One day Sailor Mercury (who was secretly Ami Mizuno in real life) was sitting in the park watching the squirrels run and jump and play. She sighed to herself, "Oh, if only I could get out of this chair, then I could run and jump and play like the squirrels." She made a sad face!
All of a sudden, Serena and Darien walked by. "Hey Amy, why the long face?" Serena asked. "Why don't we roll downtown and get a soda or something?"
Ami sighed. "Serena, you know I can't get all the way down there. I'm just going to stay here and watch the squirrels until it gets dark out. That's when Rei said she'd come back by here to get me."
Darien shrugged his shoulders. "All right, your loss... Guess we'll make it a race, that will be very fun, since we can run and jump and play!" laughing, the couple ran off, leaving Mercury/Amy alone again. Amy was very sad to be alone. She made another sad face. The squirrels which once made her so happy, were now making her so sad. "They can run and jump and play," Though Ami, "But I CAN'T!" She fought back her tears and wheeled further down the park path.
The next day, Serena saw Ami Mizuno looking huffy at the bus stop. "What's wrong now Amy?" she asked her. "Raye forgot to come and get me last night, and I had to wheel home all by myself! My arms are so tired!" she complained. Makoto walked up behind Amy and tapped her on the leg. "Oops, guess you can't feel that, can you? Later!" And she walked away.
"YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THE SQUIRRELS!!! ALWAYS TAUNTING ME!!!!" Amy Mizuno screamed after Lita as she walked away. If I could walk, I would run after her and punch her so hard in the ass!!! Ami thought to herself, angrily. Serena, who was still there, looked at Amy very curiously and said, "You'd better not be thinking about punching Makoto in the ass, Amy! That would not be very nice!"
Before Mercury had a chance to respond, the bus had come. "Finally..." Serena said, walking up the stairs that led to the seats inside. "Whoops, guess this is where you get off!" the bus driver yelled at Amy out the glass door as it closed and the bus sped away. "I guess I'll have to walk to school by myself again today," she said, eyeing the horizon with another sad face.
Ami went to school, trying hard to ignore all the squirrels on the way. When she got there, the teacher was mad, "Amy! Why are you always late? And you are so dumb! Your test scores last week were horrible!" Amy bit her trembling lip, trying to keep from crying. "I'm not dumb, sensei! I'm just crippled!"
"That's not an excuse!" sensei said. "Plenty of crippled people have been successful, like..." The class went very quiet suddenly and stayed that way for a few minutes. "...Well, I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure that some cripples must have amounted to something..." She didn't sound very sure of herself.
Amy laid her head down on her desk. "I wish I was smart and attractive and able to walk on my own like the other girls!" she moaned into her arms. "Yeah, well, we can't always have everything, can we?" Molly replied rudely as she wandered by with Luna on her shoulder. "YES BUT I HAVE NOTHING!" Amy screamed before running away.
Later that day, Mercury was wheeling home from school when she realized she had made a series of wrong turns. "Oh, now I'm at the top of the highest hill in Tokyo!" she cried. True to her word, she was at the top of the highest hill in Tokyo. Some sort of race was going on that involved bikers racing down the hill as fast as they could. "Look at them all having fun and enjoying their mobility," Ami sighed, accidentally exhaling enough breath to send herself teetering over the edge of the urban crag.
Amy screamed at first as her wheelchair began to pick up speed, hurtling her towards the bottom at breakneck speed. Still, halfway down her journey of the hill (AND OF LIFE!) she became exhilirated at the feel of the wind against her face (since she wasn't actually flying), and she looked and saw the bikers trailing behind her. "I CAN WIN THIS THING!" Ami thought to herself with joy. "I CAN BE THE BEST AT SOMETHING, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!" She let out loud cry that seemed to embody both catharsis and joy at once. Suddenly, Amy's dreams were dashed to crippled bits as she smashed into a brick wall at the bottom of the hill.
"Oh m'God! That girl just hit the wall!" one lady screamed at the side of the street, rushing towards Mercury's lifeless body. "Oh, honey. Don't worry about it. She's just a lousy paraplegic." The two bounded away swiftly, leaving Amy to her own natural devices.
Unsure of how to right herself (and with a severe concussion), Amy made several attempts at raising herself off the ground before noticing that her legs did not actually work. Ami wept, loud wracking sobs that shook her whole body (except for her immovable legs). "OH! Damn these legs, and damn this chair!" Eventually, after crying for several more hours, she managed to walk away from the crash.
