Ghost was sitting at his desk going through paperwork when he'd gotten the call. He knew right away something was wrong, he never got personal calls. "Lieutenant Riley speaking."

"Riley, it's Major Hawkins. We received some news and I thought it would be best if I told you." Ghost clenched the receiver tighter to stop his hand from shaking. The Major hesitated, then continued. "Your brother was found dead yesterday morning, they confirmed it was an overdose. I'm sorry, Simon."

His ears started ringing and he wasn't sure how but he found himself struggling to breathe. Not Tommy, he'd been clean for a couple of months now. What had happened?

"Simon, are you there?"

He took a deep breath, regaining control over himself. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Good, I need to you come back. You're the only family member we could get in contact with. The police couldn't get in touch with your parents and moved to you, which is how I got involved. I've taken charge of the body for now but I thought you'd like to do the arrangements."

"Right."

"When you land, come and see me."

"I will do, thank you, Major." Ghost ended the call and let out a long sigh.

His eyes inevitably strayed to the photo on his desk, one of him and Tommy. It was taken during his last leave when Tommy was getting clean and looked healthier than he had in years. Anger flared so hot and fast Ghost wasn't even aware he'd struck out until the photo was shattering on the ground.

"Fuck!"

How could Tommy do this? How could he turn back to the drugs just as he was moving on with his life? He had a job, a place to live and had talked about a girl during their last conversation. So why?

"Ghost?" He looked up to find Soap standing in the doorway. "What's wrong?"

Soap, maybe the one person in the world Ghost could truly rely on. "My brother is dead. I need time off to go deal with it."

"Jesus Ghost, deal with it?" Soap sighed and sat down. "Alright, I'll get Nikolai to fly you back, you got two weeks." Ghost nodded and stood to leave but at the door Soap called, "You going to be alright? I can come if you need me."

"Nah, this is something I need to do alone." Because of course, he was alone.

Everybody he loved was now dead, not that the list had been long as it only consisted of two people, Tommy and their grandmother. With both gone, what exactly was he fighting for? This question plagued his mind incessantly over the next week as he went about arranging the funeral. If it wasn't for the drinks he didn't know how he would've got through it.

He was the only one at the funeral.

Ghost stared down at the casket being lowered into the ground and it felt like he was dead too. What was the point of fighting to survive when all the world did was take away everything he'd ever cared about. He stayed at the graveside until it started to rain, then went to the local bar.

Several drinks later he felt just as shit. He twirled the glass and watched the remains of his drink swirl at the bottom. So what did he have left? His job and... that was it. Lieutenant Simon Ghost Riley, that's all he was in this world.

Son of an abusive father and alcoholic mother, neither of whom he had spoken to in over a decade. Brother to an addict who had now overdosed.

Would anyone give a shit if he disappeared too?

Maybe it would be for the best. Hell, it would end all this shitty pain at least.

Ghost finished his drink and left.

The least he could do was warn Soap he wasn't coming back.

Back at Tommy's apartment, he called up the Captain. "Soap, I'm resigning. I can't do this anymore."

Soap sighed but waited a moment before responding. "Will you stay long enough to train the FNG?"

"What FNG?"

"We recruited someone, Price and I. You're the best man for the job and we both know it, come back to train him and see how you feel after a couple of months." He paused again then said softly, "Ghost, I'd be lost without you. Stay a little longer and think this through."

"I'll think about it." Ghost ended the call and sighed, resting his head on the table.

Did he really want to go through the effort of training another guy only to see him die? If he did his job right then he wouldn't die. Ghost sighed and closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. He could think it over tomorrow.

Tomorrow came with a pounding headache and a vague sense of nausea.

He spent the day packing up Tommy's meagre belongings to take to a donation bank, he had no use for any of it and the sooner it was all gone, the better. Once the apartment was empty he felt a little better, with fewer reminders. The bottle of wine he found however got to stay and it helped dull the headache after drinking half.

His phone rang, loud and grating and he snatched it up. "Yeah?"

"Don't you sound fresh." Soap sighed. "Thought about my offer?"

Ghost chuckled and downed more wine. "I dunno, I'm not sure I'm the right man for the job. Bit of a wreck if I'm being honest."

