Yay! Once again there is some sarcastic slashy type stuff (not graphic) and
more obscene language!
(As the trio approached the intended greenhouse 9 ¾, Hermione realizes that she is late for her own class up on the 6th floor of the castle and suddenly darts away)
Ron: "MEN-tal, that one! Talk about your perpetual 3d wheel! I thought we'd NEVER get rid of her!"
(-Before the words leave the echo of his ears, there occurs an incredibly loud OOOOOZING sound and suddenly the personage of Mrs Weasley, complete with tattered, moth-eaten crocheted blanket hanging from her over-ripe shoulders, covering the outlines of her massive body, is laying on the ground, having just arrived via poo power)
Ron: "Wow mums poo power must've gone bad; she just had to crawl out from under that huge pile of Hagros dogs droppings!"
Mrs Weasley: "THERE YOU 2 ASS-MUNCHING TURKEYS ARE! It's ABOUT TIME! Have you EVER heard of BROOOOOOOOM TRAVEL? By the Lights of Hades, you two boys will be the death of me! You have already caused me to lose the curl in my hair!"
(She looks sideways down toward Hagro as she puffs out her ample breasts in what she thinks is an alluring manner)
Harry: "Er, um, well Madam, to tell the truth, your hair hardly EVER looks good. Have you ever tried washing it with BRECK GOLDEN? It has done wonders on my own mop of unruly hair and it has that famous BRECK smell, too!"
(The awkward silence that follows hangs in the air as Ron shoots Harry an incredulous look as Harry lightly touches his hair running a thumb and forefinger over his scar)
Ron: *A deep shade of red as he has suddenly realized he is turned on by Harry's touching of himself* "So, um, Mumsy, what brings you to this place?"
Mrs. Weasley: "No TIME for that now boy! No TIME! Hurry now! You must run as fast as you can straight into this wall! After your great debockle at the train station, you and your sissy friend here have done nothing but embarrass our family! Come now! Off you go! Run as fast as you can now!"
(Evil smirk on her face is barely covered by her stringy red hair. She moistens her bumpy lips in eager anticipation of what is sure to follow)
Harry: "Ron, please take my hand for good luck? I am so unsure of myself in times like these."
(Ron takes Harry's flaccid, sweaty hand into his own and then cringes as he discovers pig feces under his own fingernails)
Ron: "HARRRRReeeeee? Do you really think we should listen to this crazy womb? After getting that screamer from her in the morning mail, I am having serious issues pop into my head from my childhood. They have been buried so long, though, I am all-of-the-sudden recalling the time she instructed me and the twins to. dare I speak it? IT WAS AWWWWWFUL! Then there was the time she wanted us all to dress up in .. Oh, nevermind.
Audience: Huh? *5 people get up and leave*
Ron: Maybe we should run in place for a minute until she rolls her eyes towards Hagro again, then dash off behind those trees together?
Harry: "Good idea Ron! Then after we reach the trees and we are alone, can I throw some hexes on your Mum and re-apparate her into Snappy's room where he might drape her in something from his vast wardrobe of lady's clothing!
(Ron lovingly looks into Harry's watery pink eyes and speaks to his inner self)
'How lovely your watery pink eyes are today Harry. '
(They begin running in place as Mrs. Weasley's own eyes get big and round.)
(Mrs. Weasley draws in a huge breath of air in preparation of a tirade about the hand holding.)
(Columbus scratches his balding head and wonders where his script went off to.)
(Hermione stomps onto the set and slaps both Ron and Harry hard across the face [ SLAP ] )
Hermoine: "What AHHHHHW you two doing to the script??? You BETTER stop all this nonsense and get back into your ROBES [and character]!! We will be repotting manrakes soon and you DON'T want to show up looking like lovelorn fools!"
(There is a flourish of robes and suddenly the short and squat Professor Stout appears.)
Prof Stout: "OK class! Welcome to Greenhouse #3! Today we will be fertilizing our manrakes. I want you all to put on your special headgear.. That's right. Gina dear, you do not belong in this class. All baby 1st years should be in their cribs awaiting Hagro to show you the Ropes. O.U.T."
(Gina is unmercifully kicked in the shins as she heads toward the door to
the greenhouse)
Prof Stout continues: "Harry Potter! Stop rubbing that head gear on Ron and set it in place on your OWN head. That's it dear. Very good. Now, I want you each to firmly GRASP your manrakes and yank straight up into the air! Now carry them to this vat of hippogriff poop for fertilization. WHO can tell me the healing powers of the Manrake?"