As she was wheeling away, she ran into Raye, who blinked in shocked surprise at the sight before her. "Ami-chan! What happened to your poor wheelchair?" Rei clicked her tongue in mild distaste. "You should learn to take better care of your belongings, you silly cripple." Amy's mouth hung open in dismay. "Mars, what are you saying...?" she gasped. "Oh, nothing," Rei replied, poofing her hair as she shimmied by. "Except that you suck and nobody likes you."
Ami thought pensively for a moment. "Oh." She sighed loudly and rolled down another hill. This hill, though not as large as the first she had raced down that day, was still quite steep, and Mercury sped down it quickly. Luckily, there was no brick wall at the bottom. There was, however, a rock that caught one wheel of her chair and sent the poor crippled Sailor Scout flying several yards in the hair before finally landing on the ground with a hard THUD.
Upset and bewildered, Mercury had no choice but to transform into the Sailor Soldier Sailor Mercury. "Mercury Power!!!!" she screamed as flashing beams and body lines covered her battered body. Smiling, she assumed the classic Sailor Mercury pose, then immediately fell over again. "I can't support my own weight!" Amy screamed as she pulled on her Sailor Boots, trying to get them to help her back up.
Normally, the power of her Super Sailor Mercury Super Boots was enough to support even her crippled and useless legs, but for some reason, today, they weren't working. "Oh, teehee, silly me! I haven't activated them yet!" Ami giggled as she pulled out her Sailor Mercury Laptop Computer and pushed the button labeled BOOT ACTIVATION. With a roar of bubbles, the boots came to life and Sailor Mercury stood proudly!!
The shining power of her boots allowed her to float all the way home, where she retrieved her ARMCHAIR MERCURY 5000 from its flight hangar. Satisfied, she began skimming above the town, looking for trouble. And she found it when she noticed that all of the Sailor Scouts had been captured and were about to be crucified on top of Tokyo Tower!
"I hope Sailor Mercury can save us before we get captured FOR GOOD!" Sailor Moon cried as she was being crucified by a montrous youma monster. "Are you retarded, Usagi?" Sailor Jupiter asked. "Mercury can't do anything. Her legs don't work, and her Super Power Boots always short out in times of emergency!" Just as Mercury was floating to the tower, her boots shorted out, and she began to plummet to the ground.
Not knowing what else to do, Mercury began screaming "Mercury Bubbles Blast!" and pointing her still-functioning upper appendages towards everything in sight. Fortunately for her, the air beneath her froze for no reason, and she smacked against the newly-formed chunk of floating ice--HARD. "Phew!" Mercury said. "I thought I was a goner there for a minute!" Abruptly, the sphere of ice began flying towards the ground as well.
Suddenly, Ami's Super Sailor Super Boots returned to life, and with their aid, she was able to somehow climb up the tower to where the other Sailor Seishi were. "Sailor Mercury! Help us!" Sailor Mars shouted, through the pain of being captured. As her friends were mercilessly tortured, Mercury had no choice but to float helplessly beside them as the battery life on her malfunctioning Sailor Mega Boots flickered away into the night.
"You'll never stop me, Sailor Mercury, you stupid crippled whore! You remind me of that dumb Amy Mizuno girl!" the youma taunted. "Why is everybody so mean to me?! Just because I'm a lousy handicapped know-it-all with no friends and blue hair..." Sailor Mercury began to cry. Her tears fell onto the bonds that held Sailor Moon and her friends. For a moment it seemed as if something was going to happen, but then nothing did, and Mercury continued to wail.
"Jesus Christ, Mercury! You can't do ANYTHING right!" Sailor Jupiter screamed with raging rage, and she managed to break free of the bonds holding her to the crucifix. Jupiter walked over to the other Soldiers of Sailor and freed them with her super Jupiter Strength. The other Senshi walked by the weeping Mercury, and Ami thought she felt one of them kick her as they passed, but she wasn't sure who. Probably Venus.
All of a sudden, everyone was gone except for Sailor Mercury and the youma. It was about this time that Queen Neo-Serenity appeared from the night sky and descended upon Sailor Mercury, transporting her to Crystal Tokyo in order to receive a vision. "Sailor Mercury of the past," Neo Queen-Serenity said magically. "This is a vision of you from the distant future."
A handicapped girl was sitting alone in an abandoned street, being beaten by hoodlums and vagrants. Mercury's eyes widened. "How can I stop this from happening?!" she pleaded. "Eh, there's probably no way," Neo Serenity replied whimsically. "But I can give you this secret transformation used only by physically debilitated Scouts."
