The Taste Of Ink
MysticShadowWanderer

Disclaimer: I am sinking in this silence.

Chapter Ten: At last it's finally over

Somebody help me get out of this place. There's just too many fools with plastic smiles adhered to their plastic faces. People don't realize that there's poetry in despair, and being unceasingly happy is not only impossible, but disgusting. But who am I to tell them so? I only know what I'm talking about, so why should they listen to me?

Some days I'd just like to blow this place up. Cause panic on a global scale. But for some reason I've never gotten around to it. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because the desire is based off emotion, and emotion is overrated. Decisions are better made from logic than emotion. But if so, why am I caught up in this mess? Why is Kaoru in my apartment? That wasn't a logical decision, even though the analytical reasons are worthy enough.

She sits across the table from me, quietly scribbling notes, sometimes chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip. Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at eight AM, it will all begin. I get a bad feeling about this case every time I think about it, but I don't know why. The arguments we have are strong enough, I suppose, but at the center of all the fanciful webs of words, deceptions, and illusions that we've woven, there's nothing. And that's the problem. We have nothing. She didn't commit the crime, but to tell the truth is to steal her brother's freedom and ruin him for life. To her, that's a fate worse than her own death.

It's a noble cause to her, and I can see her point of view. But it's so stupid, really. Again, it's about responsibility. The boy was free to make his own choices, but he made a bad choice, and he should have realized the moment those people died that he needed to accept the consequences. That's not the type of thing that's taught in schools though. Maybe it ought to be. I never went to school, not the traditional kind of school, at least. I learned things, but my mind wasn't filled with useless facts and knowledge that does me no good now. I was instructed in the art of killing, studying the masters. It sounds so deranged when I think of it now, but at the time it made perfect sense. Everything is like that when you look back on it, though.

Kaoru looks up at me, her eyes begging me to allow her to speak. I nod.

"Kenshin, if things go wrong, can you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Apologize to Yahiko."

I blink. If things go wrong, if she is indeed convicted, she'll get the chance to speak to him again. Apologies can come from her own lips, not those of a heartless killer. Why would she say that?

Would she kill herself?

Her nature is, really, unknown to me. All I know about her is what I read about her and what I've been able to glean from my minimal conversations with her. I wouldn't guess her to be the suicidal type, but how am I to know?

Hours pass like minutes, like days, like seconds, like years, like a million colors that run into a single river of red. I glance at my watch, and it's nine forty-eight. Iizuka called me again earlier; I have an assignment tomorrow night. Just what I need after a day in court.

Kaoru's fallen asleep with her head on the table, and I'm weary myself. My mind feels fuzzy, and altogether I feel strange, unlike myself. No longer do I have complete control, some part of my brain is functioning on its own.

I kneel at Kaoru's side and shake her gently; she has to get some real sleep tonight. Her eyes flutter open, and I find myself caught in her blue gaze. We stare at each other, blankly, expressively, quietly, loudly, both unsure and completely sure of what's going on.

Who am I? Who is she? Who are we together? These are the kind of things that I don't usually wonder. I've never cared for who anyone was, nobody but myself. Why is it that I suddenly want to know who she is, and what we mean when we're together? I don't understand.

Kaoru blinks slowly; what is she thinking? Her expression is maddeningly unreadable. What does she want? I have more questions than answers. But at least she replies to my final question, when she leans forward and presses her lips to mine. The kiss deepens. I draw her to her feet.

Within minutes we're in my room.

This isn't, wasn't, supposed to happen. But it did.

I've never woken up with a woman in my arms. They always leave immediately after I'm through with them. This feeling... it's nice. Everything, her court case today, my assassination tonight, is unimportant as I stare at the ceiling, this time with the unfamiliar weight of her head on my chest. Who am I?

The same person as I've ever been. She hasn't changed me, not really. My heart can't hear hers. We aren't "fated to be together" or any of that bullshit. But still, it's nice.

Her stirring causes me to snap out of my reverie. I can feel her fingers lightly stroking my skin, feel her lips curve upward in a smile. She whispers a "good morning." I don't reply.

The moment can never last forever. Not to human beings, at least. Technically speaking, of course it can, as time is merely the figment of mankind's feeble brains, and what happened five minutes or fifty years ago is still going on now, but we can't live it. I can't live like this forever.

No one can live forever.

I sit up, her head sliding off my chest to rest on the mattress a moment before she draws herself up into a sitting position as well. She's pretty, I realize for the first time. Not the type of woman that you'd notice in a crowd, or stop to look at on the street, but she's got a naturalness about her that's pretty. I don't know why. She's not all that innocent, and she's not naive, so there's really nothing special about her. It doesn't really matter; women come and go.

"Kenshin," she whispers. The sound of her voice hurts my ears, shattering the quietude. I don't want to talk.

I can't let her say anything. I know what she wants to say, and I don't want to hear it. I can't hear it. Some things are better left unsaid. The look in my eyes is enough to quiet her. What can I do? This is not meant to last.

Do I love her?

...I don't know.

Can I love her?

...I don't think so. I don't know how to love. Perhaps I could be taught to love, if time could be taught to end. Time doesn't exist. Love doesn't exist. We don't exist.

We sit and stare at each other, both of us unsure of where to proceed. Oh how I wish she'd stayed asleep. If she could have slept forever...

She's going to talk, regardless of whether I want her to or not. Why should she start listening to me now? I lean forward to press a kiss to her lips to silence her. She pushes me away.

"Kenshin..."

"I don't want this to end like this." I shouldn't have said that.

"What?"

I kiss her again, this time a little longer, a little more passionately.

"Kenshin, I..."

Silence.

Absolute, perfect silence as I pull my dagger out of her throat and wipe it with a cloth. She's not quite dead yet, is she? I watch in morbid fascination as her hand reaches up to caress my cheek before falling away as her body slumps back onto the mattress lifelessly.

She's smiling.

She's been dead all of thirty seconds, and already the choking scent of death stabs at me.

As I stare down at her pale face, gazing at that soft, loving smile, I can't help but wonder... Why do we do the things that we do? Why, in fact, are we living on this earth?

....sorry about the tremendously long wait, but life has been unkind to Shadow lately, and she couldn't get on the computer.

A/N: Strange way to end a story, but this is it. Someday I may go back and rewrite parts of this, but for now, well... here you have it. If I made you stop and think, it was worth it. The flow of the story may have been slightly incongruent, but our minds and lives are like that. References:

"Somebody help me get out of this place. There's just too many fools with plastic smiles adhered to their plastic faces." - Sugarcult, "Destination Anywhere" (modified from "Somebody help get me out of this place, Too many fools with a smile and a face")

"There's poetry in despair" - AFI, "...But Home Is Nowhere"

"Choking scent of death" - Delerium, "Duende"

Until next time, minna-san, keep broadening your horizons. If just one person heeds the messages contained in this fic, I will feel I've made a difference in the world. I only ask that everyone takes the time to really think about what the central point of this story was. I'd love to hear opinions on that. A reader gets out of a story what they bring into it, yet at the same time a work is self-contained and self-evident. Please speak your minds, if you'd be so kind.