From the Abyss
by Moonstone04
---
Author's Notes: This is a chaos x Tony yaoi fic, so if you don't like the idea of them loving on each other, flee now. Also, I originally started this fic before any ep2 information was announced, so I consider it to be dated in many ways. However, I expected this when I began. ; Like all my fics, this is heavily based on my personal theories on the series (tho I should point out that the yaoi is just in my fics, not my serious theories). For more information on the bizarre way my mind works, look to my site, chaos theory [chaostheory.50g.com].
This is finally the final chapter! XD Hope you liked the fic! Thank you everyone who commented! - This particular chapter has been edited to high heaven, but thems the Fanfiction net breaks.
This is the Fanfiction.net edition of this fic. Originally NC-17, it has been edited to fit an R rating. The original, un-cut version of this fic is only being posted at Xenoyaoi on yahoogroups.
---
Chapter Eight
"Tony?" The voice sounded far away.
A touch to his forehead brought Tony to horrible wakefulness. It felt like two Gernaldian miniature weasels were gnawing at the back of his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd had a hangover that bad. The events of the night before were a blur. He couldn't even remember returning to the Elsa.
"Tony, you have to get up now."
Who was that? A wave of nausea came over Tony as he opened his eyes to the light. There was someone standing there above him. "chaos...?" He croaked.
"chaos left with the Captain over an hour ago. I told them we'd catch up."
"Huh? Hammer?" The weary looking navigator came into painful focus. "Ugh, leave me alone."
"You really messed yourself up last night." Hammer sighed. "And chaos looks awful too. Did you guys have a fight or somethin'?"
Tony just groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.
"Anyway, we've arrived at the Kukai Foundation. Little Master's arranged for us to meet with the head honcho here, and the Captain wants us all there to show our gratitude."
"Urgh... I just hope I don't puke all over him." Tony moaned as he pulled the blanket back off. "Hammer, I'm gonna die."
Hammer shook his head with a sigh. "I'll go get the aspirin."
---
Now Tony had been around the galactic block quite a few times, but he had never seen a colony as big and majestic as the Kukai Foundation. It was massive, although clearly still under heavy construction. Sometime while he slept, the entire Durandal had docked into the midst of it, like a fairy tale tower in the vast mirror of the colony's central lake. But looking out into that bright vision too long made the pain in his temples throb worse. So he turned away from the ferryship window.
"..some meeting, so the Captain's going to talk to him afterwards. I hope I remember the directions..." Hammer fidgeted in his seat.
Tony rubbed at the bridge of his nose, wishing the aspirin worked better. "Who's this guy again? Mister Eyenun?"
"Gaignun. Master Gaignun Kukai. Apparently he's Jr's father, and the guy in control of this entire place. I've heard he's some kind of philanthropist."
Jr's father... Fragments of the day before came back to him. Yikes... Tony wondered what the hell was really going on with Jr and that guy, but he wasn't about to stick his nose into it. He had enough trouble trying to figure out chaos.
chaos... No, he wasn't going to think about that!
"...damn it, Tony, I forgot the map!"
---
Swell. Tony's feet were killing him, and they were no closer to finding where they were supposed to go. They were looking for a community center, but judging from all the chicken feathers in the air, this wasn't it. Unless the foundation really liked chickens.
"What kind of navigator loses the map!?" Tony grumbled.
Hammer whirled around angrily. "Don't blame me! I told you to bring it!"
"Oh no, you're not even going to try weasling out of this!" A floating feather got stuck in Tony's mouth. It took a moment of sputtering before he got it out of his mouth. "You're the worst navigator ever! You can't even find what must be an obnoxiously huge building...!" Uh oh. Tony paused as Hammer's eyes narrowed dangerously. Maybe he had taken it a bit too far...
"Come on!" Hammer grabbed his wrist and started pulling him towards the chicken farm. Next thing Tony knew, Hammer pushed him into a big mud puddle. At least, Tony hoped it was just mud. It squished everywhere. The sound of Hammer's laughter made it worse. He was gonna hurt the little rodent...!
"You jerk!" Tony jumped up and wrestled Hammer down into the mud. "How do you like it..!?" Suddenly Hammer threw big glob of the stuff in his face.
"You had it coming, you big ignoramus!" Hammer yelled.
They wrestled across the ground, until the floor unexpectedly opened under them. With cries of surprise, they went falling through what seemed like an entire cloud of feathers. But these feathers had entire chickens attached to them. After a moment of loud angry squawking, they rolled out onto another street, apparently on the other side of the chicken farm. The chickens here went flying away as they tumbled past.
Despite the momentary shock, Tony wasted no time in getting back to throttling the hell out of Hammer. Only to be interrupted by a triumphant shout from the navigator as he pointed over their heads. "Hah!" Tony followed Hammer's pointing hand to the obnoxiously huge building across the street. Golden letters spelled 'community center' across it.
"I told you!" Hammer breathed with excitedly. "I knew I was going the right way!"
Tony shook his head wearily. "Lucky... Fine, I give." Getting to his feet, he helped Hammer up. They were both a mess. Thanks to the sticky mud, they were plastered with feathers from the chicken coops. "The Captain isn't going to be happy to see us."
"I don't know if it matters, we've probably missed them by now."
"You MORONS!"
Tony and Hammer both cringed at the familiar bellow.
Hammer smiled nervously without turning away from Tony. "Well, at least he recognizes us."
"Like that's a good thing?" Tony sighed. Then he turned across the street. "Aye, Captain!"
"What the hell happened to you!?" The Captain looked furious. Next to him, chaos seemed to be fighting to keep a straight face. With them was a tall, dark-haired teenager in a very fancy suit. He looked way too young, but the resemblance to Jr was unmistakable. Still, no way this guy could be Jr's father...
They were frozen on the spot until the Captain yelled at them to get over there. With a nervous jump between them, they quickly joined the others.
"So, that's why the chicken crossed the road." Gaignun raised an amused eyebrow at them. "Good day, gentlemen."
Captain Matthews shook his head and pulled on his cap. "These two morons are the rest of my crew. Morons, this is Master Gaignun. He's been gracious enough to loan us the money we need, and we'll be in his service from now on. So be grateful!" He ordered.