Hermione: "The MANRAKE, or Homo-HORRA, is used to UNSTIFFIFY those who have been STIFFENED. It's juices are very beneficial to swollen members. Professor Lockhard, who as you KNOW, has recently changed his name. It's now pronounced Look HARD."
( ??? )
(The class is all staring at her as she realizes she is telling of her latest exotic dream. She Blushes, twitches, sighs, breaths deeply as she recomposes herself)
Prof Stout: "RIGHT YOU ARE WENCH! LookHard HAS changed his name. However, your stupid answer is a waste of precious time. 200 POINTS from Griffohore and Miss Granger, please see me after class."
(Hermione is heard swearing under her breath as she still breathes deeply and turns blue. She reaches out and places her hand over Ron's)
(Ron looks disgusted and slaps her hand away)
DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS CLASSROOM
Prof LookHard: "Welcome to my world all of you 2d years! How firm and supple you all look today. Allow me to touch you all.. um, with my KNOWLEDGE of the Dark Arts. NOW DON'T YOU BE AFRAID! Before me in this covered cage of cheap composite metal you may well face your BIGGEST fears!"
[Pulls off cover to show sweet faced fairies, then kicks cage to make them appear more frightening]
Seamly: "Cornish Whorbats? Are you shitting us?"
LookHard: "Laugh if you want Mr Fingler, but Cornish Whorbats can be devilishly sticky and pleasureable, er, I mean dangerous! SEE WHAT YOU MAKE
OF THEM!" [shakes cage over his head and forces all occupants to fall out on the floor]
(Peels of laughter can be heard from the students)
(Cornish Whorbats begin to fly at that most private of places on Prof LookHard's stiffening body)
(Hermione notices at once that Prof LookHard is in great need of a Manrake to help him get soft, runs out of room to get one.)
QUIDDISH FIELD
Wood: "Okay 2d years, let's get one thing straight. My name is Wood, I like wood, I live in the woods, I write with a bit of wood, I fly on a stick of wood. OH I DON' BELEEEEEEEEVE IT! What are THEY doing?"
(Hermione, Ron, Harry, and the rest of the team are on their way down the steps to the quiddish field to find the nasty ugly slytherins.)
Milfoil: "Oh LOOKY 'oo is 'ere. It's those ever lovin' Griffanhores come to practice their quiddish!"
(Harry grabs Ron's arm and starts shrieking)
Harry: "OH THE PAIN! MY SCAW IS CAUSING ME PAIN OF THE MOST TERRIBLE SORT!"
(Ron encourages him to take deep breaths and dance through the pain.)
Harry: "Oh my pain is sweet and horrible! I look forward to it each time, it makes me quiver and slime.."
(Last audience member gets up and leaves)
(Ron looks worried and pushes Harry against the wall, knocking him out. Ron is crying now and fanning Harry and patting his back to wake him up)
Wood: "When you two candy arses stop fooling around we will go out and give these bass-terds dirty looks. What the hell are you doing here you ugly demon spawn, Flunkt?"
Flunkt: "We got a note from Snappy. An tha's not awl tha's new THIS year!"
(Grabs Milfoil by his broom shaft and forces him forward into Wood's chest)
Wood: "What the bloody hell is going on NOW?"
Milfoil pulls out a note from his secret pocket of his Assmaster 2000 broomstick and waves it under Wood's nose.
Flunkt: "We have a NOTE from Prof Snappy!"
(Wood reads the note and must admit that Prof Snappy has very pretty handwriting. He takes special interest in the ending, "LOVE SNAPPY".)
(Suddenly, Milfoil shoves forward to accuse Hermione of being from 'the red river'.)
Milfoil: "YOU FILTHY MUDBLOOD! What are YOU doing here grossing us all out with your stench of menstruation. Why don't you go back to your filthy bleedin' MUGGLE parents and drip your stank spillage on THEIR arses instead of ours!"
Columbus: "SPILLAGE?!"
(Columbus looks around the theatre to see that all the audience has left him there alone)
(Ron and Harry begin to laugh at this as they have felt the same way all along. Harry and Ron rub their own backsides as they take a moment for themselves)
(Hermione grabs Ron's broken rod, I mean wand and proceeds to hex Milfoil)
(Spell backfires)
(Hermione is suddenly spitting slugs and mucus on everybody.)
ColinCreepy: "COOOOOOOOOL! TURN HER AROUND HARRY! LEMME GET A SHOT OF THAT AGAIN!"