"Clean up your act."

"What's the point? I mean, shit Soap, it's not like I got anything to live for. Why should I bother?" Ghost finished the bottle and it rolled off the table, shattering on the floor. "Everyone I loved is dead, who'll give a shit if I die too? I can't keep doing this, over and over with nothing to care about. When does it fucking stop?"

"Hey, listen to me." Soap ordered sharply and Ghost stopped. "I care about you. Maybe it's not what you want but I care, you're my friend and I'll give a shit if you go dying on me. Sober up, Ghost. Things'll get better, alright?"

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Alright." Ghost sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll come back."

"Good to hear. So you'll be back in a few days?"

"Yeah." He sat up and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'll be back and I'll be good."

"Alright, get some sleep Ghost you sound like shit."

"Right." The call ended and he sat in the silence of the kitchen, contemplating cleaning up the shattered glass. "Fuck it." He went to bed instead.

He stopped drinking after that which was the first step in the right direction. After that, he found his control returning and it became easier. Hell, he almost felt normal or as normal as he could feel. By the time he returned to base he was back to being Ghost. Whatever his life was outside of the task force, none of it mattered as he stepped foot on base.

Soap was waiting for him and he smiled warmly. "Looking good, Lieutenant."

"Yeah, I'm sober and stable." He followed Soap inside. "So this recruit, what's so special about him?"

"Just wait until you see him shoot, he's a natural. With a bit of guidance from you, he could surpass me."

"That's high praise."

"I'm serious." Soap paused and looked back at him. "I think with the proper training he could be something formidable."

"Alright, I'll see what he's made of and take it from there." If this guy didn't live up to Soap's praise he was going to be very disappointed. "When's he arrive?"

"Tomorrow so you got time to settle in first."

"Sounds like a plan." Ghost retired to his room and sat down on the bed, rubbing his face with a tired sigh.

This recruit was going to be his main focus from now on. Train him up and make him better, keep him alive.

Ghost lay back on the bed and started up at the blank ceiling, wishing - not for the first time - that there could be something else to his life other than work. Not that he minded, the task force had become his haven of sorts, somewhere he could exist almost peacefully without wondering where he stood with the others. But the small voice in the back of his head kept speaking up, asking if there was more to life than endless war and bloodshed.

Would he ever be happy? Probably not.

Ghost had accepted long ago his life was not one to be filled with love. After his grandmother had died, he'd had little in the way of affection, physical or otherwise. A couple of one night stands when the need has arisen and that was it. Love wasn't in the cards for him, especially with this job. Some people weren't built for relationships and he was one of them, despite that little voice still asking in his head for more.

Maybe he should've gotten laid before coming back, too late now though.

By the time the next morning came around he was exhausted but ready to start the day. Pulling on his balaclava helped get him back into the mindset of being Ghost, Lieutenant of task force one four one, anything outside of that didn't matter.

He visited the shooting range first, keen to get back into things and after an hour felt confident enough again. His hands were steady and his shots all counted.

Soap greeted him cheerfully, throwing over a couple of folders. "Can you find out more about this base in the Tian Shan mountain range? We're supposed to be going in to retrieve a downed ACS module soon. I was planning on taking you but if the FNG is up to scratch it'll be a good chance to get his boots wet."

"Suits me fine, I don't like snow."

Ghost spent most of the morning in the archives, researching this base. There wasn't much information to go on, just some grainy images someone had managed to capture from a satellite. The place didn't look too large so sending in two men seemed ideal, less likely to be spotted that way.

At some point, his radio came to life and Soap's voice rang through. "The FNG's here, come meet us in the office?"

"Yeah, give me a sec." He collected all the intel together and left.

When he entered the office, Ghost realised he should've looked at the FNG's file. He wasn't prepared for the man sitting across the desk from Soap. The man glanced at him and he had the most beautiful green eyes, Ghost was so thankful for his balaclava, without it he was sure his expression would give him away. He frowned, looking back at Soap who laughed.

"Don't worry, he always wears that mask. You'll get used to it soon enough."

