Clarity
Sara saw herself in this particular situation many times over the last few months. She saw it daydreaming, saw it in her dreams; her fate different every time. Sometimes it was an emotional consequence, other times there was a legal consequence. There was no excuse for it.
But luckily tonight, the officer took one look at where she worked and he immediately understood. She didn't cry or try to explain herself; she was ready for whatever was coming at her. He felt particularly sympathetic.
Now, she's sitting in the waiting room looking straight ahead, not willing to face the man that she desperately sought approval from for so many years, the man that she fell so hard for that she hadn't really lived the last few years of her life for herself, but for him, vying for his attentions and most of all for his love. She had given so much of herself that she didn't even know who she was anymore. She had lost touch with who she really was.
There was a bitter taste left in her mouth after the third beer she had after admitting to Nick that yes, it was difficult for her to tell him that he deserved the promotion, even though in her mind, she thought he received recommendation unfairly; it became obvious to her that Grissom was looking after his own rear end on his decision for who should get recommendation for the key position. Her losses were starting to become everyone else's gains and knowing that made the hurt in her heart that much more painful.
Grissom saw her in the waiting room, not sure of how she was feeling, but aware of the fact that he might want to bite his tongue tonight. But he didn't really feel like saying anything to her. He wasn't upset or disappointed in her because he knew that he was partly to blame for the situation that she was in.
Now was as good a time as any to be the man that she always hoped that he would be.
He approached her tentatively, like he would a crime scene; becoming acutely aware of her damaged and delicate emotions.
Sara still did not look at him because she had made a decision; one of the hardest decisions in her life out of pure frustration and defeat. Grissom did not realize that the moment he took her hand and offered her a ride home, that suddenly, everything became very clear to her.
"Grissom," she started, her voice a little raspy. "I don't want to do this anymore."
"Don't want to do what anymore?" He asked.
"I don't want you to wait until something horrible happens to me to care about me anymore," she said, a tear running down her cheek.
"Sara-"
"Please let me finish," she interrupted. "For months you've been avoiding me and keeping me on the outside like I don't even exist," she explained. "Do you know how much that hurts? This is a very low point in my life right now and here you are. I can't keep playing this game. I've risked a lot more than you think to let you know that I'm willing to take us to the next level but you just never came around."
Grissom didn't know what to say to her. She was right after all.
"So, I've decided that we make amends tonight for the sake of our friendship, but after tonight, no more mixed signals, and no more dancing around each other," Sara said firmly. "The 'this' between us is over. No more."
Her heart was pounding in her chest so loudly, that she thought that Grissom could hear it. She saw the obvious surprise and hurt, but the only thing she thought of was that now he understood her pain.
She squeezed his hand and then got up and left.
Sara walked out to the parking lot where he was waiting for her. Her heart was aching so bad that she thought she would collapse. The tears kept coming as she finally made it into his embrace.
"I did it," she sobbed. "I finally said it. After so long, I can finally breathe."
He just held her tightly and kissed her frazzled hair. He'd never seen her so emotional before and his heart ached to see her crying so hysterically. He felt her pulling away.
She looked into his gray-blue eyes deeply and caressed his cheek.
By this time, Grissom had stopped in his tracks in his pursuit of Sara, wanting to tell her that he was ready. But when he saw her in Warrick's arms, gazing at him lovingly across the parking lot near his car, he knew that she had decided on her own that it was too late. As if to seal the deal, he saw her give him a light kiss and a smile he had not seen near so bright in almost a year.
They were whispering about something with closed eyes and noses touching affectionately as they kissed again before they walked to his car.
Grissom put his hands in his pockets, gave one last long look at Sara and Warrick, then he went back inside to his office and resumed his work.
End