Chapter 11: Hermione's Confession
If Ron or Hermione knew he had cried, or how terrible he felt, neither of them said anything the next morning. It was Sunday, so there were no classes, but Harry was still uneasy about what would happen throughout the rest of the week. For all he knew, Ron or Hermione would be next, or Neville or Seamus, or Dean or...
"Harry?"
Harry stopped thinking for a moment, "Yeah?" "You're looking pretty grave," said Hermione, "do you want to talk about it?" He shrugged, "I don't see why, you've been keeping secrets from us too." "Whatever do you mean?" asked Hermione. Ron and Harry exchanged glances, "What's going on with you and the whole Snape thing?" asked Ron with a grin. Hermione stiffened, "I...that's...that's different. I can't talk about it." "Oh really?" said Harry, "But I'm supposed to tell you things I'd just as soon not tell you then eh?" Hermione was clearly in a huff, "Well...if I tell you, then...well...let's go upstairs. We'll go to your room."
Harry and Ron grinned at each other and followed Hermione up to their own room; luckily, Dean, Seamus, and Neville were still downstairs playing Exploding Snap. She shut the door behind them and warded it with a Silencing Charm so no one could listen in. Ron and Harry sat down on their own beds; Hermione sat down on Neville's, and was silent for a minute, then said, "Uh...well..." "Come on Hermione, out with it," said Ron, "we're your friends. You can trust us." "Okay," said Hermione, "but don't laugh, right?" "'Course not," said Ron, Harry nodding in agreement as well.
She cleared her throat, "Well, I know you've already heard that Snape basically saved my parents from certain death over the summer," she said. They nodded, and she continued, "Well ah, before that happened, something rather erm...embarrassing happened at the end of last year." They waited for her to continue, and eventually she did, "Well, you know how young and silly we can be at our age..." They exchanged glances, "As in what way?" said Harry. Hermione seemed to be sweating with nervousness now, and she glanced around the room anxiously, "I...ah...sometimes, you know, when you're young and silly, you...you develop...a...a..."
Suddenly Ron started laughing.
"Ron! Don't laugh!" she moaned.
"Oh it's too funny!" he said, almost sobbing with laughter, "Snape? Snape?!" "I don't know why!" she said, "I think it was the stress of the O.W.L.s or something!" Harry held up his hands, "Hang on, what am I missing here?" Ron was almost choking with laughter, "H-H-Harry, she developed a c-c-crush on S-Snape!" and he burst into more laughter. Her face was bright red, "I told you it wasn't something I planned on! It was stress! I don't even remotely like him now! I think he's an evil conceited old git!" Ron was doubled over, face redder than Harry had ever seen it, "Oh gosh, that's so funny!" he sobbed, tears of laughter pouring down his face. "I knew I couldn't trust you two!" she snapped, folding her arms angrily. Harry did his best to suppress his laughter, although occasionally a snort of it would erupt, "Hermione, we're sorry, it's just...funny."
Hermione let out a harrumph of anger, then said after a moment, "Are you two finished laughing at me? May I continue on with the story?" Harry and Ron tried to resituate themselves, holding occasional giggle fits under control, then Harry said, "Go on Hermione. We're fine now." "Well," said Hermione, "obviously, he didn't know about this. So one evening I was doing a Potions essay when I was really exhausted. I think it was right before the O.W.L.s. So I was writing the essay when I started feeling tired, so I put my head down and started doodling with my quill on the parchment, and I apparently wrote something on the back of it that he probably shouldn't have seen..."
"What, like 'Hermione Snape?'" asked Ron, erupting into another spell of laughter. Harry giggled, then stopped when he saw that Hermione was looking particularly hurt by that remark. "Ron, shut it," he muttered, elbowing him; "Oh, sorry," said Ron, regaining himself for the moment. After waiting another minute, Hermione said, "Well as you can imagine Snape found my doodling and was pretty...ah...upset. He called me down to his office and basically told me the whole who do I think I am bit, and that I was a premature show-off and that he'd never ever consider anything more than a student-teacher relationship with me, and basically told me what was what, and that I needed to go stick my head in a cold cauldron and start thinking clearly again."