"Thank you, thank you!" Hammer cried in a mixture of panic and genuine gratitude. While Tony said something like "thank you for saving our asses, sir." He was so embarassed, he wasn't entirely sure what he said. But thankfully it seemed to appease the Captain.
"Well then, once your ship is repaired, I'll contact you again about our arrangements." Gaignun smiled. "In the meantime, enjoy your stay at the foundation. If you'll excuse me." With a slight nod, he turned and walked away towards a waiting limo.
"Wow..." Hammer was staring after him. "He really paid it all off?"
"That's right." Captain Matthews said. "We really owe him one."
Tony glanced over at chaos, but the silver-haired boy was now avoiding his gaze. "I guess we're indentured servants now, huh?"
"Damn right, we are!" Matthews proclaimed. "It's better than being dead. I'm sure we'll have the debt to Master Gaignun paid off in no time, then we'll be free as birds again."
Tony exchanged a doubtful look with Hammer.
"Anyway, I've booked us a room here in the foundation for a few days." Matthews went on. "I'll need to hunt around a little to find some of the parts we need with no questions asked. Master Gaignun has put the repairs on his tab, so we don't need to worry about the price, at least for the moment."
As Matthews trailed away in thought, Hammer hurried after him. "Captain, please be careful, remember all this will go back on the debt! We can't just...!"
Tony started following the other three, then stalled back. "Guys... You go ahead. I'm gonna go back to the Elsa."
"Eh?" The Captain turned around. "What's with you, Tony?"
"Yeah, don't you want to see the foundation?" Hammer blinked in surprise.
chaos tugged and fastened his gloves, but no one noticed him. It was his usual, almost compulsive behavior, so of course they didn't notice. He didn't seem to be paying attention, but Tony knew better.
"I'm not feeling too good. Probably still under the weather, y'know?" Tony shrugged like it was nothing. "I'll just stay at the Elsa tonight. We can meet up again tomorrow."
"Suit yourself." Matthews said. "We'll be staying at the Our Treasure Inn."
"You sure you wanna be by yourself?" Hammer frowned. The navigator glanced over at chaos, but the engineer was already following after the Captain. His frown deepened. "What happened?" He said in almost a whisper.
"Hammer, you'd better get going, or you'll be lost on your own." Tony warned then turned to leave. "See ya tomorrow, man." He could feel his friend's eyes on his back as he walked away.
---
Forehead against the cold shower tile, Tony let the thousands of tiny water jets sting at his skin and hair. His hangover was nearly gone now, and the water felt good as it washed away all the feathers and muck. But his heart was still so heavy.
This was probably a good thing, to be away from chaos for a while. Maybe a little distance could set things back to how they had been. As long as Tony didn't have to think about it, everything would be fine. He worked the soap in his hands to a creamy lather. But then again, when he was alone, it was all he could think about.
Suddenly, despite knowing he was alone, he had the overwhelming feeling of being watched. Tony shivered. Something moved in the corner of his vision. With a sharp breath, he turned quickly to look. But there was no one else in the closed bathroom.
"Probably still hung over," he sighed.
Still, the feeling of being watched persisted.
---
One good thing about being alone on the Elsa was that he could walk around the ship in only his bathrobe without the Captain complaining. Tony opened a kitchen cabinet, which made a loud creaking noise. The bad thing was that the ship could be spooky when it was this quiet. There wasn't even the usual vibrating boom from the music played on the bridge speakers. And tonight, the ship seemed spookier than usual.
Turning aside some canisters, he found they were out of ramen. Damn it all... He found an old packet of instant cinnamon-flavored oatmeal at the back of the cabinet. As he was wondering whether or not it was still edible, he suddenly felt the chill of eyes staring at his back. It was just too quiet, and he didn't want to turn around. He slowly put down the oatmeal packet and stood up.
Adrenaline rushed through him as he turned around to see someone standing behind the center counter. But upon seeing who it was, his pulse didn't slow, although it may have skipped a beat. It was chaos. Tony hadn't even heard him come in.
His mouth was suddenly dry, and he couldn't open his mouth to talk. His feelings were so confused, he didn't know what he wanted to say. chaos was standing there, his face so sad, those large, luminous eyes asking a mysterious question. And suddenly, Tony knew he was seeing chaos in a rare unguarded moment. Looking at those bright eyes full of pain, Tony just wanted to take it all away...
Literally in the blink of an eye, it all disappeared behind a smile. "Uh..." chaos rubbed the back of his head. "I thought you could use company. I brought some Miltian takeout. Wanna eat in the cabin?"
"Sure." Tony agreed with a nod.
---
Back in the cabin, all Tony's previous anxieties were absent. chaos' warm presence brought a familiar cozyness to the air. The delicious scent of the takeout certainly added to the nice atmosphere too. Tony was starving.
While they ate, chaos was talking about something concerning the Captain, Hammer, Master Gaignun, and Jr. But Tony found himself listening to his voice more than listening to what he was saying. He barely managed to have his own side of the conversation, but it didn't seem to matter. He was just glad chaos was still talking to him. Maybe things could go back to normal sooner than later.
Sitting across from him at the table, chaos was smiling, and Tony didn't want him to stop smiling. But he couldn't escape the memory of those sad eyes from before. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know how chaos might react. Instead, he went and fetched a bottle of his favorite wine. He saw chaos' eyes widen as he put it down on the table between them. The blue glass gleamed, and he could see it reflect in chaos' eyes.
"Tony, but that's...!"
"My best Hyacinth wine. For when the debt is finally paid off." Tony grinned as he popped the bottle open. "Yeah, but I've decided I'd rather drink this within my lifetime."
Taking the wine, they moved to the couch to watch UMN channels. chaos had the remote, and descended the screen from the ceiling. It took a while to find a movie they both liked. Then the lights dimmed as they settled back with their glasses of wine.
After a long time of silence, Tony glanced over to see chaos sipping the blue liquid, not looking at the screen. There was an expression of deep thought on his face. "Hey," said Tony, "you wanna change the channel?"
chaos shook his head. "I was just thinking about the ship."
"C'mon, don't sweat the repairs. Just relax tonight."
