Chapter 7
A/N: This took me forever to write. I had to: write it, then write it again and then erase it and write it again. I hope you guys like it. I tried to take reviews into account. I don't know, tell me what you think!!! Pyromaniacal Llama: I know what you mean about the fast updates, I'm an avid fanfic reader myself, so I try to update as soon as I'm done. I think it's kinda tipped off by my vast amount of mistakes ( Thanks for the support So here's number seven hope u like it. R/R please :D Thanx for the reviews everyone. I'm really grateful for them. Special thanx to my beta, gigi, thank you so much for taking a look at this!
The first weeks of school passed rather quickly. It seemed that all their teachers were determined to work them hard as to prepare them for the NEWTs. Complaints could be heard from everyone in the seventh year, about the strenuous amount of work.
The pressure had even gotten to Lily, who was usually unaffected by the stress provided by classes. That however, was mostly due to the fact that she did well in her classes, up until this year. She was facing one of the most difficult times ever in her DADA classes. She had considered taking Sirius up on the help offer he had given Lily. Yet, every time she wanted to approach him, she reminded herself that they hadn't spoken much since the night after their first classes. It seemed almost impossible now to bring something like that up. On the most part it seemed as though he were avoiding her. To be honest, she imagined that sharing that memory of her old best friend might've been too much for him to handle. Lily imagined he must've felt awkward, or accused. Why wouldn't it sound as though she were accusing him? She had clearly pointed out that behavior like the one he used to take part in was wrong in her book. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. She grew even more reluctant to talk to him now, after having exhausted the topic in her mind. The prospect of asking him to tutor her was out of the question now. She didn't deny that being with Sirius for a prolonged amount of time, would have been more about quality time with him, rather than actual focusing on her classes.
If only, she thought, she had considered the situation before she would've tried to get him to speak to her. She would've apologized for having said anything about Jamie at all, for making him feel bad. It was weird for her to actually think that way at all. She didn't often apologize to anyone. It was one of her greatest flaws, her mother had said. She was too proud to admit when she had made a mistake. As a matter of fact, she liked to think that she had studied and worked hard enough not to make many mistakes. But that was a wrong presumption and she knew it. Not only towards life, but especially concerning the opposite sex. Who was she to say she was right all the time? She knew that posed a wrong image to people around her. Sarah and Hannah didn't bother discussing something Lily thought she was right about. She was too stubborn. Yet, it felt easy to say she might've been wrong to share something so personal with Sirius. She came down with a resolution then, she would apologize.
'For having been open?' a voice said arrogantly. 'You were being honest.'
'For accusing him." another voice added. "I think."
'My mistakes will come back to haunt me,' she thought wryly.
***
"Ever had that overwhelming feeling after you over think things?" she asked as she flopped down next to Hannah for lunch in the Great Hall. "I mean, really over thinking something, to the point where you think everything you've said and done is a mistake?"
"Yes and wow, you have a lot on your mind. You admitting you've made a mistake, doesn't actually sound right. Where's my best friend and what have you done with her?" Hannah asked smiling.
"I do make mistakes. There, I admit it," she proclaimed. "Is it really that weird? Me, admitting I've done something wrong?"
"What's wrong Lily?" she said ignoring her question. "What's with the over thinking bit?"
"Nice dodging! And where's Sarah? And have you seen the sky today?" she said mockingly. She sighed frustrated and looked at her longtime friend. "I was just thinking about Sirius."
She said the last part in a whisper as to not let anyone else hear them speaking about him. Her friend only supplied her with a wide-eyed look and smiled.
"Well?" she said after being quiet for a while. "Did you talk to him?"
Hannah was obviously eager to hear about Sirius.
"No, not really. I just. I was thinking about the conversation I had with him-" She started.
"You mean the one you had almost a month ago," she said disbelievingly. "Had you given it any thought at all up until now?"
