The Edulcoration of Duo Maxwell - 57B/?
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Second half of Chapter 57 - you DID read the first half already, yes?
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PLEASE GO BACK AND RE-READ CHAPTER 57 IF THE LAST ONE YOU READ WAS THE APRIL FOOL'S CHAPTER.
The "joke" chapter has been replaced with the REAL chapter. This is the SECOND HALF of the real chapter 57, if you were unfortunate enough to read my (cough) whimsical attempt at an April Fool's joke. If you read a version titled "Bringing Mayflowers" - that's the fake one.
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Chapter 57 - Liberty and Prosperity in the Violet Garden - Part 2 of 2
"I've forgotten you...The way you walked, the way you talked...I couldn't say for sure today whether your eyes were blue or gray...I've forgotten you, I never think of you...oh, what a lie..." - Performed by an unnamed African cabaret singer, Yellow Iris, Agatha Christie
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One last reminder: Please insure that you've reread the last chapter, if you did not already. The joke chapter has been replaced with the real chapter, which should be read before this one. Chapter 57 was split into two parts, and this is the second of the two.
My apologies for inserting so many comments about the joke chapter, but it's come to my attention that the headings are often ignored in the chapters, so I want to be sure no one misses the replaced chapter just because I was feeling impish on April 1st.
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Chapter 57 - 2 of 2
Duo scratched behind his left ear as he signed the last form on his desk, then threw the pen down with a sigh of relief.
He had slept away most of the previous day, after arriving in New York at six in the morning. By the time he'd gotten home from the airport, he hadn't even unpacked before dropping his clothes haphazardly as soon as he crossed the threshold of the bedroom. He'd collapsed on the bed and fallen into a dreamless sleep.
The first thing he'd done when he woke up was call Wufei, who hadn't seemed at all surprised that Duo wasn't at the office yet. He'd suggested that Duo come back the following day, and he'd be more than happy to teleconference with Duo if he wanted.
Duo had declined. He'd unpacked his carryon and then remembered he still had luggage somewhere at LaGuardia. He'd showered and dressed, then transferred the contents of the pockets in the pants he'd dropped on the floor to his jeans. The dirty clothes went either in the hamper or on hangers for the dry cleaner, and he drove to the airport, stopping for a cup of coffee and a bagel on the way.
It had been grueling, dealing with the less-than-perky employee in baggage claim, but fortunately his suitcases had been easily located among the "unclaimed." Unfortunately the contents had been searched thoroughly as part of increased security measures, and he'd almost snapped at the airport official who'd insisted on seeing every form of identification Duo possessed before he was allowed to reclaim the disarray that was his luggage.
Then he'd gotten home and tackled the unpacking chore once again.
When his fingers had made contact with one of the cardboard boxes, he'd withdrawn his hand with a slight hiss. He'd shaken his head at the ridiculousness of his reaction and placed the two boxes in the closet of one of the spare rooms. The one furthest away from his.
His right hand had slid into his pocket for a moment. He'd pulled it out, along with some pocket lint, and scratched his head. He'd then realized the bagel hadn't been sufficient nourishment at all, and he'd ordered delivery food for lunch.
The last chore he'd decided to tackle was his grocery shopping, and after that he'd plopped on his sofa with the remote control. He'd forced himself to watch another recycled movie plot before turning off the television all together.
The night had seemed to drag, Duo remembered, rubbing his temples rather vigorously. It was good to be in the office, where things were back to normal. Wufei had acted as if it were just another day, and for that Duo was grateful. The only thing he couldn't pretend didn't exist was their latest acquisition. That, and Meiran's suggestion for relocation.
His cell phone rang, and he picked it up, noting the phone number on the display with surprise. He stood up and placed his right hand in his pocket, the left one holding the phone to his ear after he accepted the call.
"What's the matter?" he asked gruffly. "Thought of a few more things you forgot to tell me?"
"Duo," she said. "I'd like to see you."
Duo closed his eyes briefly, then opened them. He supposed he was curious, more than anything.