********************************************************************** Yeah! Okay REVIEW IF YOU DARE!
(As the trio approached the intended greenhouse 9 ¾, Hermione realizes that she is late for her own class up on the 6th floor of the castle and suddenly darts away)
Ron: "MEN-tal, that one! Talk about your perpetual 3d wheel! I thought we'd NEVER get rid of her!"
(-Before the words leave the echo of his ears, there occurs an incredibly loud OOOOOZING sound and suddenly the personage of Mrs Weasley, complete with tattered, moth-eaten crocheted blanket hanging from her over-ripe shoulders, covering the outlines of her massive body, is laying on the ground, having just arrived via poo power)
Ron: "Wow mums poo power must've gone bad; she just had to crawl out from under that huge pile of Hagros dogs droppings!"
Mrs Weasley: "THERE YOU 2 ASS-MUNCHING TURKEYS ARE! It's ABOUT TIME! Have you EVER heard of BROOOOOOOOM TRAVEL? By the Lights of Hades, you two boys will be the death of me! You have already caused me to lose the curl in my hair!"
(She looks sideways down toward Hagro as she puffs out her ample breasts in what she thinks is an alluring manner)
Harry: "Er, um, well Madam, to tell the truth, your hair hardly EVER looks good. Have you ever tried washing it with BRECK GOLDEN? It has done wonders on my own mop of unruly hair and it has that famous BRECK smell, too!"
(The awkward silence that follows hangs in the air as Ron shoots Harry an incredulous look as Harry lightly touches his hair running a thumb and forefinger over his scar)
Ron: *A deep shade of red as he has suddenly realized he is turned on by Harry's touching of himself* "So, um, Mumsy, what brings you to this place?"
Mrs. Weasley: "No TIME for that now boy! No TIME! Hurry now! You must run as fast as you can straight into this wall! After your great debockle at the train station, you and your sissy friend here have done nothing but embarrass our family! Come now! Off you go! Run as fast as you can now!"
(Evil smirk on her face is barely covered by her stringy red hair. She moistens her bumpy lips in eager anticipation of what is sure to follow)
Harry: "Ron, please take my hand for good luck? I am so unsure of myself in times like these."
(Ron takes Harry's flaccid, sweaty hand into his own and then cringes as he discovers pig feces under his own fingernails)
Ron: "HARRRRReeeeee? Do you really think we should listen to this crazy womb? After getting that screamer from her in the morning mail, I am having serious issues pop into my head from my childhood. They have been buried so long, though, I am all-of-the-sudden recalling the time she instructed me and the twins to. dare I speak it? IT WAS AWWWWWFUL! Then there was the time she wanted us all to dress up in .. Oh, nevermind.
Audience: Huh? *5 people get up and leave*
Ron: Maybe we should run in place for a minute until she rolls her eyes towards Hagro again, then dash off behind those trees together?
Harry: "Good idea Ron! Then after we reach the trees and we are alone, can I throw some hexes on your Mum and re-apparate her into Snappy's room where he might drape her in something from his vast wardrobe of lady's clothing!
(Ron lovingly looks into Harry's watery pink eyes and speaks to his inner self)
'How lovely your watery pink eyes are today Harry. '
(They begin running in place as Mrs. Weasley's own eyes get big and round.)
(Mrs. Weasley draws in a huge breath of air in preparation of a tirade about the hand holding.)
(Columbus scratches his balding head and wonders where his script went off to.)
(Hermione stomps onto the set and slaps both Ron and Harry hard across the face [ SLAP ] )
Hermoine: "What AHHHHHW you two doing to the script??? You BETTER stop all this nonsense and get back into your ROBES [and character]!! We will be repotting manrakes soon and you DON'T want to show up looking like lovelorn fools!"
(There is a flourish of robes and suddenly the short and squat Professor Stout appears.)
Prof Stout: "OK class! Welcome to Greenhouse #3! Today we will be fertilizing our manrakes. I want you all to put on your special headgear.. That's right. Gina dear, you do not belong in this class. All baby 1st years should be in their cribs awaiting Hagro to show you the Ropes. O.U.T."
(Gina is unmercifully kicked in the shins as she heads toward the door to
the greenhouse)
Prof Stout continues: "Harry Potter! Stop rubbing that head gear on Ron and set it in place on your OWN head. That's it dear. Very good. Now, I want you each to firmly GRASP your manrakes and yank straight up into the air! Now carry them to this vat of hippogriff poop for fertilization. WHO can tell me the healing powers of the Manrake?"
