Fanfic Title: An act of bravery
Summary of chapter: During the flight back to Washington, CJ feels no one trusts her, especially Toby.
Disclaimer: All the characters from The West Wing and the story where this fanfic starts from belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells and NBC.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The plane journey back to Washington DC was pretty quiet. To CJ annoyance, it had been decided that Sam would deal with the Press, so she found a quiet corner of the plane to sit and catch up on some reading. Yet she was in no mood to read. She was still as emotional as the night before yet had learnt to hide it. The worst part was that she felt like no one trusted her to be able to do her job. Since she had heard the news about Simon's death she had not had contact with the Press. Granted that the night before she was in no state to do her job, but now she felt physically and mentally capable of doing it. She sat staring out of the window bitterly, how dare they demean her in this way!
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Sam finally found Toby in one of the private study rooms on board Air Force One.
"I've briefed the Press but they are starting to ask questions about Simon Donavon."
"Did you deal with them?" Toby replied whilst carrying on reading his document.
"Yes but they know he was CJ's agent and they, well, they want to know more details. Was he killed whilst on duty? What's CJ reaction? Is that why she's not briefing them?"
"And how did you reply?"
"Well how do you think? I answered their questions as best I could!" At this stage Sam was starting to get uptight. He didn't usually brief the press and he wasn't entirely sure what he was allowed to say. But the worse part was he felt like he was going behind CJ's back. He wasn't happy she'd been sidelined so quickly and he was sure she wasn't happy either.
"Good." Toby remained calm and carried on reading, until he asked "What did you say about CJ to the press?"
"Well I said he was no longer her agent when he was killed and she was shocked by what had happened, yet dealing with it well."
"Shocked, but dealing with it well! Couldn't you have put it differently?" Toby said angrily as he turned to Sam.
"What the hell was I supposed to say Toby? Lie to the press?!"
"No, but you could have made it less obvious that it had hit her hard!"
"I had to think on the spot, I said what I thought was best and maybe if you feel like that you should have briefed the press instead!" Sam shouted.
"Ok" Toby was surprised by Sam's outburst. He knew Sam's choice of words weren't great but he would have found it difficult to come up with a better way of putting it on the spot. Toby just felt bad for CJ, he was concerned for her and he didn't want the press making it worse for her.
"Toby, I'm sorry"
"No, it's ok. Maybe I was too harsh on you."
"Ok, anyway I need to go and speak to CJ. Katy said CJ was meant to give her a source and hasn't."
Sam left the room. Toby sat in silence. He was worried about CJ. It was his idea to sideline her for a while and let Sam deal the press but he was worried the longer she was away from the press the harder she'd find it to go back.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Hey CJ."
CJ hadn't even noticed that Sam was stood next to her until he had spoken.
"Hi."
"I've briefed the press but Katy wondered if you had the source for her at the Federal Bank for her article."
"Shoot!" CJ remembered she had promised to give it her this morning and had totally forgotten. "Ok tell her I'll come and give it to her in a minute."
"Or I could give it her?" Sam wasn't sure why he said it. He wasn't sure if CJ was meant to go near the press or not and after the questions that had been asked about her he was worried that if she went to Katy, the press would start asking CJ about the incident.
"What?" CJ reacted angrily to what Sam had said. It was like no one trusted her right now. "Have you got orders or something to keep me away from the press?"
"No, it's not like that CJ. People are just worried about you and it was decided that it would be better if I dealt with the press for today at least." Sam tried to calm the situation down, but to no prevail.
"Who decided this?" CJ was really frustrated now. "Didn't anyone bother to ask me what I wanted?!"
"I think people just thought they were doing the right thing." Sam could sense her frustration and anger yet he could understand why she felt like she did.
"Who made the decision?"
"It was a joint decision!"
"Who made the decision Sam?!" CJ shouted.
"Toby" Sam couldn't believe he'd told her. He didn't mean to, after all it was a joint decision yet it had been Toby who'd urged Leo to do it.
"Right" CJ replied more calmly than her previous sentence. Yet inside she was as angry as ever. How dare he make that decision? How could he think she was incapable of being able to work? Didn't he know her at all?
Sam realised CJ was upset. He sensed she felt betrayed by her friends, like no one trusted her to be able to do her job or that she was weak. "Don't read too much into it CJ. We just felt like you needed a rest, to come to term with what had happened."