"Ouch," said Harry quietly. "Naturally, you can imagine how that made me feel," said Hermione, "and when he saved my parents, well, I was pretty upset, especially when he rubbed it in my face. And then," she added, "he cut off poor Kreacher's head. Well, he's just basically snubbed me in every way now hasn't he?" Harry and Ron weren't laughing so much anymore, and finally Harry said, "Well, that explains a lot." "So did anything happen during that detention you had with him?" asked Ron. "No, not really, I just scraped cauldron bottoms and gum off the bottoms of desks," she said, "although he did take the time to remind me that 'I need to get over this whole business because he's not about to make my life any easier.' Apparently he still thinks I like him, which is dead wrong," she remarked, "the stupid overgrown bat..."
Harry and Ron grinned at that remark, and Ron asked, "So what happened with that whole thing about your parents and Snape?" Hermione's expression became grim, "That's kind of its own story. Very strange how it all happened.
"I was off on holiday in France with my aunt and uncle when I received a letter saying that my parents' house was destroyed but that they were fine. It was an owl from Dumbledore, and he asked that I come back early and meet him, Snape, and my parents at a local hotel by our house. So I showed up early after telling my aunt and uncle what had happened, although I remember making up some sort of false excuse for my early return.
"I met up with Dumbledore and Snape at the hotel and found my parents looking rather frightened; apparently they were at home when suddenly a stranger Apparated into their house. Since he was masked, they have no idea as to who it was; them being Muggles, though, I doubt they would have known who it was to begin with." She straightened her robes absently as she continued, "Dumbledore and Snape couldn't figure out which Death Eater it was, but the main point, obviously, is that You-Know-Who knew where my parents were living. Since then Dumbledore's gotten them a small flat over Diagon Alley, which is guarded routinely by different members of the Order."
Harry remembered hearing about this and nodded, but this was all news to Ron. "So Snape actually showed up and saved them?" he asked. "Well that's the strange thing," said Hermione, "I always figured he hated Muggles but apparently he had been guarding them the night they were attacked. He received some inside information from You-Know-Who's inner circle and found out they were next on the hit list. Whenever...whoever it was, that Death Eater, Apparated into the house, Snape managed to Disapparate Mum and Dad to Diagon Alley, but he stayed behind and fought whoever it was."
"And he didn't manage to glimpse them?" asked Harry. Hermione shook her head, "No. He did, however, give them a nasty cut across the face, which is why Dumbledore's been waiting to see someone with a scar running from their chin diagonally across the eye. Snape, apparently, thought that if he couldn't at least capture the Death Eater, he could at least mark him for the next time they met." Harry nodded; it made sense, although he was surprised Snape couldn't capture the Death Eater.
"That's basically what happened," she finished, "Mum and Dad were quite frightened, as you can understand, but they're doing much better now. They say they've got a lot more respect for wizards ever since they met Snape and Dumbledore, although I can't imagine why you'd think that of...him." Harry grinned but said nothing, although Ron heartily agreed, "Yeh! Stupid git!"
That evening Harry was coming back from the library with Ron and Hermione when he came upon Lupin, who said, "Ah Harry. I was just looking for you. You're wanted in the hospital wing," he said. Harry turned to Ron and Hermione, the two of them with questioning looks on their faces, although he secretly suspected it had to do with Cho Chang. "I'll catch you up later, at dinner," he said, "go on ahead without me." They nodded and said their goodbyes, then Lupin and Harry went up the stairs to the hospital wing. "Cho's doing better," he said quietly, and Harry nodded, "That's good." "But we found something clutched in her hand when she arrived that was apparently written for you," said Lupin as they approached the door to the wing.