"What will it do to me, Queen Serena of the Future? Will it fix my useless, broken legs?" Mercury asked with hopeful wide brown eyes. "No, Amy. It will not fix your dumb, crippled legs. But it will make your wheelchair transform with you. And even if cripples are lame and dumb and bad, super-powered wheelchairs are ALWAYS cool."
"...I guess you're right." Mercury said quietly, and then she felt the Secret Transformation begin. Her wheelchair suddenly arrived under her, and it was much larger than before, and had a V-8 engine in it. And also lasers. "Mercury Lasic Power, MAKE UP!!!!!!" The familiar swirls appeared around her again, and through the miracle of lasic surgery, she no longer had the need for her retarded goggles that she uses with her little supercomputer. And behold, Lasic Sailor Mercury was standing before the youma in her wheelchair of rage.
"I'ma ready to stomp ya!" Mercury shouted randomly, pounding the armchair as lasers of fury spit out across the youma's thriving body. "Nooooo!" the youma screamed. "I can't be killed by anything by Moon Tiara Magic! Jesus Christ, it's not like this is R or anything!"
"That's what YOU THINK, dumb monster!" A voice shouted at the dying youma. Mercury looked up and gasped in shocked surprise. Floating in the sky above her was the Wiseman! "Woah, I guess this really is R, after all!" Ami thought quietly to herself. "Now prepare for capture, Lasic Sailor Mercury!" Wise Man shouted down at Amy. "I don't think so, NEGACREEP!" Mercury shouted back, and wheeled her chair into the sky after him.
"Get your filthy cripple germs away from me!" Wiseman shrieked as he started floating away very fast. He was not fast enough for Lasic Super Sailor Mercury's Lasers, and he said "Ow" before blinking out of existence.
Smiling and full of victorious amounts of victory, Sailor Mercury's wheelchair floated back down to the base of Tokyo Tower, where the other Sailor Scouts were talking about what they had just saw. Sailor Venus couldn't stop laughing. "What's so funny?" Ami asked timidly. "Is someone tickling you?"
"WHY ARE YOU RETARDED?!" Venus screamed in interruption. "DO YOU SEE ANYONE TICKLING ME?!?!" Venus was right--no one was tickling her. Mercury floated idly in the air for a few seconds without saying anything. Serena flipped one of her odangis. "Well, good job out there, I guess... What was the Wiseman doing here, though?"
Omigosh, I'd better go ask the computer at the arcade!!" Luna meowed before dashing away towards town. "WAIT, LUNA!" Sailor Mercury shouted after the cat. "I'll go with you! You're the only person who is nice to me!" Luna turned around mid-dash and snorted, "I'm not a person, you retard." But Sailor Mercury still wheeled after the cat.
When they got to the arcade, MOTOKI was there, being way cute and awesome and the best character in the whole series. "Hi, Luna-kitty. " He said as he scratched the cat behind her ears. "Oh, hi Amy." He said to Sailor Mercury. "Where is the cat Luna?" Amy asked stupidly. Andrew pointed over to a Sailor V arcade game, where Luna was busy jumping on all of the buttons.
"Luna, I'm sorry I called you a person by accident!" Sailor Mercury ran over to Luna and sat sadly next to her, making yet another sad face. Luna was busy concentrating on the blank white screen. "Home Base, why did Wiseman appear in the skies over Tokyo of the Present?" she asked six times.
"Luna, I told you to stop calling me Home Base." Artemis said from behind the screen. "Also, Wiseman appeared because he wants to destroy the WORLD, DUH! I think Mercury's retardity is rubbing off on you, Luna." Luna and Ami both made sad faces at that.
"Artemis, that can't be the only reason! He must WANT something!" Luna announced. Artemis replied, "Like what? Some sort of technology or something that they don't have in the future?" Luna looked back at Sailor Mercury's flashing neon technicolor wheelchair for a few seconds. "No, probably not," Luna said in much doubt. "The best thing we've got is that creepy thing Sailor Lasic Cripple keeps flying around in."
"But this is futuristic technology!" Super Sailor Lasic Mercury said excitedly, glad to finally be of some kind of help. "Queen Serena of the future gave it to me!"
"Oh, that's nice, but what would the Wiseman want with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Wheelchair?" Artemis asked sarcastically. "Yeah," Luna agreed. "The Wise Man can just float around without a chair at all, and that's pretty cool. He don't need no chair."
Andrew Motoki was standing by watching all of these proceedings. "Say, guys, why don't you just give the Wiseman the chair? Then maybe he'll GO AWAY FOREVER!"
