A/N: Phew! I'll make this quick since you guys need to read. Eh heh, I apologize if I scramble any of your guy's brains too much. This chapter NEEDED to be done though. Even though, it goes smack dab in the middle of the existing ones. gulps New 'new' chapter will come soon. Really!
May 8, 2004 Data Log Entry: This chapter has changed a lot. It gave me trouble in a section of my mind and contradicted with what I believed in. So, I tweeked it to ease my mind and keep true to my Christian faith, but still so it was all religion friendly. yawn Gosh, do you people know how hot it is in Colorado at the moment? I've drunk more iced tea(with sugar) in this week than in a year! But I shall press forward! evil laughter continues
Disclaimer: sighs Gosh, you people are persistent. NO ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dancing in a Rain of Blood
Numb
Screams echoed throughout the space behind his piercing amber eyes. They started and then stopped as quickly as they had begun. Their bodies falling to the ground, all around him, on top of him, streaming blood. There were so many that his ears always heard a constant dull roar of the constant shrieking of the dead. But, what was worse, was the silence. The screams he had become used to had become the norm for him. He, on the other hand was not used to the cold finality of silence. Silence meant he was alone. There was no one else to kill. The lust growing inside him became more violent in this silence. And for close to eleven years he had had only three choices: watch his life go by through the eyes of the rurouni, not having control over his own body for his other half had shackled him by his sins, or he could submit himself to the nightmarish memories of his past. But, 'she' resided there. The one person, the only person he had ever truly loved. If he was to see her again now, his broken heart would shatter. His final choice was to retreat into the cold silence. His sanity would not last long there. And thus, he had decided to watch the rurouni live his life with the friends he made. But, now he was the one in control. The wanderer for the moment gone from his mind, too tired for the moment to talk, much less to try and win back control. His mind soon strayed to a topic that had never had a reputation of leaving him alone. 'She' was gone. Even though he had chosen to watch his life, 'she' kept slipping in and out. The rurouni knew of this, but probably blamed it on him or had moved on. He, on the other hand could not move on. While his other half ignored the growing feelings for a girl named Kaoru Kamiya, he simply acknowledged them and left it at that.
He slid into a stance, making his mind go blank. In a heartbeat he had slashed the dense darkness shrouding the barren training hall seven times. Too slow. Again silver slashed through the murky black water, only to be swallowed up as the deadly weapon clicked back into place. Once he had finished a few warm ups he began pressing himself, fighting an invisible opponent, almost as if he was getting used to his body again.
A creak. A pause. Uncertain, uneven breathing entered his consciousness. He froze. Miss Kaoru Kamiya. The strong little girl had entered the room with two steaming cups of green tea.
Her voice, as powerful and soft as one of his strokes severed the darkness. "It's late. I brought some tea."
"For two?"
"Is there a problem if I wish to get away from the rest of the residents here?"
Silence and the click of a sword answered her. He turned to face her, his gleaming cat-like eyes staring down at her.
She bit her lip. She had finally met Battousai. This was Battousai. She caught a sign of cockiness flit across his eyes.
"Very good." He breathed.
She took an involuntary step back. He had read her immediately. His voice was so different from Kenshin's, at least, the Kenshin she knew. It was more dangerous, deeper, more experienced, less innocent, and it made her heart beat accelerate and her breathing to quicken. But, the pure manslayer was still a part of Kenshin the wanderer. What an ironic statement. She chuckled dryly to herself as she stepped forth to hand him his tea.
"What?" Battousai quirked an eyebrow and sat down, resting his sword beside him.
"It's nothing." She sighed and sat down beside him, separating them with the tea tray.
They sat in silence for a time, drinking their tea peacefully.
"Tell me. Where is the wanderer?" Kaoru asked wistfully, staring out at the clear night sky.
"Gone." Battousai sipped the steaming tea.
"Gone?" Kaoru tried to hide the panicked twinge to her voice.
"For the time being, that is."
"Good." She whispered.
"But, I doubt that he will ever be the same as when you first met him."
"I know."
He looked over at her, her mourning blue eyes lowered to the ground.
Kaoru noticed that his hand clenched the teacup tighter, she had expected this. A certain intolerant courage filled her and tainted her normally innocent sounding voice. "So, what are you going to do? Are you and the wanderer going to harmonize or is one going to reign over the other? Is one of you going to give up?"
