Title: Sex Triangle
Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H
Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...
Little did he suspect that in that very bed was a sleeping Snape and Tonks.
Harry's head throbbed. He lay where he had awoken for about five minutes, trying to overcome his headache. Why on earth was his head hurting?
Harry slowly became aware that something was amiss. Normally when his internal clock woke him up, the sun was shining directly in his face, only slightly dimmed by the light red and gold curtains that covered the windows of Gryffindor tower. But it was rather dark, wherever he was at present.
He opened his eyes cautiously. He was lying in a cushy bed. The only source of light was from a single window that had heavy black curtains blocking out most of the light.
He heard a soft snoring coming from behind him. He could feel the heat of somebody's breath on his back, tickling his neck and causing his hair to stand on end. Harry tried to turn around, but when he did so he realised that an arm was draped around his waist, clutching him lightly. His bare waist, he realised. He looked under the covers and found himself naked.
"That's not right," Harry thought. "How on earth did I get here? And whose arm is that?"
Deciding that he had to find out, Harry gently grasped the pale arm and pushed it away. It fell lightly beside him, coming to rest just below his upper back. He shifted so that he could see who was behind him, and almost yelped in surprise when he did, but managed to keep it a quiet gasp.
Lying in this bed in this unknown room, with her arm around him, was none other that Nymphadora Tonks. Harry's eyes went as wide as saucers when he saw that the sheet didn't cover her from the waist up, giving him a very good view of her breasts. He couldn't help but stare wide-eyed at them. He'd never seen a real pair before (he'd certainly fondled Parvati's, but never had he seen them), though he was sure these would be classed as very nice ones. Desire stirred in Harry, and he could feel himself slowly coming to life beneath the quilts.
Something caught Harry's eye from behind Tonks' neon pink hair, and he realised then, with a sense of great foreboding, that it wasn't from Tonks the snoring came.
Heart thundering in his chest, Harry raised his head from the pillow so that he could see who was behind Tonks. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his desire vanished, snuffed out like a candle emersed in water, and his only reaction was to stutter three words.
"Oh. My. God."
Lying there, with his arm around Tonks, was a very naked, very unconscious Serverus Snape.
Harry was frozen still in shock. There weren't words to describe how he felt. Shock, horror, foreboding and disgust were all good words, but they didn't quite convey the feelings properly. He also felt deeply confused. He couldn't for the life of him remember how he got there. In fact, he couldn't remember what day it was. As Harry realised this, he sank back into the pillow, too stunned to do much else.
"Lets see...I remember...that there was a Hogsmeade weekend. That was yesterday, right? Since they're always on Saturdays, that means today is probably Sunday. I had arranged to go in with Parvati. I seem to remember somebody giving me a bottle of Firewhisky...that's it. Firewhisky, blank, bed with Tonks and Snape. Probably had a threesome. Oh my god. I couldn't have. It's impossible! I'm a wimp! She's older than me! Snape! Threesome! AHH!!!"
The word reverberated in his mind. It seemed ominous to him. Could his life be over? Maybe he'd died and gone to hell. But if it was hell, then Tonks wouldn't be here...and there'd be no Snape in heaven, so Harry reasoned he must still be alive. What had possessed him to do it? More importantly, what had possessed Tonks and Snape to do it? Why couldn't he remember the previous day? Then it struck him.
"Those bastards!" He hissed quietly. "Those bloody weasels! When I get my hands on them I'll...I'll..." Harry ranting was halted when Tonks muttered something in her sleep.
"Mmm...Harry?" Harry froze. She was waking up! He had to get out of here! Harry scrambled out of the bed, flinching when his bare feet hit the freezing cold stone floor. He struggled to get his trousers on and hadn't ever gotten the button done when the worst case scenario became reality. "Harry!" Harry looked wildly around, his world spinning. He focused on Tonks, who was sitting up with the bed sheet wrapped around her. Her shock quickly turned to anger. "What the HELL are you doing?!" she whispered scathingly, eyes narrowed at Harry. He'd never seen her like this before; and he didn't blame her. He'd be angry too. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He looked around frantically, trying to find some way to escape. Tonks followed his gaze, and saw Parvati on the floor. She leaned over, careful not to let her cleavage fall out, and examined her. "And what the hell is she doing!? You had better pray you have a very good explanation Harry!"
