a select – or elite – group of people in a specific place, and only they will ever be able to find the place again."
James nodded. "Secret societies and the like are always trying to get clearance to use it, but they have to apply to the Ministry and that can take months. I think Dumbledore will be able to get us instant permission though."
Lily looked sceptical. "Are you sure this is completely necessary?"
"Of course I am! Sirius, back me up here."
Sirius shrugged. "He's got a point, Lily. I reckon he's right for once."
"So," she asked, "who are you going to include with this charm?"
"Only the obvious people; Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dumbledore, Minerva."
"And the post-owl," said Remus helpfully.
"No! You guys will have to receive our post from now on. We can't take any risks. So." He stared from Lily to Remus and Sirius. "We'll cast the charm the day after tomorrow, if you can all get here after full moon."
Sirius nodded. "Have you told Peter?"
"Briefly, just before I went to find you. He had to run off, something about his mother." James didn't sound at all concerned about Peter's mother, with good reason. People's mothers were the Marauders' equivalent of Mr Bunbury, and everyone assumed the mother-visitor was either talking about full-moon shenanigans, or had planned some secret romantic liaison. Remus had been foolish enough to try and use that one on Sirius when he had first started seeing Lucius, which was how Sirius knew of the existence of his mysterious boyfriend in the first place.
"I worry about him," Sirius sighed. "He's always running off somewhere. Almost as bad as Moony here, except I think it's Peter's family. You know his grandmother relies on him, and he really doesn't think about his own health as much as-"
James snorted. "Shut up, Sirius. Peter's a big boy now, he can take care of himself." He stopped pacing and peered at his friends. Suddenly he looked incredibly weary. "You two. . .I guess you can go. I'm sorry I disturbed you." He had the decency to go bright red, although he seemed to only just realise what he had caught Remus and Sirius in the middle of. "We were just really worried and-"
"It's not a problem. We can stay here if you like, in the spare room-"
"Not necessary!" said James and Lily together. They exchanged a glance. "But thank you," Lily added. "We've got some basic protection spells to last us out a couple of nights."
Remus and Sirius stayed for an hour or so, then apparated back to their own flat ("You just hold onto my hand, Remus, I'll do the apparating, imagine the chaos if you got caught, we'd never get this charm on James' house with you locked up would we?") and their own living room. Sirius made some tea while Remus slumped anxiously on the sofa. A moment later, Sirius had pressed a warm mug into his hands and curled protectively around him.
"I hope you realise," said Sirius, pausing to sip his tea, "that I'm not going to let you out of my sight from now on?" He gently stroked his werewolf's cheek. "You need a shave," he added. "Facial hair is bad . . . Don't tell me, Lucius liked it?"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "I liked it, actually. But if you insist."
"I do. And I insist also on knowing exactly where you are at all times. I'm not trying to sound pushy or patronising," he added quickly, "but it's not safe. Nothing is safe. Like I said, I'm even concerned about you when you are home, and I couldn't bare it if I didn't have a clue where you were."
Remus stared at him for a long time. "All right, Padfoot," he said eventually. "As long as this doesn't get stupid. And I have to know where you are too."
"It's a deal." Sirius put his mug down and gave Remus a lingering kiss. The werewolf did his best not to deepen it, but as usual he was powerless. Sirius seemed to control his every move, and he sank blissfully into an embrace he told himself he could not be held accountable for.
. . .
Full moon passed smoothly. Lily tried to persuade James not to go to Remus, but she knew from the start it was futile; the four friends hadn't missed a full moon together in a decade and not even the threat of the Dark Lord could come between James and peter, and Remus and Sirius' flat that night.
The night was quiet. The four of them simply stayed in the cellar under the flat, enjoying each other's company, and come morning they helped Remus to his room, helped him dress and piled onto his bed to watch over him as he dozed. One of his hands gripped Sirius' and couldn't be pried away.
James stretched out, his feet on the pillow by Remus' head. Sirius was curled between them with his head on Remus' stomach, and Peter sat at the foot of the bed, nibbling on an apple. The werewolf's breathing was steady, suggesting he was sound asleep. He often slept for a day or more after full moon, and the others usually stayed with him for all that time. But today the Roburius Charm was to be performed, and Remus would have to be woken soon.
James stared at his friends' hands, locked together by their sides. "So," he said, "are we rid of the mystery boyfriend?"
Sirius shrugged. "Not yet. It's more complicated that I thought."
"Going to tell me?"
"Not yet."
James nodded. "Well when you're ready. I guess you know who it is now?"
