A/N: I don't own any of this stuff. No money is made!
On with the fun
HOGWARTS EXPRESS
*The entire group excluding Harry and Ron run through the magical wall*
Harry: "It's our turn.*whining* I wanna go first!" (Harry hops around and throws his hands in the air)
Ron: "NO! Me! I get to go!"
(They begin to race and Harry punches Ron in the ass)
Harry: "Bitch! You traveled by poo powder before me!"
Columbus: Wait a minute. Did he just say the word "Bitch"?
(Ron slows to let Harry pass by only to watch him slam into the wall and somehow flip his legs above his head then spin around, hit the wall with his buttock and then slide to the ground. Somewhere in the shadows a brown puppet smoking a doobie is laughing menacingly.)
Ron: "HA! Dumbass! I knew that was going to happen!"
(Columbus ties a rope around his neck tightly)
Harry: *rubbing his arse crying* "How'd you know? Why didn't you tell me?" *stomping foot on the ground*
Ron: "Read the book" *smiles and pats Harry's ass*
Harry: "Riiiiiight. HEY! Let's take the car and pick up some brew and babes!"
Ron: *Big silly ass expression* "THE CAAAW?! Er -Harry, my family owns a truck"
Harry: "Riiiight. Well, let's take that then!"
(The two of them get in the flying truck and pump the bass up on Ron's Garth Brooks CD)
*Singing together* "Briiiiiiing meeee two pina coladas! I gotta have one for each hand!!"
Harry: "Hey Ron *scoots closer* Lets just go to school instead okay"
Ron: "All right there's plenty of tail there too!"
(Harry winks at Ron)
HOGWARTS
Professor Snappy: *Throwing his greasy hair to one side and pointing his finger* "You little ones were very bad boys! You hurt my tree! If it were up to ME the both of you would be on your way to a spanking in my bedroom- er-HOME TONIGHT!"
Harry: "Er- But I'm the STAR." *Points at disfigurement*
Snappy: *Shudders* "Oh, well how about something else? Uhmmm, let me see *sucks on his finger* I KNOW! How does one detention sound?!"
Ron: "Bloody Hayo!"
Snappy: "Er, Super!"
THE GREAT HALL OF FOOD
Hermione: "You guys are my best friends, I will show this by constantly giving you dirty looks and ridiculing everything you do."
Neville: "Aha! I say Ron, be that your swine coming upon us at this time?"
Ron: "Oh no! Bloody pigs a MENACE"
(Ron's pig lethargically lumbers up to the table reeking of decay and feces)
Harry: *Nearly pissing his pants with excitement* "Oh how quaint! There is a box tied to his tail!"
(Harry removes a small shit-encrusted box off of the pig, then does a little river dance on the table and starts shout/singing.)
Hermione: *Scowls* "Aw hell, there he goes again"
Harry: "MAIL TIME, MAIL TIME, MAAAAAAAIL TIME! Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail! When it comes I wanna wail MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIL!"
Neville: "Wow Harry, inspiring performance, I say, Ron is that not a screamer in your possession?"
Ron: "Oh no! Its mumsy Harry! I know it!"
Harry: *Panting from his performance and rubbing his buttock* "What the hell are you waiting for? Don't be a pussy, open that mother up"
Screamer: "RONALD WEASLEY! How DARE YOU! Our reputation is already SHIT and now I hear you are hanging out with that TRAMP again this year!? You were SEEN by no less than 50 people walking around with HARRY! If you so much as put your hands on that FREAKS ass ONE more time, you will go STRAIGHT TO SNAPPYS BEDROOM!-Oh and by the way Gina congratulations for making it to school without getting beaten up, your father and I are SO PROUD!"
(Screamer bursts into blue flame and disintegrates after making a nasty wet fart sound)
Harry: "Wow, err well, um."
Hermione: "Well it is true, you DO touch his ass a lot" *Dirty jealous look*
(Ron makes a really disgusting face at her and winks at Harry. The pig stands by during the embarrassingly long silence)
GREEN HOUSE 9 3/4
Harry: "9 3/4? I thought it was green house 3."
Ron: "No that's the one with the mandrakes in them. We had to come here for remedial training to properly find the correct platform."
Hermione: "Well, just look at it like this: now you two can walk off all those extra calories you consumed from mashing all those cream puffs into each other's mouths this morning."
Harry: "Er, Yea. Yum." (Harry steals a sweet glance in Ron's direction as Ron is doing the same. Hermione stops behind Greenhouse number 33 to
Puke)
Ron: "Harry, do you like the way these pants fit my ass?"
Harry: "Er, Yea. I especially like the way the color of your pants brings out the red in my scar whenever my face is near them."
Hermione: "Do you like the way my robes cling to my legs Ron?"
Ron: (very dumb look on face) "What are you TALKING about?"
Harry: "By Gawd, how far IS this greenhouse anyway?" (Harry pans around and gives Columbus a dirty look, points at scar, mouths the words,
'Star of the show' and pulls fingers across neck as he points over to Columbus)
(Suddenly Hagro walks out from behind greenhouse number 8 with 3 young first years who's clothes are all disheveled)
Hagro: "Oh, Hi you three! I, um, I was jus' showing these firs' years the ropes!"
(Harry and Ron exchange meaningful looks)
Harry: Oh riiiiiiiiiiiiight then. I was never quite the same after you showed ME.
