Please read our spoof story? Please?? We'll love you forever. It's on our
author's page. It's called "Or Just a Moron with a Big Stick."
Yaay! Another chapter. And relatively fast too. You're just lucky I already had it typed up, because I only have a few minutes before I have to go study. Yuck. Physics.
And where would we be without our Jack quote?
"If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it, the Black Pearl; the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?"
Reviewers:
Morph: Honeymoon? Yipe! You're so far ahead of us; you're in the next millennia.
LuvlyGRLofLIFE: You mean you didn't like her before? And hey, what about me? Don't you like me?? Sniffle. Just kidding, of course. Glad you liked it, and this chapter is longer, see? And funny, too. And so sorry about your story. We really are trying to get a chance to read it.
Szhismine: And Norrington does come too! Yay!
*
Commodore Norrington stood on the deck of the Intrepid beneath the darkened sky.
"This is utterly ridiculous," he announced to the young sailor beside him. He received no response. Norrington looked up at the white flag flapping in the wind. "I will be in my quarters. Rouse me should anything out of the ordinary occur."
The first thing Commodore Norrington noticed upon awakening the next morning was the piece of paper fluttering above his face, held securely by a knife embedded in the wall. He ripped the paper down and marched on deck.
"Why was I not awoken?" he demanded.
"Sir?"
"We had... company on board this ship last night. Why did nobody think to wake me?"
"There has been nobody onboard but us," the lieutenant insisted.
"Then how to you explain this note, imbedded above my head with a knife?"
The lieutenant's eyes widened. "B-but sir. There was no ship, no noise- nothing."
The Commodore sighed heavily. "Why does this not surprise me?" He retreated to his cabin to read the letter.
Dear Commodore Norrington,
Oh good, so you've decided to attend after all. We're all positively thrilled- more or less. Unfortunately, you're still commodore of the Port Royal fleet of the King's Navy, so we'll have to be absolutely sure of your intentions. If you truly wish to attend, you'll have to go to The Hull- the one and only fine establishment (bar and whorehouse) in Port Royal. Order two bottles of rum, and we'll have someone meet you there, savvy? Enjoy yourself!
-The future Mrs. Jade Sparrow- Turner- whoever.
Oh, and for heaven's sake, don't forget the rum! It's the only way I could get my father to allow you to come. Plus it's the rum.
*
Sometime later, Norrington entered The Hull- a brothel in every sense of the word. To attract less attention, he wore only his shirt and breeches, as opposed to his full uniform. He noticed a scantily clad woman eyeing him seductively from the corner, and hastened to the bar.
"Two bottles of rum."
The bartender eyed him. "Of course, mate. If you'd just take a seat."
Norrington, choosing an empty table, tried to become as inconspicuous as possible. Moments later, a burly man approached the table. His hair was greying, with long muttonchops, and he seemed vaguely familiar.
"Have we met?" Norrington asked. His question was ignored as the man sat opposite him, depositing two bottles of rum on the table and taking a large swig from a hip flask. The man leaned forward conspiratorially.
"Today's a lovely day for a wedding, wouldn't you say?" Norrington nodded, and the man continued. "Now, if I were looking for a spot to hold a wedding, I'd have it in my mind to take a walk on the wharf." He looked pointedly at Norrington, who nodded and left quickly, being sure to take the rum bottles.
Norrington wandered along the wharf, searching vainly for some sign of what he was looking for. The only life consisted of peddlers, a man with stolen watches, a boy carrying hats, and a young Caribbean woman, selling flowers.
The flower seller moved toward him, holding out her flowers as an offering. "Flowers are so lovely at weddings, are they not?"
"Yes, they are," Norrington agreed, waiting. She looked at him expectantly.
"Wouldn't you like to but one?" she asked finally.
Glaring at her, Norrington pulled out a shilling. "Yes. Please."
"Oh, thank you," she cried. Leaning forward to attach the flower, she muttered, "Follow the parrot," and walked away.