"Well, that's hard to do if he's not around, isn't it?" said Artemis and Luna at the same time before not talking anymore. Sailor Mercury scratched her blonde hair. "Well, I think that this chair is really useful... Maybe I can defeat Doom Phantom with it if I try hard enough! Who's with me?!"
Andrew sighed. "First of all, Sailor Stupid Lasic Whatever, we're talking about the WISEMAN, not the DOOM PHANTOM." Luna nodded her crescented head in agreement. "Yeah, and second of all, you're handicapped. We already know that you can't do anything right."
"But... but... I'm powerd up now! Didn't you see me destroy that youma monster?" Sailor Stupid Lasic asked quietly. "You can't give the Wiseman my chair, it's the only thing that makes me SPECIAL!!!!" Ami put her face in her hands and wept.
"Jesus Christ, do you ever stop crying?" Andrew asked coldly before turning on his heel and walking away. "No, she doesn't." Luna and Artemis said together, their voices deadpan.
"You know what?! I don't need any of you!" Amy whimpered pathetically. "I'm the one that has the wheelchair, and that's what you guys need to make the Wiseman go away! So, I'm the one with the power now! All of you have to start being nice to me or else I'm going to have to ZAP YOU WITH MY LASERS HAHAHA"
Andrew calmly pushed Amy out of the wheelchair and sat down in it himself before speeding away through the arcade doors and out into the night sky. "Oh crap, now Motoki's gone and taken my wheelchair!" Luna, Artemis, and Sailor Mercury all said at once before exchanging confused glances. "Umm, it's my wheelchair, you guys," Ami offered enthusiastically. "No, I call imminent domain over it," Luna asserted coldly. "I'm sure that Neo Serenity Queen must have been in some state of euphoria when she decided to give such useful technology to such an uncoordinated, worthless piece of disgusting crippled trash as YOU." Artemis nodded swiftly and the two cats ran off after Motoki, leaving Amy stranded alone in the dark, uninhabited arcade room.
After crying some more for awhile, Amy decided to run off after the wheelchair thiefs. Eventually, she found Motoki, Luna, and Artemis all doing wheelies down the street, as Serena, Rei, Makoto, and Mina all looked on and laughed. "That's pretty cool! Let me try!" Usagi shouted excitedly.
"Motoki, you're so cool and awesome in that wheelchair." All of the other girls said, gazing at Motoki with hearts in their eyes. "What the hell." Ami muttered to herself. "WHY IS ANDREW COOL IN MY WHEELCHAIR BUT NOT ME?!?!?!" She screamed up at the sky, demanding an answer from the heavens.
As if in response, the Wiseman fell from a Negahole in the sky above Mercury, crashing down on top of her with a loud, resonating noise. Andrew stopped mid-wheelie, flinging Luna and Artemis off the armrests of the glorified transporation device. The other Sailor Scouts looked horrified and stood together in a large group holding hands.
The Wiseman looked big and mean in his dark zeid-cloth bathrobe. "You know what I desire," he said in his deep voice to no one in particular. "I do!" Mercury said, standing upright before falling. "You want my wheelchair, and I'll be damned if I let you have it!"
"Here you go!" Andrew said happily as he directed the chair over to the Wiseman and sat him down in it, puffing the complimentary seat cushion for comfort. "Thank you, my son," the Wiseman replied strangely before laughing ominously and levitating 50 feet up in the air before disappearing into the hole of Negapower with Mercury's coveted wheelchair.
"Rats!" the other Sailor Scouts said. "We were just about to do Sailor Planet Power Make Up too!"
"Oh, well. Maybe now that she doesn't have a wheelchair anymore, the little bitch will stop following us around." Venus said haughtily as she walked by Mercury, unable to fight the urge to kick the handicapped girl. Mercury wept (for a change). "Everyone is so mean to me. I think I should just END IT ALL!!!!" shouted she dramatically....
The others nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that would probably be for the best." Mars stepped forward. "In fact, why don't you just let us do it for you...?" she offered pessimistically. "Yeah!" said Jupiter, dancing. "I'll give a whole new meaning to electric chair..." Sailor Moon rolled up her sleeves. "And my tiara will totally hit your face!"
Everyone looked at Usagi for a minute before turning back to the situation at hand. Amy wept tears of joy and gratitude. "You guys would really do that? For me?"
"Oh yeah. We'd love to help you, Amy." Venus said darkly, cracking her knuckles. The Sailor Warriors were slowly walking towards Mercury with outstretched arms when a red rose flew down from the heavens, hitting her in the forehead and knocking her on the ground dead.
