Things Change
Chapter Five

Willow closed the door, satisfied that the twins were settled. She went into her living room and flopped down on the couch beside Xander.

"So, what are Chrissy and Todd doing here?" he asked, reaching for the popcorn.

Willow glanced at the tightly shut door of her spare room and then looked at Xander. She toyed with the idea of telling him the truth. Spike was back, with a soul, currently talking to Buffy at her house. Xander caught her odd look and frowned.

"Uh-oh," he said. "What's going on, Will? You have 'something's-going-on' face. Why are they here? And I'm taking a wild guess in thinking that it ain't for the popcorn."

"If I tell you, you'll get mad," Willow answered.

"And saying stuff like that doesn't? Well, ok, it doesn't, but it scares the heck outta me!"

"It's about… Spike."

"What, the evil fiend who slept with the woman I loved, who tried to rape our best friend after making her pregnant, who then skipped town leaving the woman he supposedly loved to take care of her teenage sister, twin babies and a house complete with bills? That Spike?"

"You remember him then?" Willow asked with a wide and very false smile.

"Sure, I've got plenty of memories of bleach boy, most of them - make that all of them - bad."

"See what I mean?" Willow sighed. "You bring him up and you get all hostile!"

"Actually, you brought him up," Xander pointed out, "and why would you bring him up when - no, oh no."

"What?"

"He's back, isn't he?" Xander started to stand up. "He's back and he's after Buffy. That's why she sent the twins to you, isn't it? She's going to stake him!"

"Xander, sit down," Willow said. "Even if she was, what could you do?"

"Watch and cheer?" he suggested.

"No," she said firmly and pulled him back down onto the couch.

"Willow, you have exactly five minutes to tell me what the hell's going on."

"Ok, it's like this: Spike came back to Sunnydale last night. He saw Chrissy -"

"He saw her?"

"Let me finish," Willow told him. "Anyway, he thought she was a Slayer, so he figured Buffy was dead. You probably won't believe this, but he came back to apologise, to make things right."

"That's very funny, Will, now why'd he really come back?"

"When he left after that… incident with Buffy, he got a soul from some demon."

"I asked for the real reason," Xander said.

"And that's it."

"You're telling me that Dead Boy Junior has a soul?"

"Yes. Apparently he went a little nuts after he got his soul and he went back to England -"

"Shoulda stayed there," Xander mumbled.

"Before he got there," Willow continued, frowning. "He was just kinda… really, really guilty, but as time went on, he was driven insane by the guilt. This woman found him - Lydia - she helped him. He lived with her, then they moved to New Orleans -"

"Hang on, how do you know all this?" Xander asked, a bemused expression on his face.

"I saw him last night and we talked. I told him about me and what happened with Tara and how you saved the world, then he told me about his soul and Lydia. They were in New Orleans, and they were running a club when they found out that Lydia had a brain tumour. She died three weeks ago. That's why he's here, he promised her he'd come to apologise. He saw Buffy when he went to see Dawn last night, but he thought he imagined it, that he was going crazy again, that's when I found him and told him that Buffy was part demon."

"You told him?"

"Yeah. When Dawn brought the twins over, she said he was at Buffy's. Dawn said she'd told him everything, about how Buffy became part-demon, about Edward and about the twins. She said Buffy, Chrissy and Todd walked in while they were talking and Buffy started rattling stuff, y'know? Then when she stopped, she told Dawn to bring Chrissy and Todd to me, they weren't too happy about it," Willow smiled, remembering the glares they wore about being cut out of something they knew was important.

"But we were doing fine," Xander almost whined. "We were helping Buffy, Ed was doing a great job training the twins and Buffy was happy. We don't need him."

"Haven't you noticed, Xander?" Willow asked quietly. "Haven't you noticed how much Buffy misses him?"

"Misses him?" Xander burst out. "How could she miss the man that tried to rape her?"

"She needed him, despite that, despite everything, she needed him."

"She had us."

"But she needed the father of her children, that was something we couldn't give her. It didn't matter how much we loved her, Dawn, the twins. It didn't matter how much we tried to help them, we weren't enough, she needed Spike."

"She never said anything," Xander muttered.

"I don't think she realised. So, whatever they decide, whether they decide that he should just go or stay and play daddy, we have to support her, ok?"

Xander shifted in his seat and lowered his eyes.

"Ok?" Willow repeated, a little more forcefully.

"Ok," he relented. He turned his attention to the TV for a while, before turning to Willow and asking. "Was he impressed? When you told him about how I saved the world? You didn't leave out the yellow crayon, right? 'Cause that was the best bit. But you told him - not that I care or anything - and he was impressed? Right?"