"A note for me?" asked Harry. Lupin nodded, "The Headmaster thought it best for you to come up here and read it in private rather than down in the Great Hall." He opened the door and Harry found Dumbledore standing over Cho, who was looking only slightly better since yesterday. Harry sat down on the end of the bed, not sure of what else to do, "Hi Cho." She opened her eyes, said, "Oh...hi Harry." He wanted to say "I'm so sorry this had to happen, this is all my fault, I don't know why this is happening," but the words wouldn't come. He was too heartbroken to say anything. "Harry," said Dumbledore, noticing the sad look on his face, "this note was found with Cho in the Forbidden Forest. We believe it's for you." Harry took the bit of parchment and opened it slowly; scrawled in black ink were the words:
You can hide behind your friends for as long as you like...but it's only
going to get worse.
Harry crushed the note in his hand, shaking with rage, "Worse, huh?" he whispered. "Harry, we've got this entire castle safely secured," said Dumbledore, "no one is going to be hurt again. We've made sure of it." Harry barely heard him, and instead got up to leave, saying, "Get better Cho," and walked out the door, determined to learn the Killing Curse within the hour.
Ignoring Ron and Hermione as he went right past the Great Hall, Harry stopped only when he was in front of Professor Snape's office, knocking hard on the door. He appeared a moment later, "What do you want Potter?" he said idly, his voice its usual bitter tone. "I have a question," said Harry, almost trembling with rage, "what is the penalty for using one of the Unforgivable Curses?" Snape's head almost jerked with surprise but instead he said stonily, "A lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban and possibly a little kiss from the dementors, depending on the curse." Harry furrowed his brow, "Sounds fine to me," and he turned to march off to find an empty classroom to practice.
Snape, however, would have none of it.
Jerking him backward by the collar, Harry found himself being pushed into Snape's dungeon hastily, the door slamming shut behind him. "Sit down Potter," said Snape. Harry sat, albeit with venom. Snape faced him from behind his desk, and said, "I'm not entirely certain if your memory is incapacitated or not, as we already had this discussion earlier this year, but you'll listen to it again as many times as necessary." He sat down smoothly, "Perhaps you don't realize the exact implications of your sudden decision to learn the Killing Curse." He cleared his throat, "But let me explain to you why this is yet another bad idea on your part.
"The Killing Curse has a long history of unhappiness totally unrelated to the death factor. You see, anyone who uses the Killing Curse is sent to Azkaban and there they will have their soul sucked out by a dementor. You understand the implications of this, yes?" Harry nodded slowly, determined to ignore just about everything Snape was saying until he said, "Have you ever seen or met anyone who has had their soul sucked out?" Harry shrugged, "No, and I don't care." "I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked you a question," said Snape silkily, continuing on.
"Despite your obvious dismissal for what you would become if you were to have your soul sucked out, I'll elaborate on it for you. Whenever a person's soul is sucked out, they basically turn into a zombie. They have no emotion, no will, and certainly no reason to live. And although you're at the height of your emotions at the moment, you will sincerely regret having ever learned much less used the Killing Curse in the future, mostly because your parents died to save your life, not so you could throw it away."
At the mention of his parents he felt a pang of guilt, and slowly began to put his wand away. "You're right," he said after a minute, "I shouldn't...shouldn't have thought that." "And I don't ever, ever want to hear it again," clarified Snape, "I never want to hear that you're learning it, that you've used it, or anything else, because if you do, I will come looking for you, and you will answer to me." Harry nodded slowly as Snape said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor, now get out," and pointed to the door. Harry exited silently, and the door slammed shut behind him.
Snape, in the meantime, threw a handful of Floo Powder on the fire in his office and said, "Dumbledore's office!" then stuck his head into the green flames. The world swirled around in a dance of flame and brick, and a moment later he was staring into Dumbledore's office. "Albus?" he said, and a moment later the Headmaster appeared, "Yes Severus?" he asked, getting down on his knees to better communicate with Snape. "I've just spoken with the Potter boy," he said smoothly, "he desires to learn the Killing Curse." Dumbledore nodded, "I had a feeling he would act drastically. A shame, but an understandable one." Snape disagreed but only said, "Sir, do you think it wise that he study to become an Animagus when he is clearly so...vengeful, all the time?"
"I do, Severus, I do," said Dumbledore, "because Harry has nothing else to defend himself with other than his courage and cleverness. He must learn to become an Animagus, and do so by the end of the year."