Norrington stared after her for a moment. The parrot? What-
Bird droppings slid down his left shoulder.
Oh. That parrot.
Sighing, he followed as the bird took off down the beach. Eventually the sounds of the town began to fade and the foliage grew closer as he slipped through the sand.
They came upon a rowboat, pulled just above the waterline. Beside it, a dark-haired figure lay asleep in the sand.
"Will?" Norrington asked in incredulity. Will's eyes snapped open.
"Oh, g'day Commodore," he said, yawning and rising lazily to his feet. "I was beginning to think you'd never arrive."
"Shiver me timbers," the parrot squawked.
"Oh yes, and a thank you to you as well," Will added as the parrot flew off. He looked to the sky and brushed the sand from his hair. "Well, we'd best be on our way. Elizabeth would have my head if I were to miss our son's wedding."
Norrington climbed into the small boat and Will followed, pushing it into the water. They sat there bobbing in silence for a moment.
"Well? D'you not know how to row?" Will asked sweetly.
Rather irritably, Norrington picked up the oars. "Where are we going?"
"That island over there," Will answered, pointing rather vaguely and leaning back to enjoy the sun.
Nearly an hour later, Norrington was exhausted. He had rowed the considerable distance by himself while Will dozed. The Commodore was by no means a young man, and had gone the slightest bit soft in his later years. Through all this, he felt fairly near to collapse when they finally reached the island.
"Come along now," Will ordered, starting off down the beach. "We're behind schedule. And for heaven's sake, don't forget the rum."
Grabbing the two bottles, Norrington slipped through the sand after him. "Exactly... how long... will we be... traveling?" he panted.
"Oh, not long," Will answered, clearly enjoying himself. He had no trouble in the least racing through the sand, and it amused him immensely to see Norrington wheezing behind.
Will led him clear to the other side of the island, not pausing once. "I'm impressed, Commodore," he announced to the man leaning heavily and gasping for breath. "We've made very good time. In fact, here they come now."
On the horizon, the Pearl was heading for them with great speed.
"How... are we... to board?" Norrington asked. But Will was already chest- high in the water.
"I hope you enjoy swimming, Commodore!" he called back. "Don't forget the rum!"
*
When Norrington finally climbed on board, exhausted, dripping, and rum in hand, Jade was there to meet him.
"Welcome to the Black Pearl," she announced, bowing extravagantly.
"Thank you ever so much." Norrington looked around, noticing the man from the pub, the flower seller and, "Governor Swann??"
The governor looked up rather guiltily from his conversation with two of the pirates. "Oh, hello, Commodore."
"What are you doing here?"
"Well you didn't expect me to miss my only grandson's wedding."
"B-but..." The Commodore looked almost hurt. "How did you get here? All of you? And so quickly?"
"Oh, I can explain that," Jade offered. "Y'see, while you and Will were off gallivanting about, we dropped by Port Royal and picked 'em all up."
"But why did you make me go through all that?"
"Well we had to get the mast out of your arse somehow, didn' we, love?"
Jack Sparrow wandered on deck at that moment, swaggering sullenly over toward them.
"D'you have the rum?"
"You're drunk already," Norrington couldn't resist saying. "What on earth could you want more rum for?"
Jack held up his hands, moving them to emphasis his words. "I am about to give my daughter away to a..." he trailed off, taking a deep breath. "Commodore, do you have a daughter?"
"No."
"Then you would not understand, savvy? Now. Give. Me. My. Rum." His last words were spoken so threateningly that Norrington had to resist the urge to back away as he handed the bottles over.
As Jack wandered off taking a swig from each bottle in turn, Jade turned to Norrington almost apologetically. "You'll have to excuse him. He isn't exactly thrilled about this."
"I, on the other hand, am." Jack Turner came over, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her cheek. "Very thrilled."
At the sight of the two of them together, Gibbs came bustling over. "Ye're not to see yer wife before the wedding, young Turner," he ordered, dragging her away. "It's frightful bad luck."