"No, not that. I was just wondering... Did the Captain name the Elsa?"
"Huh?" Tony blinked. "Oh. Hmm. No, he didn't. The ship was already named when he bought it, and he never changed the name. She is who she is, y'know."
chaos was quiet for a moment as he took another sip of wine. "Do you know where Elsa's name comes from?"
"Umm... Nope."
"So I guess you're not familiar with Richard Wagner's work."
"Nope. Who's that?" Tony didn't know what the heck chaos was going on about, but that was nothing new. He had a tendancy to talk strangely. Once again, Tony was just content to listen.
"He was a musical composer in the nineteeth century."
"Oh." Tony waited for a minute, but chaos was just staring into his wine some more. Then he waited some more. Some people in the movie started hollering. Finally, Tony knew he was going to have to wake chaos up. "Soo... What's that guy have to do with the ship?"
chaos blinked out of whatever daze he'd been in. "Oh... He composed an opera called Lohengrin. In the story, the female protagonist is named Elsa von Brabant." chaos closed his eyes, and Tony thought he might have fallen asleep. But then he spoke again. "Elsa had a dream of being saved by a knight riding a swan. And one day when she was in need of help, the knight really arrived. The knight, who was secretly of a holy order, promised to always stay by Elsa's side to protect her. But only if she kept a promise to never, ever ask his origin or name."
"Did she keep her promise?" Tony watched chaos sip his wine again, his eyes still closed. The light from the screen played across his silvery lashes.
"No."
Uh oh. There was something, some implications behind chaos' words that made him feel very uneasy. "What happened?"
"Elsa learned the truth about her knight husband. And he had to return to where he came from." chaos set his empty glass down on the floor.
---
It was dark. Even the screen had gone black and quiet. Tony felt a little stiff, and realized it was because he had fallen asleep sitting up on the couch. He didn't even remember going to sleep. But at least he didn't have a hangover this time. In fact, there was a pleasant warmth pressed against his side.
chaos was asleep, leaning against Tony's shoulder. Unable to help himself, Tony smoothed away strands of shining silver away from chaos' face. Even in his sleep, chaos seemed preoccupied, his brow slightly furrowed. Tony sighed.
As much as he just wanted to stay there, he knew they would never sleep well while sitting on the couch. Trying not to wake him, Tony moved to lift him up. Despite his incredible strength, chaos was surprisingly light. But then he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He turned to find chaos awake and looking at him.
"Tony?" chaos' gentle eyes were sad, but hopeful. "Can you promise me?"
"Promise?" Tony didn't know what he was talking about. But as the fuzzyness of sleep moved aside, he remembered chaos' story. "O-Oh..." Tony straightened slightly to look chaos in the face. Was he asking him to never question him again? To never know? Looking into those luminous aquamarine eyes, Tony wondered how he could ask it of him. He wanted so desperately to know chaos as intimately as he could, and chaos was asking him to abandon all hope of ever knowing the truth.
But if he didn't promise... Was refusing worth that risk?
Tony's eyes widened as chaos unclasped one of the buttons at the neck of his vest. Within moments, the orange vest was on the floor. Tony pulled back in shock.
"chaos, I..."
"No." chaos interrupted in a heavy voice. "Not yet. Don't answer yet." The boots were gone, and the shorts were gone. chaos was pulling out of his black bodysuit like a butterfly desperate to leave its cocoon. "Just let me..."
When the fully unclothed chaos moved to kiss him, Tony finally jolted out of his stupor. "Whoa, hold on!" He grabbed chaos' shoulders and held him back. "I... You aren't going to regret this like you did last time, are you? I can't do this is if it's going to hurt you again."
"It's okay. I'm aware of what I'm doing."
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure." chaos moved to kiss him again.
But Tony moved his head aside. "Really?"
"Really."
"Well..."
Taking Tony's head in his hands, chaos finally kissed him. Hard.
With a surprised whimper, Tony went falling back onto the couch. chaos sprawled out on top of him. Even through the thin layer of his bathrobe, Tony could feel the electric whisper of chaos' skin. It had been so long since he had felt that sensation.
His hands roamed the warm, silky skin. Invisible energy crackled soundlessly at his touch. Exactly as he remembered it. Tony often wondered why chaos covered nearly every inch of his skin almost obsessively. Very rarely did he go without his bodysuit and gloves, and even then, he was careful not to let anyone touch him. Did he know how good it felt to touch him, that sensation, more alive than anything Tony had ever felt? What secret was so terrible that he couldn't confide it to anyone? Finally breaking away, breathlessly chaos whispered, "It's okay."
"Uhhh..." chaos arched gently as he slowly sunk down onto Tony. "I think you've grown since the last time we did this."
"Is it..." Tony said in concern, but chaos shook his head with a smile.
"That wasn't a complaint, Tony."
God, it was good. He had forgotten just how good it felt to be inside that warm, moist heat. It was like nothing else he had ever experienced. chaos fit him like a glove, tight and soft. The strange energy chaos gave off flowed through him from where their bodies joined, making his own skin tingle, and igniting sparks of pleasure throughout his body. They became a circuit for something that was simply indescribable.
Ebb and flow, light and dark, everything moved within their own special rhythm. Until...all crashed in a brilliant world of pleasure. Hearing chaos groan loudly, Tony opened his eyes. And gasped.
Two large, white, feathery wings had sprouted from chaos' back. They were fully spread, stretching out to either side, glowing with a faint light. chaos didn't seem aware of them, head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open, in a mask of rapture.
Tony was transfixed. And suddenly, he understood.
Finally the angel gently collapsed against Tony, completely spent. As the wings fell around him, Tony watched as they dissolved into particles of light that swirled and danced, before disappearing completely. One last, solitary feather came to rest near Tony's head. Then it too burst into a cloud of glowing particles. And all was dark again.
Closing his eyes, Tony pulled his arms up around chaos' back. They were too spent to move, too busy catching their breath to speak. Tony could feel him trembling, and with each tremble, chaos gave a brief whimpering moan. In his memory of their past times together, Tony couldn't remember chaos having come that hard before.