If Ron or Hermione knew he had cried, or how terrible he felt, neither of them said anything the next morning. It was Sunday, so there were no classes, but Harry was still uneasy about what would happen throughout the rest of the week. For all he knew, Ron or Hermione would be next, or Neville or Seamus, or Dean or...
"Harry?"
Harry stopped thinking for a moment, "Yeah?" "You're looking pretty grave," said Hermione, "do you want to talk about it?" He shrugged, "I don't see why, you've been keeping secrets from us too." "Whatever do you mean?" asked Hermione. Ron and Harry exchanged glances, "What's going on with you and the whole Snape thing?" asked Ron with a grin. Hermione stiffened, "I...that's...that's different. I can't talk about it." "Oh really?" said Harry, "But I'm supposed to tell you things I'd just as soon not tell you then eh?" Hermione was clearly in a huff, "Well...if I tell you, then...well...let's go upstairs. We'll go to your room."
Harry and Ron grinned at each other and followed Hermione up to their own room; luckily, Dean, Seamus, and Neville were still downstairs playing Exploding Snap. She shut the door behind them and warded it with a Silencing Charm so no one could listen in. Ron and Harry sat down on their own beds; Hermione sat down on Neville's, and was silent for a minute, then said, "Uh...well..." "Come on Hermione, out with it," said Ron, "we're your friends. You can trust us." "Okay," said Hermione, "but don't laugh, right?" "'Course not," said Ron, Harry nodding in agreement as well.
She cleared her throat, "Well, I know you've already heard that Snape basically saved my parents from certain death over the summer," she said. They nodded, and she continued, "Well ah, before that happened, something rather erm...embarrassing happened at the end of last year." They waited for her to continue, and eventually she did, "Well, you know how young and silly we can be at our age..." They exchanged glances, "As in what way?" said Harry. Hermione seemed to be sweating with nervousness now, and she glanced around the room anxiously, "I...ah...sometimes, you know, when you're young and silly, you...you develop...a...a..."
Suddenly Ron started laughing.
"Ron! Don't laugh!" she moaned.
"Oh it's too funny!" he said, almost sobbing with laughter, "Snape? Snape?!" "I don't know why!" she said, "I think it was the stress of the O.W.L.s or something!" Harry held up his hands, "Hang on, what am I missing here?" Ron was almost choking with laughter, "H-H-Harry, she developed a c-c-crush on S-Snape!" and he burst into more laughter. Her face was bright red, "I told you it wasn't something I planned on! It was stress! I don't even remotely like him now! I think he's an evil conceited old git!" Ron was doubled over, face redder than Harry had ever seen it, "Oh gosh, that's so funny!" he sobbed, tears of laughter pouring down his face. "I knew I couldn't trust you two!" she snapped, folding her arms angrily. Harry did his best to suppress his laughter, although occasionally a snort of it would erupt, "Hermione, we're sorry, it's just...funny."
Hermione let out a harrumph of anger, then said after a moment, "Are you two finished laughing at me? May I continue on with the story?" Harry and Ron tried to resituate themselves, holding occasional giggle fits under control, then Harry said, "Go on Hermione. We're fine now." "Well," said Hermione, "obviously, he didn't know about this. So one evening I was doing a Potions essay when I was really exhausted. I think it was right before the O.W.L.s. So I was writing the essay when I started feeling tired, so I put my head down and started doodling with my quill on the parchment, and I apparently wrote something on the back of it that he probably shouldn't have seen..."
"What, like 'Hermione Snape?'" asked Ron, erupting into another spell of laughter. Harry giggled, then stopped when he saw that Hermione was looking particularly hurt by that remark. "Ron, shut it," he muttered, elbowing him; "Oh, sorry," said Ron, regaining himself for the moment. After waiting another minute, Hermione said, "Well as you can imagine Snape found my doodling and was pretty...ah...upset. He called me down to his office and basically told me the whole who do I think I am bit, and that I was a premature show-off and that he'd never ever consider anything more than a student-teacher relationship with me, and basically told me what was what, and that I needed to go stick my head in a cold cauldron and start thinking clearly again."