"How many times do I have to tell people that I am fine? Why does no one believe me?" CJ sank into her seat and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Sam sat down next to her and looked at her. It was then that he realised the constant questions weren't helping and what CJ needed most of all was for things to go back to normal.
"CJ I'm sorry. I truly thought we were helping. I never meant to make things worse."
CJ turned to Sam and saw how upset he was. She knew everyone was trying to help but it didn't stop her feeling angry with them. "Sam I know you guys only meant well but it's making me feel worse."
Sam stared at her for a while. He felt like he'd let her down. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok. It's not your fault. If anything I should have handled it better."
"CJ don't beat yourself up about it. It's been hard for you. You just need a bit of time to get over it and you'll be fine." Sam smiled at CJ and she gave a little smile back.
"Thanks."
"You want to do the briefing before we leave the plane?" Sam asked.
Sam's words filled CJ with warmth. She felt like he trusted her, that she was capable of doing her job. But she was so tired and even though she wanted to get back to her job she needed just a bit more time. "Thanks Sam, but I think you should carry on for today. You're doing a great job."
"Ok." He smiled at her again. "Well let me know if you want me to carry on tomorrow." Sam said as he started to get up from his seat.
"Thanks for the offer but I'll be fine."
Sam walked away. Part of CJ felt relieved, she had finally got through to someone that she was ok and capable of doing her normal duties. Yet part of her was also scared. She was still upset about the incident, nothing had changed that. She couldn't stop thinking about Simon and the guilt that existed within her. Inside of her she felt so empty, like she had lost a part of her that she'd never get back. She felt like she was dealing with it better physically, but mentally she was a wreck. She lay back for a while in her chair, gazing out of the window at the sky. Everything seemed so peaceful and pretty. She wondered to herself why life couldn't be more like that?
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Sam knocked on the door to the President's office onboard the plane.
"Come in" shouted the voice of the President.
Sam entered the room and saw the President and Leo sitting down next to a coffee table covered in paper.
"Sorry to interrupt you Mr President but I got a message that Leo wanted to speak to me."
"That's ok Sam, I just wanted to say that I have had Ginger change round a few of your appointments tomorrow so that you can do the press briefings." Leo said.
"But what about CJ? I thought I was only doing the briefings for today?" Sam was shocked that Leo still didn't think that CJ was capable of doing her duties.
"I think she needs more time and Toby said that the press are asking questions about what happened to Simon Donavan."
"Did Toby tell you to let me do the briefings again?" After the conversation at breakfast with Leo, Sam couldn't understand why Leo would sideline CJ again. It wasn't like him. It had to be Toby.
"As a matter of fact Toby did ask me but I fail to see what that has to do with it."
"With all due respect Leo I think Toby has got it wrong."
"Sam what are you implying?" the President said. Sam was shocked that he'd got involved with the conversation.
"Well sir I think CJ needs to be allowed to do her job. She needs something to get on with, something to take her mind off what happened. She also needs to know we trust her."
"Of course we trust her Sam" Leo said in an angry voice. "But if the press are going to be asking questions about Simon then I don't think CJ should be the one to answer them."
"You don't think they are going to ask them to her when she gets back?" Sam replied sincerely. "No matter how long we give her, the next time she stands in front of the press they are going to ask those questions that we are protecting her from. And the longer we leave it the harder it's going to be for her."
"Sam's right Leo." President stared at Sam for a minute. "Sidelining CJ today was the right thing to do but she needs to be allowed to do her job."
"You're right Mr President." Leo never wanted to sideline CJ but had been persuaded by Toby. He knew it wasn't like him not to go with his gut feeling. Leo knew Toby was right today to get Sam to deal with the press, but he also knew he was wrong to want Sam to continue tomorrow. "Sam you will finish dealing with the press today and then CJ will be continue tomorrow."
"Yes sir. Would you like me to tell Toby?" Sam wasn't sure why he wanted to tell him so much. It wasn't really to gloat as he knew Toby was only looking out for a friend.
"If you want."
"Thank you." As Sam left the room he smiled to the president.
"Leo, have you spoken to CJ?" Since hearing the news of Simon's death the President had been concerned for CJ. He knew he had to persuade her at the beginning to have the protection and everyone knew she wasn't happy about it, but he had sensed a bond had developed between CJ and Simon.
"I have and she seems to be fine." Leo said calmly as he picked up some of the paper on the coffee table and began reading it.
"Leo, are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you take Toby's advice and sideline her today?"
Leo knew the President's question was justified, but he knew after his conversation with her at the hotel he had no option but to sideline her. She was in no fit state to deal with the press, even if she didn't realise it.