"So you said about having a woman on board, and we have two and have the best luck in the world." Jade glanced helplessly over her shoulder. "G'bye!"
Yaay! Another chapter. And relatively fast too. You're just lucky I already had it typed up, because I only have a few minutes before I have to go study. Yuck. Physics.
And where would we be without our Jack quote?
"If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it, the Black Pearl; the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?"
Reviewers:
Morph: Honeymoon? Yipe! You're so far ahead of us; you're in the next millennia.
LuvlyGRLofLIFE: You mean you didn't like her before? And hey, what about me? Don't you like me?? Sniffle. Just kidding, of course. Glad you liked it, and this chapter is longer, see? And funny, too. And so sorry about your story. We really are trying to get a chance to read it.
Szhismine: And Norrington does come too! Yay!
*
Commodore Norrington stood on the deck of the Intrepid beneath the darkened sky.
"This is utterly ridiculous," he announced to the young sailor beside him. He received no response. Norrington looked up at the white flag flapping in the wind. "I will be in my quarters. Rouse me should anything out of the ordinary occur."
The first thing Commodore Norrington noticed upon awakening the next morning was the piece of paper fluttering above his face, held securely by a knife embedded in the wall. He ripped the paper down and marched on deck.
"Why was I not awoken?" he demanded.
"Sir?"
"We had... company on board this ship last night. Why did nobody think to wake me?"
"There has been nobody onboard but us," the lieutenant insisted.
"Then how to you explain this note, imbedded above my head with a knife?"
The lieutenant's eyes widened. "B-but sir. There was no ship, no noise- nothing."
The Commodore sighed heavily. "Why does this not surprise me?" He retreated to his cabin to read the letter.
Dear Commodore Norrington,
Oh good, so you've decided to attend after all. We're all positively thrilled- more or less. Unfortunately, you're still commodore of the Port Royal fleet of the King's Navy, so we'll have to be absolutely sure of your intentions. If you truly wish to attend, you'll have to go to The Hull- the one and only fine establishment (bar and whorehouse) in Port Royal. Order two bottles of rum, and we'll have someone meet you there, savvy? Enjoy yourself!
-The future Mrs. Jade Sparrow- Turner- whoever.
Oh, and for heaven's sake, don't forget the rum! It's the only way I could get my father to allow you to come. Plus it's the rum.
*
Sometime later, Norrington entered The Hull- a brothel in every sense of the word. To attract less attention, he wore only his shirt and breeches, as opposed to his full uniform. He noticed a scantily clad woman eyeing him seductively from the corner, and hastened to the bar.
"Two bottles of rum."
The bartender eyed him. "Of course, mate. If you'd just take a seat."
Norrington, choosing an empty table, tried to become as inconspicuous as possible. Moments later, a burly man approached the table. His hair was greying, with long muttonchops, and he seemed vaguely familiar.
"Have we met?" Norrington asked. His question was ignored as the man sat opposite him, depositing two bottles of rum on the table and taking a large swig from a hip flask. The man leaned forward conspiratorially.
"Today's a lovely day for a wedding, wouldn't you say?" Norrington nodded, and the man continued. "Now, if I were looking for a spot to hold a wedding, I'd have it in my mind to take a walk on the wharf." He looked pointedly at Norrington, who nodded and left quickly, being sure to take the rum bottles.
Norrington wandered along the wharf, searching vainly for some sign of what he was looking for. The only life consisted of peddlers, a man with stolen watches, a boy carrying hats, and a young Caribbean woman, selling flowers.
The flower seller moved toward him, holding out her flowers as an offering. "Flowers are so lovely at weddings, are they not?"
"Yes, they are," Norrington agreed, waiting. She looked at him expectantly.
"Wouldn't you like to but one?" she asked finally.
Glaring at her, Norrington pulled out a shilling. "Yes. Please."
"Oh, thank you," she cried. Leaning forward to attach the flower, she muttered, "Follow the parrot," and walked away.
Norrington stared after her for a moment. The parrot? What-
Bird droppings slid down his left shoulder.
Oh. That parrot.