"Ouch," said Harry quietly. "Naturally, you can imagine how that made me feel," said Hermione, "and when he saved my parents, well, I was pretty upset, especially when he rubbed it in my face. And then," she added, "he cut off poor Kreacher's head. Well, he's just basically snubbed me in every way now hasn't he?" Harry and Ron weren't laughing so much anymore, and finally Harry said, "Well, that explains a lot." "So did anything happen during that detention you had with him?" asked Ron. "No, not really, I just scraped cauldron bottoms and gum off the bottoms of desks," she said, "although he did take the time to remind me that 'I need to get over this whole business because he's not about to make my life any easier.' Apparently he still thinks I like him, which is dead wrong," she remarked, "the stupid overgrown bat..."
Harry and Ron grinned at that remark, and Ron asked, "So what happened with that whole thing about your parents and Snape?" Hermione's expression became grim, "That's kind of its own story. Very strange how it all happened.
"I was off on holiday in France with my aunt and uncle when I received a letter saying that my parents' house was destroyed but that they were fine. It was an owl from Dumbledore, and he asked that I come back early and meet him, Snape, and my parents at a local hotel by our house. So I showed up early after telling my aunt and uncle what had happened, although I remember making up some sort of false excuse for my early return.
"I met up with Dumbledore and Snape at the hotel and found my parents looking rather frightened; apparently they were at home when suddenly a stranger Apparated into their house. Since he was masked, they have no idea as to who it was; them being Muggles, though, I doubt they would have known who it was to begin with." She straightened her robes absently as she continued, "Dumbledore and Snape couldn't figure out which Death Eater it was, but the main point, obviously, is that You-Know-Who knew where my parents were living. Since then Dumbledore's gotten them a small flat over Diagon Alley, which is guarded routinely by different members of the Order."
Harry remembered hearing about this and nodded, but this was all news to Ron. "So Snape actually showed up and saved them?" he asked. "Well that's the strange thing," said Hermione, "I always figured he hated Muggles but apparently he had been guarding them the night they were attacked. He received some inside information from You-Know-Who's inner circle and found out they were next on the hit list. Whenever...whoever it was, that Death Eater, Apparated into the house, Snape managed to Disapparate Mum and Dad to Diagon Alley, but he stayed behind and fought whoever it was."
"And he didn't manage to glimpse them?" asked Harry. Hermione shook her head, "No. He did, however, give them a nasty cut across the face, which is why Dumbledore's been waiting to see someone with a scar running from their chin diagonally across the eye. Snape, apparently, thought that if he couldn't at least capture the Death Eater, he could at least mark him for the next time they met." Harry nodded; it made sense, although he was surprised Snape couldn't capture the Death Eater.
"That's basically what happened," she finished, "Mum and Dad were quite frightened, as you can understand, but they're doing much better now. They say they've got a lot more respect for wizards ever since they met Snape and Dumbledore, although I can't imagine why you'd think that of...him." Harry grinned but said nothing, although Ron heartily agreed, "Yeh! Stupid git!"
That evening Harry was coming back from the library with Ron and Hermione when he came upon Lupin, who said, "Ah Harry. I was just looking for you. You're wanted in the hospital wing," he said. Harry turned to Ron and Hermione, the two of them with questioning looks on their faces, although he secretly suspected it had to do with Cho Chang. "I'll catch you up later, at dinner," he said, "go on ahead without me." They nodded and said their goodbyes, then Lupin and Harry went up the stairs to the hospital wing. "Cho's doing better," he said quietly, and Harry nodded, "That's good." "But we found something clutched in her hand when she arrived that was apparently written for you," said Lupin as they approached the door to the wing.