I'll just leave it off there!
On with the fun
HOGWARTS EXPRESS
*The entire group excluding Harry and Ron run through the magical wall*
Harry: "It's our turn.*whining* I wanna go first!" (Harry hops around and throws his hands in the air)
Ron: "NO! Me! I get to go!"
(They begin to race and Harry punches Ron in the ass)
Harry: "Bitch! You traveled by poo powder before me!"
Columbus: Wait a minute. Did he just say the word "Bitch"?
(Ron slows to let Harry pass by only to watch him slam into the wall and somehow flip his legs above his head then spin around, hit the wall with his buttock and then slide to the ground. Somewhere in the shadows a brown puppet smoking a doobie is laughing menacingly.)
Ron: "HA! Dumbass! I knew that was going to happen!"
(Columbus ties a rope around his neck tightly)
Harry: *rubbing his arse crying* "How'd you know? Why didn't you tell me?" *stomping foot on the ground*
Ron: "Read the book" *smiles and pats Harry's ass*
Harry: "Riiiiiight. HEY! Let's take the car and pick up some brew and babes!"
Ron: *Big silly ass expression* "THE CAAAW?! Er -Harry, my family owns a truck"
Harry: "Riiiight. Well, let's take that then!"
(The two of them get in the flying truck and pump the bass up on Ron's Garth Brooks CD)
*Singing together* "Briiiiiiing meeee two pina coladas! I gotta have one for each hand!!"
Harry: "Hey Ron *scoots closer* Lets just go to school instead okay"
Ron: "All right there's plenty of tail there too!"
(Harry winks at Ron)
HOGWARTS
Professor Snappy: *Throwing his greasy hair to one side and pointing his finger* "You little ones were very bad boys! You hurt my tree! If it were up to ME the both of you would be on your way to a spanking in my bedroom- er-HOME TONIGHT!"
Harry: "Er- But I'm the STAR." *Points at disfigurement*
Snappy: *Shudders* "Oh, well how about something else? Uhmmm, let me see *sucks on his finger* I KNOW! How does one detention sound?!"
Ron: "Bloody Hayo!"
Snappy: "Er, Super!"
THE GREAT HALL OF FOOD
Hermione: "You guys are my best friends, I will show this by constantly giving you dirty looks and ridiculing everything you do."
Neville: "Aha! I say Ron, be that your swine coming upon us at this time?"
Ron: "Oh no! Bloody pigs a MENACE"
(Ron's pig lethargically lumbers up to the table reeking of decay and feces)
Harry: *Nearly pissing his pants with excitement* "Oh how quaint! There is a box tied to his tail!"
(Harry removes a small shit-encrusted box off of the pig, then does a little river dance on the table and starts shout/singing.)
Hermione: *Scowls* "Aw hell, there he goes again"
Harry: "MAIL TIME, MAIL TIME, MAAAAAAAIL TIME! Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail! When it comes I wanna wail MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIL!"
Neville: "Wow Harry, inspiring performance, I say, Ron is that not a screamer in your possession?"
Ron: "Oh no! Its mumsy Harry! I know it!"
Harry: *Panting from his performance and rubbing his buttock* "What the hell are you waiting for? Don't be a pussy, open that mother up"
Screamer: "RONALD WEASLEY! How DARE YOU! Our reputation is already SHIT and now I hear you are hanging out with that TRAMP again this year!? You were SEEN by no less than 50 people walking around with HARRY! If you so much as put your hands on that FREAKS ass ONE more time, you will go STRAIGHT TO SNAPPYS BEDROOM!-Oh and by the way Gina congratulations for making it to school without getting beaten up, your father and I are SO PROUD!"
(Screamer bursts into blue flame and disintegrates after making a nasty wet fart sound)
Harry: "Wow, err well, um."
Hermione: "Well it is true, you DO touch his ass a lot" *Dirty jealous look*
(Ron makes a really disgusting face at her and winks at Harry. The pig stands by during the embarrassingly long silence)
GREEN HOUSE 9 3/4
Harry: "9 3/4? I thought it was green house 3."
Ron: "No that's the one with the mandrakes in them. We had to come here for remedial training to properly find the correct platform."
Hermione: "Well, just look at it like this: now you two can walk off all those extra calories you consumed from mashing all those cream puffs into each other's mouths this morning."
Harry: "Er, Yea. Yum." (Harry steals a sweet glance in Ron's direction as Ron is doing the same. Hermione stops behind Greenhouse number 33 to
Puke)
Ron: "Harry, do you like the way these pants fit my ass?"
Harry: "Er, Yea. I especially like the way the color of your pants brings out the red in my scar whenever my face is near them."
Hermione: "Do you like the way my robes cling to my legs Ron?"
Ron: (very dumb look on face) "What are you TALKING about?"
Harry: "By Gawd, how far IS this greenhouse anyway?" (Harry pans around and gives Columbus a dirty look, points at scar, mouths the words,
'Star of the show' and pulls fingers across neck as he points over to Columbus)
(Suddenly Hagro walks out from behind greenhouse number 8 with 3 young first years who's clothes are all disheveled)
Hagro: "Oh, Hi you three! I, um, I was jus' showing these firs' years the ropes!"
(Harry and Ron exchange meaningful looks)
Harry: Oh riiiiiiiiiiiiight then. I was never quite the same after you showed ME.
I'll just leave it off there!