Tony was trembling too, but not just from his orgasm. chaos wasn't human. Not even uberhuman. Deep inside he had always known, but he had still felt that chaos was something earthly, if completely mysterious. Tony's hands rubbed over the boy's shoulder blades, feeling nothing out of the ordinary there. No sign of any wings now.
chaos sighed into Tony's chest. "Slight shifts in perception can show you the truth. Or alter it completely. So therein lies the question of what is real and what is not." chaos said softly. "How deep does it go? How many layers of reality are there? I still don't know. Despite it all, I still don't know."
Perception? Tony frowned to himself. He didn't understand. Was chaos really an...angel? Or was that only how he perceived him? And if it was the latter, how in the hell did that happen? "Layers of reality? So...you mean, it would be impossible to know what was real, if we couldn't tell if there were still more realities beneath what we know. Or if there were many realities, based on the way we perceive it... Or..." Tony trailed off, trying to wrap his mind around it. He waited for more explanation from chaos, but none came.
Several minutes passed, with only the sound of their breathing.
"chaos...?"
"..."
Tony realized what he was now silently asking. This was the choice chaos had given him. Rolling onto his side, Tony curled protectively around him. chaos clung, still trembling. More than ever, Tony wanted to know the truth. As much as chaos could tell him. But was it worth losing him?
No matter what, Tony couldn't keep him. He knew that now. Sooner or later, chaos would leave. Nothing...no one...earthly could keep him. He had realized that the moment he had seen the wings. But that he could have him now, for however brief time was given to him, was a gift.
"I promise." He whispered into silvery hair.
---
Nine years had passed since that night. Tony was now twenty-nine, and chaos...well, he was as he always was. Mysterious as ever. Almost always smiling despite the shadows that lurked in his eyes.
Tony was broken out of his thoughts by the troubled stirring of chaos in his arms. Something wasn't right. In all those years, Tony had never seen chaos as distracted as he was now. Ever since Shion and that android KOS-MOS were brought onboard, he had become fascinated with them and increasingly withdrawn from the crew. Tony noticed he rarely slept now, although chaos was notorious for his frequent napping. Yet, somehow, he was harder to reach than ever.
When chaos wasn't on the bridge, he'd been trailing after Shion and KOS-MOS. Sure, chaos was always friendly and helpful, but this ongoing behavior was beginning to make Tony uncomfortable. chaos never strayed long from the Elsa crew. Tony knew this was mostly because of his secretive nature. He never let anyone get to know him very well, if at all. And even if the Elsa crew wasn't really an exception to this rule, they were still different...they were family. They were part of his safe haven.
At least, that's how it had always been. But something was changing now, and it scared him. On the occasion Tony did come across him alone, he would discover chaos too lost in thought to notice him coming. Then he would smile, and act like his usual self, which only made Tony more concerned.
Of course, Tony didn't pry. He had made a promise. Not even after the strange outburst on the bridge, had he said anything. Neither had the others, the silence came naturally to all of them now. chaos didn't even acknowledge them as he hurried off the bridge. Then the gnosis invaded, and there wasn't much time to think about it.
So much had happened lately, Tony felt dizzy. It had started with Shion and KOS-MOS, and since then, the Elsa crew had been on a non-stop rollercoaster ride, sometimes exciting, sometimes horrific. Tony had never been through so many tight spots in such a short length of time. And although everything was peaceful at the moment, he suspected it wasn't over yet.
He held chaos tighter and buried his face in the top of his hair. Even though they were finally on Second Miltia, and the others were gone, it wasn't over. During their time there, chaos had barely been involved with the Elsa repairs. He didn't say where he wandered to, and of course, no one would pry further. Tony had his suspicions.
chaos had come to him tonight, his eyes shining bright. Tony tried to comfort him the best he could. It had been their first time alone in a while. Not a word passed between them, just the love and familiar rhythm.
With a sigh, he fingered the metal chain still hanging around his neck. At the end, were a pair of old dogtags. Tony held them up to his face, staring at them as if they might finally tell him their secrets. Engraved into the dogtags were letters that glowed with a faint bluish-green light. Military coding he couldn't understand, and a name on both, a name that still puzzled him. chaos. No last name, no other initials of any kind. Just "chaos". Before leaving for Proto Merkabah, chaos had given him these dogtags, without any explanation.
The last of the team to leave the bridge, he had turned back and pressed something into his hand. "Oh, please keep these safe." chaos had said, then walked away to rejoin the others.
After safely entering Second Miltia's atmosphere, Tony had tried returning them, but chaos only shook his head with a smile. "These belong to you."
Tony frowned at the slightly burnt tags. They looked too old and worn to be something chaos had picked up at a novelty shop. But why was his name on them? And where the hell did they come from? They made his head hurt.
Yet, deep inside, Tony knew what was different about that night. He knew why chaos had given him the tags. He just didn't want to admit it. Not yet. Even after all these years, he still wasn't ready, he didn't think he ever would be.
Now, everytime chaos left, there was a very good chance he wouldn't come back. chaos knew it, and Tony knew it. Why it was happening now, he didn't know for sure. But whatever it was, it was beyond his control. All he knew for certain was that he would be there for chaos, for as long as he could, no matter what came next. He loved chaos, and at least that would never change.
With a soft sigh, chaos finally relaxed, nestling into Tony's chest. Soft invisible waves of energy soothing his skin, Tony closed his eyes. No more worrying about it. The reassuring thought purred through his body and mind.
It would be.
---
I feel like I'm drowning
Trying to catch my breath
Don't know what is happening
There's no sense of time...
Deep underneath my skin
Feeling the pain within
Hear my cry... I feel drawn towards you
Can't resist, I don't know why...
My life is changing, I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I losing my mind...
The sun isn't shining
But your eyes light my way
I've found what I've been searching for
My love won't go astray
Deep underneath my skin
Feeling the pain within
Hear my cry ...Hear my cry... I feel drawn towards you
Can't resist, I don't know why ...I don't know why...
My life is changing, I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I lost...
So many years
My drifting heart has wandered around
Don't turn on me
Won't you stay by my side
I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I losing my mind...
