Disclaimer: I don't own any song clips used in this one-shot. I don't own the mediator characters either! Don't sue me, please!!!
Plot: Suze tells Jesse she loves him. He doesn't react the same way he did at the end of Haunted. Takes place after Haunted. (duh!)
Rating: PG-13 for Paul/Suze fluff.
Songs Used:
"Picture" by Kid Rock Featuring Sheryl Crow
"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne
"Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson
"Life Is Good" by LFO
"Everything My Heart Desires" by Mandy Moore
"This Love" by Maroon 5
"We Fit Together" by O-Town
"Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden
Suze's POV:
Men suck. They lie too. And they're evil. Especially dead, hot Latino men.
I sound so dramatic. Whatever. I told Jesse how I felt. After he had relinquished my lips in the graveyard, I looked him in the eye and said, "Jesse, I love you. I always have. I always will." In a movie, this is the part where he'd reply with something like, "I love you too, querida. I always have and always will as well." And then he'd sweep me into his arms and shower me with kisses again.
But this was not a movie. It was cold, hard life. Jesse's eyes crossed with fear, and he immediately let go of me. He had been holding me while he kissed me. Nope. No more. He totally let go of me and stumbled backwards a little. "I...I have to go, quer- Susannah! Susannah!" He said my name several times over and dematerialized without so much as a goodbye.
Well. Guess that tells me something.
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
Three long days and three even longer nights later, I finally heard from Jesse. He didn't come to see me...Oh no. I was called to Father Dom's office after morning assembly. Father Dom handed me a folded piece of paper with my name scrolled across the front of it. In Jesse's handwriting.
Shaking, I opened it. I read the eloquent speech, the reasons we couldn't be together, the apologies for leading me on. I calmly folded the note again. Father Dom handed me a box of Kleenex he'd gotten from his secretary, since the last time we discussed Jesse, I'd burst into tears. He probably expected me to do so again.
I took the box from him and prompty threw it against the wall. Hard. Like, hit a picture and make it fall hard. Then I walked out. I didn't pay attention to where I was walking, I just kept moving. I was vaguely aware of a voice behind me. The voice sounded like Paul's, but I didn't stop walking. I kept moving, out to the parking lot, where he followed me. Paul grabbed my arm, and for once, I didn't yank it out of his grasp. I was numb with shock...and something else.
Fury.
"What happened?" Paul said in this very soft, gentle voice. His free hand reached up and grazed my cheek. I realized I had, indeed started crying. "Why are you crying?"
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
"Suze?" Paul said uncertainly. I was aware of being led to sit down somewhere. Passenger seat. Paul's car. Ok. Focus Suze! "Suze...do you want to go somewhere? Talk? Or cry some more?" he asked, leaning down on the ground in front of me. Paul was being so sweet, so kind, so unlike him. I stared into his worried blue eyes. Slowly, I nodded my head. I didn't trust myself to speak. I'd start bawling even harder than I was. Paul shut the door and got in the driver's seat. "Where to?" he asked.
I swallowed hard and said, "Away."
Paul nodded and drove. I cried for most of the drive, feeling like I was using him or something. "You're not, you know." Paul said as we neared a stop light.
"Not what?" I asked, sniffling slightly.
"Using me." Paul glanced at me.
"How'd you know that's what I was thinking?" I asked.
"I didn't, for sure." Paul said sincerely. "You just had this look on your face."
"Oh." I said lamely. "Ok."
We continued in silence until Paul drove to his place. I didn't even care. I didn't want to go home. I knew Jesse wouldn't be there. I just didn't want to be reminded of him, and I think Paul sensed that. We talked for awhile, and I broke down and told him what happened, why I was so upset. He refrained from saying something bad about Jesse for doing that, I guess because he saw that I'm still hung up on him.
Paul and I became really good friends. It was weird. He was the one who held me all the nights I cried. He was the one who told me things would be OK in the end. When he asked me out, I said yes. When our junior ring dance rolled around, we went as a happy couple. I realized I had fallen for someone I had once been deathly afraid of. I wondered how much I had been blind to when Jesse was around.
Father Dom informed me on the last day of my junior year that Jesse had moved on. My reaction was a fresh batch of tears and a heavy duty make out session with Paul. Trashy, maybe, but effective in making me forget about Jesse.
When I'm angry, you listen
When youre happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm there
Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
I was happy being Paul's girlfriend. I was happy with him. He went out of his way to make me smile when I was bummed out. He wasn't this horrible person who once tried to kill me. I didn't think about Jesse. In a way, I moved on.
Until he showed up one day. Or rather, was sitting in his usual spot on the window seat in my room when I woke up earlier than usual one morning.
