Chapter 4: Motivation
Chad was awake and staring at the ceiling when his alarm went off, beeping shrilly. He reached out and turned it off without looking. He rolled over onto his side and shut his eyes. He was so exhausted. He missed sleep. He missed being able to close his eyes and forget about the world in dreams for hours until morning. And he was always so cold, even under the layers of quilts and woolen blankets. He wished for these things--warmth and sleep--was it really so much to ask for? He wished....
But he knew they wouldn't come. And he knew he had to get up, go out, and continue his daily routine. He didn't understand why, just that he had to.
He opened his eyes slowly and tried to find the will to rise from bed. He was going to be late for football practice that morning. Did he used to enjoy football? He couldn't remember. Then he had a full day of classes, plus a Biology exam that afternoon. Was it really necessary to get out of bed for that? Play rehearsal would start right after school. Why had he even auditioned for that part? Perhaps they didn't need him--they could do a version of "Romeo and Juliet" without Romeo. That play was overrated anyways.
And after that...after that would be training with Cree.
He got out of bed and readied himself for the day ahead.
---
They walked together in the snow. The world around them was silent, and they said nothing to disturb it. The only sound was their muffled footsteps.
Cree finally broke the silence once they reached the training room.
"I knew I should have brought a hat and gloves. It's not right for it to be this cold so close to spring! I'm freezing!" She jumped around to warm herself.
"Oh, really?" was all Chad could think of to reply as he pulled off his coat.
"'Oh, really?'" she repeated incredulously. "How can you not be cold?" She crossed over to him and grasped his hands. "Wow, you are warm."
"Am I?" he asked, flushing red and avoiding her eyes. He tried to remind himself that he didn't like her.
"You wouldn't mind if I chopped off your hands and used them as earmuffs, would you?" she joked, pulling up his hands to cover her ears.
"Uh--" Chad stammered uncomfortably.
"Now what can I use to warm my nose...?" she continued playfully. "Oh wait, I know..." she leaned in close to him....
Chad was visibly agitated. His heart was pounding painfully and he felt his knees quickly converting to jelly. She was moving close to him--too close, and her eyes were closing slowly. What was she doing? What should he do? He could feel the sweat prickling on his forehead. He looked at her, then looked away, then looked at her again. His entire frame locked up, he didn't even dare to breathe....
Cree stopped and peeked up at his cringing expression. There was a pause, and then she laughed lightly. "What's wrong with you? I wasn't seriously going to chop your hands off," she said as she released him and stepped back.
He let out a sigh and his muscles relaxed. He turned away so she couldn't see his face. He felt relieved...and miserable.
She tapped him on his shoulder with his bokken, and he took it without meeting her eyes. She was acting as if nothing happened. Nothing did happen....
---
Chad walked sluggishly home. He was exhausted and craved sleep, but knew that when he lay down and closed his eyes, it would elude him. Or worse, he would fall into nightmares, then awaken, terrified.
It was on one of those nights that he had a familiar nightmare--a recurring one he had had for as long as he could remember: he ran from some unknown terror that was coming for him. The ground was uneven and often tripped him, and he would fall, only to get up again and continue running. He called for help, and sometimes, before him, the image of his parents would appear. He would beg and cry and ask them for help, but they would only stand and watch him and tell him to run faster.
But this time was different. For the first time he turned around to see who or what was chasing him. He had never done that before. And immediately he recognized the dark, evil presence that pursued him. It was Father. He grew behind him, engulfing everything in his path, coming ever closer....
Chad backed away, then fell into fathomless nothing and woke screaming in his own bed.
---
"You okay? You don't look so good."
"Thanks," Chad replied flatly. He yawned. "I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately." He didn't bother to disclose that it had been so long that he'd almost forgotten what it was like to get a night of restful sleep. Sometimes he didn't even bother trying; what was the use of lying awake in bed, shivering, waiting for the nightmares that would inevitably come?
"Right--you just had to perform that play, didn't you? How did that go?"