"I-I don't remember!" Harry offered weakly. Tonks glared at him suspiciously,
"My arse! How dare you invade my privacy like this! Did you sleep in the same bloody bed!? When Serverus finds out he'll-" Harry's eyes went wild with fear. He held up his hands defensively.
"NO! Please please PLEASE don't tell him! Tonks, I swear I don't know what's going on!" Snape stirred, and Harry became desperate. He knew his career in Hogwarts would be over if Snape woke up. Tonks looked around at Snape, then back to Harry, eyes narrowed.
"Hmm...alright Harry. If you swear, on our friendship, that you don't know what's going on, I'll help you. But expect some bloody thorough interrogation later, with the headmaster present. You're not off the hook!" Harry nodded frantically.
"Yes, yes! I swear! I'll explain as best I can later. But please!" he motioned to Snape. Tonks gave him an admonishing look and pushed him to the floor. He landed with a painful thud. Tonks jabbed her index finger angrily to under the bed, and Harry got the message. He crawled under the bed, then reached out and dragged Parvati under with him. There was so little room under the bed that his nose brushed the underside of it. He was feeling slightly claustrophobic.
"Good morning Nymphadora. I trust you had a good night's sleep?" Harry heard Snape say sleepily.
"Indeed I did Serverus. Although the sleeping wasn't the best part." Harry only then fully comprehended the implications of waking up with Tonks and Snape. His eyes widened with amazement. Bloody hell, he thought. And here I thought he never got any. But how could she like him? What does she see in him? Harry heard Snape get up. He saw Snape's bare feet touch the floor and watched as he got up and walked around.
"Nymphadora, whose boxers are these?" Shit! Thought Harry and Tonks at the same time. Tonks laughed nervously.
"Mine of course! Who else's would they be?"
"Hmm...I suppose. Although I could have sworn you were wearing lace panties. Ah, here they are." Harry saw Snape bend over and pick them up. He blushed, and was certain than Tonks did too.
"I wore them both," Tonks said, a little too quickly. Harry was sure that Snape would have quirked an eyebrow at this. "It gets very cold in Scotland. You probably didn't see me take them off because you were too busy kissing me."
"Yes, I suppose." There was a short silence. "They're awfully large though, wouldn't you agree? I should think they'd fall off you." Tonks giggled.
"Oh, you're too kind. But I'm not that thin. Now can you please stop handling my underwear and pass me the panties? It's a warm day today, so I think I can do without the boxers. Thank you. Now, will you please get dressed and allow me to do my womanly morning duties?"
"But it's my room! Go shave your legs somewhere else." Tonks threw something at him, and Harry couldn't help but snort with laughter. He clamped a hand to his mouth, but a little too late. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"That noise! It sounded like...air moving quickly. It came from...down there. Stand back Nympadora, I think there is something under the bed." Damn! He had to go and mess it up! Harry's blood pounded in his ears as he waited for the inevitable. He could just see Snape's hair dangling down to the ground, when Tonks saved him.
"It was me," she mumbled. "I...passed gas," she said daintily. "Don't wrinkle your nose in distaste, you greasy bastard! You did it in your sleep! Now, here are your clothes. Get out! Go find some Gryffindors to harass! Out!" The door slammed shut.
"You can't kick me out of my own bloody room woman!" Came Snape's muffled voice from behind the oak door.
"I just did! Now sod off!" Harry could hear Snape stalk off after a few seconds in limbo, when Harry thought he might blast the door down. Harry heard the ruffling of clothing, and knew Tonks was getting dressed. It stopped, and the next thing Harry knew, he was being dragged out from under the bed by his feet. "Get dressed!" Tonks barked. Any hope that Tonks would grant him amnesty was fading quickly. During the time that Harry got dressed, Tonks had placed Parvati on the bed and revived her. She was still intoxicated from the night before. In a minute, Tonks was ready to question them.
"Now Harry, what did you do last night?"
"I went to Hogsmeade with Parvati. That's all I remember. The next thing I know, I'm here, with you." Tonks asked Parvati the same question.
"We went out drinking. We got a bottle of firewhisky and drank it. That's when you found us in the astronomy tower," Parvati said with her head bowed.
"Right, but that was still early. What I want to know, is how you both wound up in this room. Do either of you remember?" Harry and Parvati exchanged glances, then shook their heads in unison. Tonks frowned.