"I'm not sure where you are going with this."
"Battousai?"
"Yes?"
"Can I confide in you?"
Battousai pondered this for a second, then he nodded.
"I didn't live through the revolution for the most part, so I know I can't even begin to imagine what it was like. But, instead of giving up. I have to believe there's going to be sunshine tomorrow and if I keep up my faith and have hope, it'll come. So, I decided to keep going."
"Isn't it pointless though?" Battousai's voice was tainted with bitterness.
"No. Nothing is truly hopeless. There's always that little flicker of light." Kaoru took the last sip of her tea and picked up the tea tray as Battousai put his cup on it. "The first thing you have to do is to find it and then believe in it." She whispered to him as she stood up. "Well, Battousai, it's getting late and I need to get to bed." She left the room, the last riddle teasing his mind.
'Kaoru Kamiya. What did you mean?'
Kaoru sighed as she walked into the main house, where of course, there was an all too anxious welcoming party.
"Didja actually talk to him?" Yahiko gulped, trying to act tough.
Kaoru nodded.
"And?" Megumi flipped her hair impatiently.
"What?"
"What's he like?"
"He's dark."
"What do you think of him?"
"I feel sorry for him." With that final note of truth, Kaoru retired to her room that Kenshin had given up for her, leaving her friends to ponder the bland description.
'I can't think of anything else to describe him as.'
The next day went like the one before. Quiet lies filled the atmosphere as normal chores were done. The 'dark' one apparently refused to surface from the training area. So, Kaoru brought him tea again that night.
She opened the door and looked around, her eyes used to the darkness already. 'Where is he?'
His quiet voice erupted from her right. "Back again?"
Kaoru steadied herself from the small scare she had received. "Would you like some tea or not?"
He sighed. "I see there's no point in arguing with you and I truly don't feel like fighting with you anyway."
"Hmph." She walked to the porch stiffly.
Battousai leaned on the wall and watched her set down the tray and open the shoji. Once she was seated, he came to sit beside her.
Again, silence engulfed them for a few minutes. But, Battousai had too many questions to remain this way.
"What did you mean by what you said last night?"
"I'm simply saying nothing is hopeless and that everyone has to keep their faith."
"To say such a thing, you must have heard very little of the revolution."
"Well yes, but that's what the men in power want us to think. It keeps us in check. They plays tricks on us and fate plays with us, already knowing which way we will turn. They try to make us believe hope is gone so we'll go with everything they say." She paused. "So we don't start another revolution."
"I don't believe in fate."
"You're not hearing me. I do believe in strokes of luck and in serendipity, but I believe the future almost fully depend on the choices we make on how we live our lives moment by moment."
"What are you getting at woman?"
She sighed. "I'm saying you can always come home. Home is where your friends are. The wanderer has already found one. I don't believe it's fair that Katsura-san is making you do this."
"From the way you use his name, you two must have already met."
Kaoru nodded. "Your life is controlled by an outside source, you do everything your boss says. You need to stand up for what you believe in. And if you're confused, try and make a compromise with the wanderer. I think you'll find you two are much more alike than you think."
"And?"
From the tone of his voice, Kaoru could tell they would get no where tonight. "Listen, I'm sorry I even brought it up."
Battousai snorted. "Make up your mind."
"I have."
He quirked an eyebrow at her.
Kaoru gave him a side ways glance and couldn't help but giggle.
"What?!"
She seemed to have set him very off edge by this. "It's just." She laughed again. "It's just -"
"If you must laugh, then do that first and then speak."
Kaoru regained her composure and continued. "It's just, I couldn't help but laugh a little at your expression. It was the most expressive look I've ever seen on you, not including anger! You looked at me like you thought I was crazy!"
Battousai blinked and thought back on it while she continued to laugh. He smirked, she really was a ray of sunshine in the middle of night. A very unusual girl. His eyes narrowed. 'Either she is immune to pain due to something in her past or she really is not grasping the full weight of the situation. Personally I think it is the first one. I can see it in her eyes, they are a light blue on the rims, but get darker as you go to the middle. This is true not only in color, but in emotion. She too has forgotten her past and moved on.'
