There are not many times that Summer has felt as bad as this. There have been times, but not many. And as she sits in silence, chipping away at the "perfect pink" polish on her fingernails, she thinks of him and tries not to cry. There is this little pulse in her jaw that aches from trying not to cry, but she does not want to give into the feelings that are slowly seeping through her veins like sad treacle.
i"What's the hold up, Cohen? We've been making out for like an hour!"
"Nothing, nothing," he peeked under the covers to investigate the situation, "the little guy's just a bit tired is all."
"Tired? You tired it out yourself while I was shopping? What, did you like walk in on Ryan coming out of the shower?" she teased.
"Uh, no," Seth stuttered./i
There are many things that Summer expects to happen in her life, and usually they come true. Ever since she has had nobody to call "Mommy" she has expected people in her life to leave her. Sometimes it takes a little while, but it always happens, because as Summer has realised she is not enough for anyone outside of the Newport social circle. After the casual partying and relationships people find something better. Someone better.
i"Do you like, not want to?" she asked, hurt.
"No, Summer! No, it's not like that. I love you, you know that."
"But do you want me?"/i
Summer remembers a thousand times when people answered a question with a look because they could not bear voicing something that would upset her. People grow fond of her, but not enough to stop them being the cause of so much of her pain. She takes little solace in the fact that it hurts them too, she is not a bitter person, just a hurt one who is turning quiet and sad on the inside.
i"Seth.. without you, I am you. I might have nice clothes and people to sit next to in class, but none of them really care about me. One day you'll meet me in the quad and you'll be with Chino and Coop and I'll be all alone, because that's how I always end up. And you'll be all ironic and like introduce yourself to me and ask how the "Princess of Newport Beach" is, and I'll say I'm okay, but I won't be okay.
And you'll spend all your time in the poolhouse with Ryan or playing Playstation and I won't have anybody and when I like go to the mall to get over you by shopping nobody will come with me because you and Coop will be too busy with Ryan. And you'll just forget about me," she cried.
"I don't think anyone could forget you, Summer," he replied softly, sadly./i
She hates being right, possibly more than she enjoys it when it brings her triumph. Summer's days are now hollow and fragile, subject to change by the whims of people who barely know her second name. It is not that he has cut her out of his life entirely, it has been much the other way as Summer can not stand lopsided smiles and friendly hands she wishes she could still call lover.
i"I love you Summer, why can't you get that, I've ALWAYS loved you," he scrambled desperately.
"Just not like you're supposed to, Cohen," she sobbed.
"What? What are you talking about Summer, you make no sense like this."
"Not like I'm The One."/i
For someone who she had been able to live without even noticing for most of her life Summer finds it desperately hard to deal now that they are separate. In the beginning she had seen him as a clown rather than the cowboy she was looking for, but a cocktail of time and persistence had shown her the person hidden underneath his skin. Like it was a mask. And Summer loves that person, she just wishes that he loved her back the same. She misses that person.
i"Please don't go. Summer, just, just wait!" he paused as she turned her tear-streaked gaze back, "I mean you're being ridiculouso! NOTHING is going on, okay?" her face began to crumble again, "Just, please don't cry," he pleaded reaching his hand out to comfort her, stopping awkwardly before her skin.
"Calling me stupid SO not the way to get your point across, Cohen," her breath hitched in a soft chorus.
"I didn't, Summer, I called you ridiculouso, there's a difference. You're not stupid, you're just not being rational. I haven't done anything!" he started to get angry and confused.
"Exactly," she agreed despondently./i
Each morning she wakes up in pieces, and it takes all day for Summer to piece herself back together again, just in time to wake up. She does not hate him for that, it is just that there are too many things that remind her of him for Summer to avoid, and so she has to miss him everywhere she goes and during everything she does. Every time she kisses another boy she thinks it could be him, but it is not. She is disappointed when she opens her eyes or the door.
i"Is this it?" he choked out.
"Goodnight, Seth."
"Summer!" she stopped by the door, "is this is? Are we.. over?"
"Do you want me?"
"I used to. You were all I thought about, then.." he frowned," then I got you."
"And you wanted something else to chase. You're never happy with what you have, your life your girlfriend, even your family until Ryan got here," he looked at his feet, "it's over."/i
There are not many times that Summer has felt as alone as this. There have been times but not many, and as she sits in quiet solitude with only her memories for company she wishes that people did not live up to her expectations. That she had never met a boy who would break her heart by loving someone else without even knowing it. Summer wishes she had never fallen in love, but more so, she wishes that he had never fallen out.
i"What's the hold up, Cohen? We've been making out for like an hour!"