"Bulls-eye!" Tuxedo Mask shouted from atop a nearby building before swooping his cape and dashing off into the night.
THE END.
All of a sudden, Serena and Darien walked by. "Hey Amy, why the long face?" Serena asked. "Why don't we roll downtown and get a soda or something?"
Ami sighed. "Serena, you know I can't get all the way down there. I'm just going to stay here and watch the squirrels until it gets dark out. That's when Rei said she'd come back by here to get me."
Darien shrugged his shoulders. "All right, your loss... Guess we'll make it a race, that will be very fun, since we can run and jump and play!" laughing, the couple ran off, leaving Mercury/Amy alone again. Amy was very sad to be alone. She made another sad face. The squirrels which once made her so happy, were now making her so sad. "They can run and jump and play," Though Ami, "But I CAN'T!" She fought back her tears and wheeled further down the park path.
The next day, Serena saw Ami Mizuno looking huffy at the bus stop. "What's wrong now Amy?" she asked her. "Raye forgot to come and get me last night, and I had to wheel home all by myself! My arms are so tired!" she complained. Makoto walked up behind Amy and tapped her on the leg. "Oops, guess you can't feel that, can you? Later!" And she walked away.
"YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THE SQUIRRELS!!! ALWAYS TAUNTING ME!!!!" Amy Mizuno screamed after Lita as she walked away. If I could walk, I would run after her and punch her so hard in the ass!!! Ami thought to herself, angrily. Serena, who was still there, looked at Amy very curiously and said, "You'd better not be thinking about punching Makoto in the ass, Amy! That would not be very nice!"
Before Mercury had a chance to respond, the bus had come. "Finally..." Serena said, walking up the stairs that led to the seats inside. "Whoops, guess this is where you get off!" the bus driver yelled at Amy out the glass door as it closed and the bus sped away. "I guess I'll have to walk to school by myself again today," she said, eyeing the horizon with another sad face.
Ami went to school, trying hard to ignore all the squirrels on the way. When she got there, the teacher was mad, "Amy! Why are you always late? And you are so dumb! Your test scores last week were horrible!" Amy bit her trembling lip, trying to keep from crying. "I'm not dumb, sensei! I'm just crippled!"
"That's not an excuse!" sensei said. "Plenty of crippled people have been successful, like..." The class went very quiet suddenly and stayed that way for a few minutes. "...Well, I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure that some cripples must have amounted to something..." She didn't sound very sure of herself.
Amy laid her head down on her desk. "I wish I was smart and attractive and able to walk on my own like the other girls!" she moaned into her arms. "Yeah, well, we can't always have everything, can we?" Molly replied rudely as she wandered by with Luna on her shoulder. "YES BUT I HAVE NOTHING!" Amy screamed before running away.
Later that day, Mercury was wheeling home from school when she realized she had made a series of wrong turns. "Oh, now I'm at the top of the highest hill in Tokyo!" she cried. True to her word, she was at the top of the highest hill in Tokyo. Some sort of race was going on that involved bikers racing down the hill as fast as they could. "Look at them all having fun and enjoying their mobility," Ami sighed, accidentally exhaling enough breath to send herself teetering over the edge of the urban crag.
Amy screamed at first as her wheelchair began to pick up speed, hurtling her towards the bottom at breakneck speed. Still, halfway down her journey of the hill (AND OF LIFE!) she became exhilirated at the feel of the wind against her face (since she wasn't actually flying), and she looked and saw the bikers trailing behind her. "I CAN WIN THIS THING!" Ami thought to herself with joy. "I CAN BE THE BEST AT SOMETHING, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!" She let out loud cry that seemed to embody both catharsis and joy at once. Suddenly, Amy's dreams were dashed to crippled bits as she smashed into a brick wall at the bottom of the hill.
"Oh m'God! That girl just hit the wall!" one lady screamed at the side of the street, rushing towards Mercury's lifeless body. "Oh, honey. Don't worry about it. She's just a lousy paraplegic." The two bounded away swiftly, leaving Amy to her own natural devices.
Unsure of how to right herself (and with a severe concussion), Amy made several attempts at raising herself off the ground before noticing that her legs did not actually work. Ami wept, loud wracking sobs that shook her whole body (except for her immovable legs). "OH! Damn these legs, and damn this chair!" Eventually, after crying for several more hours, she managed to walk away from the crash.
