He Who Fights With Monsters

By Thalia Drogna

"The Goddess stood on the shores of the new land and cried out to her people: "War is over, put down your weapons and fight no more. There will be no more blood spilt in the promised land. Make peace with your enemies and walk in my path. Both light and darkness are required to make the day." And the people rejoiced in the wisdom of the Goddess and dwelled happily in the new land for the rest of their days."

It was a passage from the Tien holy book and for some reason it had been going round Trip's brain ever since he'd woken up. Trip scribbled frantically on the padd in front of him. Lieutenant Reed sat beside him, carefully supervising his use of the padd. He had persuaded him to free his right hand so that he could write, after he'd spent some time trying to explain how vital it was that he get this down. The problem was mostly getting the words out of his head and onto the page. He had to get this to the Captain, if the Tien and the Kriel shared the same religion it was possible that they shared the same passage in their scripture, and it practically ordered them to make peace. He planned this as his final act of protection of the Tien.

Rel Sevanne: Light of the Ages, Vor Devrees: Darkness. It was one hell of a coincidence. "Both light and darkness are required to make the day". It might just be the leverage that they needed. He wasn't sure that fighting religion with religion was the correct way to do this, but, if it worked, it wouldn't matter how it was done.

He looked up from the padd to see Captain Archer and Shar Jen enter the cell.

"Shar Jen, they let you come," said Trip, surprised. After the earlier incident with the knife he hadn't expected to see her again.

"Yes, En," said Shar Jen, taking his hand.

"Captain," said Trip and handed Archer the padd. He didn't have the strength to come up with the words to explain. Archer read the padd and nodded.

"This is great, Trip. It should help a lot," said Archer. He wondered if Trip had in fact just handed him the key to the whole mess. Which of course made the fact that he was about to betray his friend even more difficult to bear.

Reed put the restraint back around Trip's right wrist, he knew what was coming next and didn't think Trip would be happy about it. Trip sighed and gave Reed a cross look but let the Lieutenant strap his wrist down again. Phlox entered the cell at that moment.

"Trip, you remember we discussed a procedure to help you get better?" asked Archer.

Trip nodded.

"Shar Jen is here to perform it," said Archer. Alarm flickered across Trip's eyes. "I don't want you to worry, Phlox has been over it with her and it's perfectly safe..."

"No!" shouted Trip and he began to struggle against the restraints. "Please, don't. Captain, don't. Jen, please, I don't want to forget," he pleaded.

"It's okay, Trip," said Archer.

"It's for the best, En," said Shar Jen. "You should never have been disconnected, we should have been together for the rest of our days, but the Goddess had other plans for us." She brushed his hair out of his eyes and Trip had a flash of memory, from when he lay waiting to be conjoined, of Shar Jen performing the same action.

"No," he said again and shook his head, trying his hardest to make it understood that he didn't want this. Instead Phlox came forward with a hypospray in his hand. Trip directed an angry look at Archer, he couldn't believe that his friends were going to do this to him.

"This is just a tranquilliser, Commander, you need to be awake and calm for the procedure," said Phlox. Trip noted that he didn't look happy, he didn't want to do this anymore than Trip did. He felt the cold of the hypospray against his neck and reality began to seem very far away and unimportant. The doctor replaced his IV with a different solution. Something to help Shar Jen wipe his memories, he guessed.

Shar Jen still held his hand as Trip's eyed glazed over, the drug taking effect. "I will need complete quiet and no distractions for this to work. The process will take several hours. The doctor can stay, but the rest of you should leave."

"If anything happens to Trip, then you'll have me to answer to. I want you to call me the moment you've finished." said Archer. "Come on, Lieutenant." The two officers left the cell.

Reed looked at Archer. His face showed no emotion at all and from experience Reed knew that meant he was hiding his guilt and worry. Archer stood outside the cell looking back at Trip. Shar Jen was holding his hand, staring at Trip in deep concentration and Phlox was monitoring them both.

"Sir, there's nothing else we can do now," said Reed.

"It feels like a betrayal, Malcolm," said Archer.

Reed desperately wanted to answer that it was a betrayal, what they were doing to Trip was wrong. It was just as wrong as what Shar Jen had done to him and here was Reed complicit in the whole thing. Instead he answered "it's the only thing that we could have done. We need Trip to be well."

"You look like you could use some rest, Malcolm," said the Captain. "Why don't you go to your quarters, I'll call you when they're done."

"Yes, sir," replied Reed, he took one last look back at Trip and left the brig. He made his weary way back to his quarters, despite the doctor's orders he hadn't managed to find much time to rest over the past few days. After discovering that Sharien had found some holes in his security systems, he'd been working night and day to find a fix. When he wasn't worrying about Trip or sitting with him.