- "The Abyss of Your Eyes" Stratovarius
---
END
by Moonstone04
---
Author's Notes: This is a chaos x Tony yaoi fic, so if you don't like the idea of them loving on each other, flee now. Also, I originally started this fic before any ep2 information was announced, so I consider it to be dated in many ways. However, I expected this when I began. ; Like all my fics, this is heavily based on my personal theories on the series (tho I should point out that the yaoi is just in my fics, not my serious theories). For more information on the bizarre way my mind works, look to my site, chaos theory [chaostheory.50g.com].
This is finally the final chapter! XD Hope you liked the fic! Thank you everyone who commented! - This particular chapter has been edited to high heaven, but thems the Fanfiction net breaks.
This is the Fanfiction.net edition of this fic. Originally NC-17, it has been edited to fit an R rating. The original, un-cut version of this fic is only being posted at Xenoyaoi on yahoogroups.
---
Chapter Eight
"Tony?" The voice sounded far away.
A touch to his forehead brought Tony to horrible wakefulness. It felt like two Gernaldian miniature weasels were gnawing at the back of his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd had a hangover that bad. The events of the night before were a blur. He couldn't even remember returning to the Elsa.
"Tony, you have to get up now."
Who was that? A wave of nausea came over Tony as he opened his eyes to the light. There was someone standing there above him. "chaos...?" He croaked.
"chaos left with the Captain over an hour ago. I told them we'd catch up."
"Huh? Hammer?" The weary looking navigator came into painful focus. "Ugh, leave me alone."
"You really messed yourself up last night." Hammer sighed. "And chaos looks awful too. Did you guys have a fight or somethin'?"
Tony just groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.
"Anyway, we've arrived at the Kukai Foundation. Little Master's arranged for us to meet with the head honcho here, and the Captain wants us all there to show our gratitude."
"Urgh... I just hope I don't puke all over him." Tony moaned as he pulled the blanket back off. "Hammer, I'm gonna die."
Hammer shook his head with a sigh. "I'll go get the aspirin."
---
Now Tony had been around the galactic block quite a few times, but he had never seen a colony as big and majestic as the Kukai Foundation. It was massive, although clearly still under heavy construction. Sometime while he slept, the entire Durandal had docked into the midst of it, like a fairy tale tower in the vast mirror of the colony's central lake. But looking out into that bright vision too long made the pain in his temples throb worse. So he turned away from the ferryship window.
"..some meeting, so the Captain's going to talk to him afterwards. I hope I remember the directions..." Hammer fidgeted in his seat.
Tony rubbed at the bridge of his nose, wishing the aspirin worked better. "Who's this guy again? Mister Eyenun?"
"Gaignun. Master Gaignun Kukai. Apparently he's Jr's father, and the guy in control of this entire place. I've heard he's some kind of philanthropist."
Jr's father... Fragments of the day before came back to him. Yikes... Tony wondered what the hell was really going on with Jr and that guy, but he wasn't about to stick his nose into it. He had enough trouble trying to figure out chaos.
chaos... No, he wasn't going to think about that!
"...damn it, Tony, I forgot the map!"
---
Swell. Tony's feet were killing him, and they were no closer to finding where they were supposed to go. They were looking for a community center, but judging from all the chicken feathers in the air, this wasn't it. Unless the foundation really liked chickens.
"What kind of navigator loses the map!?" Tony grumbled.
Hammer whirled around angrily. "Don't blame me! I told you to bring it!"
"Oh no, you're not even going to try weasling out of this!" A floating feather got stuck in Tony's mouth. It took a moment of sputtering before he got it out of his mouth. "You're the worst navigator ever! You can't even find what must be an obnoxiously huge building...!" Uh oh. Tony paused as Hammer's eyes narrowed dangerously. Maybe he had taken it a bit too far...
"Come on!" Hammer grabbed his wrist and started pulling him towards the chicken farm. Next thing Tony knew, Hammer pushed him into a big mud puddle. At least, Tony hoped it was just mud. It squished everywhere. The sound of Hammer's laughter made it worse. He was gonna hurt the little rodent...!
"You jerk!" Tony jumped up and wrestled Hammer down into the mud. "How do you like it..!?" Suddenly Hammer threw big glob of the stuff in his face.
"You had it coming, you big ignoramus!" Hammer yelled.
They wrestled across the ground, until the floor unexpectedly opened under them. With cries of surprise, they went falling through what seemed like an entire cloud of feathers. But these feathers had entire chickens attached to them. After a moment of loud angry squawking, they rolled out onto another street, apparently on the other side of the chicken farm. The chickens here went flying away as they tumbled past.
Despite the momentary shock, Tony wasted no time in getting back to throttling the hell out of Hammer. Only to be interrupted by a triumphant shout from the navigator as he pointed over their heads. "Hah!" Tony followed Hammer's pointing hand to the obnoxiously huge building across the street. Golden letters spelled 'community center' across it.
"I told you!" Hammer breathed with excitedly. "I knew I was going the right way!"
Tony shook his head wearily. "Lucky... Fine, I give." Getting to his feet, he helped Hammer up. They were both a mess. Thanks to the sticky mud, they were plastered with feathers from the chicken coops. "The Captain isn't going to be happy to see us."
"I don't know if it matters, we've probably missed them by now."
"You MORONS!"
Tony and Hammer both cringed at the familiar bellow.
Hammer smiled nervously without turning away from Tony. "Well, at least he recognizes us."
"Like that's a good thing?" Tony sighed. Then he turned across the street. "Aye, Captain!"
"What the hell happened to you!?" The Captain looked furious. Next to him, chaos seemed to be fighting to keep a straight face. With them was a tall, dark-haired teenager in a very fancy suit. He looked way too young, but the resemblance to Jr was unmistakable. Still, no way this guy could be Jr's father...
They were frozen on the spot until the Captain yelled at them to get over there. With a nervous jump between them, they quickly joined the others.
"So, that's why the chicken crossed the road." Gaignun raised an amused eyebrow at them. "Good day, gentlemen."
Captain Matthews shook his head and pulled on his cap. "These two morons are the rest of my crew. Morons, this is Master Gaignun. He's been gracious enough to loan us the money we need, and we'll be in his service from now on. So be grateful!" He ordered.