He had been so deep in thought he hadn't noticed the absence for a few minutes now of her laughter.
"Tell me something." She hugged her knees to her body and stared mournfully at the velvet sky. It looked as though she were thinking of death. "With all the sins that you carry, how do you think you deserve to die?"
"I can only pray that I will be stabbed for as many people I've killed and then to drown in my own blood. But, even that I feel is not enough."
"Why?"
"Because I deserve it. I deserve it for cursing this man's life, for plaguing his thoughts, tormenting his dreams. I deserve everything worse than death."
"No you don't. You made a mistake. It doesn't destroy everything about your future. You can always come home to your friends." She gave her legs an extra squeeze. "And you are that man too. But, I have to wonder what made you choose to do this in the first place."
He sighed. The question was one he didn't often answer. But, something about her made him trust in her. They had something similar. "I protected those who were weaker than me. The people who offended the happiness of the people needed to be killed."
"But, there must have been another way! A peaceful way!" Her voice rose a little in volume. "How can someone be so selfless! You should never sacrifice yourself for other people! Because then, the people that care about you will suffer. And aren't those the one's that truly matter?!"
"There wasn't any other way. I needed to pay someone back." Battousai moved over, his face close to hers, forcing her to keep eye contact.
"Pay someone back?"
"I couldn't save the first people who really cared about me when I was young! They told me to run, then they sacrificed themselves."
"So, you're repenting for their lives through death."
"I wouldn't necessarily call what I'm doing 'repenting'."
"Oh? Then what would you call it?"
"I am only sacrificing myself so that the past will not repeat itself."
"The past is destined to repeat itself if we keep trying to change through death. We need to have hope that things will get better. We cannot change it by death. All we can do is restart the game and try to learn from our mistakes, knowing that if we do slip up we can always go home."
"Game? You think of life as a game?!"
Kaoru sighed and turned away. "I didn't have the strength before to talk about this with you. I think I'll try now."
"Go on."
"There's a new game in Europe called chess, have you heard of it?"
"Yes."
"Imagine we are the pieces. The high-ranking members of society are the king, queen, bishop, knight, and rook. We are the pawns. The most important piece in the game."
"Who's the player than?"
"Fate."
"I thought I told you I didn't believe in-"
"I know. Merely think about it for a moment. It's not that hard. Fate doesn't move us, we move us. But, we have forgotten how. Our lives are controlled. And pawns are always collateral damage to protect the back row."
"I'm not being controlled. I chose this path-"
She could hear his voice start to rise. She needed to get what she was trying to say out fast or she wouldn't be able to get it out at all. She rushed into his space holding his face up to hers with her trembling hands, forcing him to look at her. The look in his eyes told her he hadn't expected this.
"How many times do I have to tell you?! You are blind! You are deaf! You are mute! You are being controlled! You are shackled by your sins and by your own confusion. You can only see the path that you have always known. You will keep moving forward across the board until you die! And then!!!!!!" Sobs wracked her body. She was too involved in what she was saying to notice the concern in his eyes.
"And then?" He whispered. He could feel his heart soften at the girl. His other half had grown to like her for a reason he could know see.
"And then-" She gulped. "The game will start over and over and over. The pain won't end. You need to wake up and see the light!!!!!!!!! You have to believe that hope is never lost and mistakes are no big deal!!!!!! You need to know that there is always a home waiting for the wanderer!!!!!!!!!!! And for you...." She trailed off as she fell into his arms.
Battousai wrapped his shaking arms tentatively around, the meaning finally hitting him. He was in shock from the truth in her words.
"Then, how?"
"Hm?"
"Mz.Kaoru???!!!!!!" Misao's voice came through the door as the early morning light shined through. "Are you okay? You never came to bed and we heard yelling!"
"I'm fine!!!!!!"
"Alright." Soft footsteps dictated the ninja's departure.
"How?"
"How what?"
"How do the pawns stop the cycle?"
Kaoru smiled brilliantly up at him, a smile that made his insides turn in a warm sort of way. "You're not very familiar with the game of chess, are you Battousai? Or, at least the one we're playing."
"No, I'm not."
She picked up the tea tray, and just before she stood up she leaned in close and whispered to him. "The trick of the game is to trick the player."
"Trick fate? How?"