Right, he was Ghost. He was this man's Lieutenant. He was not some starry-eyed teenager and he would act fucking normal. He leaned over the desk to pick up the folder, reading his name, Gareth Sanderson. "Sanderson, eh? I'm going to work your nose to the ground starting tomorrow, I hope you're ready."

"Uh, yes sir."

God, how old was he? Ghost was about to hit thirty and this guy who could only just be in his twenties was what he found attractive? Ghost closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to control himself.

"Sir?" He forced a somewhat natural sounding laugh. "Call me Ghost. I don't like sir, makes me feel old."

"He's all yours Ghost." Soap stood and clapped his shoulder, winking at the FNG. "You're in for a rough time lad. Don't think too harshly of our Lieutenant here, he works everybody to the bone."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Ghost looked down at his folder again as Soap left them alone. His performance scores were good, excellent even. Maybe he was as good as Soap thought. Finally, he found his age and he'd been right. "Only twenty-two? What'd you do to get the Captain's attention?"

"I'm a good shot. Haven't you seen my file before?"

"Nope." He threw the folder back on Soap's desk, noting with exasperation the mess. He'd only been gone two weeks and Soap had already reverted to his messy ways. "I didn't get involved with your recruitment. Come on, let's get this tour done and dusted."

It felt like a very long tour with this man, Gary, that was his name. Gary was a couple of inches shorter than himself but he kept up, walking alongside him as he pointed out all the main facilities on the base. He saw Gary looking around the training range with an awed expression and smiled himself.

"It pays to be the best of the best. We need to keep our wits sharp, so training starts tomorrow at six. Normally it's seven, but I want you there early for some private training. I want to see what you're made of."

"Alright…" Gary looked around again, a little nervously. "So here at six?"

"Precisely, if you're a minute late we're going to have problems. I don't waste time on slackers."

Ghost had a no-nonsense attitude with the squad. He couldn't afford to be nice or friendly with them. He was their Lieutenant and his job was to make sure the team was training and ready to go. Gary would be no different.

"Come on, I'll take you to your room." He handed Gary the key and nodded at the door marked eighteen. "Welcome to the one four one Sergeant. Get some sleep, you'll need it."

The next morning he was waiting for Gary at the shooting range and glanced at his watch when the man appeared. "Three minutes early, you learn quick."

"Well, you were very clear last night."

At least he knew who not to piss off.

"First thing's first, I want to see you shoot. We'll have time for running and the obstacle course later with everybody else. Soap's been raving about your marksmanship so I want to see if he was talking out of his ass." Ghost walked him over to one of the stations and handed him a rifle. Gary took it, running his hands over it gently. The reverent look on his face made Ghost smile. "Do I need to give you two a minute?"

"Sorry." Gary smiled nervously, took a deep breath and got in position, snapping the ear defenders on. "Alright, I'm ready."

Ghost activated the station and watched Gary shoot. Soap hadn't been lying, this guy was a natural. He held the rifle with ease, barely flinching with each shot that hit perfectly. When he was done, Ghost put a hand on his shoulder and Gary relaxed, pulling the defenders off.

"Well, I see his faith in you wasn't misplaced. Nice shooting, Gary."

"Thanks." He turned and gave Ghost a smile that changed his perspective of the world irreversibly.

That crooked smile, revealing a dimple on his left cheek struck Ghost hard in the chest, maybe even the heart. He pushed the thought away violently and refocused.

"How's your CQC?"

"Decent."

"Show me."

Ghost soon found it could do with some work. Gary was inexperienced but his instincts were strong and he held up for a while. Half an hour later against Ghost's expertise, he'd been flat on his back too many times to count. When he hit the floor again and winced, Ghost paused and sighed.

"We'll need to work on that." He offered Gary a hand and pulled him up. "But you're not bad, I think you could handle yourself if needed."

Gary laughed and huffed out, "How can you wear that thing?"

Ghost assumed he meant the balaclava since they were wearing identical uniforms. "Years of practice." He glanced around to see the rest of the squad making their way down and gave Gary a gentle push to join them. "Get in line, soldier."

Roach smiled again then jogged over to join the others.

Ghost couldn't stop thinking about that smile.

How could something so beautiful exist in a world so dark?

Maybe life wouldn't be so bad if he could keep seeing that smile.