I jumped. Jesse didn't move an inch. "I thought you moved on." I said, somewhat angrily. I for sure as hell wasn't getting up out of my bed and running to him. I hated him with a passion.
"I didn't." Was all he said.
"Whatever." I said carelessly. I got out of bed and stumbled sleepily to my bathroom. I didn't bother to close my door as I took a shower. Jesse hadn't been living here for HOW long? I didn't give a damn if Jesse was uncomfortable at my nakedness.
He didn't react much to my nakedness. I still didn't give a damn.
My phone rang when I got out of the shower. I picked up, ignoring Jesse as he still sat on my window seat, staring at me. Or rather, my towel-wrapped form.
Pervert. Heartbreaking pervert!
"Hey Paul." I said.
"Hey babe." Paul said. "I don't believe my ears. Suze Simon, the queen of oversleeping, is actually awake? At 6 am on a summer morning?"
"Haha," I said. "Not only am I awake, I'm also showered and made-up. All I have to do is put on clothes and I'm ready to leave."
"Wow, I may just have a heart attack." Paul said. I could tell he was grinning. "So it's safe to pick you up in 15 minutes?"
"Uh, yeah, if you want to sit outside for another half hour." I said, throwing open my closet doors and surveying what was inside. I was still ignoring Jesse, who was still staring intently at me and listening to my conversation.
"Seriously, how long does it take girls to get ready?" Paul asked good- naturedly.
"Look, it's our 8 month anniversery." I said. (A/N: They started going out in October of their junior year. I just picked a month to start, and it's now June.) "And since you insist that I wake up this early in the morning, I'm going to take the extra time to make myself look irresistable."
"You always look irresistable. I say you wear what you're wearing now." Paul sounded like he was smirking.
"Paul, I can't go out in public in a towel!" I said, giggling.
"Ah, see? More heart attacks. Mental picture of my gorgeous girlfriend, dripping wet, wearing a towel. Of course, in my head, she's wearing me, but you know..." Paul trialed off. I gasped.
"Paul, you're the biggest pervert I've ever had the pleasure of dating." I said, starting to laugh again. I pulled out a black miniskirt and paired it with a V-neck black top. Frowning, I flung the top off to the side and reached for a one-shouldered black top that read "Heartbreaker" across the front in silver glitter. Suddenly, I heard gagging coming from behind me. "Paul, hold on a second, I think Spike is choking on something." I turned and saw that it was just Jesse, making immature gagging noises at our phone call.
Scowling, I turned back around. "Never mind. Not the stupid cat, just a lying cowboy." I said, with contempt in my voice.
"What? What do you mean? Suze, is he back?" Paul fired off a round of questions at me.
"Look, I don't know what's up." I said honestly. "I woke up. He was sitting there on my window seat. End of story."
"But Father Dom said he moved on." Paul said. He sounded pissed. Well, no shit.
"Yeah, so he lied." I said, shrugging. "Probably got conned into it or something. I don't know, and I don't care. Now, I'm going to hang up so I can get dressed to see you. Be here in forty-five minutes."
"Ok, ok. Love you." Paul said.
"Love you too." I hit the "Talk" button on my cordless phone and threw it onto my bed.
"Do you, querida?" Jesse asked from behind me. He sounded sad at the prospect.
I didn't answer. My name is not querida. I'm not his sweetheart, or dear one, anymore, and therefore, I'm not answering.
"Querida? Will you answer me?" Jesse asked.
"Nope." I said.
"No, you don't love him, or no you will not answer me?"
"No, I will not answer you." I finally decided on my Dickies black miniskirt, black off-the-shoulder scoop neck top, and knee-high black leather boots. I didn't even care that Jesse was still standing there as I dropped the towel and pulled on a black bra and thong set. "SUSANNAH!" Jesse screeched, turning away from me.
"Get over it." I said huffily. "Besides, how long have you been gone? This is my room, bud, and I'm sick of changing in the bathroom. So deal." I finished getting dressed and applied the finishing touches to my outfit. A little jewelry, an eyeliner touch-up, perfume, and I was ready to go wherever Paul and I went today. We were making a day of it, and only had set plans at 7 o'clock that night, at this fancy Italian place for dinner. I glanced out the window and saw Paul's BMW turn onto the street.
I raced outside without another word to Jesse.
"Damn, Suze..." Paul said before whistling at me. I smiled and walked towards him. Paul was leaning against the passenger side door, arms folded, grinning at me. He unfolded his arms and drew me into his embrace, kissing me passionately. I moaned against Paul's lips and felt his hands roam over my back before settling at my waist. My own hands were around Paul's neck, and then running through his hair. When we finally broke apart, both of us were gasping for air. I leaned my forehead against his and smiled again.
