Milo Stumpf came from a close-knit town across the river from St. Louis that was full of Stupmfs. You might as well have called it Stumpfville. There were Stumpfs running the bank, Stupmfs teaching Sunday school, Stumpfs going to school, Stumpfs dying, Stumpfs being born, Stumpfs to your left and Stumpfs to your right. You know, if you accidentally said "I live in a town full of Stumps," instead of saying, "I live in a town full of Stumpfs," people might think that you lived in a town full of tree stumps, further implying that you also lived in a town full of malicious, tree- slaughtering types. But that's beside the point. Milo attended church at the same one he grew up going to so he could see his family. Otherwise, he would hardly see them at all, which may have been a good thing, actually. I don't know.
Milo arrived at the hotel to pick Legolas up for church. He was unusually tired and haggard, and his mood was not helped when he had to shove several hung-over ladies out of the way just to knock on the door. Legolas opened the door, and Milo's mood improved slightly when he saw that Legolas had managed to dress himself normally; his boxers weren't on the outside of his pants, and he had, thankfully, succeeded in the workings of a zipper. Just for the benefit of Legolas's fan girls (hopefully JUST girls. LOL), I'll go into description the Sunday outfit. Legolas was wearing khakis (again) with a forest green turtleneck and red hoodie. One thing that puzzled Milo, though, was the origin of the chocolate brown cabbie hat perched on Legolas's golden hair. He was going to ask about it, but decided not to. 'Just as long as he looks half way decent,' Milo told himself.
"What exactly is this-church?" Legolas inquired as they drove away towards Illinois. "Well," Milo began, and thought a moment. "Church is-church is-a place where we go to worship."
"Worship what?"
"God. And after church, we get doughnuts."
"What are those?"
"Sort of like bread, only sweeter and better and fattier."
"That sounds ghastly."
"It is, but it's delicious."
"That's an interesting concept."
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" There was a few moments' pause. "Would you like to listen to the radio?"
"Sure."
Milo switched on the radio, which was playing, "It's gettin' hot in here, so take off all your clothes. I'm gettin' so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." Milo groaned. "I hate this song." He groaned again. "Stop dancing."
"That wasn't dancing. That was moving back and forth."
"Well, I call it dancing. Stop it."
Legolas sighed and started humming. He then started singing softly, and the louder, and louder still. "It's getting' hot in here, so take off all your clothes."
"LEGOLAS!" Milo shouted, making Legolas jump.
"What? You said that I was not allowed to dance."
"You're not allowed to sing either."
"Can I go..."
"We've already been over this. No singing, no humming, no dancing, and no going la la la."
"So be it." Legolas leaned back and pulled his hat over his eyes.
Church was an interesting affair for Legolas. There were so many other funny-looking people there, and he felt like a fool in these clothes. 'Well, I am dressed like one of them,' he noted. 'Maybe they won't notice.' They did notice him, however. Partially because he had neglected to remove his hat, and secondly because his singing voice stood out like a fat cow in a line of chickens. It was beautiful and elegant, and it didn't sound like crap. He got every note and every rhythm. That is, he got every note and every rhythm after Milo told him he was allowed to sing. A few minutes into the service, Milo leaned over and said, "Remove your hat. If you wear it in church, it makes you look like a woman." Legolas abruptly removed it. "Much better. You can put it back on when we get doughnuts."
"You said they were ghastly though. I do not think I will be eating one."
"I meant they were ghastly for your health. Anyway, suit yourself." Milo straightened back up and started trying to sing again.