"Okay," he answered vaguely, which was more or less true, except for the fact that he kept calling "Juliet" "Cree." He figured it was an honest mistake--he did spend hours with her every day, training. "Juliet" was pretty pissed at him, though....
"I'm just glad it's over."
"I can imagine. Maybe now you can get some sleep."
"Yeah, maybe...." He doubted it, though.
"Think fast!" She tossed him a sword.
He caught it--it was much heavier than his regular bokken. He stared at it for a moment, then looked up at her, surprised.
She grinned at his reaction.
He unsheathed it slowly, reverently. He studied the clean, metal blade. "Wow...."
"You really are a quick study. I think you're ready for a katana. Congratulations."
"I...thanks...."
"Kenjutsu with a katana is pretty similar to kenjutsu with a bokuto. The sword's heavier--and sharper, of course, but you get the idea. Now," she pulled out her own sword. It had clearly seen battle. "Let's see if we can ding up that shiny new blade of yours."
---
He woke with a start. It was dark. Where was he? After a moment of disorientation, he realized he was in the training room. Why was he there in the middle of the night? He looked around and saw a figure in the shadows beside him. It was Cree--she sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, dozing. He then realized what must have happened.
"Cree...?" he whispered, reaching out tentatively to touch her shoulder.
"Hm?" she murmured, then opened her eyes. "Oh!" She lifted her head. "You fell asleep."
"I'm not the only one."
"I guess not," she yawned. "What time is it? It's dark out."
"It's...almost midnight!" he replied in shock, staring at his watch in disbelief.
"Really? No wonder my back's so sore." She stood, stretching.
"I'm in so much trouble...."
"Give your parents a call and tell them you're on your way home," she shrugged.
"It's too late--they're probably searching the lake for my body by now."
"Stop panicking, I'm sure it'll be fine.
"Once I missed curfew by fifteen minutes and they'd already called the police! How can you be so relaxed? Aren't your parents going to freak?"
Cree laughed. "I drifted in space for over a month, and they barely noticed! I don't think they'll care if I show up after midnight."
He stared at her, bewildered.
"Don't look at me like that! I didn't say it to get a moony-eyed look of sympathy from you." She held out her hands to help him up.
He pretended not to notice and stood on his own.
Cree withdrew her hands. "You really should call your parents if they're going to be worried."
"You're right." Chad pulled out his cell phone as they walked out together.
"Hello? Mom?" he began, before yanking away the phone at the screaming emanating from the speaker. He glanced sheepishly at Cree.
She raised her eyebrows. "You weren't kidding about them."
"I'm sorry, Mom, I lost track of the time. I'm sorry...."
-
They walked mostly in silence after that, until they reached Cree's house.
"You really didn't have to walk me home, you know."
"It's on the way to my place anyways." He looked up to the window of her room, remembering when he was last there.
Cree turned to head towards her house. "Well, I guess I'd better--"
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
She paused at this sudden change in subject. "Sorry, I just thought you needed the sleep. I meant to wake you in an hour or--"
"No, I'm not mad or anything. You were right. I did need the sleep." Then--and afterwards, he couldn't for the life of him figure out why he did it--he took one of her hands in both of his and held it briefly. He focused on her hand rather than her face, so he couldn't see her reaction--didn't want too see it, even. "Thanks," he said quickly, then just as quickly released her, turned, and ran for home.
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author's note: this chapter probably could (should?) have been a continuation of the last one, but whatever.
and you may ask, "if Chad has a cell phone, why didn't his parents just call him when he missed curfew?" it's because Chad uses his cell phone the way i do--as a portable pay phone. never turns it on.
i'm also realizing that the time frame of this fic is really unclear. several months are supposed to have gone by since chapter one (when it was presumably fall and the beginning of the school year) and now it's early spring, as Cree says in this chapter. which means Chad has been rehearsing for the same play for all this time. now, i never was a member of the drama club (save that time in junior high when i got to hand costume changes to the actors, but i digress) but i'm pretty certain rehearsals don't last six months. let's just say they wanted to be really thorough. haha!