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked coldly.

"I came to see you -" he started.

"You've seen me, now go and never come back."

"Exactly what I was planning on, Slayer," Spike said. "I was just gonna come here, have a little chat with you and then leave. Turns out things are a little more complicated than that. Turns out you're batting for the other side when it comes to humanity and I have children I knew nothing about."

He knew the words were hard and he knew he really had no right, but it was so easy to fall back into their old habits. He hadn't come here to snipe at her; then again, he hadn't come here to discover he'd been a dad for sixteen years without realising.

Above all else, above the fact that Dawn had grown up and moved on, above the fact that Willow had briefly been a Big Bad, above the fact that the woman he loved, his Slayer was part-demon, above all that, he hated the fact that he hadn't known he had children. He'd never even met them - granted, he'd seen his daughter fight and had seen her on the porch of this house, but he'd never met her properly - but he loved them all the same. He hated that he had missed them as babies, their first words, first steps, first day at school.

Most of all he hated that he hadn't been there when Edward Thorpe turned up and announced they were part of a prophecy.

And he hated Buffy for not letting him know.

"You left, Spike," she replied quietly and something in her voice made him realise she felt betrayed. "You left and I didn't know where to find you. I tried to find you, but I couldn't. You think I wanted to do it alone? You left, Spike."

"I had to," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because of what I tried to do to you."

"And you thought leaving would make it go away. I hated you for it, Spike; I hated that you were able to make me so weak. Then, when I found out I was carrying your children, I couldn't hate you anymore because I needed you, and you weren't there for me," her voice broke and he looked up to see her crying. "I always thought you'd be the one that wouldn't leave, how ever much I told you I hated you I always thought you'd stay."

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he said, taking a tentative step towards her. "I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I'm sorry for everything I said to you, for what I tried to do to you upstairs, I'm sorry for what I did with Anya and I'm sorry for making you pregnant - " he was cut off by a stinging slap around the face.

"Don't say that," she hissed. "Don't you ever apologise for helping create the two most beautiful children in the world."

"I didn't mean that," he answered. "I meant that I was sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you were pregnant, that I couldn't hold your hand through it all."

"It was so hard, Spike," she whispered and he walked towards her. "I felt so alone. I had to be strong and take care of Dawn while everything I knew fell to pieces around me. I wanted to give up."

"But you didn't, that's the main thing. You're a fighter, Buffy, and you fought," hesitantly, he reached out to touch her arm. To his surprise, she didn't flinch away. He took a firmer grip and pulled her closer.

She looked up, her face tear streaked. "I almost did. When the doctor told me I was pregnant and the next day Willow told me I was part-demon, I could have killed you. I thought it was all your fault. I wanted it over."

"I'm sorry," he said and pulled her to him, she rested there, her hands pressed flat against his chest. "I'm sorry that sorry doesn't make it better."

She pulled away and roughly wiped her tears away.

"You have to go," she told him. "You have to go away, now, tonight. Edward will be back soon and Chrissy and Todd will be home in the morning. You need to leave. You came to say sorry and you have. I forgive you, Spike, now it's over. Please, just go."

"I can't, you know I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because things are different now. I have responsibilities here, I'm not gonna walk away."

"You didn't have a problem last time," she snapped.

"Last time was different and you know it. They are my children too, Buffy and you can't keep them from me."

"They don't need you, we don't need you. Just leave!"

"Why? So it's easier on you? What're you gonna tell Chrissy and Todd? You gonna say that their dad left them, that he didn't want them, that he didn't love them? That's not fair!"

"Shall I tell you what's unfair? Unfair is that I was happy and then I was torn out of it by the people I loved most. Unfair is finding out that I'm some immortal demon. Unfair is finding out my children can't have the normal life I want for them. Unfair is some guy coming back after sixteen years and expecting a Get Out Of Jail Free card because he has a soul and wants to make amends!"

"If I had known you were pregnant, I would have come right back, you know that. And you can't - hang on, what did you say?"

"What?"

"Soul? How did you know? Did Red tell you? 'Cause she said she -"

"I can see it," Buffy interrupted quietly, a bemused note to her voice. "I can see it. Why do you have a soul, Spike?"

"I thought if I got one, you'd be able to see me differently," he mumbled.

"Then why didn't you come straight back?" she asked, still awe-struck by her ability to see his soul.

"Because the damn thing made me see I was no good for you," he shrugged. "Please, Buffy, can't we just talk."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Chrissy and Todd," he said. "How long after I left did you find out?"