"Well, not really. I just saw him in DADA class and I started thinking. I mean, I didn't hear a word Professor Munin said all throughout the class. Mind you, it wasn't particularly interesting, and I don't think it really matters considering I'm doing so badly in the class, but still." she said hastily. "I don't know. It just hit me, that maybe he felt that I was accusing him or something. That maybe, that's why he's been avoiding me."
"Talk about paranoid. Lily, you're going to drive yourself crazy. I think he just probably just has too much to do. Why don't you try talking to him?" Hannah said soothingly. She had never seen Lily act so oddly, especially about a guy.
"I don't know. I don't think-" she started hesitantly.
"You should talk to him!" Hannah exclaimed encouragingly. "You really should!"
"Yeah, you should!" Sarah said excitedly as she sat next to Hannah. "What are we talking about?"
Lily and Hannah rolled their eyes at their friend's attitude. She looked slightly disheveled as she leaned in to take food out of Hannah's plate. Other girls were looking at her curiously. Just as Lily and Hannah were about to question her appearance, Daya Jonkins and Aurora Thompson, their other roommates, looked over at Sarah and approached her smiling.
"Sarah, I heard you were getting in trouble over by the dungeons just a little bit ago," Daya said grinning broadly.
"What happened?" Hannah asked looking at the other two girls then looking at Sarah's thin-lipped smile. "You look like you're hiding something."
"Well, Bastian said he had seen you snogging some Ravenclaw just down the hall from Potions. Said something about how no one ever goes there." Aurora said suggestively.
Hannah and Lily looked at Sarah wide-eyed. Their questioning gazes were ignored as Sarah desperately tried to ignore her friends' looks. She smoothed her hair out and flattened her robes distractedly. She heard Lily clear her throat, but still refused to look at her friends. She smiled devilishly and blushed furiously while Daya and Aurora told Hannah and Lily about Sarah's little adventure.
"So from what I hear, our little Sarah here skipped divination last week and today's DADA to be with the mysterious Ravenclaw," said a smiling Aurora.
"Ah, but actually, I believe I also heard that when she skipped divination last week, she was seen with a Hufflepuff. Seems Sarah, here, has been getting around," Daya added grinning.
"Don't talk about me like I'm some little harlot or something!" Sarah said appalled. "And how did you two come by this information, may I ask?"
"Alas, she speaks!" Lily said amused.
"Well, apparently she does more than speaks, we should ask some of the Ravenclaws." Hannah said laughing.
"Or the Hufflepuffs." Daya piped in.
"Oh stop it!" Sarah exclaimed embarrassedly. "Who told you this?"
"Bastian, you might have met him, he's in our year," Daya said in a sarcastic tone.
"Besides Bastian," Sarah said slightly annoyed.
"Some little third years were talking about this 'cool seventh year that was making out with one of the cutest guys available'," Aurora said smiling gleefully.
"Some kids! I need to start learning those little kids' names if I want to tell them not to tell on me!" she muttered looking down the table.
"So are you going to tell us who these boys are?" Lily asked amused.
"They're just boys. They don't mean a thing. I just didn't want to say anything about them. They're not that interesting." Sarah said dismissively.
Sarah wouldn't comment on her encounters. She would dismiss the questions. They spent a few more minutes like that until the bell rung. Daya and Aurora left towards their class, while the other three girls took their time gathering their things before leaving the table.
"Will you tell us now?" Lily asked smiling.
"Not now! We have class now. I'll tell you in the safety of our dormitory later alright!" she said looking abashed. "And p.s.: word here travels fast."
They teased her all the way to Charms, then when they walked towards the library to work after class, continued on the way to dinner, and throughout all their time at the common room. By the end of the day, Sarah refused obstinately to give up any information about her wanderings. They spent days bugging her about it and she remained lip-sealed.
It was a relief to Lily, who hadn't been thinking about Sirius at all since every time she got together with her friends. They would begin to bother Sarah, which helped her push the Sirius-issue to the back of her mind.