"Fine."
~~~~~
They hadn't been at this restaurant for nearly a year, Duo realized, as they took their seats at what had been their favorite table. It was funny how the little details seemed obvious now. How long had they missed out on doing things they used to enjoy?
"Are you feeling OK, Duo?" she asked, concern etched on her features.
"Worried I'm languishing over a broken heart?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.
"No!" she said. "No, of course not. You just seem tired."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I am tired, Hilde. I spent a week tap dancing around the whole Peacecraft issue, and for once things didn't go quite the way I envisioned."
"So Meiran said," she replied carefully. She took a sip of her drink. Her moistened lips glistened. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, Duo."
"Stop putting words in my mouth," he growled.
She put down her glass and sighed. "Duo," she said. "I would never dream of trying to anticipate what will come out of your mouth."
"I certainly don't proclaim that I'm an expert at what comes out of yours, either."
She frowned slightly. "I'm sorry, Duo. That's why I wanted to talk to you. About that phone call -"
His eyes grew wide and he raised an eyebrow. "You want to get back together?"
She laughed, ignoring the scowl that resulted. "Don't be ridiculous, Duo. If it didn't work the last twelve times we tried, what makes you think it would work this time?"
"Thirteen is a lucky number," Duo said.
"Duo," she said, her smile turning wistful. Her right hand reached over to grab his left. "I am sorry I broke up with you the way I did, over the phone. It was cowardly of me, I suppose, but I didn't want to wait until you came back. I felt that would be almost like lying, to pretend I'd be there waiting, the faithful puppy, eager to see her master again."
"I've never treated you like that."
She nodded. "I know you didn't, Duo. That's not the point and you know it. I just thought you'd like to know as soon as I did."
"Why then?" he asked. "Why not before I left for California?"
She blushed slightly. "This will sound stupid."
"I'm used to that from you," he said, his grin appearing almost genuine. She lightly kicked him under the table.
"I didn't know, Duo," she confessed. "I thought everything was fine. Then you left, and I realized I felt relieved."
"Relieved."
"Yes," Hilde nodded again. "It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Not that you are a burden, Duo, but I wasn't as tense as I had been." She shook her head. "This is not coming out right. I just knew that it was a good thing you were gone, and that isn't how it should feel when someone you love is away."
"Someone you love," he repeated slowly.
She winced. "I do love you, Duo. I think part of me will always love you. It's just...take Meiran for example. She and I see each other rarely, and we only know each other through you and Wufei. Yet I enjoy spending time with her when our paths cross, like they did this morning, and once in a while I think it would be nice to do it again, but I can't say I actually miss her." She picked up one of the forks off the table. "I felt that way when you were gone. I love you, Duo, but...I guess the thing is...I've realized I'm not IN love with you."
She set the fork down, and Duo noticed it was bent slightly.
"You love me, but aren't in love with me."
"That's right."
"What about sex, Hilde?"
"What?"
He leaned over the table slightly. "You're saying that you want us to remain friends, I assume."
"Of course, Duo."
"With benefits?"
If he'd hoped for a stunned reaction, he was disappointed. "If I thought you could handle it, Duo, sure."
He sat back. "Sure?"
"You're a good lay, Duo," she said with a shrug. "You know that, because I don't fake anything. The thing is, Duo, that sometimes sex makes you think that there is more to a relationship. I think it would be a mistake to resume the physical side of ours until we are comfortable with our new status as friends." She eyed him carefully. "Then, maybe, with benefits."
~~~~~
Duo wasn't sure what Hilde meant by all that. That was to say, he did, but for some reason he had a hard time applying her logic to other...situations.
There was too much going on at the office, he decided, that was making it difficult to focus. Wufei had been making arrangements to fly back to California to keep an eye on Sanquhar's development, and apparently Meiran was planning to meet him there in a few days to scope out living arrangements. It was almost a done deal, Wufei and Meiran moving out West.
It saddened Duo a bit.
"Duo, your hair," Hilde said, breaking him out of his reverie.