"I don't believe that. One or both of you is lying to me. I don't deserve to be lied to. I could easily get the headmaster involved, but I'm giving both of the chance to keep this between us, and you're throwing back in my face." Needless to say, they both felt guilty, especially Parvati, because she really did remember what happened.
"Well...after you caught us, we went back to Gryffindor tower. We talked for a few hours about getting caught, and then..." Tonks motioned her to go on, but Harry broke in.
"Um...I'm not sure I want to know, but what were we caught doing?"
"That's going too far Harry!" said Parvati, a look of hurt etching her guilty features. Harry gave her a frustrated look.
"I told you, I can't remember!" Parvati's gaze bore into him.
"You really don't remember?" she questioned uncertainly, shaking her head in worry.
"No! I told you! It's a total black out! What were we doing?" Harry questioned. He looked at Parvati, who looked down, then at Tonks, who looked away. "Oh." Harry swallowed dryly.
"So, what happened then?" pressed Tonks. Parvati looked at Harry with sad eyes and continued.
"Well...we were angry about our night being ruined, so we decided to sneak into the kitchens and steal some scotch from the stores. We drank the whole bottle between us. I had more than Harry did. I vaguely remember saying I was going to pass out. Harry was too drunk to carry me upstairs. That's all I remember. I guess Harry must have found this place and figured it was ok to pass out. He probably didn't ever realise you were here." Tonks looked at the both of them with suspicion.
"That still doesn't explain why Harry doesn't remember. He smells clean, but your breath still reeks of booze." Parvati looked down shamefully. Harry coughed.
"I..uh...I think I may know why I don't remember." Tonks raised an eyebrow questioningly. Harry tried to hide his face bashfully behind his hands. "On September first, Fred and George Weasley gave me something from their joke shop they said they wanted me to test for them. It's a...uhh...mood enchanting drug. They believed I needed help getting over the death of Sirius. And other stuff. Anyway, I believe that when I mixed it with alcohol..."
"It gave you amnesia," Tonks finished for him. Harry looked surprised. "Yes, I know that product. It went on the shelves in August." Harry gaped at her. "I believe they call them "Charming Charlies". They claim that taking them regularly will make you able "to woo the girls (or guys) like Harry Potter". It seems to me that you're the victim of a sinister marketing campaign. They knew that if you took the drugs and became a hit with the ladies, word would spread and the product would sell." Harry looked on in betrayal.
"Those sneaky bastards!" Harry whispered. "They played me! They never needed me to test the product!" Tonks looked at him sympathetically.
"Seems that way. They even know about the amnesia effects. It comes with a warning and everything." Harry absorbed the information numbly, feeling betrayed. Not that he had ever trusted the twins terribly to begin with though. He turned to Tonks.
"Tonks, I'm so sorry. You too Parvati. I've been living a lie since the year began. Taking those pills made me somebody I'm not. I know I wouldn't normally have gone on a drinking binge. They're to blame for all this. I'll never do it again." Tonks looked at Harry sternly, before her tough façade melted into her normal cheery smile.
"Don't say that Harry! Going on drinking binges is what makes Hogwarts fun!" Harry's eyes bugged out. Parvati was too stunned to speak. "Of course, I didn't tell you that as advice. I told you that as my own recollection of my times here. Like this one time in fourth year when I went out drinking wif some mates, I must've drunk about a half litre 'o rum. Anyway, I woke up in some bloke's bed. We'd obviously gotten it on, only when I got to the mirror, I discovered that I had morphed into the form of a man! The first thing he said to me when he woke up was 'Aw'right mate?'" Tonks burst out laughing and didn't stop for several seconds.
Harry grinned despite himself. "Tonks, you wouldn't happen to be trying to cheer me up, would you? Because if I were you, I'd be punishing me." Tonks rolled her eyes.
"Oh come on Harry. It wasn't your fault. Those bloody twins played you. Besides, I'm going to have to tell the headmaster, and I know from experience that the biggest punishment of all is when he's disappointed in you." Harry's heart sank. Of course she'd have to tell Dumbledore. It would be irresponsible not to. "Although, if I know him, he won't be disappointed at all. In fact, I'd say he'll be downright elated. He loves hearing embarrassing stories, especially when they involve rule breaking!"
"You're not serious?"
