Chapter 5: Occlumency
That night he and Ron were up late discussing what had happened, although Harry felt hardly less guilty about any of it. "I mean, it just...it just sort of came out!" said Harry, "I don't know why!" Ron shook his head, "Don't you worry about it mate. It was You-Know-Who, that's all. You didn't mean any of it. You wouldn't kill Kreacher, as much as we'd all like to see him dead." Harry nodded, feeling no less guilty about the whole affair. Ron seemed to notice, said, "Harry...really. It's not your fault." He nodded once again, "Well...thanks Ron. I'd better try to sleep though. Snape wants me to practice my Occlumency, so I'd better do it unless I want him to bite me again."
Ron laughed, then said, "How come the venom from his snake form didn't hurt you? Do you think that maybe Animagus forms don't have venom or stuff like that?" "I dunno," said Harry, "maybe the only reason why I didn't die is because maybe he didn't use venom. Like a voluntary sort of thing. Just bit me to get my attention. Probably could have used venom if he'd felt like it though." Ron shuddered, "To think! The only reason why you got away is because Snape didn't feel like using venom!" Harry was unsettled by this, so he said, "Ah, well, g'night Ron. I have to start practicing." "Right Harry, see you tomorrow morning."
Harry rolled over and faced the grimy window, hoping he could clear his mind, although he severely doubted it. But slowly, objects began to clear away from his mind, and soon he just saw it as a blank white canvas; nothing was there to bother him. Then suddenly, he saw a flash of green and heard a woman cry "NO!" and he almost cried.
The next morning Harry felt as if he had done at least a semi-decent job of clearing out his mind, although he knew he'd have to try it several times during the day in order to keep Snape from yelling at him again. The day progressed without much fervor, as the majority of the house was now clean; but a few people, mainly Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione were wondering exactly what had happened to Kreacher. They had heard the racket the day previous but knew nothing of what Harry or Snape had done. Harry, in turn, was starting to wonder what it was that Snape did to Kreacher to cause a "No, please don't," to erupt from his lips. Harry discovered exactly what it was ten minutes later as he was descending the stairwell.
Kreacher's head was on the wall.
He almost smiled with satisfaction then felt a pang of guilt; he shouldn't have cast the Killing Curse on the house elf, no matter how evil Kreacher had been. Anyone else might have done it without a thought, but Harry...no, not after his parents had died that way...no...
He thought of what Snape had done and almost shuddered, then remembered that Kreacher wanted this to happen anyway. Maybe he had done Kreacher a kindness...
Hermione did not see it this way.
"Why that wretched, horrible man!" she sobbed, tears running down her cheeks, "Kreacher never did a thing...!" Harry and Ron shot her identical looks of 'How dare you say that after what happened to Sirius!' But instead she said, "I was just going to say that Kreacher never did a thing to-to-to him! To Snape! That nasty, greasy, hook-nosed fiend!" She ran upstairs to cry in her room, and Ginny ran after her shouting, "Hermione, wait! Come back!"
Ron turned to Harry, "Well I guess she's still stuck on the whole spew thing then."
Harry almost dreaded Snape's arrival that evening, although his talks with Lupin, Tonks, and Kingsley Shacklebolt certainly helped make him feel better about it. "Just concentrate on what needs to get done and he'll leave sooner," said Tonks, "and also try to keep Hermione away from him, will you?" Harry smiled slightly, said, "Ah, well, if one of you could help me with that I'd appreciate it. I don't think Ron and I can restrain her after what Snape did..." "Yeh," said Ron, "I don't think I'm strong enough to hold her back from hexing him out of the universe." "Say Ron," said Harry, "what's the deal with Hermione and her being so knackered at Snape?" He shrugged, "Dunno. Ever since about the end of June she's been fuming at him. Don't know what about though. She won't say."
Harry shrugged, "Maybe she'll let us in on it later tonight after what happened." A knock sounded on the door, and Tonks answered it; in swept Snape, looking just as menacing as he had the evening previous. "Kitchen, Potter," he said idly. Harry got up quickly, Ron giving him a look of sympathy, and went into the kitchen, Snape right behind him.