"My hair?"
She nodded, reaching out to touch some of the stray wisps near his temples. "It's a mess, Duo."
He bristled, running a hand over the length of the tightly braided hair. "It is very neat."
"I know," she agreed amiably. "But the texture...did they stop making that conditioner you swear by? It's rather lifeless and dry looking."
He shook his head. "I switched to a different brand."
She frowned. "It took you forever to find one you liked."
"It was time for a change," he snapped. When he'd realized he must have left it at the hotel in Beverly Hills, he decided it was a good time to explore a lot of new things.
"And you have dandruff, Duo," she said.
He rubbed his hands through his hair, and she looked surprised. "Duo."
"What now, Hilde?"
"The dandruff."
"You said that already."
"No, Duo, I mean...it's still there."
~~~~~
The following afternoon, Hilde was wearing the thickest elbow length rubber gloves she could find. She was busily massaging medicated shampoo through Duo's hair. She sighed when she had to open a second bottle, and again when she got to the third.
After the seventh sigh, this one because she was trying to juggle holding the hair aloft and rubbing it with both hands while keeping it from dripping past the drop cloth they'd spread on the kitchen floor, Duo growled slightly.
"I'm sorry, Duo," she said, not sounding very apologetic. "But it takes a while to work it through all the strands, and I still have to comb it through to the ends. You could do it yourself, you know."
"And have that shit drip in my lap? I think not," he snorted. "Maybe I should just cut it all off," he added bitingly.
She snorted right back. "Yeah. I see that happening."
He bit back a reply and thought about it. Why not? What purpose did it serve, really? He'd grown it out to spite a woman he hadn't seen in nearly ten years. It was a bitch to care for, and it had taken him a long time to find just the right conditioner to get it to remain smooth...
"It makes me look gay."
Her hands paused in their ministrations, and she sighed again.
"Duo, I'm really sorry I said that to you. Maybe I was a little bit angry, and said things I didn't mean."
Like we've always done to each other, she added, finishing the last of the application and picking up a fine toothed comb, starting at the top.
"Really," he said, wincing as she hit a snag, but not wanting to interrupt her train of thought by correcting her technique.
"I don't know, Duo. Maybe I meant it, a little. The reason I called you yesterday is because I want to clear the air. You and I have known each other a long time, even before we got physically involved. I guess I hoped we'd still be friends, the way we were..."
The way we were before. The way we were when we weren't together. The way we got along when we were in between 'being together.'
Not necessarily 'with benefits,' she grimaced. Maybe that would be a mistake. A security blanket for both of them.
"I think you were right," he said.
Her hands stilled. "You what?"
"I think you were right," he repeated.
"Oh." She finished combing the shampoo all the way through his hair without another word, stripped off the gloves and set the timer for twenty minutes, then sat down.
"It stings," he commented. It took her a minute to realize he was referring to his head.
"Tell me again how this happened," she said, gesturing to thickly covered hair she'd piled on top of his head.
"I don't know," he shook his head, then stopped when she frowned at the motion. It toppled anyway, the wet mass making a smacking noise as it hit the back of the chair and the towel over Duo's shoulders. "The nurse I spoke to thinks I got it from the airport pillow." And I should have done more to it than rip it to shreds, he thought viciously.
She laughed, and he scowled darkly. "It's not funny, Hilde."
"I know," she said, trying to sound soothing but failing miserably. "But Duo, no one catches head lice from airport pillows."
"They DO," he insisted. "Apparently the damn things can live long enough to transfer from head to pillow to new head."
She started to put a hand over her mouth to control her snickers, then remembered that she might want to wash her hands first, despite the gloves she'd used. "I've never heard of anyone catching head lice that way. In fact, I've never heard of anyone catching them past the third grade."
"Well, apparently I'm special," he groused.
"Aw, Duo, don't sulk," she said, her tone light and infectious.
"You're lucky I love you, Hilde."
She stopped breathing for a second. "What did you say?"
"You're lucky?"