"I am. Now, I forgive you for invading my privacy. I promise I won't tell Serverus. Just one thing Harry," she warned, looking Harry dead in the eye. "If you tell anybody what I look like naked, I'll return the favour." Harry went crimson and had to cough the hide his embarrassment. "Now bugger off. I'm sure Serverus will be angry if you miss his ten o'clock detention."
Harry nodded, feeling his heart sink when he found out he had to spend his morning with Snape, and scurried out of the room as fast as he could, grateful to be away from Tonks' gaze, despite how understanding she was. He didn't think he'd ever forget what her breasts looked like.
"What the hell was all that about?" demanded Parvati as she walked along side him. "Seeing her naked? Invading her privacy? I wake up in a teachers room, with professor Tonks standing over me, and then she accuses you of all that? And you've been taking Charming Charlies the whole time you've been with me?" Harry sighed and stopped. He explained how they got there, and why Tonks was there (he left out the part about Snape being in the bed too), to Parvati's horror. "Holy shit Harry...that's messed up. But I don't care about that. Not really...what I want to know is why you were taking those pills!"
Harry fidgeted where he stood. He was really starting to notice the affects of pills. He had gotten so used to them that talking smoothly and being cool seemed to come naturally. Now that they were gone, he felt like he was getting stupider. "Look, Parvati...remember when we first kissed? The way I kinda freaked out?" Parvati nodded, already suspecting the answer. "Well, that's the way I normally am. When I came to you in the dorms, I'd just taken my first dose. I was amazed at how smooth I was. I said all those things without even thinking about them. If it weren't for the pills...I wouldn't be going out with you right now. When you asked me to kiss you...I dunno...I think I'd've stammered some stupid line or something."
"So what are you saying?" she asked slowly. Harry sighed uncomfortably and scratched the back of his head.
"What I'm saying is...that, well, I don't think you'll like me for who I really am. I mean, you were kinda just a fan before...you know. So what I mean is, we should stop seeing each other." Parvati looked at her shoes for ages. Harry began to wonder if she was crying. Harry almost jumped when she abruptly spoke.
"Okay. If that's how you feel then there's nothing I can do about that. We're still friends, right?" As Harry looked into her big brown eyes, he instinctively knew then and there that they'd never speak to each other again. Parvati knew the same thing. Still, Harry smiled brightly.
"Yeah, of course we'll still be friends! So, I'll see you around?" Parvati smiled.
"Yeah. See you." She gave him a big hug, and turned away, walking with her head held high. Harry felt that a new chapter in his life was just beginning. He'd just had his first relationship that didn't end (or begin, for that matter) in disaster. And he'd lost his virginity.
"If only I could remember it...I saw Tonks naked! She saw me naked! We saw each other, naked! AHH!! I saw Snape naked and vice-versa!!!"
Ron and Hermione were alone in the Gryffindor common room. It was early Sunday morning, so nobody else was awake yet. They were sprawled out on a sofa, and had spent the whole night there waiting for Harry and Parvati to come back.
"I'm going to go report this to the headmaster!" threatened Hermione sleepily, having just woken up. "I can't believe we fell asleep! This isn't like Harry to stay away all night..."
"Yeah. I was just thinking that," commented Ron as he sat up beside her. Although Harry isn't the only one acting weird... thought Ron grudgingly, glaring at Hermione out of the side of his eye. He really didn't like the way she'd been acting lately. Whenever he worked up the nerve to bring it up, she just changed the subject. If she thought he was being too persistent, she'd just kiss him, one thing would lead to another, and before Ron knew it, he didn't care. Well not this time! Ron thought. He'd had enough. This time, he really was going to get to the bottom of it.
"Hermione," he began nervously. He was also dead tired, so he hoped that his brain was too foggy to fully grasp the small details, and focus only on the bigger picture. "We've been spending a lot of time together lately..." he trailed off.
"Oh. I didn't notice. I guess time flies when we're with each other." Ron looked up at the ceiling, wishing there were an easy way to do this.
"Not for me it doesn't." A look of worry crossed Hermione's features. She turned her body so that she was facing him.
"You don't like what we do together?" she asked timidly.
"It's not that. It's just that...It's feels so...so...Look, ever since the carriage exploded, I've felt differently for you..." Ron said, hoping that Hermione would catch on. "But I don't think you feel for me. You only do stuff with me because you feel sorry for me...anyway, my point is, I don't want to anymore."