As she was wheeling away, she ran into Raye, who blinked in shocked surprise at the sight before her. "Ami-chan! What happened to your poor wheelchair?" Rei clicked her tongue in mild distaste. "You should learn to take better care of your belongings, you silly cripple." Amy's mouth hung open in dismay. "Mars, what are you saying...?" she gasped. "Oh, nothing," Rei replied, poofing her hair as she shimmied by. "Except that you suck and nobody likes you."
Ami thought pensively for a moment. "Oh." She sighed loudly and rolled down another hill. This hill, though not as large as the first she had raced down that day, was still quite steep, and Mercury sped down it quickly. Luckily, there was no brick wall at the bottom. There was, however, a rock that caught one wheel of her chair and sent the poor crippled Sailor Scout flying several yards in the hair before finally landing on the ground with a hard THUD.
Upset and bewildered, Mercury had no choice but to transform into the Sailor Soldier Sailor Mercury. "Mercury Power!!!!" she screamed as flashing beams and body lines covered her battered body. Smiling, she assumed the classic Sailor Mercury pose, then immediately fell over again. "I can't support my own weight!" Amy screamed as she pulled on her Sailor Boots, trying to get them to help her back up.
Normally, the power of her Super Sailor Mercury Super Boots was enough to support even her crippled and useless legs, but for some reason, today, they weren't working. "Oh, teehee, silly me! I haven't activated them yet!" Ami giggled as she pulled out her Sailor Mercury Laptop Computer and pushed the button labeled BOOT ACTIVATION. With a roar of bubbles, the boots came to life and Sailor Mercury stood proudly!!
The shining power of her boots allowed her to float all the way home, where she retrieved her ARMCHAIR MERCURY 5000 from its flight hangar. Satisfied, she began skimming above the town, looking for trouble. And she found it when she noticed that all of the Sailor Scouts had been captured and were about to be crucified on top of Tokyo Tower!
"I hope Sailor Mercury can save us before we get captured FOR GOOD!" Sailor Moon cried as she was being crucified by a montrous youma monster. "Are you retarded, Usagi?" Sailor Jupiter asked. "Mercury can't do anything. Her legs don't work, and her Super Power Boots always short out in times of emergency!" Just as Mercury was floating to the tower, her boots shorted out, and she began to plummet to the ground.
Not knowing what else to do, Mercury began screaming "Mercury Bubbles Blast!" and pointing her still-functioning upper appendages towards everything in sight. Fortunately for her, the air beneath her froze for no reason, and she smacked against the newly-formed chunk of floating ice--HARD. "Phew!" Mercury said. "I thought I was a goner there for a minute!" Abruptly, the sphere of ice began flying towards the ground as well.
Suddenly, Ami's Super Sailor Super Boots returned to life, and with their aid, she was able to somehow climb up the tower to where the other Sailor Seishi were. "Sailor Mercury! Help us!" Sailor Mars shouted, through the pain of being captured. As her friends were mercilessly tortured, Mercury had no choice but to float helplessly beside them as the battery life on her malfunctioning Sailor Mega Boots flickered away into the night.
"You'll never stop me, Sailor Mercury, you stupid crippled whore! You remind me of that dumb Amy Mizuno girl!" the youma taunted. "Why is everybody so mean to me?! Just because I'm a lousy handicapped know-it-all with no friends and blue hair..." Sailor Mercury began to cry. Her tears fell onto the bonds that held Sailor Moon and her friends. For a moment it seemed as if something was going to happen, but then nothing did, and Mercury continued to wail.
"Jesus Christ, Mercury! You can't do ANYTHING right!" Sailor Jupiter screamed with raging rage, and she managed to break free of the bonds holding her to the crucifix. Jupiter walked over to the other Soldiers of Sailor and freed them with her super Jupiter Strength. The other Senshi walked by the weeping Mercury, and Ami thought she felt one of them kick her as they passed, but she wasn't sure who. Probably Venus.
All of a sudden, everyone was gone except for Sailor Mercury and the youma. It was about this time that Queen Neo-Serenity appeared from the night sky and descended upon Sailor Mercury, transporting her to Crystal Tokyo in order to receive a vision. "Sailor Mercury of the past," Neo Queen-Serenity said magically. "This is a vision of you from the distant future."
A handicapped girl was sitting alone in an abandoned street, being beaten by hoodlums and vagrants. Mercury's eyes widened. "How can I stop this from happening?!" she pleaded. "Eh, there's probably no way," Neo Serenity replied whimsically. "But I can give you this secret transformation used only by physically debilitated Scouts."
"What will it do to me, Queen Serena of the Future? Will it fix my useless, broken legs?" Mercury asked with hopeful wide brown eyes. "No, Amy. It will not fix your dumb, crippled legs. But it will make your wheelchair transform with you. And even if cripples are lame and dumb and bad, super-powered wheelchairs are ALWAYS cool."