"Have you been practicing Potter?" said Snape as he pulled out his wand. "Yes sir," said Harry, "three times since last night." "And how has it been working?" "Sort of well," said Harry, pulling out his wand, "but it's difficult...sir," he said, remembering his manners, but only just. Snape ignored him and said, "Let's get started then. Clear your mind, Potter. Think of it as a blank canvas." Harry tried to clear his mind, and slowly everything seemed to disappear; his fear, his anger, all seemingly disappearing... "Legilimens!" said Snape.
Harry's knees buckled, and he felt weak; he was back in the Department of Mysteries, watching Sirius battle Bellatrix Lestrange... 'No...' thought Harry, 'NO!' Suddenly his scar burned, he heard laughter, then he shouted, "SCOURGIFY!"
He was back in the kitchen watching Snape spitting soap bubbles, "Blargh!" he shouted, running to the sink to spit it all out. Harry almost grinned; he had made it the first time through!
Then he remembered that he had just cast a Cleaning spell on Snape, and felt worried that he'd jinx him. Snape muttered some counter-spell beneath his breath, then wiped his mouth with his sleeve; he spat a few more times into the sink, then returned to Harry. "Interesting," he said, his mouth clearly still tasting of soap, "but you're still far from where you need to be. I shouldn't have been able to see anything, but you weren't concentrating hard enough. I don't want to be able to see anything; all I should see is blankness. No Department of Mysteries. Nothing."
Harry let out a sigh of discontent; still not good enough. Snape straightened, "Again."
After about five times of Snape attacking his mind, Harry was much better by the end of the lesson; he was now able to clear his mind within ten seconds of Snape casting the Legilimency spell. But for Snape, this hardly seemed an improvement, "I'll be back this time next week, Potter, and I expect you to be infinitely better by then. If not, then I will make the next lesson particularly painful for you." "Yes sir," said Harry, watching him leave the kitchen. Harry stood there for a moment, thinking about watching Snape spit soap bubbles, when he heard a loud cry in the living room, which was just off the foyer, "YOU!" Harry straightened and hurriedly ran in to discover Hermione shouting at Snape savagely. "You evil man! How dare you harm that house elf! He never did a thing to you! You...you...git!" Snape almost seemed to find Hermione's anger amusing until she insulted him, at which point he said, "Miss Granger, now might be a prudent time to remind you that I remain your professor of Potions now and next year, whether you or I like it or not, and I am more than willing to take house points from you the moment you set foot on Hogwarts premises once again."
"I DON'T CARE!" she shouted, "You killed Kreacher! He never did a thing to you! You chopped off his head like a bloody savage!" At this point, every member of the Order in the house was now present, watching Hermione's face grow redder and redder with pent up rage. Harry and Ron exchanged glances; Hermione never had such an outburst before, and now they were almost afraid of her. "Miss Granger, you have no idea what happened in the attic that day, so it would be best if you kept your nose out of my business. I threatened Kreacher with clothes, but he protested that he would much rather be mounted on that wall with his predecessors. That being the case, I merely obliged him..."
"YOU. ARE. A. MURDERER," shouted Hermione, "After all he did to clean this house you killed him anyway! I wish you were in Azkaban!" At this, everyone gasped, and Snape straightened, black eyes flashing with rage. A minute later, Hermione found herself pinned down in a chair, her arms securely pinioned against the armrests. Snape's nose was only inches from hers, his eyes slits of rage; everyone expected him to yell, scream, throw things at her, but instead he said, "Miss Granger, perhaps it would be best if next time you clearly thought out what you are saying rather than just spewing mindlessly, because I sincerely doubt you want me in Azkaban with a dementor sucking my soul right out of my mouth, do you?"
Hermione looked away with fury, eyes cast downward, arms shaking with rage, "...No." "Just as I thought," said Snape, releasing her and striding to the door, "next week, Potter, in my office." Harry merely nodded, mouth slightly agape. And with that, Snape left.
Harry and Ron looked at Hermione, who had burst into tears.