She made a sound of frustration. "You're impossible, Duo Maxwell! Do you realize it's the first time you've ever said that to me?"
"It is?"
She shook her head. "Outside of the bedroom, yes. You were never in love with me, were you, Duo? This, it's easy for you to say it now, because you mean it. Just...just not the way I'd once hoped you did."
"I'm sorry, Hilde." Duo's voice was very quiet.
"It's okay, Duo," she said softly. "You're just lucky I love you, too. And maybe...just maybe, I felt this way much longer than I realized."
They fell silent until the timer went off, and then Hilde put the gloves back on. She gathered the coated strands of hair and held as much as she could in her hands, then walked Duo to the sink where she rinsed his hair carefully.
"Hey, Duo?" she said, as he toweled his hair briskly.
He peeked at her from underneath the terry cloth hood.
"I was hoping perhaps you'd be willing to accompany me to a networking event I have to attend."
He grinned at her. "Friends with benefits?"
She punched him in the arm, recognizing it as a joke. "Beast."
"You and Meiran have got to start acting more ladylike," he complained, rubbing his arm and looking wounded. The towel covering his bangs ruined the effect.
"You know you don't mean that."
"When's the big gala event?"
"Don't worry, Duo, you'll have plenty of time to eradicate your little parasite problem by then. Unless you catch herpes from a toilet seat, or something," she teased.
Duo was in the middle of draping the towel over the back of a chair and picking up a wide toothed comb when her words registered.
He hadn't thought of that. Hell, what if he had caught something?
"Duo?"
He shook his head and started combing, snapping a few of the wet strands by tugging a bit too hard. Her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back into the chair. She took the comb away, washed her hands, and began running it slowly and carefully through the strands, starting at the bottom this time, to assist him in the arduous process of detangling his hair.
"Tell me about this thing you're dragging me to," he said, his voice cheerful.
She fell for it. She always had, Duo noted almost sadly, as they entered into light banter about networking in general, sycophants, and the difficulty in feigning interest in what most of the attendants had to say.
After she left, he called and made an appointment with Oliver Gibson.
~~~~~
"So, Duo, explain to me why you are here," Gibson said, leaning back in his chair casually.
"I have engaged in some rather high risk sexual practices," Duo said, meeting his physician's eyes without blinking.
"And you wish to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases."
"Yes."
"I will need to ask you a few questions, Duo, to assess risk and determine incubation time. We can decide then what you'd like to do."
"I expected as much." Duo was embarrassed, but he didn't plan on showing the doctor he felt that way.
"I assume you have not been monogamous."
"No. Not really." He realized that was evasive, and he clarified. "Two partners."
"And these two partners...what time frame have you been involved with them?"
"I was monogamous with the first until about three weeks ago. The second was a week ago."
The doctor made some notes.
"How active were you a week ago?"
Duo glanced at the pamphlet in his hand and looked at the list of various activities, ranging from no risk to high risk.
"Very."
"Which activities have you engaged in?" Gibson gestured at the pamphlet.
Duo didn't need to consult the list anymore. He again looked right at the doctor and rattled off the pertinent items.
"Receptive oral sex with protection. Insertive oral sex without. Insertive anal sex with protection. Receptive without."
There was a moment of silence in the examination room, and Gibson frowned slightly. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it. Duo's gaze was almost unnerving, and he cleared his throat before speaking again.
"What do you know about your recent partner's sexual history?"
"Receptive oral and anal sex with protection. Multiple partners, history unknown."
"Are you sure, Duo? Has your partner always used protection previously?"
Duo didn't hesitate. "Positive."
Gibson made another note on Duo's chart, then closed the folder.
"I am sure you don't need me to tell you that your recent sexual practices have included the one act that ranks highest for the risk of transmitting..." he trailed off as he saw Duo's eyes narrow. "There is a window, Duo, which you are currently in at the moment. To test now would be inconclusive. The earliest I could test would be after six weeks-"
"I will come back then."
