Chapter 17: Dissent and Memory
Break went over relatively well, and Harry almost enjoyed his lesson with Snape until he accidentally set his robes on fire, at which point Snape requested that Harry go boil his head and get out of the kitchen. Although he didn't follow Snape's orders to the T, Harry still left the kitchen in a hurry and went upstairs to egg Ron on to join him in a snowball fight. A few minutes later, they were enjoying a snowball fight under the close supervision of Tonks and Moody, who agreed to come along for their safety. Tonks even bewitched a few snowballs to follow them and bounce off their heads, although she quickly had to disable the charm when a few Muggles were in sight, but luckily they saw nothing.
Finally it was time to go back to Hogwarts, and Harry looked forward to it with all honesty as he was getting tired of being stuck in Grimmauld Place. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were loading their trunks onto the Hogwarts Express when they heard someone remark snidely behind them, "Glad to see Weasley's got himself a proper trunk. The cardboard box he was using before wasn't working out at all well, was it Goyle?" Ron almost ran at Malfoy at full speed, but Harry grabbed him by the back of his robes. "Oh hi Professor Moody!" called out Hermione, waving her hand enthusiastically. Malfoy rolled his eyes, "I'm not falling for that one again Mudblood; if I ever saw that old codger again I'd...'
A hand clamped onto Malfoy's shoulder, "You'd do what?" said Moody angrily, his magical whizzing about. Malfoy's eyes widened with surprise, and slowly he turned to see Alastor Moody glaring at him, both eyes now focused on him. "I...I..." stuttered Malfoy. "That's what I thought," said Moody, "you're a coward. Get on the train you scum." Malfoy hurried away from Moody as quickly as his arrogant strides would allow, clearly worried that Moody would turn him back into another bouncing ferret.
They all laughed heartily and got on the train, shouting their thanks to Moody out the window and also a few last minute goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. And finally, they were on their way to Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione went off to the Prefects' carriage, and Harry went for his usual compartment with Neville, when he found that Neville wasn't alone. Instead, he was sitting with Luna Lovegood, and the two of them were talking animatedly; Harry paused outside the door, and decided it was better to just leave the two of them be.
He did, luckily, find an empty compartment a few minutes later, and he sat down in silence; he wasn't used to this. Usually there was always someone to talk to. Slowly he pulled out his books, and began to look for some unfinished homework; he couldn't find any. Putting those away he searched for his copy of Which Broomstick? but couldn't find it. Harry was now almost exasperated with boredom; he was twenty minutes into the trip and already about to fall asleep. Then Malfoy showed up.
"What's wrong Potter? Couldn't find any of your Mudblood friends to sit with?" said Malfoy, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle. Harry glared at them, "They're in the Prefects compartment Malfoy, you know that. Besides, I'm holding this compartment for them; they'll be here in a few minutes, so why don't you and your cronies shove off." Malfoy shrugged, "Actually, I think I'd rather hang around and see if your friends do show up. Do you even have friends, Potter? I mean besides that godfather of yours that died last year? What was he? A convicted felon? Killed all those Muggles, didn't he?" Harry felt as if his eyes and ears were pouring steam, and he shot straight out of his seat, wand clutched in a shaking hand.
"Oh yes," said Malfoy lowly, "my father told me all about Sirius Black. He knows an awful lot of things about you Potter. You and your family. And I know it all too. Him being your godfather...what a disgrace." Harry almost let out a grunt of rage but instead he pointed his wand and shouted "Gravitas corpus!" and this time he put the emphasis on the right part of the word. Malfoy went spinning into the corridor, and Harry grinned when he heard him hit the floor of the compartment with a thud. Crabbe and Goyle turned to Harry, looking menacing, but Harry snapped, "You come one inch closer and you'll both get the same! Just try it!" They exchanged glances and hesitated, despite the fact that Malfoy was behind them shouting at them to attack Harry.
Finally Malfoy pushed them aside and pointed his wand at Harry, hand shaking, perfect blonde hair now askew, "I should kill you for that Potter. You're lucky we're-"
"What's going on here?"
