Not What You See
A/N: All righty, this is a bit of a jump chapter, as well. I realize that this might be a little confusing, but I promise: if it's not explained in this story, it will be in The Voice That Controls, which is the sequel to Not What You See.
DISCLAIMER: Disclaiming, disclaiming, disclaiming. Not owning, not owning, not owning.
LYRICS: Verse 1 and chorus of Hero, Superchic[k]
Chapter 7: Heroes - Kai's Dream
No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
'Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
'Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
"Hey, look at new looooooooser over there," a mocking voice came from across the cafeteria. "I heard that his parents don't even like him."
9-year-old Kai Hiwatari ignored the jeers of his classmates at Regency Elementary. Just because they grew up in normal families didn't mean they were any better than him. At least, that's what that social worker kept trying to tell him. But that social worker grew up in a normal family, too. What did he know?
Kai was angry at the Hitas. They split up him and Saadii because he had an 'attitude problem'. He had no attitude problem. He was fine the way he was.
He didn't even like these new parents, Stephen and Julie. They were a little too desperate to have their own flesh-and-blood child. He was just a filler, a guinea pig so that when they had their own kid, it would grow up perfect. But he guessed Alake would make it bearable.
Where was Alake, come to think of it? He said he'd be waiting for Kai at this table at lunch.
Kai looked around him to find Alake. Then he heard Alake's voice call out from across the cafeteria, "Hey, loser! What's wrong with you? Too stupid to know that nobody wants you?"
That hit Kai right where it hurt: his emotions.
It's not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Kai came back to the Kiyoshi house that night sullen. He didn't speak to either Stephen or Julie, although it wasn't like they put forth any great effort to converse with him, but only retreated into the bedroom to do what adults did to create babies. Whatever it was, it must be painful for some people, because Stephen and Julie were always screaming each other's names. Sebastien and Mother had never been like that. Sebastien might have been screaming, but never Mother.
Kai looked around the kitchen, noticing that Julie had actually remembered to leave some food out for him. She had left a bread cutting knife out on the counter for him to cut a bun in half, but Kai noticed more the sharpness of the knife than the food.
'…too stupid to know that nobody wants you?' Alake's words echoed through Kai's head as the light reflected off of the blade.
You died if you lost enough blood, Kai knew that. The doctors who had come when Kurasu had shot Father had said that Father didn't die from the bullet, he had died from losing too much blood. When you died, you were out of the way. It was good when you were out of the way when nobody wanted you.
As if controlled by a machine, Kai picked up the knife and held it to his throat, sharp blade barely touching his pale skin. He pressed a bit, flinching when it pierced the skin and pain ran through his nerves, but then the sensation of losing his fears and emotional pain along with the blood made its way to his mind. Resolute that this was the right thing to do, Kai pushed the blade all the way in and dragged it across his throat.
As if from afar as he fell to the ground, he heard the bedroom door open and Julie enter the kitchen and start to scream.
Kai was in the hospital for two weeks, recovering from his attempt to kill himself, a new term that Kai soon learned while in hospital: suicide. Julie and Stephen seemed to have a change of heart, temporarily, and started spending more time with him, trying to talk to him and learn more about why he would try to kill himself at nine years old.
But their own child was still higher priority over him, and when Julie found out she was pregnant, Kai got sent packing back off to Nagasaki State Home.
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
And a kindness from you might have saved his life
12-year-old Kai woke up early that day. He crept into his foster father Phillip Kumi's study, locating the key Phillip thought he had hidden away safely. Little did he know that nothing could be hidden from Kai Hiwatari, master thief. He picked up the item of interest and crept back out, replacing the key.
"Hey, what's the loser doing?" somebody whispered loudly during math, watching as Kai kept his hand in his pocket, running his fingers over the smooth, cold metal.
Finally, Kai decided he'd had enough of this commentary and pulled out the gun from his pocket, fixing it on the perpetrator. The boy froze in mid-jeer and his face grew pale.
The teacher turned around from the blackboard and gasped. "Mr. Hiwatari, what are you doing?"
"Shut up," Kai said coldly, squeezing the trigger.
Heroes are made when you make a choice
"Ives Academy is a very prestigious institute." Olympia Jumushi told Kai as he left for school. "I expect you to be on your best behaviour. Not the attitude you've been giving Reginald and I."
'What are you talking about, that is my best behaviour,' Kai thought sarcastically as he exited the car. 'Another home, another school, about round of idiots who have no idea what real life is.'
"Mr. Hiwatari, you can pair up with Mr. Nanase for our project," the Grade 7 English teacher said.
'Now, who's Nanase?' Kai thought as the class split into their pairs. 'Guess it's that red-haired kid with no partner.'
"Hey, I'm Tala." The boy greeted as he pulled up a chair next to Kai's desk. "You're Kai, right?"
"Sure." Kai said, taking out a pencil. "So what's this project we're supposed to be doing?"
"A poster on the events of chapter 8." Tala answered immediately. "I'm no great shakes at art, I warn you now."
As he cheerfully discussed the project's requirements, in a one-sided conversation, Kai looked at him suspiciously.
'I don't know what's with this kid, but he's not scared of me. Or maybe he's just one of those kids who never shuts up when he's scared. Yeah, that's probably it.'
"Why aren't you terrified of me?" Kai asked.
"Yeah, well, I figure you must have some good in you." Tala answered easily. "Nobody's completely bad. My parents the psychologists say so. Now, come on, do this Social Studies for me."
"You can do it yourself, Tala." Kai answered, pulling out his own homework. "You're a whiz in Social Studies."
"Yeah, but you have an average of 95%."
"So?"
You could be a hero – heroes do what's right
You could be a hero – you could save a life
You could be a hero – you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right
Kai awoke with a start. He lifted up his head, a pain in his neck. 'Oh. Fell asleep in the window seat again. Where's my sketch pad?'
Turning to look for it, he found it lying closed on the desk by his bed and Regine starting to leave the room. He shifted slightly, not wanting her to turn back around, but nothing escaped the eagle-eyes and wolf-senses of Regine Toshiro.
"Kai Hiwatari, come here," she said quietly.
"What?" he asked.
"I think you owe me some explanations."