Chapter 2

Six Months ago, about a week before he left for Mexico:

Jack couldn't leave without saying goodbye. He would miss her, but he knew he should end it so she could forget him and get on with her life. Truthfully, he felt he just wasn't good enough for her and she deserved better. She needed someone who would always be there for her and never place her in harm's way. With his job, there was no guarantee that someone wouldn't use her to get to him. It was just a risk that he couldn't take anymore, not with her, not after what happened to Teri.

He showed up at her house early Saturday morning unannounced and used the key she had given him to unlock the door. He had gone around back and made sure her car was in the garage, but he knew she liked to sleep in on the weekends. He opened the front door and let himself in, still unsure of exactly it was he had to say.

The house was still quiet, only the sound of coffee dripping in the kitchen could be heard. She would be awake soon though, the smell of coffee was weaving its way through the house and back towards the bedroom. He silently made his way back to her room and found her still asleep in bed. She was on her stomach on the left side of the bed, her silky blonde hair fanned out behind her, head facing the doorway. He couldn't suppress a smile. She still kept to the left side even though his side had been unoccupied for several weeks.

In preparation for his next mission, he had consciously been pushing her away for some time now. He refused to sleep over and grew distant and moody. He hoped it would help ease the pain now that he was leaving her for good.

Jack just stood in the doorway admiring how beautiful Kate was. The sheet she slept with had slipped down and barely covered her naked body. Her strong back gave way to gentle curves as his gaze followed her every line. God, he would miss holding her, touching her, kissing her. He tried to restrain the urges that flooded his body when he saw her like that.

He walked over to her and gently kissed her cheek, hoping not to frighten her. She stirred, but remained fast asleep, her breathing still deep and rhythmic. Jack knelt down this time, his face close to hers, and leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips, resting his hand on her back.

Kate thought she was having a dream, a wonderful dream about Jack. But something nagged at the corner of her mind; she could swear she smelled him in the room, even among the coffee scent that had begun to awaken her senses. She fought through the sleepiness and tried to open her eyes, only to find Jack's face in front of hers.

Still half asleep, she whispered, "Jack?" He smelled of soap and shaving cream, the clean male scent that she loved on Jack.

"Yeah, it's me, I didn't want to wake you up, but we need to talk."

This time, she was fully awake and sat up, clutching the sheet to her body.

"What time is it? What's wrong?" She didn't like the look on his face. It was serious, as if he was going to do something that he didn't want to do, but had no choice.

"It's nearly 8:30. Nothing's wrong, but I need to talk to you."

She was worried now, discussions that started this way never ended well, and especially considering this conversation was with Jack.

Her eyes met his, unable to turn away. He sat down on the bed and faced her, then broke their gaze and lowered his head.

"I'm leaving. I can't keep doing this. It's not good for either of us and you should get on with your life. It hasn't been right for a while now."

She knew he had been trying to push her away, but she hadn't yet figured out the reason. Why do men think women don't realize what they are doing when they distance themselves?

Jack looked up at her for some kind of reaction, but her face wasn't giving away many clues. Her mouth formed a straight line and her eyes only held questions that he couldn't answer.

Finally, she spoke, "Jack, I don't know why you are doing this, but I think I deserve a real explanation, and that wasn't one."

He didn't want to do this, but knew it had to be done. When he raised his head and looked up at her, the sheet now barely covered her chest, awakening the urges he had tried desperately to bury. But he couldn't think of that now, he owed her an explanation and a final goodbye. For all he knew, this could be the last time he saw her.

His heart sank. He knew what he had to say and it was going to hurt both of them. "I don't love you."

She stared back at him with anger in her eyes because she knew he was lying. "Why are you doing this, are you deliberately trying to hurt me?" He knew she could never understand and he had no answer for her.

"Answer me you son of a bitch!" Kate was quickly getting hysterical and started punching at him as tears streamed down her face. He tried to deflect the punches, but she just kept advancing. Without thinking, he grabbed her face in her hands and kissed her hard on the mouth. That stopped the punches, but he couldn't turn back now if he wanted to. He deepened the kiss. He needed her too and wanted desperately to give in to the cravings that had been pulsating through him since he entered her bedroom. These cravings had nothing to do with the heroin he had begun using for his undercover assignment.

She came to him hungrily and tore at his clothes. Anger was a powerful aphrodisiac and he was just as turned on by her. He needed a release, something to feel, if only briefly. He quickly shed his clothes and they joined together, desperate to get closer to her. Their fierce coupling was fueled with need, desperation, and anger. They climaxed quickly, but Jack didn't move, unwilling to break their embrace and leave her. But this was not what he came here to do. He hated himself for giving in to it.

Slowly he rolled off her and lay down next to her, brushing the hair out of her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't come here for this."

All her anger was spent, "I know," she said softly. But it didn't make it any easier.

"I have to leave, I will be away for a while. I don't know when I will be back."

"Jack, just please stay and hold me for a little while before you go." She looked at him with pleading eyes.

He knew he should get up and leave now, but he couldn't make himself move. "Just for a little while, but listen." He sighed, then continued, "You have to forget about me and move on Kate, find someone to settle down and start a family with. You know that's what you want. And you know I can't give it to you. I'm not the man you thought I was." This hurt him to say, but he knew she couldn't argue with him.

She didn't answer him, but somehow realized that he was right. She loved him more than he would ever know, but the realization didn't make it any easier. She did want to start a family with a husband and father to do it with her. As much as it pained her to think it, Jack was just not that man.

Tears streamed down her face again as she lay with her back to Jack, his arms protectively around her.

She woke up and glanced at the clock, it said 10:22. It took a minute to realize what happened, she had been asleep for a couple of hours. She knew Jack was gone, could feel the emptiness from his side of the bed without even looking.

She got up and put on a robe, her body felt almost bruised from the events of a couple of hours ago. She walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when she noticed something gleaming on the counter in the morning sun. It was Jack's key.

To Be Continued: