Metal Knuckles
Co-written with my little brother, Matt
One time in Balamb Garden, there was a boy eating hot dogs. This boy's name was Zell. There was another boy, a transfer from Zanarkand. His name was Shuyin. Along with him came a young girl, about sixteen years old, that went by the name of Lenne. These three crossed an unexpected path in a most unusual way. By hot dogs.
The Metal Knuckles were a gift to Fenaly from her fiancée, Jel. They had the power to grant eternal life and cast true love upon another. But only once these powers could be used. They were highly dangerous to anyone who dared to use their powers if they were not worthy. That is exactly what Fenaly intended to do. However, the next year in a tragic accident, the two were smothered by stuffed animals. A cave grew over that spot, and one million years later, it was only ruins. Fenaly's ancient guardian, Yuna, and two aeons, Anima and the Magnus Sisters, guarded the cave until the two chosen ones would discover it.
Munch, munch, munch. Zell gobbled up his pizza-flavored hot dog. He looked across the table at the new kid with his cheeks bulging. The new kid's name was Shuyin, and he brought a young girl named Lenne with him. Lenne was pretty, with long brown hair and a perfect complexion. If Zell hadn't had his mouth full, he would have gone over to say hello.
Shuyin glanced disgustedly at Zell, chewing slowly on his rocky road muffin. Lenne noticed the staring contest directed at her, so she walked off to join Zell and the empty chairs surrounding him.
"What's up?" Zell asked, dropping some hot dog on the ground. He swallowed slowly, uncomfortable with Lenne's brown eyes gazing at him.
"I like your tattoo." She said quietly, brushing her hair back. Shuyin came up behind her, putting his hands on her small shoulders.
"What are you two doing over here?" He asked.
"We're just talking." Zell replied. "Have a seat."
As Shuyin started to sit, Zell cried out, "No! Not on Billy!"
"Billy?" Lenne asked. Shuyin straightened up and gave the lunatic classmate a funny look.
"Yeah, my friend Billy. You almost sat on him! You squished his hot dog!" Zell said angrily.
"That's it. Lenne, let's get out of here." Shuyin said.
"No, he's just being funny. Right Zell?" Lenne said calmly.
"No, he really squished Billy's hot dog!" Zell yelled.
"Okay, we can go now, Shuyin." Lenne and Shuyin walked away before Zell could get another word in.
"You were supposed to buy him a new hot dog. That's it…" Zell sighed and sat down, beginning to chat with his imaginary friends.
"That kid's crazy." Shuyin remarked to Lenne, who frowned.
"Maybe his parents dropped him on his head?" She suggested.
"Yeah right."
Suddenly a shimmery figure emerged.
"You have been-" the man fell over a hotdog before he could talk any longer.
"Hello?" Said Shuyin, glancing at the figure writhing on the floor.
Lenne just stared at him asking, "Zell?"
Zell ran past them at that very moment screaming, "No Billy, the new kid squished your hotdog!"
The man got up, very much looking like he was drunk. "I am Lyle Ott, the keeper of truth. I have come to tell you about the Metal Knuckles. They-" Before he could finish, he was run over by Zell, who was still running from Billy.
"Bad Billy! Stay back from my hotdog! Go get yourself another one, you have the money!" He screamed, running over Lyle Ott once more. He threw a $20 bill at this so-called 'Billy', and it landed on Lyle Ott's unmoving head. He stood up, knocking the bill to the ground.
"TWENTY DOLLARS!!!" He screamed, grabbing it and running madly away. "I got twenty dollars! OH YEAH! Now I can get a spinach/liver-flavored HOT DOG!"
"No Billy, stay away from him! What did he do to you?!"
A voice came out of nowhere claiming, "It was my twenty dollars!"
"No way! I worked very hard for that money you know!"
"Oh yeah, sitting on your ass expecting your allowance from your mother who had just given it to you the day before! You were REALLY working hard! I salute you!"
Zell threw himself to the ground as if someone had thrown him and screamed out loud, "Not my hair! Don't touch my hair! It took 6 whole minutes to get my hair this way! TAKE THIS!" Zell tossed a hot dog-flavored hot dog at 'Billy', but missed and hit Lenne in the face.
"Waste of a good hot dog." Zell went over to pick the remains of the hot dog and shoved them in his mouth. Lenne then tossed her blueberry cookies all over Zell's head, causing his 6 minute hair do to go flat and also caused Zell to throw up on his hot dog-flavored hot dog. Zell gazed at his new creation gleefully.
"Eureka! I've created the ultimate hot dog: PIZZA PUKE HOT DOGS!" Holding the hot dog high in the air, he gobbled it up fast. His face filled with extreme joy, puke dripping down his cheeks, elevated the hot dog into the air and shouted, "I SHOULD SERIOUSLY PATENT THIS! I'M A GENIUS!" He shouted this so loud that everyone except Lenne, Shuyin, and Lyle Ott had to leave the room. "I COULD MAKE ABOUT…um…THREE DOLLARS AND TWO CENTS!"
By now, Shuyin was really mad. He walked over to Zell.
Zell asked, "Why are you foaming rocky road muffin at the mouth? Did you want some of the hot dog? Did you want some money?"
This caused Shuyin to go berserk and continually pummel Zell senseless until Zell poked his head out of the headlock and gained enough air to call his faithful companion, an imaginary dog named 'Dawg.'
"Sic Shuyin Dawg!" Zell called. Dawg went over to Shuyin and vomited on him.
"No, I meant get him, not puke on him-ah, never mind. But this is quality amusement." Zell said as Shuyin chased a shadow out of the building.
Author's notes: This is the kind of stuff that makes you think, Who are these people? What are they doing in my house? (The latter was a joke…) Anyway, this is what happens when 2 great minds come together for the sickest comedy piece since David Root. (David Root is a friend of ours at school. He invented the parody 'Frosty the Dopeman'). This is the very essence of comedy itself. Expect a new chapter second Tuesday next week. (Ha, just kidding. Don't worry, we'll make a new one soon).