"Yeah. I don't know, Jim, maybe I should let Remus tell you if he wants. It's. . .Kind of complicated. He might not want it general knowledge."
James raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't even tell Lily if you asked me not to, you know that."
"Of course. But let Remus do the telling, okay?"
James admitted defeat and slumped back on the bed. Peter muttered irritably and moved out of the way. As he nestled back to get a few minutes rest, James spared a moment to gaze at each of his friends before his eyes flickered shut and he drifted into a peaceful and completely trusting sleep.
. . .
Lily was pacing anxiously when they arrived back at Godrick's Hollow a few hours later. Harry was sitting quite happily on the living room floor, surrounded by stacks of wooden building blocks. He swiped at a tall tower in an attempt to knock it over, but missed completely.
"I think we ought to take him to the opticians," murmured James. "He keeps doing that."
Lily didn't hear him. "Dumbledore will be arriving any moment and you're filthy!" She batted at his dusty clothes. Somehow whatever he, Sirius and peter got up to in their Animagus forms managed to show itself on their clothing the next morning. They did not, however, take for granted the fact that they transformed back fully-dressed, unlike Remus. The werewolf slumped onto the couch, rubbing blearily at his red eyes, and Sirius and Peter took a seat either side of him while Lily dragged James away to get changed and cleaned up. Sirius and Peter were both rather dusty, but neither felt inclined to do anything about it.
A sudden squealing noise made the three jump; Sirius leaped off the couch and searched the room until he found James' old sneakoscope hidden behind a photo frame. He glared at it, then at the two still on the couch. Remus winced.
"Shut that bloody thing up, Padfoot. I think my brain is melting."
"Yeah. Everyone knows those things are rubbish anyway," added Peter.
Sirius shrugged and silenced the contraption, then sat back between Remus and Peter as Lily answered the front door and led Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall inside. The pair looked grave.
"Why you didn't do this sooner, I'll never know," said Dumbledore, pulling a stack of paperwork from his pocket. "Sign these, please James. And you, Lily. And now you three sign here . . . I'm sorry about all this but I'm going to have to justify the emergency use of this charm. Really, you should be out of the country by now."
Lily raised her chin defiantly, ready to make a speech, but Dumbledore waved a hand vaguely at her. "I know, Lily, I really do. I understand you decision completely. Now then." He began to command them to stand in various corners of the property as he wound the enchantment around his fingers. It was like spiders' silk, malleable in consistency and vivid in colour. It spangled and glittered and pulsated, shooting out sparks at all angles. Then Dumbledore encircled the entire plot, leaving a glistening violet trail behind him. Finally he returned to the living room where he gathered the others around him again and touched them all with the sparkling orb of live magic he held in his hands. Once they had all held the orb, it vanished in a violent explosion in Remus' hands, blasting him backwards into the coffee table. He stumbled over the table, knocking over Harry's blocks as he fell and sprawled in a messy heap in the middle of Harry's block city.
"Yes. . . I should probably have said something about that," Dumbledore conceded, as James and Sirius hurried to help Remus to his feet. "But at any rate, the charm is now completed. We may consider ourselves the guardians of this place; none may enter without our permission. Any further security breeches will be entirely the responsibility of one or more persons in this room." He looked sternly at them over his glasses. "I do not want any further security breeches," he said, not in the voice of a headmaster but in that of a politician. Remus, Sirius and Peter all nodded; Lily seemed to relax considerably; and James sat down with Harry to help rebuild his demolished city.
. . .
The days after that passed in a kind of haze for Sirius. When he wasn't at work, he was hot on the heels of Remus, who had not become any easier to pin down for thirty seconds at a time. He was still doing overtime, and when he didn't get home until one-thirty in the morning the only explanation he would give was that he had needed some fresh air and a long walk. This was almost true; he had had to walk a long way into the Malfoy estates before he found Lucius in a small, oriental-looking garden, and they had not bothered to go back inside all evening. They had never slept in the same room again, despite Sirius' persistent attempts to lure Remus to his bed, a fact which infuriated Sirius since he knew Remus frequently spent the night with Lucius still. And one night in the middle of October, Sirius had had enough. They were sitting at the dinner table having just finished a large meal, when Sirius suddenly put his glass down sharply on the table. Remus glanced at him over the top of the newspaper.
"Leave him."
Remus removed his glasses. "Excuse me?"
"You heard." Sirius folded his arms. "I want him gone. I'm sick of it."