"Because I felt that she needed a break. But she'll be fine."
The president trusted Leo's judgement above anyone else and if he felt that CJ was ok then CJ was ok.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As the plane landed everyone got ready to leave. CJ gathered her stuff together and made her way off the plane, trying to avoid Toby. She didn't feel in the mood to speak to him right now.
"Hey CJ wait up." Came a familiar voice.
"Hi Leo." CJ was surprised to see Leo just before her.
"Be in the office early tomorrow, I need to talk to you before the morning press briefing."
"Ok" CJ smiled at Leo. She was happy that it seemed he finally believed that she was ok.
"Also get one of the cars to drop you off at home tonight. There's no point you coming back to the West Wing and your car is at home." It had just dawned on CJ that she was now free to drive her own car as she had no special protection. For the past month she'd had to be driven around with an agent. But then she also realised she'd be at home alone. She'd started to get used to an agent being with her everywhere she went. Even though she'd hated having protection, part of her wanted it back right now. The thought of going back to her lonely apartment scared her.
"Leo, I need to finish some stuff off at the office."
"It can wait until tomorrow. Go home and have a good nights rest." Leo smiled at CJ and started to walk ahead of her.
CJ made her way to one of the cars waiting for the staffers. She decided Leo was right, she had to face up to things and asked the driver to take her home.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As CJ made her way inside her apartment she felt weird. She'd got used to having agents with her all the time and now she was truly alone. The apartment was so cold and dark. Part of her wished he'd gone back to the White House to avoid facing being alone.
She decided to take Leo's advice and have an early night. She lay in her bed. She felt so tired yet she couldn't sleep. The events of the last 24 hours rolled over in her head. She couldn't understand how so much could happen in such a short space of time. She felt so lonely. Yes she had friends that cared about her, but none of them knew what she was going through and she didn't want any of them knowing either. She kept thinking of Simon and the feeling when they kissed. Yet the guilt was too much. CJ started crying. This was all her fault. If only he hadn't been her agent then he would still be alive. She tried to dry her eyes but it was no use, the tears continued. She had spent the day telling people she was ok but in reality she wasn't. As the tears poured down her face, CJ wondered if the feelings would ever go away.
Summary of chapter: During the flight back to Washington, CJ feels no one trusts her, especially Toby.
Disclaimer: All the characters from The West Wing and the story where this fanfic starts from belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells and NBC.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The plane journey back to Washington DC was pretty quiet. To CJ annoyance, it had been decided that Sam would deal with the Press, so she found a quiet corner of the plane to sit and catch up on some reading. Yet she was in no mood to read. She was still as emotional as the night before yet had learnt to hide it. The worst part was that she felt like no one trusted her to be able to do her job. Since she had heard the news about Simon's death she had not had contact with the Press. Granted that the night before she was in no state to do her job, but now she felt physically and mentally capable of doing it. She sat staring out of the window bitterly, how dare they demean her in this way!
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Sam finally found Toby in one of the private study rooms on board Air Force One.
"I've briefed the Press but they are starting to ask questions about Simon Donavon."
"Did you deal with them?" Toby replied whilst carrying on reading his document.
"Yes but they know he was CJ's agent and they, well, they want to know more details. Was he killed whilst on duty? What's CJ reaction? Is that why she's not briefing them?"
"And how did you reply?"
"Well how do you think? I answered their questions as best I could!" At this stage Sam was starting to get uptight. He didn't usually brief the press and he wasn't entirely sure what he was allowed to say. But the worse part was he felt like he was going behind CJ's back. He wasn't happy she'd been sidelined so quickly and he was sure she wasn't happy either.
"Good." Toby remained calm and carried on reading, until he asked "What did you say about CJ to the press?"
"Well I said he was no longer her agent when he was killed and she was shocked by what had happened, yet dealing with it well."
"Shocked, but dealing with it well! Couldn't you have put it differently?" Toby said angrily as he turned to Sam.
"What the hell was I supposed to say Toby? Lie to the press?!"
"No, but you could have made it less obvious that it had hit her hard!"
"I had to think on the spot, I said what I thought was best and maybe if you feel like that you should have briefed the press instead!" Sam shouted.
"Ok" Toby was surprised by Sam's outburst. He knew Sam's choice of words weren't great but he would have found it difficult to come up with a better way of putting it on the spot. Toby just felt bad for CJ, he was concerned for her and he didn't want the press making it worse for her.