"What?" Hermione asked with tears starting to form. Ron frowned and crossed his arms.
"I think you heard me."
"But...why? Don't you like what we do?" she asked shakily. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was so sure that Ron would be there for her if she did stuff with him. Ron sighed.
"I do. I mean, who wouldn't?" he chuckled lightly. He became serious again. "But...you've been acting differently. So has Harry. I feel like you're both drifting away from me. Even though we're intimate, it doesn't do anything for me. I don't want you just for your body. I think I love you...and if you don't love me back, then I want you to leave me be." Ron dared to glance into Hermione's eyes. He quickly looked away, not being able to stand her tears, which streamed down her cheeks.
"Do you really love me like that?" she asked, barely above a whisper. Ron nodded.
"The old you...not this new, sexually promiscuous you. Did you know that you haven't studied since term began? What happened to you?" Hermione felt a bubble of joy rise in her chest. It seemed surreal. This was exactly what she wanted, and it was being handed to her on a silver platter. It had been destroying her inside that Ron would only touch her if he thought she was a sultry lesbian. Now she finds out that he preferred her when she wasn't?
"Ron, I have a confession to make. I'm...uh, this is so embarrassing...Ron, I'm straight." At Ron's look of confusion, she elaborated. "On platform nine and three quarters, Fred and George asked me to try out these new products they had made...they make people more confident, increase self-esteem and the like...I took them, because I was far too shy to do anything. Ron, I've loved you for ages, but since you never seemed to feel the same way, I was afraid you'd reject me. So I decided that even if you didn't love me, you'd still love doing stuff with me, and maybe then...you'd fall in love with me. I know it was so selfish and...wrong and...and...Slytherin of me, but I was so afraid..." she trailed off, not having the confidence to go on. She just stared brokenly at Ron, waiting or him to react. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking.
"You too, huh?" he said taciturnly. There was a moment of still serenity, which quickly became a torrent of passionate, love-filled kissing and moaning. Ron and Hermione kissed fiercely, crushing their mouths together, the hot desire they felt for each other building to a dramatic climax, hands wandering and clothes being ripped off with a desperate fervour.
"Hey guys," came the wary voice of Harry, as he wandered into the room. Ron and Hermione launched themselves apart with even more speed and force than they had come together with. They slammed painfully into opposite arms of the couch, causing it to shake. Hermione quickly tried to button up her shirt, only to find that Ron had ripped off the top four buttons, while Ron attempted to redo his belt, and zip up his fly at the same time. Harry, seemingly completely oblivious to the situation he had interrupted, sat down between them and sighed, rolling his head to face Ron and Hermione in succession.
"You guys could not imagine the night I just had...Hermione, why is your bra unclasped?" Harry asked innocently enough. Hermione flushed, having not even realised, and tried to redo it. Her broken shirt fell open when she took her hands away, giving Ron, and Harry in particular, a generous view of her breasts, which had become free due to her loose brassiere. Grins developed on both their faces. Unfortunately for them, Parvati choose that exact moment to return to Gryffindor tower. Her jaw dropped when she saw Harry and Ron ogling Hermione as she (apparently) bared her chest, and Ron fiddling with his zipper. Hermione spotted Parvati just as she'd finished fixing her bra, and her hands immediately went around to hold her shirt closed.
"Parvati!" Ron's head snapped to Parvati, while Harry's turned slowly. Ron threw his askew jumper over his crotch to hide his unready state.
"Well well Harry...I guess Tonks and I weren't enough for you, eh? Had to go see Hermione naked too?" she quizzed coolly with a raised eyebrow. With that she walked off, going to her room. Ron and Hermione both gaped at Harry, who could hardly believe his rotten luck. He started laughing.
"Like I said guys, you would not believe the night I just had!
A/N: (July 2007, two days before the final book was released) This was posted in 2004, some time before HBP came out. Despite my age at the time, I regard this as my best fic. I've revised the whole fic, added parts in and trimmed others out. Also minor spelling and grammar changes. Overall it's the same, but it is subtler than before as any re-readers may have noticed. At the time I finished chapter 6 in 2004 the fic was finished (though that hadn't been my original intention). The reason I revised it is because in the coming weeks I might restart it. If not, it'll probaby never get done. If you have any ideas or thoughts, let me know. Hope you enjoyed!