"A note for me?" asked Harry. Lupin nodded, "The Headmaster thought it best for you to come up here and read it in private rather than down in the Great Hall." He opened the door and Harry found Dumbledore standing over Cho, who was looking only slightly better since yesterday. Harry sat down on the end of the bed, not sure of what else to do, "Hi Cho." She opened her eyes, said, "Oh...hi Harry." He wanted to say "I'm so sorry this had to happen, this is all my fault, I don't know why this is happening," but the words wouldn't come. He was too heartbroken to say anything. "Harry," said Dumbledore, noticing the sad look on his face, "this note was found with Cho in the Forbidden Forest. We believe it's for you." Harry took the bit of parchment and opened it slowly; scrawled in black ink were the words:
You can hide behind your friends for as long as you like...but it's only
going to get worse.
Harry crushed the note in his hand, shaking with rage, "Worse, huh?" he whispered. "Harry, we've got this entire castle safely secured," said Dumbledore, "no one is going to be hurt again. We've made sure of it." Harry barely heard him, and instead got up to leave, saying, "Get better Cho," and walked out the door, determined to learn the Killing Curse within the hour.
Ignoring Ron and Hermione as he went right past the Great Hall, Harry stopped only when he was in front of Professor Snape's office, knocking hard on the door. He appeared a moment later, "What do you want Potter?" he said idly, his voice its usual bitter tone. "I have a question," said Harry, almost trembling with rage, "what is the penalty for using one of the Unforgivable Curses?" Snape's head almost jerked with surprise but instead he said stonily, "A lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban and possibly a little kiss from the dementors, depending on the curse." Harry furrowed his brow, "Sounds fine to me," and he turned to march off to find an empty classroom to practice.
Snape, however, would have none of it.
Jerking him backward by the collar, Harry found himself being pushed into Snape's dungeon hastily, the door slamming shut behind him. "Sit down Potter," said Snape. Harry sat, albeit with venom. Snape faced him from behind his desk, and said, "I'm not entirely certain if your memory is incapacitated or not, as we already had this discussion earlier this year, but you'll listen to it again as many times as necessary." He sat down smoothly, "Perhaps you don't realize the exact implications of your sudden decision to learn the Killing Curse." He cleared his throat, "But let me explain to you why this is yet another bad idea on your part.
"The Killing Curse has a long history of unhappiness totally unrelated to the death factor. You see, anyone who uses the Killing Curse is sent to Azkaban and there they will have their soul sucked out by a dementor. You understand the implications of this, yes?" Harry nodded slowly, determined to ignore just about everything Snape was saying until he said, "Have you ever seen or met anyone who has had their soul sucked out?" Harry shrugged, "No, and I don't care." "I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked you a question," said Snape silkily, continuing on.
"Despite your obvious dismissal for what you would become if you were to have your soul sucked out, I'll elaborate on it for you. Whenever a person's soul is sucked out, they basically turn into a zombie. They have no emotion, no will, and certainly no reason to live. And although you're at the height of your emotions at the moment, you will sincerely regret having ever learned much less used the Killing Curse in the future, mostly because your parents died to save your life, not so you could throw it away."
At the mention of his parents he felt a pang of guilt, and slowly began to put his wand away. "You're right," he said after a minute, "I shouldn't...shouldn't have thought that." "And I don't ever, ever want to hear it again," clarified Snape, "I never want to hear that you're learning it, that you've used it, or anything else, because if you do, I will come looking for you, and you will answer to me." Harry nodded slowly as Snape said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor, now get out," and pointed to the door. Harry exited silently, and the door slammed shut behind him.
Snape, in the meantime, threw a handful of Floo Powder on the fire in his office and said, "Dumbledore's office!" then stuck his head into the green flames. The world swirled around in a dance of flame and brick, and a moment later he was staring into Dumbledore's office. "Albus?" he said, and a moment later the Headmaster appeared, "Yes Severus?" he asked, getting down on his knees to better communicate with Snape. "I've just spoken with the Potter boy," he said smoothly, "he desires to learn the Killing Curse." Dumbledore nodded, "I had a feeling he would act drastically. A shame, but an understandable one." Snape disagreed but only said, "Sir, do you think it wise that he study to become an Animagus when he is clearly so...vengeful, all the time?"
"I do, Severus, I do," said Dumbledore, "because Harry has nothing else to defend himself with other than his courage and cleverness. He must learn to become an Animagus, and do so by the end of the year."