Hello again. I have been so busy lately it's not even funny. Sorry I couldn't update sooner. Thanks to all of my reviewers. I'm glad you like this story. It's my first one.***
Why I Hate You
I hate it when you're on my mind
Hermione couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of depression. Here she was, a seventh year in Hogwarts, and nothing really great ever seemed to happen to her. She never even had a boyfriend. The thought sunk in her mind. She, a 17 year old girl had never had a boyfriend. She was so pathetic. Sure, there was Viktor, but he was never a boyfriend. He was just a boy….who happened to be a friend.
She sighed, thinking about everything that happened the previous day. She really was useless. She was here, thinking about a boy who could care less whether she was alive or 6 feet under. Then again, he did say he respected her… Hermione couldn't really figure out why he had said that if he was being sincere. Then again, the mind of an evil git always worked differently from a normal person's.
Draco was in deep confusion, and the worst part was that he didn't know why he was confused. The answer to the question that kept popping up in his mind was so evident it was like a 50-foot billboard in his mind. But he wasn't willing to accept it. No way was he going to take that answer and just deal with it. Fact of the matter was that what Granger said was so true it hurt. He was weaker than the weak, and the part that killed him was that he was too weak to stop everything.
Who was he really kidding anyway? Sure, he had his money, and the Malfoy honor, but at the end of the day, it didn't really matter. Life was too short for playing games, and Draco was at the finish line on the board. His time of being a playboy was running short… he had to think about his future. What was he going to do with the rest of his life? He had to do something. Doing nothing while being rich may have seemed ideal for someone else, but not him.
Then his mind flashed to Hermione. He wallowed in his own self-pity when he thought of her. I'm such a screw up it's not even funny. No real family, no real friends, no mentor, nothing. It was a bit surrealistic; he seemed to have the most friends, when he was really alone. ALONE. He was useless. His whole life was one, big, wretched mess. He messed up, badly, and there really was no making up for it. Should he just take the plunge and forget that he was a Malfoy? Should he just let go of everything?
He would love to, but the consequences would be too great, and he wasn't up to the odd faces and stares… Wait, wait. Why was Granger and his own problems on his mind? He hated it when he lost focus. He was beginning to hate everything lately. He was beginning to hate himself.
Hermione knew that she was such a pathetic piece of dung on the floor it wasn't even funny. She was a successful, smart, determined witch at a prestigious school and she had allowed herself to lose focus because of a boy! A boy who didn't even want her alive, nonetheless. She sighed as she plopped down on the couch and opened her favorite muggle book of all time, Jane Eyre. Hermione thought that she was somewhat similar to Jane. She was a well-educated young woman, who was plain and happened to have no one to love or love her in her life.
Work, work, work. Go to sleep, get up, and work some more. No time for love; until of course, the similarities between Hermione and Jane decreased. Because Jane, plain as she was, found someone to love, who loved her back…. Hermione suddenly didn't like the book anymore. She tossed it aside and thought. She fell asleep, depressed more than ever about why her life was so crummy.
In the morning…
Hermione finally had something to look forward to. A Hogsmeade weekend was coming up, and heavens knew she needed a change of scene. The seemingly huge castle was sort of closing in around her, suffocating her. Maybe spending some time in her favorite bookstores would cheer her up. Merlin knew she was in a generally depressed mood.
Draco had to get out of Hogwarts. At least for a while, anyway. He almost quivered with excitement thinking about what new supplies the dark magic shop had acquired. (Hey, he may like Hermione, but he's still Draco.) Perhaps some serious face stuffing of candy would help. He hadn't had Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in a long while. His mother had stopped sending him treats in sixth year. Maybe her being in the closed ward in St. Mungo's had something to do with it, Draco thought.
He sure was thinking a lot these days, and for some reason, no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts always seemed to make a U-turn to Hermione Granger. He couldn't keep procrastinating. He had to address the issue as to why he was feeling so strangely about her. He couldn't deal with the problems right now, it made him think too much. For now, he'd just put it away in his mental file cabinet.
Hermione knew she would have to think about her whole dilemma with Malfoy, but she didn't want to right now. She'd tried before, and she'd gotten hurt: Physically as well and emotionally. Her ankle was still killing her from where she landed on the floor in the library.
She'd just remain plain, single, sad Hermione for a little while longer, and be left to her thoughts.
****I wasn't really happy with this chapter. The characters are feeling no self worth at all. Maybe it's because I'm kinda depressed right about now. Once again, sorry so much for the tardiness in updating, I will SERIOUSLY try to update sooner, I promise. I'm beginning to feel as if the story is going in a direction that I didn't plan. Not a bad direction, just a different one. Well, hard as it is to believe, next chapter expect a VERY serious climax that will change everything. Until next time….