A/N Hey! Welcome back to my world! Come and enjoy the story but don't
forget your poo power!
(As we begin this next chapter, our star has found another body, which Prof McGorilla accused Harry in a most vicious manner)
Prof McGorilla: "YOU THERE POTTER FREAK! Get your ASS up to the Headmaster's office RIGHT NOW!!"
Harry: "BUT I DI'NT DO IT, I SWAYA!"
Prof McGorilla: "Personally speaking MR POTTER, I don't give an rat's ass. The Headmaster will look deep into your lying, um; I mean EYES and see right through all of this B.S."
(Harry climbs up on the phoenix's tail and grabs its butt [something he has wanted to do for some time now] and is drug several floors on his way to Dumbledore's office)
(He arrives to see a room filled with pictures and smelling of beer and rotten tomatoes)
Harry: "Cool digs man, I mean, for an OLD dude."
(Harry walks around snooping and falls into a cold bowl of silver soup)
Harry: "AHHHHHHHHH! HERMIONE! RON! HELP ME! *Harry lands HARD on his rump and wishes he still had his ass pad after all*
(Looking around stupidly, our star sees that he is surrounded by younger versions of himself, Ron, and Hermione)
Younger Hermione: "Ronny, do you think I'm pretty? I don't understand why you are closer to Harry than to me!!"
Younger Ron: "Honestly Hermione! Just LOOK at yourself! You have all that hair! And it's all big and stuff!! I mean REAAAALLLY! Only a desperate person would think twice about being seen with you! You should be glad Harry and I spend any time with you a'tall!"
(Suddenly Harry is grabbed from behind the navel)
(Dumbledore staggers as he compensates for Harry's weight)
Harry: "Er, Um, SO SORRY Professor! You caught me snooping through your personal things! I must be punished! I will most likely do it many more times in the near future otherwise!"
(Harry bends over and grabs his ankles, notices that this view allows him to see up Prof Dumbledore's robes)
Prof Dumbledore: "STAND UP BOY! Stop this nonsense! Come over here and ask my hat your inane question about your House placement!"
Harry: Is this, is this your OFFICE?!
(Harry notices many shiny knives and guns lying all around)
Dumbledore: "Naturally!"
(Dumbledore gets back into his Craftmatic Old People bed and takes a few moments to adjust the head of it so that he is able to look at Harry)
RrrrrRRrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr!
(Harry watches as one end of the bed completely folds up)
(Dumbledore cries out in pain as it malfunctions and will not stop bending)
(Harry and the hat both watch in shock and amusement and begin to laugh uproariously)
Harry: Err- sir?
(Dumbledore is now completely sandwiched inside the mattress with his head lying on his shiny shoes)
Dumbledore: *wheezing* "Not to Worry Harry. *gasp* Please continue."
Harry: "Err, Oh great Sorting Hat on the shelf. Are you SURE you dint' mess up when in Griffahore you placed, err, myself?"
Sorting Hat: "Ah yes. You were most difficult to place! I knew you needed much personal hygiene help, but I STAND by my choice!"
Harry: "It's just that, um, the boys over in Ravenclaw strike my fancy more than those in Griffahore. Er, I mean, except for RON of course. He's my friend, yes, and we are boys. We are FRIEND BOYS. That's all there is to it!"
(Prof Dumbledore is found nodding off, wakes up and smacks Harry upside his head)
Dumbledore: Get to the point boy! *Cough Gag Spit*
Harry: "Oh er- right. I wanted to know if was placed in the right house. I already asked."
Dumbledore: "Good good. Now fetch me something to get me out of my wedged bed boy!"
(Harry takes a moment to envision how cool it would be to chop Dumbledore out of his bed-wedgy with one of the swords)
Dumbledore: "Look in that cabinet over there Harry."
(Harry opens cabinet to find many bottles of Mylanta, some X-tra ULTRA fluffy toilet paper; a couple of old rotted tomatoes, many empty vials of preparation H, and an industrial sized barrel of petrolium Jelly)
Dumbledore: "Yes boy, grab a handful of that jelly, please"
(Harry rolls the barrel over to Dumbledore's bed and proceeds to lather it completely up in Vaseline-like gunk)
(SQUIRT-PoP!)
Dumbledore: "100 points to griffohore!"
GIRLS LAVATORY
(Ron, Hermione, and Harry are in the girl's lavatory where Hermione has been cooking a caldron of goo she wants them to taste)
Hermoine: "Doesn't this smell HEAVENLY? I've been working on this lovely potion all MONTH now! It's nearly ready!"