"Nothing, nothing," he peeked under the covers to investigate the situation, "the little guy's just a bit tired is all."
"Tired? You tired it out yourself while I was shopping? What, did you like walk in on Ryan coming out of the shower?" she teased.
"Uh, no," Seth stuttered./i
There are many things that Summer expects to happen in her life, and usually they come true. Ever since she has had nobody to call "Mommy" she has expected people in her life to leave her. Sometimes it takes a little while, but it always happens, because as Summer has realised she is not enough for anyone outside of the Newport social circle. After the casual partying and relationships people find something better. Someone better.
i"Do you like, not want to?" she asked, hurt.
"No, Summer! No, it's not like that. I love you, you know that."
"But do you want me?"/i
Summer remembers a thousand times when people answered a question with a look because they could not bear voicing something that would upset her. People grow fond of her, but not enough to stop them being the cause of so much of her pain. She takes little solace in the fact that it hurts them too, she is not a bitter person, just a hurt one who is turning quiet and sad on the inside.
i"Seth.. without you, I am you. I might have nice clothes and people to sit next to in class, but none of them really care about me. One day you'll meet me in the quad and you'll be with Chino and Coop and I'll be all alone, because that's how I always end up. And you'll be all ironic and like introduce yourself to me and ask how the "Princess of Newport Beach" is, and I'll say I'm okay, but I won't be okay.
And you'll spend all your time in the poolhouse with Ryan or playing Playstation and I won't have anybody and when I like go to the mall to get over you by shopping nobody will come with me because you and Coop will be too busy with Ryan. And you'll just forget about me," she cried.
"I don't think anyone could forget you, Summer," he replied softly, sadly./i
She hates being right, possibly more than she enjoys it when it brings her triumph. Summer's days are now hollow and fragile, subject to change by the whims of people who barely know her second name. It is not that he has cut her out of his life entirely, it has been much the other way as Summer can not stand lopsided smiles and friendly hands she wishes she could still call lover.
i"I love you Summer, why can't you get that, I've ALWAYS loved you," he scrambled desperately.
"Just not like you're supposed to, Cohen," she sobbed.
"What? What are you talking about Summer, you make no sense like this."
"Not like I'm The One."/i
For someone who she had been able to live without even noticing for most of her life Summer finds it desperately hard to deal now that they are separate. In the beginning she had seen him as a clown rather than the cowboy she was looking for, but a cocktail of time and persistence had shown her the person hidden underneath his skin. Like it was a mask. And Summer loves that person, she just wishes that he loved her back the same. She misses that person.
i"Please don't go. Summer, just, just wait!" he paused as she turned her tear-streaked gaze back, "I mean you're being ridiculouso! NOTHING is going on, okay?" her face began to crumble again, "Just, please don't cry," he pleaded reaching his hand out to comfort her, stopping awkwardly before her skin.
"Calling me stupid SO not the way to get your point across, Cohen," her breath hitched in a soft chorus.
"I didn't, Summer, I called you ridiculouso, there's a difference. You're not stupid, you're just not being rational. I haven't done anything!" he started to get angry and confused.
"Exactly," she agreed despondently./i
Each morning she wakes up in pieces, and it takes all day for Summer to piece herself back together again, just in time to wake up. She does not hate him for that, it is just that there are too many things that remind her of him for Summer to avoid, and so she has to miss him everywhere she goes and during everything she does. Every time she kisses another boy she thinks it could be him, but it is not. She is disappointed when she opens her eyes or the door.
i"Is this it?" he choked out.
"Goodnight, Seth."
"Summer!" she stopped by the door, "is this is? Are we.. over?"
"Do you want me?"
"I used to. You were all I thought about, then.." he frowned," then I got you."
"And you wanted something else to chase. You're never happy with what you have, your life your girlfriend, even your family until Ryan got here," he looked at his feet, "it's over."/i
There are not many times that Summer has felt as alone as this. There have been times but not many, and as she sits in quiet solitude with only her memories for company she wishes that people did not live up to her expectations. That she had never met a boy who would break her heart by loving someone else without even knowing it. Summer wishes she had never fallen in love, but more so, she wishes that he had never fallen out.