"...I guess you're right." Mercury said quietly, and then she felt the Secret Transformation begin. Her wheelchair suddenly arrived under her, and it was much larger than before, and had a V-8 engine in it. And also lasers. "Mercury Lasic Power, MAKE UP!!!!!!" The familiar swirls appeared around her again, and through the miracle of lasic surgery, she no longer had the need for her retarded goggles that she uses with her little supercomputer. And behold, Lasic Sailor Mercury was standing before the youma in her wheelchair of rage.
"I'ma ready to stomp ya!" Mercury shouted randomly, pounding the armchair as lasers of fury spit out across the youma's thriving body. "Nooooo!" the youma screamed. "I can't be killed by anything by Moon Tiara Magic! Jesus Christ, it's not like this is R or anything!"
"That's what YOU THINK, dumb monster!" A voice shouted at the dying youma. Mercury looked up and gasped in shocked surprise. Floating in the sky above her was the Wiseman! "Woah, I guess this really is R, after all!" Ami thought quietly to herself. "Now prepare for capture, Lasic Sailor Mercury!" Wise Man shouted down at Amy. "I don't think so, NEGACREEP!" Mercury shouted back, and wheeled her chair into the sky after him.
"Get your filthy cripple germs away from me!" Wiseman shrieked as he started floating away very fast. He was not fast enough for Lasic Super Sailor Mercury's Lasers, and he said "Ow" before blinking out of existence.
Smiling and full of victorious amounts of victory, Sailor Mercury's wheelchair floated back down to the base of Tokyo Tower, where the other Sailor Scouts were talking about what they had just saw. Sailor Venus couldn't stop laughing. "What's so funny?" Ami asked timidly. "Is someone tickling you?"
"WHY ARE YOU RETARDED?!" Venus screamed in interruption. "DO YOU SEE ANYONE TICKLING ME?!?!" Venus was right--no one was tickling her. Mercury floated idly in the air for a few seconds without saying anything. Serena flipped one of her odangis. "Well, good job out there, I guess... What was the Wiseman doing here, though?"
Omigosh, I'd better go ask the computer at the arcade!!" Luna meowed before dashing away towards town. "WAIT, LUNA!" Sailor Mercury shouted after the cat. "I'll go with you! You're the only person who is nice to me!" Luna turned around mid-dash and snorted, "I'm not a person, you retard." But Sailor Mercury still wheeled after the cat.
When they got to the arcade, MOTOKI was there, being way cute and awesome and the best character in the whole series. "Hi, Luna-kitty. " He said as he scratched the cat behind her ears. "Oh, hi Amy." He said to Sailor Mercury. "Where is the cat Luna?" Amy asked stupidly. Andrew pointed over to a Sailor V arcade game, where Luna was busy jumping on all of the buttons.
"Luna, I'm sorry I called you a person by accident!" Sailor Mercury ran over to Luna and sat sadly next to her, making yet another sad face. Luna was busy concentrating on the blank white screen. "Home Base, why did Wiseman appear in the skies over Tokyo of the Present?" she asked six times.
"Luna, I told you to stop calling me Home Base." Artemis said from behind the screen. "Also, Wiseman appeared because he wants to destroy the WORLD, DUH! I think Mercury's retardity is rubbing off on you, Luna." Luna and Ami both made sad faces at that.
"Artemis, that can't be the only reason! He must WANT something!" Luna announced. Artemis replied, "Like what? Some sort of technology or something that they don't have in the future?" Luna looked back at Sailor Mercury's flashing neon technicolor wheelchair for a few seconds. "No, probably not," Luna said in much doubt. "The best thing we've got is that creepy thing Sailor Lasic Cripple keeps flying around in."
"But this is futuristic technology!" Super Sailor Lasic Mercury said excitedly, glad to finally be of some kind of help. "Queen Serena of the future gave it to me!"
"Oh, that's nice, but what would the Wiseman want with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Wheelchair?" Artemis asked sarcastically. "Yeah," Luna agreed. "The Wise Man can just float around without a chair at all, and that's pretty cool. He don't need no chair."
Andrew Motoki was standing by watching all of these proceedings. "Say, guys, why don't you just give the Wiseman the chair? Then maybe he'll GO AWAY FOREVER!"
"Well, that's hard to do if he's not around, isn't it?" said Artemis and Luna at the same time before not talking anymore. Sailor Mercury scratched her blonde hair. "Well, I think that this chair is really useful... Maybe I can defeat Doom Phantom with it if I try hard enough! Who's with me?!"