"Thank you, thank you!" Hammer cried in a mixture of panic and genuine gratitude. While Tony said something like "thank you for saving our asses, sir." He was so embarassed, he wasn't entirely sure what he said. But thankfully it seemed to appease the Captain.
"Well then, once your ship is repaired, I'll contact you again about our arrangements." Gaignun smiled. "In the meantime, enjoy your stay at the foundation. If you'll excuse me." With a slight nod, he turned and walked away towards a waiting limo.
"Wow..." Hammer was staring after him. "He really paid it all off?"
"That's right." Captain Matthews said. "We really owe him one."
Tony glanced over at chaos, but the silver-haired boy was now avoiding his gaze. "I guess we're indentured servants now, huh?"
"Damn right, we are!" Matthews proclaimed. "It's better than being dead. I'm sure we'll have the debt to Master Gaignun paid off in no time, then we'll be free as birds again."
Tony exchanged a doubtful look with Hammer.
"Anyway, I've booked us a room here in the foundation for a few days." Matthews went on. "I'll need to hunt around a little to find some of the parts we need with no questions asked. Master Gaignun has put the repairs on his tab, so we don't need to worry about the price, at least for the moment."
As Matthews trailed away in thought, Hammer hurried after him. "Captain, please be careful, remember all this will go back on the debt! We can't just...!"
Tony started following the other three, then stalled back. "Guys... You go ahead. I'm gonna go back to the Elsa."
"Eh?" The Captain turned around. "What's with you, Tony?"
"Yeah, don't you want to see the foundation?" Hammer blinked in surprise.
chaos tugged and fastened his gloves, but no one noticed him. It was his usual, almost compulsive behavior, so of course they didn't notice. He didn't seem to be paying attention, but Tony knew better.
"I'm not feeling too good. Probably still under the weather, y'know?" Tony shrugged like it was nothing. "I'll just stay at the Elsa tonight. We can meet up again tomorrow."
"Suit yourself." Matthews said. "We'll be staying at the Our Treasure Inn."
"You sure you wanna be by yourself?" Hammer frowned. The navigator glanced over at chaos, but the engineer was already following after the Captain. His frown deepened. "What happened?" He said in almost a whisper.
"Hammer, you'd better get going, or you'll be lost on your own." Tony warned then turned to leave. "See ya tomorrow, man." He could feel his friend's eyes on his back as he walked away.
---
Forehead against the cold shower tile, Tony let the thousands of tiny water jets sting at his skin and hair. His hangover was nearly gone now, and the water felt good as it washed away all the feathers and muck. But his heart was still so heavy.
This was probably a good thing, to be away from chaos for a while. Maybe a little distance could set things back to how they had been. As long as Tony didn't have to think about it, everything would be fine. He worked the soap in his hands to a creamy lather. But then again, when he was alone, it was all he could think about.
Suddenly, despite knowing he was alone, he had the overwhelming feeling of being watched. Tony shivered. Something moved in the corner of his vision. With a sharp breath, he turned quickly to look. But there was no one else in the closed bathroom.
"Probably still hung over," he sighed.
Still, the feeling of being watched persisted.
---
One good thing about being alone on the Elsa was that he could walk around the ship in only his bathrobe without the Captain complaining. Tony opened a kitchen cabinet, which made a loud creaking noise. The bad thing was that the ship could be spooky when it was this quiet. There wasn't even the usual vibrating boom from the music played on the bridge speakers. And tonight, the ship seemed spookier than usual.
Turning aside some canisters, he found they were out of ramen. Damn it all... He found an old packet of instant cinnamon-flavored oatmeal at the back of the cabinet. As he was wondering whether or not it was still edible, he suddenly felt the chill of eyes staring at his back. It was just too quiet, and he didn't want to turn around. He slowly put down the oatmeal packet and stood up.
Adrenaline rushed through him as he turned around to see someone standing behind the center counter. But upon seeing who it was, his pulse didn't slow, although it may have skipped a beat. It was chaos. Tony hadn't even heard him come in.
His mouth was suddenly dry, and he couldn't open his mouth to talk. His feelings were so confused, he didn't know what he wanted to say. chaos was standing there, his face so sad, those large, luminous eyes asking a mysterious question. And suddenly, Tony knew he was seeing chaos in a rare unguarded moment. Looking at those bright eyes full of pain, Tony just wanted to take it all away...
Literally in the blink of an eye, it all disappeared behind a smile. "Uh..." chaos rubbed the back of his head. "I thought you could use company. I brought some Miltian takeout. Wanna eat in the cabin?"
"Sure." Tony agreed with a nod.
---
Back in the cabin, all Tony's previous anxieties were absent. chaos' warm presence brought a familiar cozyness to the air. The delicious scent of the takeout certainly added to the nice atmosphere too. Tony was starving.
While they ate, chaos was talking about something concerning the Captain, Hammer, Master Gaignun, and Jr. But Tony found himself listening to his voice more than listening to what he was saying. He barely managed to have his own side of the conversation, but it didn't seem to matter. He was just glad chaos was still talking to him. Maybe things could go back to normal sooner than later.
Sitting across from him at the table, chaos was smiling, and Tony didn't want him to stop smiling. But he couldn't escape the memory of those sad eyes from before. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know how chaos might react. Instead, he went and fetched a bottle of his favorite wine. He saw chaos' eyes widen as he put it down on the table between them. The blue glass gleamed, and he could see it reflect in chaos' eyes.
"Tony, but that's...!"
"My best Hyacinth wine. For when the debt is finally paid off." Tony grinned as he popped the bottle open. "Yeah, but I've decided I'd rather drink this within my lifetime."
Taking the wine, they moved to the couch to watch UMN channels. chaos had the remote, and descended the screen from the ceiling. It took a while to find a movie they both liked. Then the lights dimmed as they settled back with their glasses of wine.
After a long time of silence, Tony glanced over to see chaos sipping the blue liquid, not looking at the screen. There was an expression of deep thought on his face. "Hey," said Tony, "you wanna change the channel?"
chaos shook his head. "I was just thinking about the ship."
"C'mon, don't sweat the repairs. Just relax tonight."