Harry and Malfoy looked up to see Professor Lupin, looking more bedraggled than ever, standing in the corridor, looking at them questioningly. "Nothing sir," said Harry and Malfoy in unison. Lupin stared at them for a minute, "Shouldn't you be in the Prefects compartment Mr. Malfoy?" Malfoy nodded, head held high, and strode out of the compartment, and Crabbe and Goyle followed him as he left. Harry put down his wand. "I hate him," he said angrily, "he's so stupid. He tries to egg me on."
"And you let him," added Lupin, entering the compartment and sitting down across from Harry, "you can't let him get to you Harry. You've got to be the bigger man." "He insulted Sirius!" snarled Harry, thinking about his godfather wistfully. Lupin did not hesitate, "I seriously doubt he would want you to get expelled on his account. Especially after what he's done to keep you safe." Harry felt that comment sting, but he did not let it show, "Yeah, well, I'm just sticking up for him; you'd think he would at least appreciate it." "I know, Harry, and I'm sure he does," said Lupin, "but don't live on a memory. You can't live on a memory. You have to move on just as all of us do."
"It's not that easy," said Harry bitterly. "You think it's been easy for me?" said Lupin, clearly put-out with Harry's behavior. Harry fell silent. "You don't know what it's like losing your best friend," said Lupin, eyes alight with anger, "we've suffered a blow just as you have. I understand how much worse it is for you Harry, not having James or Lily, but I know that feeling too. Don't forget that there are others here who miss Sirius as much as you, whether you like to admit it or not." Harry felt as if he'd been slapped, but he knew he deserved it, "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean it."
Lupin was quiet for a minute, then said, "I have to go to the teachers' compartment. I'll see you in class." He left, and Harry felt as if a thousand pounds had been removed from his shoulders. Why wasn't he more sensitive to other people about Sirius? Other people knew him and missed him too. What's your problem? he thought disappointedly. He wasn't entirely certain that he knew, and after twenty minutes of meditating on this, he finally fell asleep with his head against the window, wishing he was someone else.
Break went over relatively well, and Harry almost enjoyed his lesson with Snape until he accidentally set his robes on fire, at which point Snape requested that Harry go boil his head and get out of the kitchen. Although he didn't follow Snape's orders to the T, Harry still left the kitchen in a hurry and went upstairs to egg Ron on to join him in a snowball fight. A few minutes later, they were enjoying a snowball fight under the close supervision of Tonks and Moody, who agreed to come along for their safety. Tonks even bewitched a few snowballs to follow them and bounce off their heads, although she quickly had to disable the charm when a few Muggles were in sight, but luckily they saw nothing.
Finally it was time to go back to Hogwarts, and Harry looked forward to it with all honesty as he was getting tired of being stuck in Grimmauld Place. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were loading their trunks onto the Hogwarts Express when they heard someone remark snidely behind them, "Glad to see Weasley's got himself a proper trunk. The cardboard box he was using before wasn't working out at all well, was it Goyle?" Ron almost ran at Malfoy at full speed, but Harry grabbed him by the back of his robes. "Oh hi Professor Moody!" called out Hermione, waving her hand enthusiastically. Malfoy rolled his eyes, "I'm not falling for that one again Mudblood; if I ever saw that old codger again I'd...'
A hand clamped onto Malfoy's shoulder, "You'd do what?" said Moody angrily, his magical whizzing about. Malfoy's eyes widened with surprise, and slowly he turned to see Alastor Moody glaring at him, both eyes now focused on him. "I...I..." stuttered Malfoy. "That's what I thought," said Moody, "you're a coward. Get on the train you scum." Malfoy hurried away from Moody as quickly as his arrogant strides would allow, clearly worried that Moody would turn him back into another bouncing ferret.
They all laughed heartily and got on the train, shouting their thanks to Moody out the window and also a few last minute goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. And finally, they were on their way to Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione went off to the Prefects' carriage, and Harry went for his usual compartment with Neville, when he found that Neville wasn't alone. Instead, he was sitting with Luna Lovegood, and the two of them were talking animatedly; Harry paused outside the door, and decided it was better to just leave the two of them be.