Andrew sighed. "First of all, Sailor Stupid Lasic Whatever, we're talking about the WISEMAN, not the DOOM PHANTOM." Luna nodded her crescented head in agreement. "Yeah, and second of all, you're handicapped. We already know that you can't do anything right."
"But... but... I'm powerd up now! Didn't you see me destroy that youma monster?" Sailor Stupid Lasic asked quietly. "You can't give the Wiseman my chair, it's the only thing that makes me SPECIAL!!!!" Ami put her face in her hands and wept.
"Jesus Christ, do you ever stop crying?" Andrew asked coldly before turning on his heel and walking away. "No, she doesn't." Luna and Artemis said together, their voices deadpan.
"You know what?! I don't need any of you!" Amy whimpered pathetically. "I'm the one that has the wheelchair, and that's what you guys need to make the Wiseman go away! So, I'm the one with the power now! All of you have to start being nice to me or else I'm going to have to ZAP YOU WITH MY LASERS HAHAHA"
Andrew calmly pushed Amy out of the wheelchair and sat down in it himself before speeding away through the arcade doors and out into the night sky. "Oh crap, now Motoki's gone and taken my wheelchair!" Luna, Artemis, and Sailor Mercury all said at once before exchanging confused glances. "Umm, it's my wheelchair, you guys," Ami offered enthusiastically. "No, I call imminent domain over it," Luna asserted coldly. "I'm sure that Neo Serenity Queen must have been in some state of euphoria when she decided to give such useful technology to such an uncoordinated, worthless piece of disgusting crippled trash as YOU." Artemis nodded swiftly and the two cats ran off after Motoki, leaving Amy stranded alone in the dark, uninhabited arcade room.
After crying some more for awhile, Amy decided to run off after the wheelchair thiefs. Eventually, she found Motoki, Luna, and Artemis all doing wheelies down the street, as Serena, Rei, Makoto, and Mina all looked on and laughed. "That's pretty cool! Let me try!" Usagi shouted excitedly.
"Motoki, you're so cool and awesome in that wheelchair." All of the other girls said, gazing at Motoki with hearts in their eyes. "What the hell." Ami muttered to herself. "WHY IS ANDREW COOL IN MY WHEELCHAIR BUT NOT ME?!?!?!" She screamed up at the sky, demanding an answer from the heavens.
As if in response, the Wiseman fell from a Negahole in the sky above Mercury, crashing down on top of her with a loud, resonating noise. Andrew stopped mid-wheelie, flinging Luna and Artemis off the armrests of the glorified transporation device. The other Sailor Scouts looked horrified and stood together in a large group holding hands.
The Wiseman looked big and mean in his dark zeid-cloth bathrobe. "You know what I desire," he said in his deep voice to no one in particular. "I do!" Mercury said, standing upright before falling. "You want my wheelchair, and I'll be damned if I let you have it!"
"Here you go!" Andrew said happily as he directed the chair over to the Wiseman and sat him down in it, puffing the complimentary seat cushion for comfort. "Thank you, my son," the Wiseman replied strangely before laughing ominously and levitating 50 feet up in the air before disappearing into the hole of Negapower with Mercury's coveted wheelchair.
"Rats!" the other Sailor Scouts said. "We were just about to do Sailor Planet Power Make Up too!"
"Oh, well. Maybe now that she doesn't have a wheelchair anymore, the little bitch will stop following us around." Venus said haughtily as she walked by Mercury, unable to fight the urge to kick the handicapped girl. Mercury wept (for a change). "Everyone is so mean to me. I think I should just END IT ALL!!!!" shouted she dramatically....
The others nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that would probably be for the best." Mars stepped forward. "In fact, why don't you just let us do it for you...?" she offered pessimistically. "Yeah!" said Jupiter, dancing. "I'll give a whole new meaning to electric chair..." Sailor Moon rolled up her sleeves. "And my tiara will totally hit your face!"
Everyone looked at Usagi for a minute before turning back to the situation at hand. Amy wept tears of joy and gratitude. "You guys would really do that? For me?"
"Oh yeah. We'd love to help you, Amy." Venus said darkly, cracking her knuckles. The Sailor Warriors were slowly walking towards Mercury with outstretched arms when a red rose flew down from the heavens, hitting her in the forehead and knocking her on the ground dead.
"Bulls-eye!" Tuxedo Mask shouted from atop a nearby building before swooping his cape and dashing off into the night.
THE END.