Sighing, he followed as the bird took off down the beach. Eventually the sounds of the town began to fade and the foliage grew closer as he slipped through the sand.
They came upon a rowboat, pulled just above the waterline. Beside it, a dark-haired figure lay asleep in the sand.
"Will?" Norrington asked in incredulity. Will's eyes snapped open.
"Oh, g'day Commodore," he said, yawning and rising lazily to his feet. "I was beginning to think you'd never arrive."
"Shiver me timbers," the parrot squawked.
"Oh yes, and a thank you to you as well," Will added as the parrot flew off. He looked to the sky and brushed the sand from his hair. "Well, we'd best be on our way. Elizabeth would have my head if I were to miss our son's wedding."
Norrington climbed into the small boat and Will followed, pushing it into the water. They sat there bobbing in silence for a moment.
"Well? D'you not know how to row?" Will asked sweetly.
Rather irritably, Norrington picked up the oars. "Where are we going?"
"That island over there," Will answered, pointing rather vaguely and leaning back to enjoy the sun.
Nearly an hour later, Norrington was exhausted. He had rowed the considerable distance by himself while Will dozed. The Commodore was by no means a young man, and had gone the slightest bit soft in his later years. Through all this, he felt fairly near to collapse when they finally reached the island.
"Come along now," Will ordered, starting off down the beach. "We're behind schedule. And for heaven's sake, don't forget the rum."
Grabbing the two bottles, Norrington slipped through the sand after him. "Exactly... how long... will we be... traveling?" he panted.
"Oh, not long," Will answered, clearly enjoying himself. He had no trouble in the least racing through the sand, and it amused him immensely to see Norrington wheezing behind.
Will led him clear to the other side of the island, not pausing once. "I'm impressed, Commodore," he announced to the man leaning heavily and gasping for breath. "We've made very good time. In fact, here they come now."
On the horizon, the Pearl was heading for them with great speed.
"How... are we... to board?" Norrington asked. But Will was already chest- high in the water.
"I hope you enjoy swimming, Commodore!" he called back. "Don't forget the rum!"
*
When Norrington finally climbed on board, exhausted, dripping, and rum in hand, Jade was there to meet him.
"Welcome to the Black Pearl," she announced, bowing extravagantly.
"Thank you ever so much." Norrington looked around, noticing the man from the pub, the flower seller and, "Governor Swann??"
The governor looked up rather guiltily from his conversation with two of the pirates. "Oh, hello, Commodore."
"What are you doing here?"
"Well you didn't expect me to miss my only grandson's wedding."
"B-but..." The Commodore looked almost hurt. "How did you get here? All of you? And so quickly?"
"Oh, I can explain that," Jade offered. "Y'see, while you and Will were off gallivanting about, we dropped by Port Royal and picked 'em all up."
"But why did you make me go through all that?"
"Well we had to get the mast out of your arse somehow, didn' we, love?"
Jack Sparrow wandered on deck at that moment, swaggering sullenly over toward them.
"D'you have the rum?"
"You're drunk already," Norrington couldn't resist saying. "What on earth could you want more rum for?"
Jack held up his hands, moving them to emphasis his words. "I am about to give my daughter away to a..." he trailed off, taking a deep breath. "Commodore, do you have a daughter?"
"No."
"Then you would not understand, savvy? Now. Give. Me. My. Rum." His last words were spoken so threateningly that Norrington had to resist the urge to back away as he handed the bottles over.
As Jack wandered off taking a swig from each bottle in turn, Jade turned to Norrington almost apologetically. "You'll have to excuse him. He isn't exactly thrilled about this."
"I, on the other hand, am." Jack Turner came over, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her cheek. "Very thrilled."
At the sight of the two of them together, Gibbs came bustling over. "Ye're not to see yer wife before the wedding, young Turner," he ordered, dragging her away. "It's frightful bad luck."
"So you said about having a woman on board, and we have two and have the best luck in the world." Jade glanced helplessly over her shoulder. "G'bye!"