"Stand up for what you believe in based on the hope you have." She smiled warmly at him, as his eyes filled with amazed understanding. She walked out and headed toward bed. She felt exhausted after staying up all night, but not defeated. In fact, she felt triumphant.
The day went by lazily with Kaoru getting a few good naps in. At dinner she asked an obvious question. "Where's Battousai?"
At the normal sounding use of the name everyone looked at her and stared.
"Tanuki, do you like him?"
Kaoru looked at Megumi dumb founded. Did she, perhaps, have grown to enjoy his company? "I guess."
Okina answered her question, not in the mood for a catfight. "Himura is on another job."
"Another?" She sighed exasperated. After dinner, Kaoru went to bed. She walked along the outside porch. What she saw made her change her mind. 'Again?'
He was drenching himself again with frigid water. Soaking the earth with diluted blood. He finished the ritual and walked to the porch. He eyed Kaoru briefly and she promptly got up and sat herself once more on the futon. Battousai slid into a sitting position, his bloodied long sword resting against his shoulder. His short one resting right beside.
Kaoru smiled and whispered "Good night." Then she curled into the chilled blankets and slipped into an uncomfortable sleep.
Battousai smiled and nodded, not sure why he felt so warm around her, even though he should be freezing. This warm feeling did not follow him in sleep. He had about the same luck as Kaoru had had; only it wasn't a nightmare, it was reality. Memories. Though he wished with all his heart that they were only dreams, fake. That the red haired demon in them wasn't him.
By the time his dream reached the present, morning light glittered through the still open door. He snapped his eyes open and glanced around. He heard Kaoru stir and looked over at her. Droplets of sweat clung to her forehead, she had also been plagued with nightmares or bad memories.
She sat up, breathing hard, and clutching her head. Battousai stood up and went over to her. "Kaoru?"
Kaoru immediately covered up her fear, she didn't want him to be concerned. And plus, it had only been a nightmare. It was now morning. A new day. "Good morning Battousai!!!!!!!!" She called in a sing-song voice.
Battousai groaned. "Sleep well?" He couldn't help the edge of sarcasm that had crept into his voice. Of course she didn't sleep well, she looked a nervous wreck.
"I'm not sure." Kaoru's eyes became downcast as she realized she needed to be honest. "But, it's not night anymore, is it? It's a new morning!!!! Our turn has come again with new opportunities. And. If I still can't go teach Yahiko, I'll just have to busy myself in other ways!!!!"
'So, she knows.' Battousai thought, the guilt that had been sitting in his stomach since that day was now painfully obvious. He had talked earlier with Megumi about it and she had obviously overheard. He had almost been sure she had been asleep.
Kaoru began to get up. 'I can't let Battousai get depressed over my misfortune. That would just add to the list of the pained people I care about. The choice was mine, he had no way of stopping it. I refuse to let either of them think they are the cause of my sadness.'
Battousai looked up and watched her slightly limp to the door. The cold, dead tone reentered his voice as he spoke. Just because they were on better terms with each other, didn't mean he still wasn't in control of at least her safety. "Where are you going?"
"Um." Kaoru paused, then she turned and waved him off. "Don't worry, I'm only going down the hall to borrow something from Okina!"
Battousai sighed and nodded. 'How much trouble can she get into by simply going down the hall?' Battousai growled. 'Stupid question. With that girl's damn luck, she has a good chance of falling.' He was about to get up and go help her when she appeared in the door.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Did I worry you already?"
Battousai turned his head away from her.
Kaoru smiled softly and proceeded to limp out to the courtyard.
When Battousai smelled the all too familiar scent of dried blood and heard the splash of water he looked in her direction. His eyes narrowed and he moved outside to the patio.
There she was. Standing by the well washing the clothes he had worn that day. She worked diligently, scrubbing the bloodied clothes with delicate hands. Kaoru turned her head and smiled at him, sunlight making her eyes glisten. The wanderer would not have been happy. However, he was still recuperating. When she was done washing, she hung the garments onto the clothesline to dry.
She grinned. "Think breakfast is ready?"
Battousai nodded. He could smell the miso soup from here, but the thing that really gave it away was the sound of Misao, Okina, Yahiko, and Sano fighting over the food.