"Toby, I'm sorry"
"No, it's ok. Maybe I was too harsh on you."
"Ok, anyway I need to go and speak to CJ. Katy said CJ was meant to give her a source and hasn't."
Sam left the room. Toby sat in silence. He was worried about CJ. It was his idea to sideline her for a while and let Sam deal the press but he was worried the longer she was away from the press the harder she'd find it to go back.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Hey CJ."
CJ hadn't even noticed that Sam was stood next to her until he had spoken.
"Hi."
"I've briefed the press but Katy wondered if you had the source for her at the Federal Bank for her article."
"Shoot!" CJ remembered she had promised to give it her this morning and had totally forgotten. "Ok tell her I'll come and give it to her in a minute."
"Or I could give it her?" Sam wasn't sure why he said it. He wasn't sure if CJ was meant to go near the press or not and after the questions that had been asked about her he was worried that if she went to Katy, the press would start asking CJ about the incident.
"What?" CJ reacted angrily to what Sam had said. It was like no one trusted her right now. "Have you got orders or something to keep me away from the press?"
"No, it's not like that CJ. People are just worried about you and it was decided that it would be better if I dealt with the press for today at least." Sam tried to calm the situation down, but to no prevail.
"Who decided this?" CJ was really frustrated now. "Didn't anyone bother to ask me what I wanted?!"
"I think people just thought they were doing the right thing." Sam could sense her frustration and anger yet he could understand why she felt like she did.
"Who made the decision?"
"It was a joint decision!"
"Who made the decision Sam?!" CJ shouted.
"Toby" Sam couldn't believe he'd told her. He didn't mean to, after all it was a joint decision yet it had been Toby who'd urged Leo to do it.
"Right" CJ replied more calmly than her previous sentence. Yet inside she was as angry as ever. How dare he make that decision? How could he think she was incapable of being able to work? Didn't he know her at all?
Sam realised CJ was upset. He sensed she felt betrayed by her friends, like no one trusted her to be able to do her job or that she was weak. "Don't read too much into it CJ. We just felt like you needed a rest, to come to term with what had happened."
"How many times do I have to tell people that I am fine? Why does no one believe me?" CJ sank into her seat and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Sam sat down next to her and looked at her. It was then that he realised the constant questions weren't helping and what CJ needed most of all was for things to go back to normal.
"CJ I'm sorry. I truly thought we were helping. I never meant to make things worse."
CJ turned to Sam and saw how upset he was. She knew everyone was trying to help but it didn't stop her feeling angry with them. "Sam I know you guys only meant well but it's making me feel worse."
Sam stared at her for a while. He felt like he'd let her down. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok. It's not your fault. If anything I should have handled it better."
"CJ don't beat yourself up about it. It's been hard for you. You just need a bit of time to get over it and you'll be fine." Sam smiled at CJ and she gave a little smile back.
"Thanks."
"You want to do the briefing before we leave the plane?" Sam asked.
Sam's words filled CJ with warmth. She felt like he trusted her, that she was capable of doing her job. But she was so tired and even though she wanted to get back to her job she needed just a bit more time. "Thanks Sam, but I think you should carry on for today. You're doing a great job."
"Ok." He smiled at her again. "Well let me know if you want me to carry on tomorrow." Sam said as he started to get up from his seat.
"Thanks for the offer but I'll be fine."
Sam walked away. Part of CJ felt relieved, she had finally got through to someone that she was ok and capable of doing her normal duties. Yet part of her was also scared. She was still upset about the incident, nothing had changed that. She couldn't stop thinking about Simon and the guilt that existed within her. Inside of her she felt so empty, like she had lost a part of her that she'd never get back. She felt like she was dealing with it better physically, but mentally she was a wreck. She lay back for a while in her chair, gazing out of the window at the sky. Everything seemed so peaceful and pretty. She wondered to herself why life couldn't be more like that?
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Sam knocked on the door to the President's office onboard the plane.
"Come in" shouted the voice of the President.
Sam entered the room and saw the President and Leo sitting down next to a coffee table covered in paper.
"Sorry to interrupt you Mr President but I got a message that Leo wanted to speak to me."
"That's ok Sam, I just wanted to say that I have had Ginger change round a few of your appointments tomorrow so that you can do the press briefings." Leo said.
"But what about CJ? I thought I was only doing the briefings for today?" Sam was shocked that Leo still didn't think that CJ was capable of doing her duties.
