Slayer Girl
The Styne/Merrill Musical 'Funny Girl' Rewritten for
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I own none of these titles except the first mentioned. I DO own this story.
I suppose you all will like to see who is playing who, though this is not the Buffy character's performing Funny Girl, this is the character they sort of represent.
Fanny Brice: Buffy Brice
Nick Arnstein: Spike Arnstein
Rose Brice: Joyce Brice
Georgia James: Willow James
Florenz Ziegfield: Rupert Ziegfield
Eddie Ryan: Xander Ryan
Mrs. Strakosh: Mrs Strakosh (Anya)
Branca: Dawn
Keeney: Rupert Keeney (with a wig and fake mustache)
Emma: Tara
Mrs O'Malley: Jenny O'Malley
Synopsis
Buffy, after Once More With Feeling wakes up an aspiring performer, on the side of her slayer duty, her mother is alive as well as Jenny Calender (she doesn't know they ever died, it's like that all was reversed) but she hasn't met Spike yet. Her friends help her achieve this along with love, heartbreak and glory.
Chapter One
How It Began
A woman in faux leopard fur stopped in front of the Ziegfield Theater, gazing at the name 'Buffy Brice' in lights about Ziefield's name, she turned next to it down an alley and into a back door of the building, past the doorman, she paused, not going to her original destination but into the auditorium, on the edge of the stage, a prop mirror stood and she turned to it, gazed at herself. She pulled down her collar and smiled at her reflection. "Hello, gorgeous!" She giggled softly and then went out onto the vast stage.
Stopping again, this time at the piano she pressed her fingers to the keys, playing an ancient melody that she had not heard in years, a song she had sung for him long, long ago. Pain rippled through her and she slammed the keys, going to the center of the stage and looking around at the empty seats, she could almost hear applause ringing, and she raised her hands silencing it. "Zzzst!" She began making machine gun noises and pretended to shout out the first level. Then a little, "Pew, pew" with a 'hand gun' for the two survivors. The same to the top level, then she walked off the stage and into the chairs, sat on the first one in the third row.
Footsteps sounded by the stage and she didn't move until her name was called by the sweet faced brunette that was her assistant. "Miss Buffy? Miss Buffy?"
Buffy smiled as she watched her on the stage and called back. "Down here Tara!" She laughed at her friend's expression. "Third row."
Tara went to the edge of te stage. "I came in early to tidy up a bit and the doorman said you were in, but whatcha doin' down there?"
Buffy hummed an 'I don't know'. "The one place in the theater I've never sat," she paused, looking around. "Maybe things looks different from here."
Tara smiled softly. "This is the day, isn't it?" Buffy nodded, mouthing a 'yeah'. "Any word yet?" Tara asked.
"No, the man just said tonight."
Tara frowned slightly. "You nervous?"
Buffy laughed. "Ah, nervous, happy, scared, excited!" Buffy smiled softly, thinking.
Tara tried to lighten the mood. "I'm going to make a fresh pot of coffee, you coming?"
Buffy shook her head. "No I, I think I'll just sit out here for a while, ok?" Buffy asked, leaning forward a bit.
"Well, I'll be in the dressing room if you need me." Tara said and Buffy nodded. She began to leave when she paused. "Oh, Mr. Ziegfield wants to see you, when you feel like it he says, he'll be waiting in his office."
"Thanks Tar," Buffy said softly and Tara left. She leaned back and smiled and closed her eyes while resting her head on the back of the chair. "Hear that Mrs. Strakosh? Ziegfield is waiting for me. For me! You see, you were wrong Mrs. Strakosh . . ."
Five Years Previous
If A Girl . . ./I'm the Greatest Star
"No, Buffy darling, I'm not wrong." Mrs. Strakosh said to Buffy, who was flaunting for herself in the mirror. "For a girl, for average you're a pleasure! But when people pay big money in the theater, especially the male element, they want a little something extra to look at. But if a girl isn't . . . Huh!" Strakosh slapped her hand over her mouth, ignoring Buffy's slight glare.
Joyce Brice raised her eyebrow. "If a girl isn't what?"
Strakosh smiled and corrected herself. "If a girl isn't pretty like the miss Atlantic City all she get's from life is pity, and a pat. Kindly name a star who hasn't won a contest or a pageant! Is she hasn't then she'll never get her bat."
O'Malley continued. "She must a shine in every detail, like a ring you're buying retail!"
Branca said. "Be a standard size that fits a standard dress!"
Strakosh motioned Buffy to look and with annoyance she did. "If a girls incidentals are no bigger than to lentils, then to me it doesn't spell success!"
Buffy stuck her head under a window for food and beverages and swallowed what she was eating. "Don't worry Mrs. Strakosh they'll look at me! The whole world will look at me and be stunned!" Lifting her head she slammed it on the upper part of the window. "Oof!"
"That was all right when you were a child and made funny faces then you were cute."
"My condolences darling, you're no longer cute." Joyce said, handing Buffy her makeup bag.
"Oh." Buffy pretended to sigh with disappointment.
"Country faces that could cause ya to have temporary nausea do I have to hear a lecture such as that? Is a nose with deviation such a crime against the nation" Buffy squirmed and protested her mother's assault on her face. "Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat."
"Ma, ma, ma!" Buffy finally broke free and kissed her cheek. "Bye."
"Bye." Joyce watched her daughter go to the mirror one last time. "So she looks a bit off balance, she possesses golden talents, or is that a pill too bitter to digest?" Joyce asked, sitting down.
Buffy made her way out and to Keeney's Music Hall, up the side door steps and was stopped by the doorman. "Wait a minute miss."
"No, no, it's all right I'm one of the 8 Beautiful Girls 8!" She tapped the poster.
The man looked her up and down and Buffy lifted her makeup bag. "Oh the makeup helps a lot," she grinned. "Really." And she went inside.
Well, tell me what you think, my author's notes won't be so long next chapter, BTW.