To whom it may concern: This is a one-shot humor fic which I have been debating whether to post or not. Then I decided, ah, why not! I'm not sure how people will react to it. I guess I'll just have to see. Have fun!
Skinner's Girlfriends
Tom Sawyer was practising his shooting on the top deck of the Nautilus. Or at least that's what he wanted everyone to think he was doing. Really, this was just an excuse to watch Mina out of the corner of his eye. He didn't know what to do to make the right moves towards her. Ninety percent of the time she would just push him away, and the other times she was so mysterious about it that Sawyer didn't have a clue what she meant.
"Dammit," he exclaimed under his breath, as he dropped the gun to his side.
"It's no use getting that upset over a woman," a disembodied voice replied. Sawyer recognised the voice.
"Skinner," he said, sharply. "Don't you ever wear clothes?" He pulled the gun up again and aimed it out at sea.
"Now why would I want to do a thing like that?" Skinner replied. "It's such a lovely day!" Sawyer ignored him. Skinner walked around him, observing his eyes. He was still looking at Mina. "Trust me," Skinner said to Sawyer. "She's really not worth it. I used to court a female not unlike herself a few years ago, before I became invisible, of course."
"Oh, yes?" Sawyer replied, completely disinterested.
"Kate." Skinner said with fondness. "She was the most intelligent person I had ever met. She was a biologist; liked studying the human body." Skinner grinned. "And, boy, did we do a lot of that!" Sawyer continued to ignore him. Noticing this Skinner grabbed his gun and placed it on the floor behind him.
"Hey," Sawyer replied, reaching for the gun, but finding Skinner's leg instead. He jumped back in disgust.
"We spent lots of time together, to begin with," Skinner continued, seemingly oblivious to Sawyers stares. "But after a while I got bored with her company. I realised that we hadn't got a lot in common. That, and I didn't understand what she was saying most of the time. I swear it's impossible for one person to know so many long words. So, although I continued to see her on a regular basis, I also went down the local pub to enjoy the entertainment."
At this point, Sawyer reached for his gun successfully and walked off down the top deck, away from Skinner. Skinner followed him, nonchalantly, continuing to tell his story.
"That's where I met Edith." Skinner whistled. "Now she was a picture! She had beautiful flowing hair and perfect skin. She looked like absolute perfection." He paused. "Thick as a brick, though. But we got on so well. She loved all the things that I loved. She was the complete opposite to Kate."
Skinner noticed Sawyer gazing at Mina again and swiftly grabbed his arm and turned him away from her to face him instead.
"Anyway, if I'd have been sensible, I would have let Kate down there and then. But I though, where's the fun in that? I continued to see both the girls for a good few months. It was all to easy just to arrange evenings out on consecutive nights. But eventually, it got on top of me. I foolishly invited both girls out to the same place at the same time.
"Kate was astonished that I was betraying her for someone so witless, and Edith, well bless her, she really didn't know what to think." Skinner shuffled on his feet. "Needless to say, they both left me."
"Well, it just goes to show," Sawyer replied, placing his gun over his shoulder. "You can't have your Kate and Edith too!" And with that, he turned from a speechless Skinner and went to talk to Mina.
If you didn't get it, don't worry. It's not a good enough joke to explain it. If you did get it, great! Any reviews are welcome.