Ron: "Why the hell are we here? This place reeks and it seems that girls have a problem when it comes to knowing how to flush toilets"
(Ron points to the nearest cubicle and begins to study its contents)
Ron: "Wow, this person REALLY liked corn!"
Harry: "Hermione don't you think its kind of well, asinine to be in the middle of a girls lavatory brewing that stuff?"
Hermione: No, No one ever come in here. One, because it's filled with decaying feces from years past. *Takes a moment to glance at the toilet* and two, Dumpy Darla"
Ron: Who the hell is Dumpy Darla?!
(An acne covered bucktoothed ghost girl with a ghost pet goat comes flying out of Ron's crotch)
Darla: "IM DUMPY DARLA! Hu-yuck! Howdy! I wouldn't expect you to know me! *thinks* that is unless you subscribe to PlayWitch monthly"
Ron: "Is that like Playwizard? I have LOTS of those."
(Harry nods in agreement)
(Hermione consults the magic commode which speaks the time)
Hermione: "YES! It's time! I will set the cups out and pour you both a sample!"
(Ron and Harry give one another a look of pure horror as they realize that she wants them to drink this crap)
*Plunk, Plunk, Fizz, Fizz"
(Hermione hands them each a cup and watches devilishly as they take a sniff)
Ron: "GROOOOOOOOOOOOOS Hermione! You can't expect us to actually DRINK this stuff!"
(Before either of them knows what has happened, Hermione has turned into Milfoil and is pointing his wand at them both)
Hermione/Milfoil Person: "DRINK IT I SAY! Or I shall use my knowledge of the Dark Arts to turn you both into hideous animals!"
Ron: "Can I be a CENTAUR? Would LOVE to prance around in the forest in those cute shoes and chase all of the little creatures!!!.... "
(Harry looks at Ron, nods his head in aggreement)
Hermione/Milfoil: "SHUT UP AND DRINK IT - YOU TWO PANZIES!"
Ron and Harry: "ok, ok." (They both drink and discover that they like it. ALOT. They each ask for more)
(The fake Hermione/Milfoil shakes his head in disbelief and leaves the girl's bathroom. His potion is a failure and he is defeated)
(Later on that night, galloping hooves can be heard throughout the school, along with maniacal, girly laughter)
****************************************
Okay okay!
(As we begin this next chapter, our star has found another body, which Prof McGorilla accused Harry in a most vicious manner)
Prof McGorilla: "YOU THERE POTTER FREAK! Get your ASS up to the Headmaster's office RIGHT NOW!!"
Harry: "BUT I DI'NT DO IT, I SWAYA!"
Prof McGorilla: "Personally speaking MR POTTER, I don't give an rat's ass. The Headmaster will look deep into your lying, um; I mean EYES and see right through all of this B.S."
(Harry climbs up on the phoenix's tail and grabs its butt [something he has wanted to do for some time now] and is drug several floors on his way to Dumbledore's office)
(He arrives to see a room filled with pictures and smelling of beer and rotten tomatoes)
Harry: "Cool digs man, I mean, for an OLD dude."
(Harry walks around snooping and falls into a cold bowl of silver soup)
Harry: "AHHHHHHHHH! HERMIONE! RON! HELP ME! *Harry lands HARD on his rump and wishes he still had his ass pad after all*
(Looking around stupidly, our star sees that he is surrounded by younger versions of himself, Ron, and Hermione)
Younger Hermione: "Ronny, do you think I'm pretty? I don't understand why you are closer to Harry than to me!!"
Younger Ron: "Honestly Hermione! Just LOOK at yourself! You have all that hair! And it's all big and stuff!! I mean REAAAALLLY! Only a desperate person would think twice about being seen with you! You should be glad Harry and I spend any time with you a'tall!"
(Suddenly Harry is grabbed from behind the navel)
(Dumbledore staggers as he compensates for Harry's weight)
Harry: "Er, Um, SO SORRY Professor! You caught me snooping through your personal things! I must be punished! I will most likely do it many more times in the near future otherwise!"
(Harry bends over and grabs his ankles, notices that this view allows him to see up Prof Dumbledore's robes)
Prof Dumbledore: "STAND UP BOY! Stop this nonsense! Come over here and ask my hat your inane question about your House placement!"
Harry: Is this, is this your OFFICE?!
(Harry notices many shiny knives and guns lying all around)
Dumbledore: "Naturally!"
(Dumbledore gets back into his Craftmatic Old People bed and takes a few moments to adjust the head of it so that he is able to look at Harry)
RrrrrRRrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr!