"Forty-five minutes is definitely worth the wait." Paul said, after helping me into the car and climbing into the driver's seat.
"Told you so." I said, leaning against his shoulder. Paul put his arm around me and drove one-handed. "So where are we going first?" I asked, lacing my fingers through his.
"You'll see." He said, a hint of surprise in his voice. We drove in circles for a little bit and then stopped on this little dirt road. Paul stopped the car and handed me a blindfold. "Put it on." Paul said.
"Ooo, kinky." I said, holding the blindfold. "And I'm doing this why?"
"It's a surprise." Paul said. I couldn't see him anymore but I could tell he was grinning. "And the kinky stuff comes later, if you want." I grinned, probably looking like an idiot grinning with a blindfold over my eyes, but whatever. I could have sworn I'd heard someone scoff, but it was so short and fleeting that I brushed it off as the wind.
A few minutes later, I heard the crunching of gravel as we drove over it. Then the car stopped, and Paul got out, coming around to my side of the car and helping me out. He led me inside (at least, I can only assume we went inside, since I heard a door open and was hit with an icy blast of air- conditioning.) and I was met with silence. Paul undid my blindfold and said, "Here we are."
We were at some burger place in downtown Carmel. It was vaguely familiar...Oh wait! We'd had our first date here! My face broke out in a goofy grin again as I remembered. "Our first date." I said, putting my arm around Paul's waist. "I can't believe you remembered that night."
"Suze, I remember every night with you." Paul said in a sincere sultry voice that earned him another kiss.
The day was awesome. We relived our first date, then drove to the beach. Thank God I'd thrown a bikini into my bag. I don't know how long we stayed there, either swimming or laying out on the beach in each other's arms, but I know I never wanted to leave. Life felt way perfect. We came back after our dinner, and just laid there.
life is good
life is great
life is unbelievable
life is hard, life is cruel
life is so beautiful
ooh yeah ooh yeah
la life is unbelievable
oh yeah oh yeah
la life is unbelievable
I sighed very contently in Paul's arms. There was a bonfire in front of us, casting flickering shadows across the sand. Paul tilted my head up to meet his and gave me one of those mind-numbing kisses.
One kiss, heaven isn't far
You're everything my heart desires
Your love has no missing parts
It's everything my heart desires
I let myself be pulled deeper into his embrace, laying on this enormus blanket, our bodies melding into one. Fire burned between us, hotter than the actual bonfire in front of us.
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do
The pounding of the ocean waves against the shore suffocated our screams of pleasure. I wanted Paul so much that it hurt, but several hours later, I felt the fire subside. I lay back, sweaty, aching, and in complete euphoria. Paul held me close to him, so close I could hear the pounding of his heart next to mine. Tears of joy were rolling down my cheeks, but I guess it wasn't obvious that they were joyful because Paul asked me, in a worried tone, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I replied. "I'm just very happy." I moved in closer to Paul, who pulled me into his embrace even more and pulled a blanket up around us. I know we fell asleep, but I didn't care. Mom and I had discussed how late I could be out, and she said she trusts us so whenever I got in was when I got in. Falling asleep on the beach with Paul holding me was the perfect ending to the perfect day.
I wanna go knock knock
Our bodies to the beat
And when the morning comes
we're letting the sun shine
We'll stay in bed
You can't separate us
We fit together I can feel you comin' closer
Dancin' in the dark (Dancin' in the dark)
I touch your lips and kiss your shoulders
Send a letter to your heart
When I got home the next morning around dawn, there was another note from that heartbreaker, Jesse. Not that I'm still heartbroken over him. God no! That's just what I call him usually.
Susannah,
Please meet me at the place we last shared a kiss midday tomorrow.
Sincerely, with love
Jesse
Right. I was tempted to not go, just to spite him, but curiousity got the better of me.
Jesse's POV: (slow for a little bit, as he tells his side of the story since breaking Suze's heart.)
This is heaven, I thought. Kissing the woman I love is truly heaven. After I broke our kiss, Susannah looked me in the eye and said, "Jesse, I love you. I always have. I always will."
Oh, how long had I waited to hear those words escape her beautiful lips? How long had I waited to repeat them?
I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, Madly, Deeply do
I opened my mouth to repeat them, to shower Susannah with the love she deserved, and stopped cold.
All the things people had been saying were true. We could not be a normal couple. As much as I loved her, as much as she loved me, we couldn't be together.