That night he and Ron were up late discussing what had happened, although Harry felt hardly less guilty about any of it. "I mean, it just...it just sort of came out!" said Harry, "I don't know why!" Ron shook his head, "Don't you worry about it mate. It was You-Know-Who, that's all. You didn't mean any of it. You wouldn't kill Kreacher, as much as we'd all like to see him dead." Harry nodded, feeling no less guilty about the whole affair. Ron seemed to notice, said, "Harry...really. It's not your fault." He nodded once again, "Well...thanks Ron. I'd better try to sleep though. Snape wants me to practice my Occlumency, so I'd better do it unless I want him to bite me again."
Ron laughed, then said, "How come the venom from his snake form didn't hurt you? Do you think that maybe Animagus forms don't have venom or stuff like that?" "I dunno," said Harry, "maybe the only reason why I didn't die is because maybe he didn't use venom. Like a voluntary sort of thing. Just bit me to get my attention. Probably could have used venom if he'd felt like it though." Ron shuddered, "To think! The only reason why you got away is because Snape didn't feel like using venom!" Harry was unsettled by this, so he said, "Ah, well, g'night Ron. I have to start practicing." "Right Harry, see you tomorrow morning."
Harry rolled over and faced the grimy window, hoping he could clear his mind, although he severely doubted it. But slowly, objects began to clear away from his mind, and soon he just saw it as a blank white canvas; nothing was there to bother him. Then suddenly, he saw a flash of green and heard a woman cry "NO!" and he almost cried.
The next morning Harry felt as if he had done at least a semi-decent job of clearing out his mind, although he knew he'd have to try it several times during the day in order to keep Snape from yelling at him again. The day progressed without much fervor, as the majority of the house was now clean; but a few people, mainly Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione were wondering exactly what had happened to Kreacher. They had heard the racket the day previous but knew nothing of what Harry or Snape had done. Harry, in turn, was starting to wonder what it was that Snape did to Kreacher to cause a "No, please don't," to erupt from his lips. Harry discovered exactly what it was ten minutes later as he was descending the stairwell.
Kreacher's head was on the wall.
He almost smiled with satisfaction then felt a pang of guilt; he shouldn't have cast the Killing Curse on the house elf, no matter how evil Kreacher had been. Anyone else might have done it without a thought, but Harry...no, not after his parents had died that way...no...
He thought of what Snape had done and almost shuddered, then remembered that Kreacher wanted this to happen anyway. Maybe he had done Kreacher a kindness...
Hermione did not see it this way.
"Why that wretched, horrible man!" she sobbed, tears running down her cheeks, "Kreacher never did a thing...!" Harry and Ron shot her identical looks of 'How dare you say that after what happened to Sirius!' But instead she said, "I was just going to say that Kreacher never did a thing to-to-to him! To Snape! That nasty, greasy, hook-nosed fiend!" She ran upstairs to cry in her room, and Ginny ran after her shouting, "Hermione, wait! Come back!"
Ron turned to Harry, "Well I guess she's still stuck on the whole spew thing then."
Harry almost dreaded Snape's arrival that evening, although his talks with Lupin, Tonks, and Kingsley Shacklebolt certainly helped make him feel better about it. "Just concentrate on what needs to get done and he'll leave sooner," said Tonks, "and also try to keep Hermione away from him, will you?" Harry smiled slightly, said, "Ah, well, if one of you could help me with that I'd appreciate it. I don't think Ron and I can restrain her after what Snape did..." "Yeh," said Ron, "I don't think I'm strong enough to hold her back from hexing him out of the universe." "Say Ron," said Harry, "what's the deal with Hermione and her being so knackered at Snape?" He shrugged, "Dunno. Ever since about the end of June she's been fuming at him. Don't know what about though. She won't say."
Harry shrugged, "Maybe she'll let us in on it later tonight after what happened." A knock sounded on the door, and Tonks answered it; in swept Snape, looking just as menacing as he had the evening previous. "Kitchen, Potter," he said idly. Harry got up quickly, Ron giving him a look of sympathy, and went into the kitchen, Snape right behind him.