Yet it was hard to do it in the classes she had with him. It was kind of hard to ignore the fact that he was in those classes since the marauders always did their pranks. They weren't what you called invisible.
So she sat in DADA classroom on Tuesday after break, just as class was beginning. Her mind lingered on the possibility to approach Sirius to attempt conversation, when she was brought into reality by the teacher, Professor Munin. He called her over to his desk with a smile. He looked at her with a sympathetic look and began to speak.
"Lily, I know you generally work hard in your classes to excel, but I'm sorry to tell you, I think you might need some help in this class," he sighed and pulled papers from a folder on his desk, "On our work with several of the spells against some of the creatures we studied the last month, well, I have to say that you need a lot of work. I want to give you a chance to bring your grade up, as I do with most of the people who don't do as well. I can arrange for someone to help you out if you'd like. I highly recommend it."
He looked at her expectantly and waited for her response.
"Yeah, that would be great. I was trying to look into getting tutoring, it's just that with all the workload, I've had very little free time," she said thinking her problem was solved. "Who would you recommend?"
"Well Lily, I'd have to look around to see who is willing, but I will let you know by the end of the week," he smiled at her and let her walk to her desk.
She was relieved about the fact that in the end she wouldn't have to ask Sirius for help. Then again talking to him for any other reason would be rather awkward. She was distracted for most of class thinking about the things she had talked about with Sirius. It felt so uncharacteristic of her to suddenly ignore a whole class to think about boys. No, not boys. a boy. She could feel her memory tracing back the moments she had spent talking to him. She suddenly felt a feeling of longing rush through her. She did enjoy speaking to him, but not having done so in almost a month seemed now ridiculous. She didn't really even have a reason for not talking to him, sort of.
'I can't over think it.' she thought self-assuredly. 'Carpe diem.'
She straightened up just as the bell rang. She was determined to talk to him now. She got up from her seat eyeing him as he left the classroom in the company of James, Remus, and Peter.
A/N: This took me forever to write. I had to: write it, then write it again and then erase it and write it again. I hope you guys like it. I tried to take reviews into account. I don't know, tell me what you think!!! Pyromaniacal Llama: I know what you mean about the fast updates, I'm an avid fanfic reader myself, so I try to update as soon as I'm done. I think it's kinda tipped off by my vast amount of mistakes ( Thanks for the support So here's number seven hope u like it. R/R please :D Thanx for the reviews everyone. I'm really grateful for them. Special thanx to my beta, gigi, thank you so much for taking a look at this!
The first weeks of school passed rather quickly. It seemed that all their teachers were determined to work them hard as to prepare them for the NEWTs. Complaints could be heard from everyone in the seventh year, about the strenuous amount of work.
The pressure had even gotten to Lily, who was usually unaffected by the stress provided by classes. That however, was mostly due to the fact that she did well in her classes, up until this year. She was facing one of the most difficult times ever in her DADA classes. She had considered taking Sirius up on the help offer he had given Lily. Yet, every time she wanted to approach him, she reminded herself that they hadn't spoken much since the night after their first classes. It seemed almost impossible now to bring something like that up. On the most part it seemed as though he were avoiding her. To be honest, she imagined that sharing that memory of her old best friend might've been too much for him to handle. Lily imagined he must've felt awkward, or accused. Why wouldn't it sound as though she were accusing him? She had clearly pointed out that behavior like the one he used to take part in was wrong in her book. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. She grew even more reluctant to talk to him now, after having exhausted the topic in her mind. The prospect of asking him to tutor her was out of the question now. She didn't deny that being with Sirius for a prolonged amount of time, would have been more about quality time with him, rather than actual focusing on her classes.