I broke her heart. I broke mine at the same time. I disappeared, but watching in the shadows as I saw her go on. She was strong when I had Father Dominic give her my good-bye note. I pretended to feel otherwise, and Susannah found comfort in the one person I hated with a passion. Paul Slater. I saw as he comforted her, held her while she cried over me. They became a couple after a while. I "moved on" as Father Dominic told her. She cried, which surprised me, but then sought comfort in Paul again. As much as it hurt to see her with him, I knew it was for the best.
But I had to see her one last time...To watch her sleep in innocence. I sat one night in her room, watching her sleep. She awoke all too soon, staring at me with anger in her emerald eyes. "I thought you moved on." She threw at me.
"I didn't." Was all I could say. I watched her as she got out of bed, removing her nightclothes in the bathroom without closing the door. I turned red and stared out the window instead. She came out a little while later, wearing only a short white towel and dripping wet from her shower. It was all I could do to not kiss her, show her my true feelings. I was about to say something, but Susannah's phone rang. She picked up and began a conversation quite inappropreiate for young woman to have with Paul Slater while picking out clothes to wear. I was disgusted, I began making gaggging noises.
Susannah turned around at my noises, presuming they were Spike, choking on something. She threw me a disgusted look while holding up more clothes and said, "Never mind. Not the stupid cat, just a lying cowboy." There was anger in her voice.
Paul sounded bothered by the fact that I was here. "Look, I don't know what's up." Susannah said, sounding honest. "I woke up. He was sitting there on my window seat. End of story." Pause while Paul asked more questions. "Yeah, so he lied." Susannah said, shrugging. "Probably got conned into it or something. I don't know, and I don't care. Now, I'm going to hang up so I can get dressed to see you. Be here in forty-five minutes."
"Love you too." Susannah said, throwing the phone onto her bed.
"Do you, querida?" I asked, trying to keep the bitterness and sadness from my voice. When Susannah did not answer, I said, "Querida? Will you answer me?"
"Nope." Susannah said, pulling out shoes.
"No, you don't love him, or no you will not answer me?"
"No, I will not answer you." She disregarded the fact that I was standing behind her and dropped the towel to begin getting dressed.
"SUSANNAH!" I screeched, turning away from her. It was not proper to see a young woman nude, unless we are engaged or married!
"Get over it." She said huffily. "Besides, how long have you been gone? This is my room, bud, and I'm sick of changing in the bathroom. So deal." She finished getting dressed and then ran outside without another word to me.
I watched from the window as she embraced Slater, kissing him the way many couples of this century do. The way I wished to kiss Susannah again.
I sighed and watched them drive off. I had to tell Susannah how I felt, I could no longer keep it from her. It was killing me, to see her so entwined with him. I wrote out a quick note for her, asking to meet me at the graveyard at noon the next day. I hoped she would come...
Noon arrived too quickly. Susannah arrived, with Paul. I was invisible to them. "Alright, I don't get why you came, Suze." Paul said, pulling her close to him. Anger flowed through me. "But I'm not leaving. The last time you spoke with him, he broke your heart. I don't want him to hurt you again." Susannah smiled at his protectiveness.
"Thanks." She squeezed his hand tightly and sat down on the bench next to my grave. Taking a deep breath, I appeared behind them.
"Jesus, Jesse, scare me why don't you?" Susannah said, jumping as I materialized.
"I'm sorry, Susannah." I said. I meant for hurting her, for startling her, for everything. Before I could stop it, everything came pouring out. I started to babble, much like Susannah does at times.
"Susannah, when you told me you loved me, I wanted nothing more than to tell you the same. But all I could hear was everyone's arguements against us. You needed someone alive, someone who you can introduce to people, and I know you said you don't care about any of that, but I couldn't let you waste your love on me, and I did what I thought was best. I saw how hurt you became, and how happy he's made you." I pointed to Paul. "And I had to see you again, to tell you how I truly feel."
"And how do you truly feel?" Susannah said quietly, taking this all in.
"I love you, Susannah. I always have. I always will." I said, meaning every word with every fiber of my being.
Susannah hugged me, but that was all I got. A hug. Then she opened fire. "Jesse, do you have any idea how hurt I was when you left? When I thought you didn't love me back? I cried for nights on end! I know you say you were watching, but do you truly get it? I was heartbroken! I put my heart on the line, and it got trampled! Paul..." Susannah stopped talking long enough to take Paul's hand in her own. "Paul was there. He picked up the broken pieces and put my heart back together. I loved again because of him." Now Paul was pulling Susannah into him, protectively. I felt my heart break into a thousand pieces, the same way Susannah's must have. "Jesse...I can't love you again. My heart can't take the pain." she finished quietly.
And then she was gone. Walking away hand in hand with Paul Slater. He held her protectively, lovingly, the way that I should be holding her. If I had not been a fool.
Why do fools fall in love?