"Have you been practicing Potter?" said Snape as he pulled out his wand. "Yes sir," said Harry, "three times since last night." "And how has it been working?" "Sort of well," said Harry, pulling out his wand, "but it's difficult...sir," he said, remembering his manners, but only just. Snape ignored him and said, "Let's get started then. Clear your mind, Potter. Think of it as a blank canvas." Harry tried to clear his mind, and slowly everything seemed to disappear; his fear, his anger, all seemingly disappearing... "Legilimens!" said Snape.
Harry's knees buckled, and he felt weak; he was back in the Department of Mysteries, watching Sirius battle Bellatrix Lestrange... 'No...' thought Harry, 'NO!' Suddenly his scar burned, he heard laughter, then he shouted, "SCOURGIFY!"
He was back in the kitchen watching Snape spitting soap bubbles, "Blargh!" he shouted, running to the sink to spit it all out. Harry almost grinned; he had made it the first time through!
Then he remembered that he had just cast a Cleaning spell on Snape, and felt worried that he'd jinx him. Snape muttered some counter-spell beneath his breath, then wiped his mouth with his sleeve; he spat a few more times into the sink, then returned to Harry. "Interesting," he said, his mouth clearly still tasting of soap, "but you're still far from where you need to be. I shouldn't have been able to see anything, but you weren't concentrating hard enough. I don't want to be able to see anything; all I should see is blankness. No Department of Mysteries. Nothing."
Harry let out a sigh of discontent; still not good enough. Snape straightened, "Again."
After about five times of Snape attacking his mind, Harry was much better by the end of the lesson; he was now able to clear his mind within ten seconds of Snape casting the Legilimency spell. But for Snape, this hardly seemed an improvement, "I'll be back this time next week, Potter, and I expect you to be infinitely better by then. If not, then I will make the next lesson particularly painful for you." "Yes sir," said Harry, watching him leave the kitchen. Harry stood there for a moment, thinking about watching Snape spit soap bubbles, when he heard a loud cry in the living room, which was just off the foyer, "YOU!" Harry straightened and hurriedly ran in to discover Hermione shouting at Snape savagely. "You evil man! How dare you harm that house elf! He never did a thing to you! You...you...git!" Snape almost seemed to find Hermione's anger amusing until she insulted him, at which point he said, "Miss Granger, now might be a prudent time to remind you that I remain your professor of Potions now and next year, whether you or I like it or not, and I am more than willing to take house points from you the moment you set foot on Hogwarts premises once again."
"I DON'T CARE!" she shouted, "You killed Kreacher! He never did a thing to you! You chopped off his head like a bloody savage!" At this point, every member of the Order in the house was now present, watching Hermione's face grow redder and redder with pent up rage. Harry and Ron exchanged glances; Hermione never had such an outburst before, and now they were almost afraid of her. "Miss Granger, you have no idea what happened in the attic that day, so it would be best if you kept your nose out of my business. I threatened Kreacher with clothes, but he protested that he would much rather be mounted on that wall with his predecessors. That being the case, I merely obliged him..."
"YOU. ARE. A. MURDERER," shouted Hermione, "After all he did to clean this house you killed him anyway! I wish you were in Azkaban!" At this, everyone gasped, and Snape straightened, black eyes flashing with rage. A minute later, Hermione found herself pinned down in a chair, her arms securely pinioned against the armrests. Snape's nose was only inches from hers, his eyes slits of rage; everyone expected him to yell, scream, throw things at her, but instead he said, "Miss Granger, perhaps it would be best if next time you clearly thought out what you are saying rather than just spewing mindlessly, because I sincerely doubt you want me in Azkaban with a dementor sucking my soul right out of my mouth, do you?"
Hermione looked away with fury, eyes cast downward, arms shaking with rage, "...No." "Just as I thought," said Snape, releasing her and striding to the door, "next week, Potter, in my office." Harry merely nodded, mouth slightly agape. And with that, Snape left.
Harry and Ron looked at Hermione, who had burst into tears.