"A couple of weeks," she answered, sitting on the couch. "There had been so much going on with you, Dawn, Willow and Xander and Anya, I didn't notice anything wrong. Then when things died down a little, I felt… weird. Then I started throwing up and Dawn made me go to the doctor."

"And he told you…" Spike's voice trailed off. "I can't believe I missed it."

"You didn't, not really," Buffy said and stood up to retrieve something from the desk against the wall. She came back with a large leather bond photo album. "It's all in there."

He took it from her and she sat beside him. He skimmed through the pages, past pictures of Buffy holding two bundles and grinning in a hospital bed, past pictures of chubby, smiling babies, past pictures of toddlers, their first day at school, at the carnival, their first day of junior High and High School. He frowned over a picture of Xander and Willow pushing Chrissy and Todd on matching bikes.

"They saw them grow up," he said.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "They really helped me."

"Good," he nodded. "At least you had help. Can I…" he glanced up at her. "Can I have one?"

Buffy studied him, the shy way he asked, the way he gazed at the pictures as if they were his only link to his children. With a jolt, she realised they were. She sat beside him and pressed her clasped hands between her knees.

She didn't look at him when she said, "Wouldn't you like some pictures of the three of you?"

His head snapped up and she was dazzled by a wide, genuine smile that she couldn't help return.

"You mean I can meet them?" he asked, the Big Bad in him struggling to stay cool and keep the excited boy in check.

"Yes, but there are rules," Buffy said seriously. "You don't tell them anything about us and you don't make them promises and you don't upset Willow and Xander."

"Willow and Xander?"

"They'll bring them over," Buffy stood up and went to the phone.

"Buffy?"

She paused in her dialling and turned to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I know I don't deserve it after what I did," to her surprise, he held her eyes sincerely. "But… thanks."

"You're their dad, however much I tried to pretend you weren't," she regretted the harsh tone immediately when his face fell.

"Uh, yeah," he said. "You call Willow then."

"Take them to see him?" Xander hissed. "Now?"

"Yes, Xander," Willow answered patiently. "Now are you going to drive us or not?"

"I want no part of this," he said firmly, folding his arms and frowning at her. "I'm not taking them to see that… that monster."

"He's got a soul."

"Remember Angel?" Xander asked. Baffled by the change of subject, Willow nodded as Xander continued. "I hated him with a soul, I hated him more without a soul and when he got it back, I carried on hating him as much as I did when he had no soul. Why should it be any different with Spike?"

"Because he's your godchildren's father!" Willow answered heatedly.

"And he hasn't been around for the last sixteen years," Xander pointed out. "He didn't change any diapers -"

"You only changed one," Willow interrupted.

"One more than he did! And he never babysat, he never gave them comics when they had chicken pox, he didn't go on the waltzer with them at the carnival, he never bought them Christmas and birthday presents. We did all that. Remember, Willow? We did more for them than he ever did!"

"So are you driving us there or not?" Willow asked from the door of the room the twins were in.

He hesitated for a second before nodding and grabbing his keys. "Only 'cause you're making me."

Chrissy and Todd exchanged glances as they were herded into the living room. Their Aunt Dawn, Aunt Willow and Uncle Xander stood behind them and their mom was seated on the couch beside a blonde man who was studying them intently.

"Hey, I know you," Chrissy said suddenly, pointing at the blonde. "You came here the other night!"

"Uh, yeah," he answered, looking startled.

"Mom, what's going on?" Todd asked, frowning at Spike. Something weird was definitely going on and it revolved around this guy. He felt familiar, though Todd couldn't think where he'd seen him before.

"Christina, William," Buffy started.

"Uh-oh," Chrissy said. "Edward's found a new prophecy, right?"

"No," Buffy answered with a frown. "Why do think that?"

"You called us Christina and William," Todd said. "You never call us that unless something serious is going on or we did something. We haven't done anything, that thing at school wasn't our fault -"

"It isn't that," Buffy said. She took a deep breath and glanced at Dawn, who nodded, grinning broadly at the blonde man. "This is Spike."

Spike stood slowly and smiled at them as he walked over.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," the twins said, frowning.

"His real name's William," Buffy said. "You were named after him, Todd."

"Mom, are you trying to say…" Todd stared at Spike in disbelief.

"Yes, he's your, uh… father."

Chrissy studied him, cocking her head to the side in a gesture characteristic of Spike.

"So," she said, slowly meeting his eyes. "You're our dad?"

"Looks that way, pet," he answered.

The front door slammed and Edward came into the living room, smiling pleasantly.

"Hello all," he greeted. "What's going on?"

He noticed Spike and the smile froze on his face.