(Harry watches as one end of the bed completely folds up)
(Dumbledore cries out in pain as it malfunctions and will not stop bending)
(Harry and the hat both watch in shock and amusement and begin to laugh uproariously)
Harry: Err- sir?
(Dumbledore is now completely sandwiched inside the mattress with his head lying on his shiny shoes)
Dumbledore: *wheezing* "Not to Worry Harry. *gasp* Please continue."
Harry: "Err, Oh great Sorting Hat on the shelf. Are you SURE you dint' mess up when in Griffahore you placed, err, myself?"
Sorting Hat: "Ah yes. You were most difficult to place! I knew you needed much personal hygiene help, but I STAND by my choice!"
Harry: "It's just that, um, the boys over in Ravenclaw strike my fancy more than those in Griffahore. Er, I mean, except for RON of course. He's my friend, yes, and we are boys. We are FRIEND BOYS. That's all there is to it!"
(Prof Dumbledore is found nodding off, wakes up and smacks Harry upside his head)
Dumbledore: Get to the point boy! *Cough Gag Spit*
Harry: "Oh er- right. I wanted to know if was placed in the right house. I already asked."
Dumbledore: "Good good. Now fetch me something to get me out of my wedged bed boy!"
(Harry takes a moment to envision how cool it would be to chop Dumbledore out of his bed-wedgy with one of the swords)
Dumbledore: "Look in that cabinet over there Harry."
(Harry opens cabinet to find many bottles of Mylanta, some X-tra ULTRA fluffy toilet paper; a couple of old rotted tomatoes, many empty vials of preparation H, and an industrial sized barrel of petrolium Jelly)
Dumbledore: "Yes boy, grab a handful of that jelly, please"
(Harry rolls the barrel over to Dumbledore's bed and proceeds to lather it completely up in Vaseline-like gunk)
(SQUIRT-PoP!)
Dumbledore: "100 points to griffohore!"
GIRLS LAVATORY
(Ron, Hermione, and Harry are in the girl's lavatory where Hermione has been cooking a caldron of goo she wants them to taste)
Hermoine: "Doesn't this smell HEAVENLY? I've been working on this lovely potion all MONTH now! It's nearly ready!"
Ron: "Why the hell are we here? This place reeks and it seems that girls have a problem when it comes to knowing how to flush toilets"
(Ron points to the nearest cubicle and begins to study its contents)
Ron: "Wow, this person REALLY liked corn!"
Harry: "Hermione don't you think its kind of well, asinine to be in the middle of a girls lavatory brewing that stuff?"
Hermione: No, No one ever come in here. One, because it's filled with decaying feces from years past. *Takes a moment to glance at the toilet* and two, Dumpy Darla"
Ron: Who the hell is Dumpy Darla?!
(An acne covered bucktoothed ghost girl with a ghost pet goat comes flying out of Ron's crotch)
Darla: "IM DUMPY DARLA! Hu-yuck! Howdy! I wouldn't expect you to know me! *thinks* that is unless you subscribe to PlayWitch monthly"
Ron: "Is that like Playwizard? I have LOTS of those."
(Harry nods in agreement)
(Hermione consults the magic commode which speaks the time)
Hermione: "YES! It's time! I will set the cups out and pour you both a sample!"
(Ron and Harry give one another a look of pure horror as they realize that she wants them to drink this crap)
*Plunk, Plunk, Fizz, Fizz"
(Hermione hands them each a cup and watches devilishly as they take a sniff)
Ron: "GROOOOOOOOOOOOOS Hermione! You can't expect us to actually DRINK this stuff!"
(Before either of them knows what has happened, Hermione has turned into Milfoil and is pointing his wand at them both)
Hermione/Milfoil Person: "DRINK IT I SAY! Or I shall use my knowledge of the Dark Arts to turn you both into hideous animals!"
Ron: "Can I be a CENTAUR? Would LOVE to prance around in the forest in those cute shoes and chase all of the little creatures!!!.... "
(Harry looks at Ron, nods his head in aggreement)
Hermione/Milfoil: "SHUT UP AND DRINK IT - YOU TWO PANZIES!"
Ron and Harry: "ok, ok." (They both drink and discover that they like it. ALOT. They each ask for more)
(The fake Hermione/Milfoil shakes his head in disbelief and leaves the girl's bathroom. His potion is a failure and he is defeated)
(Later on that night, galloping hooves can be heard throughout the school, along with maniacal, girly laughter)
****************************************
Okay okay!