Kaoru followed Battousai to the dining room. As soon as they entered the room, things got deathly quiet. Kaoru tried multiple times to start a conversation up, partly succeeding a few times with Battousai. But, no one else seemed to think it was appropriate.
After an eternity of silent breakfast, Battousai walked back to the patio outside of her room and stood, looking off into the distance. Kaoru sighed. 'I wonder if he truly understands what I was trying to tell him.' She softly smiled. 'I really have learned to like him.' She started humming and almost half-skipped to the clothesline. She stopped when she felt Battousai grow irritable. She kept smiling and humming as she brought his dried clothes to the patio.
By now, Battousai had sat down in a cross-legged position against the shoji. She kneeled in front of him, the side of her head facing the yard. She took out the borrowed needle and thread and began to sew.
Battousai watched her from the corner of his eye and felt himself go back in time. Going back into the days when he was with 'her'. He let out a deep sigh, too exhausted to stop his thoughts.
Kaoru looked over, she had never heard Battousai sigh like that. He looked tired. She finished sewing his clothes and folded them neatly. "There ya go!" She grinned, triumphant.
"Kaoru, I never knew you could sew." He smiled and accepted them. He had begun to fall for her. It was hard not to. However, it was a feeling that would need to be killed to protect her. As reality dawned on him, he frosted his eyes to her and set down the clothes.
Kaoru took no notice of this. "Oh, my mom taught me all sorts of stuff like this. She said even though the career I had picked didn't really fit a lady, that wouldn't exclude me from lady-like chores." Kaoru spoke softly, the day was too beautiful and calm to speak too loudly.
Battousai flinched. 'That tone. It's just how 'she' used to speak.'
Kaoru's eyes saw Battousai battling with his memories again as he stood, his eyes no longer holding the new warmth she had just found in him. He had again shut her out. But why? However, now was not the time to be wondering about this. Battousai was troubled and she knew he was in great pain. She had to focus on this first. Before she knew it, deep sympathy filled her eyes as she stood up to face him.
Battousai thought he saw something, at first he thought it was his imagination. A mirage of his past flickering into reality. He looked up and his eyes widened in shock. No, there it was again. He gulped and clenched his fists. The look. 'Her' with crystalline blue eyes.
Kaoru sighed. Deep sympathy again resounding in her voice.
Battousai snapped.
In an instant, Kaoru was pinned to the thin shoji. The wall was still shaking from the impact. She breathed in sharply as she felt a firm grasp on her left shoulder, Battousai's grasp. In his other hand was the unsheathed short sword, the dull side resting against the soft skin of her neck. Battousai was trembling with rage.
'What's going on?!' Kaoru held her breath, afraid that if she might even dare to breathe, he would slit her throat. Her trust in him severed for the moment.
Battousai looked up, his hair standing on end and his eyes widening in raw anger, but with an emotion hidden behind it. His voice quivered with the emotion as he roared, making the young girl freeze in horror.
"DON'T YOU EVER LOOK AT ME THE WAY 'SHE' DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Battousai?!'"
A/N: Brains still intact? Good. Thank-Yous now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dmaster66: Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for always being enthusiastic about my writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nami-Ishtar: THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope the story is to your liking in the later chapters!
Catrina3: ARIGATOU! Hey, an authoress has gotta do what an authoress has gotta do! gives you lots of fruit
Lost Darkness: Don't get yourself killed! People do kill other people when the people are being obnoxious! But, I shall protect you because you are being obnoxious in a wonderful way!!!!!!!!!!!! THANX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SilverArcher: Yes. It is always interesting to see what our little manslayer will do! Hope you liked the reactions in this. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CrystalRenee: No problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARIGATOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now. gets bazooka Let's kick squirrel butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! March penguins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linay: Thanx!
Ari and Kat: Thanx!
Numb: It fits. I think it describes Battousai and Kaoru perfectly. And the beat fits nicely.
Now, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! Or else I'll start singing: "THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND NOW EVERYBODIES SINGING IT JUST OH JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND NOW EVERYBODIES SINGING IT JUST OH JUST BECAUSETHIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND NOW EVERYBODIES SINGING IT JUST OH JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND NOW EVERYBODIES SINGING IT JUST OH JUST BECAUSE-" Capeish?