He opened the door to his sparse quarters, hitting the light switch as he entered. He undid the straps that supported his broken arm in its sling and peeled off his uniform. He went to his desk, looking for the padd that contained the novel he was reading, he needed something to take his mind off what was currently taking place in the brig. His eyes rested on a slim black book that he had been meaning to lend to Trip. Nietzsche. Trip had quoted Nietzche at him when he'd woken him from a nightmare after they'd recovered him from the Xindi. Later Reed had asked him about it and the whole conversation had descended into a quote game, fuelled by some Andorian ale that Trip had found in one of the cargo bays.

"What does not kill us makes us stronger," said Trip, raising his glass.

"That's too easy, Trip. Nietzsche. And in my experience what doesn't kill us usually leaves scars," replied Reed, ruefully.

"Typical Armoury Officer, always grounded in reality," said Trip, slurring slightly. "You were right though, your turn."

"Okay, who said: The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."

"Do you only do quotes about war? It's Joseph Heller, from Catch 22."

"Yes, I didn't think you were so well read, Commander," replied Reed.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Lieutenant. How about this one: Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

"How does that relate to my quote?"

"I didn't realise that there had to be a link," said Trip.

"That is how you play the game," said Reed, taking another gulp of the Andorian ale.

"You're just stalling because you don't know who it is," replied Trip.

Reed sighed. "I've got no idea."

"Albert Einstein," said Trip, grinning at his small victory.

The evening had ended with Reed deciding that he needed to borrow some of Trip's science books and Trip thinking there was some interesting stuff in Reed's philosophy collection after all. Reed had the book ready to take to Trip the next time he was going past the Commander's quarters. He flicked it open, trying to remind himself of happier times and of course the one Nietzsche quote that he didn't want to see lay in front of him.

"He who fights with monsters should take care lest he thereby becomes a monster. If you stare for long into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you." Reed slammed the book shut.

"Damn it," he said. "Damn this whole Expanse, and the Xindi, and the Tien and the Kriel. Damn them all to hell and back again." He threw himself down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, there was no way that sleep was going to come now.

It was done.

Shar Jen released her grip on Trip's hand and watched as his eyes closed. She knew that he was exhausted, he had fought her every step of the way. With every second, with every minute of memory that she deleted, she felt him push back at her to stop. It had exhausted her as well.

"He will sleep now," said Shar Jen, to Phlox. "It was a success, I was able to isolate the memories of his time as part of the Rel Sevanne and erase them."

"I will inform the Captain," said Phlox, moving towards the intercom.

Shar Jen felt her legs give way and she clung to the bed for support. Phlox was suddenly holding her and he sat her down in the chair by the bed. He scanned her and looked worriedly at the results.

"Your energy levels are extremely low," said Phlox. "We need to get you some food right away."

"I haven't ever had to use my deep empathic powers for such a prolonged period before. Memories are complicated and I had to use all of my strength to get through the barriers that Trip En put up," said Shar Jen.

"Commander Tucker has been getting stronger these past few days. The neural regeneration is proceeding satisfactorily, although slower than I would have hoped," said Phlox.

"You no longer need to keep him here," said Shar Jen. "He won't try to connect with Enterprise's computer again."

"I think we will keep him here a little longer until I can be sure of that. Besides, I also need to remove the implants that you and your colleagues grafted into him," said Phlox.

"I can help you with that," said Shar Jen.

"Thank you, that would be appreciated," said Phlox.

"If your Captain will let me."

"I'll persuade him. He does occasionally listen to me when it comes to Commander Tucker's health."

"I have lost him," said Shar Jen. "He won't remember any of the things we shared on the Rel Sevanne, just my deceit. He won't remember how I cried for him when the sensors could not be disconnected and he won't remember watching me sleep."

"No, but perhaps that is for the best too since you will be leaving us soon," said Phlox. "Now let me contact someone to come and monitor the Commander and then I will take you to the mess hall."

"And the Captain?" asked Shar Jen.

"He can wait a bit longer," replied Phlox indifferently.

When Trip woke again he saw Phlox standing beside him and for a moment he wondered what was going on. Then he remembered what had happened and felt back for his memories of the Rel Sevanne but they were gone. He remembered waking up in decon and he remembered Shar Jen telling him that he was about to become part of the Rel Sevanne and nothing in between. The was a blank hole where the memories should have been and he wondered what he'd lost along with those memories.

"Ah, you're awake," said Phlox cheerfully. "How do you feel?"

What Trip wanted to say was that he felt empty, as if his friends had betrayed him and he was no longer the person that he thought he was. Instead he took the easy way out. "Fine," he replied. He noticed the restraints had been taken off and was grateful for that.

"You have a visitor, if you feel up to it?" asked Phlox.

"Who?" he asked.

"The Captain," said Phlox.

"No," said Trip. "Don't want to see him."

Phlox looked a little worried and then understanding. "Very well. I'll tell him that you're not up to it at the moment."

"No, don't want to see him, ever," said Trip and turned on his side away from the doctor.

"I understand," said Phlox, and went to break the news to the man who was pacing outside the brig.