Hermione: "The MANRAKE, or Homo-HORRA, is used to UNSTIFFIFY those who have been STIFFENED. It's juices are very beneficial to swollen members. Professor Lockhard, who as you KNOW, has recently changed his name. It's now pronounced Look HARD."
( ??? )
(The class is all staring at her as she realizes she is telling of her latest exotic dream. She Blushes, twitches, sighs, breaths deeply as she recomposes herself)
Prof Stout: "RIGHT YOU ARE WENCH! LookHard HAS changed his name. However, your stupid answer is a waste of precious time. 200 POINTS from Griffohore and Miss Granger, please see me after class."
(Hermione is heard swearing under her breath as she still breathes deeply and turns blue. She reaches out and places her hand over Ron's)
(Ron looks disgusted and slaps her hand away)
DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS CLASSROOM
Prof LookHard: "Welcome to my world all of you 2d years! How firm and supple you all look today. Allow me to touch you all.. um, with my KNOWLEDGE of the Dark Arts. NOW DON'T YOU BE AFRAID! Before me in this covered cage of cheap composite metal you may well face your BIGGEST fears!"
[Pulls off cover to show sweet faced fairies, then kicks cage to make them appear more frightening]
Seamly: "Cornish Whorbats? Are you shitting us?"
LookHard: "Laugh if you want Mr Fingler, but Cornish Whorbats can be devilishly sticky and pleasureable, er, I mean dangerous! SEE WHAT YOU MAKE
OF THEM!" [shakes cage over his head and forces all occupants to fall out on the floor]
(Peels of laughter can be heard from the students)
(Cornish Whorbats begin to fly at that most private of places on Prof LookHard's stiffening body)
(Hermione notices at once that Prof LookHard is in great need of a Manrake to help him get soft, runs out of room to get one.)
QUIDDISH FIELD
Wood: "Okay 2d years, let's get one thing straight. My name is Wood, I like wood, I live in the woods, I write with a bit of wood, I fly on a stick of wood. OH I DON' BELEEEEEEEEVE IT! What are THEY doing?"
(Hermione, Ron, Harry, and the rest of the team are on their way down the steps to the quiddish field to find the nasty ugly slytherins.)
Milfoil: "Oh LOOKY 'oo is 'ere. It's those ever lovin' Griffanhores come to practice their quiddish!"
(Harry grabs Ron's arm and starts shrieking)
Harry: "OH THE PAIN! MY SCAW IS CAUSING ME PAIN OF THE MOST TERRIBLE SORT!"
(Ron encourages him to take deep breaths and dance through the pain.)
Harry: "Oh my pain is sweet and horrible! I look forward to it each time, it makes me quiver and slime.."
(Last audience member gets up and leaves)
(Ron looks worried and pushes Harry against the wall, knocking him out. Ron is crying now and fanning Harry and patting his back to wake him up)
Wood: "When you two candy arses stop fooling around we will go out and give these bass-terds dirty looks. What the hell are you doing here you ugly demon spawn, Flunkt?"
Flunkt: "We got a note from Snappy. An tha's not awl tha's new THIS year!"
(Grabs Milfoil by his broom shaft and forces him forward into Wood's chest)
Wood: "What the bloody hell is going on NOW?"
Milfoil pulls out a note from his secret pocket of his Assmaster 2000 broomstick and waves it under Wood's nose.
Flunkt: "We have a NOTE from Prof Snappy!"
(Wood reads the note and must admit that Prof Snappy has very pretty handwriting. He takes special interest in the ending, "LOVE SNAPPY".)
(Suddenly, Milfoil shoves forward to accuse Hermione of being from 'the red river'.)
Milfoil: "YOU FILTHY MUDBLOOD! What are YOU doing here grossing us all out with your stench of menstruation. Why don't you go back to your filthy bleedin' MUGGLE parents and drip your stank spillage on THEIR arses instead of ours!"
Columbus: "SPILLAGE?!"
(Columbus looks around the theatre to see that all the audience has left him there alone)
(Ron and Harry begin to laugh at this as they have felt the same way all along. Harry and Ron rub their own backsides as they take a moment for themselves)
(Hermione grabs Ron's broken rod, I mean wand and proceeds to hex Milfoil)
(Spell backfires)
(Hermione is suddenly spitting slugs and mucus on everybody.)
ColinCreepy: "COOOOOOOOOL! TURN HER AROUND HARRY! LEMME GET A SHOT OF THAT AGAIN!"
********************************************************************** Yeah! Okay REVIEW IF YOU DARE!