Remus put the paper down and stared evenly at Sirius. "You know why I can't do that, Padfoot. Not only would Lucius be extremely upset, but it wouldn't necessarily be me he's upset with. He has ways of knowing everything. Do you see what I mean?"
"I don't care."
"You will when he comes here demanding blood."
"I don't care!" Sirius snarled. "Ditch him, Remus! I don't gave a shit what you tell him, say I'll come and kill him if he resists, just get him the hell out of our lives. Do you understand?"
Remus looked completely unmoved by this outburst. He pushed his glasses back on and leaned across the table to touch Sirius' hand. "I'm sorry it's like this," he murmured. "Maybe if you'd told me how you felt sooner-"
"It is not my fault! It's yours!" Sirius' hand clamped possessively over Remus'. "If I have to share you any longer, I swear I will resort to drastic measures. It isn't bloody fair!"
"I know it isn't," Remus soothed. "And I said I'm sorry. I can try, but I can't promise anything."
Sirius shook his head. "You can. You can promise me that you'll do everything you can to get rid of him."
"All right. I promise that, but it might not work." Remus stared intently at his new lover, although he was wary of using that term to describe Sirius. They had scarcely had a moment together since the night of James' interruption, and although Sirius kept telling him he loved him Remus had not had the chance to return the sentiments. He wondered if he did love Sirius; this relationship was very different to the one with Lucius, which was dangerous and passionate. This one was practically chaste; the embodiment of Greek love as envisioned by Plato in his ideal civilisation. But this was far from ideal. Sirius was almost rabidly jealous, and Remus was incapable of thinking up reasons to leave Lucius. Did he love Lucius, if he didn't love Sirius? Unfortunately he could not answer this question. He knew he held some form of adoration for Sirius (although whether he was in love with him or simply loved him was another matter) but he could not guarantee he felt nothing for Lucius.
"Make it work," said Sirius firmly, clasping Remus' hand in his. And that was when Remus realised he could deny Sirius nothing. Whatever he felt for the blond, he would willingly give it all up if it granted Sirius a moment's satisfaction. He put his other hand on top of Sirius', and leaned across the table to kiss him once. Sirius gave him a huge grin. "I knew you felt the same," he declared, and hoisted himself onto the dining table. Remus' eyes widened and he was about to snap at him to get off the furniture as if he were in his canine form, but Sirius was across the table in a heartbeat and sitting astride Remus' lap.
"Ouch," said Remus, trying not to grin. "Sirius, you're completely insufferable, do you know that?"
"Of course." Sirius gave him a lingering kiss.
Remus smiled, then just as quickly his face was a picture of severity again. "I hope you don't think this is going to be easy," he said.
"No, I don't." Sirius gently stroked the back of his neck. "But I don't care. You're all I've wanted for as long as I can remember, and I'd do anything to have you all to myself."
"Mmm." Remus shut his eyes and tried to silence his conscience, but when Sirius began toying with his shirt buttons and he had to stop himself from uttering the words "not now, Lucius," he opened them and yelped quietly. Sirius looked surprised, and glanced behind him as he had done the night they had almost spent together. There was nothing there, but Remus looked disturbed.
"The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner you can live in peace," said Sirius as softly as he could. "Now then . . . Are you coming to bed or do I have to spend another night staring at the ceiling and straining to hear you breathe through the wall?"
Remus' eyes widened, then he shook himself and smiled. "My god, you're obsessed aren't you?"
"Not denying it."
He pushed Lucius as far to the back of his mind he could. It wasn't worth dwelling on him when he was with Sirius; it could cause nothing but trouble. Right here and now Sirius loved him and he could not deny he wanted Sirius. "Okay, I'm coming to bed."
Sirius grinned. "I win then."
"Oh, do you?"
"In my personal little world, yes." Sirius slid off Remus' lap and padded over to the sink to get a glass of water. Remus stood too, stretched, and rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius drank deeply, rinsed the glass, then refilled it to take upstairs. He glanced at Remus.
"Do you love me, Moony?"
Remus winced. "I don't say those words. It's stupid sentimentality."
"I just want the facts; if you feel it, say it."
Remus grinned. "Make me."
"Oh?" Sirius turned to smile seductively at his werewolf. "Do I detect the whiff of a challenge?"
He practically skipped up the stairs, Remus hot on his heels. The door of Sirius' room shut firmly behind them, and Sirius rose valiantly to his challenge. He was almost sure he caught the three faint words on Remus' breath at some point during the night but could not remember when, or if they had been a figment of his own imagination.
When he woke up, there was a space beside him and the sheets were cold.