"No, not that. I was just wondering... Did the Captain name the Elsa?"
"Huh?" Tony blinked. "Oh. Hmm. No, he didn't. The ship was already named when he bought it, and he never changed the name. She is who she is, y'know."
chaos was quiet for a moment as he took another sip of wine. "Do you know where Elsa's name comes from?"
"Umm... Nope."
"So I guess you're not familiar with Richard Wagner's work."
"Nope. Who's that?" Tony didn't know what the heck chaos was going on about, but that was nothing new. He had a tendancy to talk strangely. Once again, Tony was just content to listen.
"He was a musical composer in the nineteeth century."
"Oh." Tony waited for a minute, but chaos was just staring into his wine some more. Then he waited some more. Some people in the movie started hollering. Finally, Tony knew he was going to have to wake chaos up. "Soo... What's that guy have to do with the ship?"
chaos blinked out of whatever daze he'd been in. "Oh... He composed an opera called Lohengrin. In the story, the female protagonist is named Elsa von Brabant." chaos closed his eyes, and Tony thought he might have fallen asleep. But then he spoke again. "Elsa had a dream of being saved by a knight riding a swan. And one day when she was in need of help, the knight really arrived. The knight, who was secretly of a holy order, promised to always stay by Elsa's side to protect her. But only if she kept a promise to never, ever ask his origin or name."
"Did she keep her promise?" Tony watched chaos sip his wine again, his eyes still closed. The light from the screen played across his silvery lashes.
"No."
Uh oh. There was something, some implications behind chaos' words that made him feel very uneasy. "What happened?"
"Elsa learned the truth about her knight husband. And he had to return to where he came from." chaos set his empty glass down on the floor.
---
It was dark. Even the screen had gone black and quiet. Tony felt a little stiff, and realized it was because he had fallen asleep sitting up on the couch. He didn't even remember going to sleep. But at least he didn't have a hangover this time. In fact, there was a pleasant warmth pressed against his side.
chaos was asleep, leaning against Tony's shoulder. Unable to help himself, Tony smoothed away strands of shining silver away from chaos' face. Even in his sleep, chaos seemed preoccupied, his brow slightly furrowed. Tony sighed.
As much as he just wanted to stay there, he knew they would never sleep well while sitting on the couch. Trying not to wake him, Tony moved to lift him up. Despite his incredible strength, chaos was surprisingly light. But then he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He turned to find chaos awake and looking at him.
"Tony?" chaos' gentle eyes were sad, but hopeful. "Can you promise me?"
"Promise?" Tony didn't know what he was talking about. But as the fuzzyness of sleep moved aside, he remembered chaos' story. "O-Oh..." Tony straightened slightly to look chaos in the face. Was he asking him to never question him again? To never know? Looking into those luminous aquamarine eyes, Tony wondered how he could ask it of him. He wanted so desperately to know chaos as intimately as he could, and chaos was asking him to abandon all hope of ever knowing the truth.
But if he didn't promise... Was refusing worth that risk?
Tony's eyes widened as chaos unclasped one of the buttons at the neck of his vest. Within moments, the orange vest was on the floor. Tony pulled back in shock.
"chaos, I..."
"No." chaos interrupted in a heavy voice. "Not yet. Don't answer yet." The boots were gone, and the shorts were gone. chaos was pulling out of his black bodysuit like a butterfly desperate to leave its cocoon. "Just let me..."
When the fully unclothed chaos moved to kiss him, Tony finally jolted out of his stupor. "Whoa, hold on!" He grabbed chaos' shoulders and held him back. "I... You aren't going to regret this like you did last time, are you? I can't do this is if it's going to hurt you again."
"It's okay. I'm aware of what I'm doing."
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure." chaos moved to kiss him again.
But Tony moved his head aside. "Really?"
"Really."
"Well..."
Taking Tony's head in his hands, chaos finally kissed him. Hard.
With a surprised whimper, Tony went falling back onto the couch. chaos sprawled out on top of him. Even through the thin layer of his bathrobe, Tony could feel the electric whisper of chaos' skin. It had been so long since he had felt that sensation.
His hands roamed the warm, silky skin. Invisible energy crackled soundlessly at his touch. Exactly as he remembered it. Tony often wondered why chaos covered nearly every inch of his skin almost obsessively. Very rarely did he go without his bodysuit and gloves, and even then, he was careful not to let anyone touch him. Did he know how good it felt to touch him, that sensation, more alive than anything Tony had ever felt? What secret was so terrible that he couldn't confide it to anyone? Finally breaking away, breathlessly chaos whispered, "It's okay."
"Uhhh..." chaos arched gently as he slowly sunk down onto Tony. "I think you've grown since the last time we did this."
"Is it..." Tony said in concern, but chaos shook his head with a smile.
"That wasn't a complaint, Tony."
God, it was good. He had forgotten just how good it felt to be inside that warm, moist heat. It was like nothing else he had ever experienced. chaos fit him like a glove, tight and soft. The strange energy chaos gave off flowed through him from where their bodies joined, making his own skin tingle, and igniting sparks of pleasure throughout his body. They became a circuit for something that was simply indescribable.
Ebb and flow, light and dark, everything moved within their own special rhythm. Until...all crashed in a brilliant world of pleasure. Hearing chaos groan loudly, Tony opened his eyes. And gasped.
Two large, white, feathery wings had sprouted from chaos' back. They were fully spread, stretching out to either side, glowing with a faint light. chaos didn't seem aware of them, head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open, in a mask of rapture.
Tony was transfixed. And suddenly, he understood.
Finally the angel gently collapsed against Tony, completely spent. As the wings fell around him, Tony watched as they dissolved into particles of light that swirled and danced, before disappearing completely. One last, solitary feather came to rest near Tony's head. Then it too burst into a cloud of glowing particles. And all was dark again.
Closing his eyes, Tony pulled his arms up around chaos' back. They were too spent to move, too busy catching their breath to speak. Tony could feel him trembling, and with each tremble, chaos gave a brief whimpering moan. In his memory of their past times together, Tony couldn't remember chaos having come that hard before.