If only, she thought, she had considered the situation before she would've tried to get him to speak to her. She would've apologized for having said anything about Jamie at all, for making him feel bad. It was weird for her to actually think that way at all. She didn't often apologize to anyone. It was one of her greatest flaws, her mother had said. She was too proud to admit when she had made a mistake. As a matter of fact, she liked to think that she had studied and worked hard enough not to make many mistakes. But that was a wrong presumption and she knew it. Not only towards life, but especially concerning the opposite sex. Who was she to say she was right all the time? She knew that posed a wrong image to people around her. Sarah and Hannah didn't bother discussing something Lily thought she was right about. She was too stubborn. Yet, it felt easy to say she might've been wrong to share something so personal with Sirius. She came down with a resolution then, she would apologize.
'For having been open?' a voice said arrogantly. 'You were being honest.'
'For accusing him." another voice added. "I think."
'My mistakes will come back to haunt me,' she thought wryly.
***
"Ever had that overwhelming feeling after you over think things?" she asked as she flopped down next to Hannah for lunch in the Great Hall. "I mean, really over thinking something, to the point where you think everything you've said and done is a mistake?"
"Yes and wow, you have a lot on your mind. You admitting you've made a mistake, doesn't actually sound right. Where's my best friend and what have you done with her?" Hannah asked smiling.
"I do make mistakes. There, I admit it," she proclaimed. "Is it really that weird? Me, admitting I've done something wrong?"
"What's wrong Lily?" she said ignoring her question. "What's with the over thinking bit?"
"Nice dodging! And where's Sarah? And have you seen the sky today?" she said mockingly. She sighed frustrated and looked at her longtime friend. "I was just thinking about Sirius."
She said the last part in a whisper as to not let anyone else hear them speaking about him. Her friend only supplied her with a wide-eyed look and smiled.
"Well?" she said after being quiet for a while. "Did you talk to him?"
Hannah was obviously eager to hear about Sirius.
"No, not really. I just. I was thinking about the conversation I had with him-" She started.
"You mean the one you had almost a month ago," she said disbelievingly. "Had you given it any thought at all up until now?"
"Well, not really. I just saw him in DADA class and I started thinking. I mean, I didn't hear a word Professor Munin said all throughout the class. Mind you, it wasn't particularly interesting, and I don't think it really matters considering I'm doing so badly in the class, but still." she said hastily. "I don't know. It just hit me, that maybe he felt that I was accusing him or something. That maybe, that's why he's been avoiding me."
"Talk about paranoid. Lily, you're going to drive yourself crazy. I think he just probably just has too much to do. Why don't you try talking to him?" Hannah said soothingly. She had never seen Lily act so oddly, especially about a guy.
"I don't know. I don't think-" she started hesitantly.
"You should talk to him!" Hannah exclaimed encouragingly. "You really should!"
"Yeah, you should!" Sarah said excitedly as she sat next to Hannah. "What are we talking about?"
Lily and Hannah rolled their eyes at their friend's attitude. She looked slightly disheveled as she leaned in to take food out of Hannah's plate. Other girls were looking at her curiously. Just as Lily and Hannah were about to question her appearance, Daya Jonkins and Aurora Thompson, their other roommates, looked over at Sarah and approached her smiling.
"Sarah, I heard you were getting in trouble over by the dungeons just a little bit ago," Daya said grinning broadly.
"What happened?" Hannah asked looking at the other two girls then looking at Sarah's thin-lipped smile. "You look like you're hiding something."
"Well, Bastian said he had seen you snogging some Ravenclaw just down the hall from Potions. Said something about how no one ever goes there." Aurora said suggestively.
Hannah and Lily looked at Sarah wide-eyed. Their questioning gazes were ignored as Sarah desperately tried to ignore her friends' looks. She smoothed her hair out and flattened her robes distractedly. She heard Lily clear her throat, but still refused to look at her friends. She smiled devilishly and blushed furiously while Daya and Aurora told Hannah and Lily about Sarah's little adventure.
"So from what I hear, our little Sarah here skipped divination last week and today's DADA to be with the mysterious Ravenclaw," said a smiling Aurora.