"Hear me out, Duo. That might be enough time for some conditions to test positive, but a negative result at that point would not necessarily mean you haven't been exposed. I would need to repeat the tests again after three months."
"Then we will repeat them." Duo stood up. "I'll make an appointment with the secretary on my way out. For the laboratory tests in six weeks and in three months."
Gibson sighed. He was well aware that Duo had the money to pay for the blood work. He circled some numbers on the standard patient diagnosis sheet and handed it to Duo. "Give her this and she'll make sure you're scheduled for the full gamut of tests."
"Thank you," Duo said stiffly. Just before he left, he heard the doctor say, under his breath, "I just hope that you don't regret what happened."
I already do, Doc, he thought. I already do.
Liar, another part of his brain whispered.
He handed his paperwork to the appointment secretary and told the voice in his head to mind its own business.
tbc
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Copious footnotes and apologies and explanations, sorta...
My thanks to all whom were kind enough to allow me to live after my perpetrating of an April Fool's hoax. Most of you took the joke in good humor.
If you missed the April Fool's chapter and really want to know what prompted the virtual thwaps, glares, confused looks, and death threats I received, you can read it here:
http : // home.comcast.net / ~mookietwinkie / edulcorationaprilfool . htm
Would it make up for anything if I said that all the comments I received on Heero's little, ahem, daydream-slash-fantasy, from Chapter 53 (Thursday's Child) prompted me to commission a print, or would it make me sound egotistical instead? Either way, if you'd like to view the artwork done by Kracken, it can be found at
http : // home . comcast . net / ~mookietwinkie / heeroduoshooting4 . jpg.
Again, my thanks to Kracken for taking on this commission piece!
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I referred to the television show Dallas at the beginning of the chapter, when I was reiterating that the previous post was a joke. In case you have no idea who Bobby Ewing is or what Dallas is besides a city in Texas, it was a prime time soap opera back in the late 70s (it ran 1978-1991) that starred Larry Hagman as the infamous J.R. Ewing. At least J.R. was infamous at the time...the whole "Who Shot J.R.?" was quite a topic of discussion and speculation during the second season hiatus (1980).
What has that to do with the April Fool's chapter? Bobby Ewing, one of the main characters was killed off, then the actor (Patrick Duffy) decided to come back to the show, so the writers turned the entire seventh season into a dream. You can read a bit about the pickle that created, if you really want to know, by going here:
For info on the show itself, check on the International Movie Database:
http : // us.imdb . com / title / tt0077000/
- or - The Official Series Website here: http : // www . ultimatedallas . com/
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Paris blue, Berlin blue, Chinese blue - all synonyms for a very well known color in the GW fandom, one that is named after a now defunct kingdom that at one time included regions of modern day Germany, Poland, and the Soviet Union.
I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with the four elements - air, water, fire, and earth - once believed to compose the physical universe. The twelve signs of the Zodiac are categorized into these four elements.
If you're curious about Heero's keyboard (and darn it all...some day it will be mine...maybe) you can see what it looks like here: http : // safetype . com/
Note on head lice: I am taking some minor liberties with the onset of symptoms for the parasitic Pediculus humanus capitis. In order for nits (eggs) to be visible, a female louse must first lay the eggs. It is highly unusual for symptoms such as itching to appear in such a short period of time, and itching in general is dependent on one's sensitivity, although some people are able to feel the lice moving before they realize that's the tickling sensation on their scalps.
Can lice be transferred via airline pillows? Yes, but only within a specified window of time after an infested person uses the pillow. There is no cleaning of the pillows in between flights, although some airlines do toss them at the end of the day. It really is a very low risk, but it's possible. And in the world of fiction, that's all that's needed, regardless of how improbable it may be.
By the way, ever wonder what a "cootie" really is? It's a body louse, which is a different parasite than a head louse. Head lice are marvels of environmental adaptation, as their legs are evolved to the point where they grasp the hair shaft - they ain't goin' nowhere unless they want to. So most kids don't usually get "cooties" in the literal sense, but head lice are another story!