Tony was trembling too, but not just from his orgasm. chaos wasn't human. Not even uberhuman. Deep inside he had always known, but he had still felt that chaos was something earthly, if completely mysterious. Tony's hands rubbed over the boy's shoulder blades, feeling nothing out of the ordinary there. No sign of any wings now.
chaos sighed into Tony's chest. "Slight shifts in perception can show you the truth. Or alter it completely. So therein lies the question of what is real and what is not." chaos said softly. "How deep does it go? How many layers of reality are there? I still don't know. Despite it all, I still don't know."
Perception? Tony frowned to himself. He didn't understand. Was chaos really an...angel? Or was that only how he perceived him? And if it was the latter, how in the hell did that happen? "Layers of reality? So...you mean, it would be impossible to know what was real, if we couldn't tell if there were still more realities beneath what we know. Or if there were many realities, based on the way we perceive it... Or..." Tony trailed off, trying to wrap his mind around it. He waited for more explanation from chaos, but none came.
Several minutes passed, with only the sound of their breathing.
"chaos...?"
"..."
Tony realized what he was now silently asking. This was the choice chaos had given him. Rolling onto his side, Tony curled protectively around him. chaos clung, still trembling. More than ever, Tony wanted to know the truth. As much as chaos could tell him. But was it worth losing him?
No matter what, Tony couldn't keep him. He knew that now. Sooner or later, chaos would leave. Nothing...no one...earthly could keep him. He had realized that the moment he had seen the wings. But that he could have him now, for however brief time was given to him, was a gift.
"I promise." He whispered into silvery hair.
---
Nine years had passed since that night. Tony was now twenty-nine, and chaos...well, he was as he always was. Mysterious as ever. Almost always smiling despite the shadows that lurked in his eyes.
Tony was broken out of his thoughts by the troubled stirring of chaos in his arms. Something wasn't right. In all those years, Tony had never seen chaos as distracted as he was now. Ever since Shion and that android KOS-MOS were brought onboard, he had become fascinated with them and increasingly withdrawn from the crew. Tony noticed he rarely slept now, although chaos was notorious for his frequent napping. Yet, somehow, he was harder to reach than ever.
When chaos wasn't on the bridge, he'd been trailing after Shion and KOS-MOS. Sure, chaos was always friendly and helpful, but this ongoing behavior was beginning to make Tony uncomfortable. chaos never strayed long from the Elsa crew. Tony knew this was mostly because of his secretive nature. He never let anyone get to know him very well, if at all. And even if the Elsa crew wasn't really an exception to this rule, they were still different...they were family. They were part of his safe haven.
At least, that's how it had always been. But something was changing now, and it scared him. On the occasion Tony did come across him alone, he would discover chaos too lost in thought to notice him coming. Then he would smile, and act like his usual self, which only made Tony more concerned.
Of course, Tony didn't pry. He had made a promise. Not even after the strange outburst on the bridge, had he said anything. Neither had the others, the silence came naturally to all of them now. chaos didn't even acknowledge them as he hurried off the bridge. Then the gnosis invaded, and there wasn't much time to think about it.
So much had happened lately, Tony felt dizzy. It had started with Shion and KOS-MOS, and since then, the Elsa crew had been on a non-stop rollercoaster ride, sometimes exciting, sometimes horrific. Tony had never been through so many tight spots in such a short length of time. And although everything was peaceful at the moment, he suspected it wasn't over yet.
He held chaos tighter and buried his face in the top of his hair. Even though they were finally on Second Miltia, and the others were gone, it wasn't over. During their time there, chaos had barely been involved with the Elsa repairs. He didn't say where he wandered to, and of course, no one would pry further. Tony had his suspicions.
chaos had come to him tonight, his eyes shining bright. Tony tried to comfort him the best he could. It had been their first time alone in a while. Not a word passed between them, just the love and familiar rhythm.
With a sigh, he fingered the metal chain still hanging around his neck. At the end, were a pair of old dogtags. Tony held them up to his face, staring at them as if they might finally tell him their secrets. Engraved into the dogtags were letters that glowed with a faint bluish-green light. Military coding he couldn't understand, and a name on both, a name that still puzzled him. chaos. No last name, no other initials of any kind. Just "chaos". Before leaving for Proto Merkabah, chaos had given him these dogtags, without any explanation.
The last of the team to leave the bridge, he had turned back and pressed something into his hand. "Oh, please keep these safe." chaos had said, then walked away to rejoin the others.
After safely entering Second Miltia's atmosphere, Tony had tried returning them, but chaos only shook his head with a smile. "These belong to you."
Tony frowned at the slightly burnt tags. They looked too old and worn to be something chaos had picked up at a novelty shop. But why was his name on them? And where the hell did they come from? They made his head hurt.
Yet, deep inside, Tony knew what was different about that night. He knew why chaos had given him the tags. He just didn't want to admit it. Not yet. Even after all these years, he still wasn't ready, he didn't think he ever would be.
Now, everytime chaos left, there was a very good chance he wouldn't come back. chaos knew it, and Tony knew it. Why it was happening now, he didn't know for sure. But whatever it was, it was beyond his control. All he knew for certain was that he would be there for chaos, for as long as he could, no matter what came next. He loved chaos, and at least that would never change.
With a soft sigh, chaos finally relaxed, nestling into Tony's chest. Soft invisible waves of energy soothing his skin, Tony closed his eyes. No more worrying about it. The reassuring thought purred through his body and mind.
It would be.
---
I feel like I'm drowning
Trying to catch my breath
Don't know what is happening
There's no sense of time...
Deep underneath my skin
Feeling the pain within
Hear my cry... I feel drawn towards you
Can't resist, I don't know why...
My life is changing, I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I losing my mind...
The sun isn't shining
But your eyes light my way
I've found what I've been searching for
My love won't go astray
Deep underneath my skin
Feeling the pain within
Hear my cry ...Hear my cry... I feel drawn towards you
Can't resist, I don't know why ...I don't know why...
My life is changing, I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I lost...
So many years
My drifting heart has wandered around
Don't turn on me
Won't you stay by my side
I can not recall
Where I've been before... the abyss of your eyes
Meaning so much more
Am I losing my mind...
- "The Abyss of Your Eyes" Stratovarius
---
END