"I think she needs more time and Toby said that the press are asking questions about what happened to Simon Donavan."
"Did Toby tell you to let me do the briefings again?" After the conversation at breakfast with Leo, Sam couldn't understand why Leo would sideline CJ again. It wasn't like him. It had to be Toby.
"As a matter of fact Toby did ask me but I fail to see what that has to do with it."
"With all due respect Leo I think Toby has got it wrong."
"Sam what are you implying?" the President said. Sam was shocked that he'd got involved with the conversation.
"Well sir I think CJ needs to be allowed to do her job. She needs something to get on with, something to take her mind off what happened. She also needs to know we trust her."
"Of course we trust her Sam" Leo said in an angry voice. "But if the press are going to be asking questions about Simon then I don't think CJ should be the one to answer them."
"You don't think they are going to ask them to her when she gets back?" Sam replied sincerely. "No matter how long we give her, the next time she stands in front of the press they are going to ask those questions that we are protecting her from. And the longer we leave it the harder it's going to be for her."
"Sam's right Leo." President stared at Sam for a minute. "Sidelining CJ today was the right thing to do but she needs to be allowed to do her job."
"You're right Mr President." Leo never wanted to sideline CJ but had been persuaded by Toby. He knew it wasn't like him not to go with his gut feeling. Leo knew Toby was right today to get Sam to deal with the press, but he also knew he was wrong to want Sam to continue tomorrow. "Sam you will finish dealing with the press today and then CJ will be continue tomorrow."
"Yes sir. Would you like me to tell Toby?" Sam wasn't sure why he wanted to tell him so much. It wasn't really to gloat as he knew Toby was only looking out for a friend.
"If you want."
"Thank you." As Sam left the room he smiled to the president.
"Leo, have you spoken to CJ?" Since hearing the news of Simon's death the President had been concerned for CJ. He knew he had to persuade her at the beginning to have the protection and everyone knew she wasn't happy about it, but he had sensed a bond had developed between CJ and Simon.
"I have and she seems to be fine." Leo said calmly as he picked up some of the paper on the coffee table and began reading it.
"Leo, are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you take Toby's advice and sideline her today?"
Leo knew the President's question was justified, but he knew after his conversation with her at the hotel he had no option but to sideline her. She was in no fit state to deal with the press, even if she didn't realise it.
"Because I felt that she needed a break. But she'll be fine."
The president trusted Leo's judgement above anyone else and if he felt that CJ was ok then CJ was ok.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As the plane landed everyone got ready to leave. CJ gathered her stuff together and made her way off the plane, trying to avoid Toby. She didn't feel in the mood to speak to him right now.
"Hey CJ wait up." Came a familiar voice.
"Hi Leo." CJ was surprised to see Leo just before her.
"Be in the office early tomorrow, I need to talk to you before the morning press briefing."
"Ok" CJ smiled at Leo. She was happy that it seemed he finally believed that she was ok.
"Also get one of the cars to drop you off at home tonight. There's no point you coming back to the West Wing and your car is at home." It had just dawned on CJ that she was now free to drive her own car as she had no special protection. For the past month she'd had to be driven around with an agent. But then she also realised she'd be at home alone. She'd started to get used to an agent being with her everywhere she went. Even though she'd hated having protection, part of her wanted it back right now. The thought of going back to her lonely apartment scared her.
"Leo, I need to finish some stuff off at the office."
"It can wait until tomorrow. Go home and have a good nights rest." Leo smiled at CJ and started to walk ahead of her.
CJ made her way to one of the cars waiting for the staffers. She decided Leo was right, she had to face up to things and asked the driver to take her home.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As CJ made her way inside her apartment she felt weird. She'd got used to having agents with her all the time and now she was truly alone. The apartment was so cold and dark. Part of her wished he'd gone back to the White House to avoid facing being alone.
She decided to take Leo's advice and have an early night. She lay in her bed. She felt so tired yet she couldn't sleep. The events of the last 24 hours rolled over in her head. She couldn't understand how so much could happen in such a short space of time. She felt so lonely. Yes she had friends that cared about her, but none of them knew what she was going through and she didn't want any of them knowing either. She kept thinking of Simon and the feeling when they kissed. Yet the guilt was too much. CJ started crying. This was all her fault. If only he hadn't been her agent then he would still be alive. She tried to dry her eyes but it was no use, the tears continued. She had spent the day telling people she was ok but in reality she wasn't. As the tears poured down her face, CJ wondered if the feelings would ever go away.