"Ah, but actually, I believe I also heard that when she skipped divination last week, she was seen with a Hufflepuff. Seems Sarah, here, has been getting around," Daya added grinning.
"Don't talk about me like I'm some little harlot or something!" Sarah said appalled. "And how did you two come by this information, may I ask?"
"Alas, she speaks!" Lily said amused.
"Well, apparently she does more than speaks, we should ask some of the Ravenclaws." Hannah said laughing.
"Or the Hufflepuffs." Daya piped in.
"Oh stop it!" Sarah exclaimed embarrassedly. "Who told you this?"
"Bastian, you might have met him, he's in our year," Daya said in a sarcastic tone.
"Besides Bastian," Sarah said slightly annoyed.
"Some little third years were talking about this 'cool seventh year that was making out with one of the cutest guys available'," Aurora said smiling gleefully.
"Some kids! I need to start learning those little kids' names if I want to tell them not to tell on me!" she muttered looking down the table.
"So are you going to tell us who these boys are?" Lily asked amused.
"They're just boys. They don't mean a thing. I just didn't want to say anything about them. They're not that interesting." Sarah said dismissively.
Sarah wouldn't comment on her encounters. She would dismiss the questions. They spent a few more minutes like that until the bell rung. Daya and Aurora left towards their class, while the other three girls took their time gathering their things before leaving the table.
"Will you tell us now?" Lily asked smiling.
"Not now! We have class now. I'll tell you in the safety of our dormitory later alright!" she said looking abashed. "And p.s.: word here travels fast."
They teased her all the way to Charms, then when they walked towards the library to work after class, continued on the way to dinner, and throughout all their time at the common room. By the end of the day, Sarah refused obstinately to give up any information about her wanderings. They spent days bugging her about it and she remained lip-sealed.
It was a relief to Lily, who hadn't been thinking about Sirius at all since every time she got together with her friends. They would begin to bother Sarah, which helped her push the Sirius-issue to the back of her mind.
Yet it was hard to do it in the classes she had with him. It was kind of hard to ignore the fact that he was in those classes since the marauders always did their pranks. They weren't what you called invisible.
So she sat in DADA classroom on Tuesday after break, just as class was beginning. Her mind lingered on the possibility to approach Sirius to attempt conversation, when she was brought into reality by the teacher, Professor Munin. He called her over to his desk with a smile. He looked at her with a sympathetic look and began to speak.
"Lily, I know you generally work hard in your classes to excel, but I'm sorry to tell you, I think you might need some help in this class," he sighed and pulled papers from a folder on his desk, "On our work with several of the spells against some of the creatures we studied the last month, well, I have to say that you need a lot of work. I want to give you a chance to bring your grade up, as I do with most of the people who don't do as well. I can arrange for someone to help you out if you'd like. I highly recommend it."
He looked at her expectantly and waited for her response.
"Yeah, that would be great. I was trying to look into getting tutoring, it's just that with all the workload, I've had very little free time," she said thinking her problem was solved. "Who would you recommend?"
"Well Lily, I'd have to look around to see who is willing, but I will let you know by the end of the week," he smiled at her and let her walk to her desk.
She was relieved about the fact that in the end she wouldn't have to ask Sirius for help. Then again talking to him for any other reason would be rather awkward. She was distracted for most of class thinking about the things she had talked about with Sirius. It felt so uncharacteristic of her to suddenly ignore a whole class to think about boys. No, not boys. a boy. She could feel her memory tracing back the moments she had spent talking to him. She suddenly felt a feeling of longing rush through her. She did enjoy speaking to him, but not having done so in almost a month seemed now ridiculous. She didn't really even have a reason for not talking to him, sort of.
'I can't over think it.' she thought self-assuredly. 'Carpe diem.'
She straightened up just as the bell rang. She was determined to talk to him now. She got up from her seat eyeing him as he left the classroom in the company of James, Remus, and Peter.