He did, luckily, find an empty compartment a few minutes later, and he sat down in silence; he wasn't used to this. Usually there was always someone to talk to. Slowly he pulled out his books, and began to look for some unfinished homework; he couldn't find any. Putting those away he searched for his copy of Which Broomstick? but couldn't find it. Harry was now almost exasperated with boredom; he was twenty minutes into the trip and already about to fall asleep. Then Malfoy showed up.
"What's wrong Potter? Couldn't find any of your Mudblood friends to sit with?" said Malfoy, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle. Harry glared at them, "They're in the Prefects compartment Malfoy, you know that. Besides, I'm holding this compartment for them; they'll be here in a few minutes, so why don't you and your cronies shove off." Malfoy shrugged, "Actually, I think I'd rather hang around and see if your friends do show up. Do you even have friends, Potter? I mean besides that godfather of yours that died last year? What was he? A convicted felon? Killed all those Muggles, didn't he?" Harry felt as if his eyes and ears were pouring steam, and he shot straight out of his seat, wand clutched in a shaking hand.
"Oh yes," said Malfoy lowly, "my father told me all about Sirius Black. He knows an awful lot of things about you Potter. You and your family. And I know it all too. Him being your godfather...what a disgrace." Harry almost let out a grunt of rage but instead he pointed his wand and shouted "Gravitas corpus!" and this time he put the emphasis on the right part of the word. Malfoy went spinning into the corridor, and Harry grinned when he heard him hit the floor of the compartment with a thud. Crabbe and Goyle turned to Harry, looking menacing, but Harry snapped, "You come one inch closer and you'll both get the same! Just try it!" They exchanged glances and hesitated, despite the fact that Malfoy was behind them shouting at them to attack Harry.
Finally Malfoy pushed them aside and pointed his wand at Harry, hand shaking, perfect blonde hair now askew, "I should kill you for that Potter. You're lucky we're-"
"What's going on here?"
Harry and Malfoy looked up to see Professor Lupin, looking more bedraggled than ever, standing in the corridor, looking at them questioningly. "Nothing sir," said Harry and Malfoy in unison. Lupin stared at them for a minute, "Shouldn't you be in the Prefects compartment Mr. Malfoy?" Malfoy nodded, head held high, and strode out of the compartment, and Crabbe and Goyle followed him as he left. Harry put down his wand. "I hate him," he said angrily, "he's so stupid. He tries to egg me on."
"And you let him," added Lupin, entering the compartment and sitting down across from Harry, "you can't let him get to you Harry. You've got to be the bigger man." "He insulted Sirius!" snarled Harry, thinking about his godfather wistfully. Lupin did not hesitate, "I seriously doubt he would want you to get expelled on his account. Especially after what he's done to keep you safe." Harry felt that comment sting, but he did not let it show, "Yeah, well, I'm just sticking up for him; you'd think he would at least appreciate it." "I know, Harry, and I'm sure he does," said Lupin, "but don't live on a memory. You can't live on a memory. You have to move on just as all of us do."
"It's not that easy," said Harry bitterly. "You think it's been easy for me?" said Lupin, clearly put-out with Harry's behavior. Harry fell silent. "You don't know what it's like losing your best friend," said Lupin, eyes alight with anger, "we've suffered a blow just as you have. I understand how much worse it is for you Harry, not having James or Lily, but I know that feeling too. Don't forget that there are others here who miss Sirius as much as you, whether you like to admit it or not." Harry felt as if he'd been slapped, but he knew he deserved it, "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean it."
Lupin was quiet for a minute, then said, "I have to go to the teachers' compartment. I'll see you in class." He left, and Harry felt as if a thousand pounds had been removed from his shoulders. Why wasn't he more sensitive to other people about Sirius? Other people knew him and missed him too. What's your problem? he thought disappointedly. He wasn't entirely certain that he knew, and after twenty minutes of meditating on this, he finally fell asleep with his head against the window, wishing he was someone else.