A/n: Well, it seems that you guys are pretty evenly split on that last
chapter. Most people liked the fight in the beginning but the sex scene was
what was split. Don't worry, there won't be a lot of this. I have only two
planned and for the next one I will take all of your comments into
consideration. I thank everyone for reviewing! You guys are what make this
story worth writing. Thank you!
R/n:
Nkittyhawk: Lmao. . .I'm trying to figure out how you know what mormons are and their beliefs, considering most people are like. . .uuum. . .yah. So what's a mormon? Lol! Neways, I'm sorry you didn't like the sex scene thing. Was it only because they weren't married or you just don't like the small details of it? And I'm so glad you liked the beginning. Yay! Neways, thanks so much for your review! Luv hearing from ya hun *muah*
Muffinlover: I totally respect your opinion. If you aren't into the intimate scene's, I won't write them as detailed. Thanks for letting me know! Whoo! I'm glad you liked the arguing in the beginning. I was trying to make it seem like how adults would argue, you know? Hopefully it worked!
Mojo: Yay! You're back! WoooHooOo! Lolz. I'm glad you liked Gideon and Dorcas. ^_^ I tried, heh. Thanks for everything hun. Love ya!!
Noa: I can't tell you how happy your review made me. I had come to think that last chapter was a complete failure but you gave me hope. Thanks!! I am so honored that you are into this story and look forward to my updates. That's so kind of you! *dances around happily* Thanks so much girl! *hugz*
--
Dorcas woke the next morning in Gideon's arms, knowing he was the reason she was feeling happier than she had in years. She watched him slowly wake up, his long eyelashes flickering open, the smile registering on his face when he saw her.
"Good morning," he said softly, kissing her lightly.
"How about good afternoon?" Dorcas replied, a grin lighting up her features.
Gideon raised his eyebrows and was about to answer when knocking punctuated the air. Soon Sirius' voice bellowed, "Wake up Dorcas! Hurry!"
Dorcas flew up, Gideon right behind her, and the two made their way hurriedly to the front door, throwing on their clothes as they went. "Hold on!" Dorcas cried, pulling her robes over her head.
She was too late as Sirius threw open the door. Dorcas looked up to see a stunned look cross his face. He saw Gideon, who was straightening his robes and running his hand through his ruffled hair, and took a step backward. Dorcas was waiting for him to start laughing and embarrass her with some horrible joke or comment but it didn't come. Instead Sirius looked down nervously and put his hands in his pockets. When his head came back up again, Dorcas was surprised to see something other than humor lining his features. Was it hurt? Anger? Jealousy? She couldn't tell.
"So um. . .you're. . .together. . .?" he asked gruffly.
Gideon wrapped his arms around Dorcas' shoulder and said, "Yah, we are."
Dorcas couldn't believe the way Sirius was looking. This wasn't the man that she knew. The real Sirius would have laughed this off and ran to tell James what he had seen. This Sirius was hiding something. Hiding something that even Dorcas, one of his best friends, couldn't read. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.
Sirius shook his head, as if clearing unwanted thoughts from his mind, and replied, "Of course. I came to tell you that the real resistance is beginning."
Dorcas' jaw dropped. "What do you mean?"
"Marlene McKinnon was the first to start the war. Surely you noticed that she wasn't at the Order meeting yesterday?" Sirius asked, avoiding her gaze.
"No, I didn't. . ." Dorcas replied, her voice trailing off. Why was her heart beating so fast? So what if Sirius was mad at her? Why should she care?
"She was apparently at the Ministry. Started a riot there by accusing Narcissa Malfoy of being a Death Eater."
"She accused Narcissa?" Dorcas asked, horrified. "Why on earth would she do that? Does she have any idea how angry my Master will be?"
"Voldemort?" Sirius asked calmly.
Dorcas flinched but nodded. How was it that Sirius, James, and Remus never feared to speak his name?
"Of course, which is why we are all so worried. We haven't heard from her or been contacted by any members of her family. We are gathering at Headquarters and are going to go over there, just in case there is trouble."
Dorcas didn't need telling twice. She dashed to her room, grabbed her wand from her desk, and returned to the front door. "What are we waiting for?"
"You," a voice called from outside. Dorcas peaked around Sirius to see the entire Order waiting for them. She blushed as Gideon came up behind her and loud laughter filled her ears.
"And your boyfriend," this time she saw who spoke, James.
"Haha," Dorcas replied, shutting her door as she walked down the steps, an uncomfortable Sirius and Gideon in her wake.
Dorcas stole a quick glance at Fabian and was a little surprised to see an angry red patch on his cheeks and anger boiling in his eyes. She shrugged it off however, her thoughts returning to Marlene.
"Where are we Disapparating to?" she asked.
"Marlene lives on Merlin Way," Edgar Bones offered.
"I can't Apparate first," Dorcas said wistfully. "If there are Death Eaters there and they see me, my spying days are over."
"Understood," Moody said. "We'll send someone back as soon as we get there. If no one comes, know that we are being attacked and send a message to Dumbledore immediately."
Dorcas nodded and stepped back as her friends formed a large group. Gideon blew her a kiss before Disapparating, leaving Dorcas standing alone, waiting in suspense.
Just when her heart began to pump faster, Gideon reappeared. His face was ashen and his normally sparkling and happy eyes were filled with a dread that Dorcas feared to see.
"What happened?" she asked quickly.
"Just come," he said hoarsely and disappeared.
Dorcas followed him soon after, feeling the familiar sensation of leaving the earth completely and suddenly being thrown into another place.
A house, or what remained of it, stood burning before her. Dark red and orange flames roared from sections of the dwelling and a great, black symbol twinkled from the sky. It was the familiar skull and snake, showing exactly who did this.
Every single member of the Order stood motionless before the rubble. Lily was on her knees sobbing, James was running his hand across her back, trying to soothe her. Remus was on his feet and he stared at the flames, they danced in his eyes, reflecting the turmoil he was sure to feel inside.
Dorcas was the first to react. She stepped forward numbly, her foot stepping on the charred remains of a mailbox. She refused to cry, refused to let that weakness overpower her. She could feel the itching behind her eyes but fought it back with a deep, shuddering breath. She took hesitant steps forward, edging her way past the stunned group of people. Her tread echoed around the silent neighborhood, they sounded loud and unnatural to the people who didn't trust themselves to move forward.
Dorcas slowly made her way to the house. She knew that she should be the first to verify the deaths. She was familiar with murder, had committed the crime herself. Everyone else present didn't know what it was like to kill for the sheer purpose of killing. Dorcas did. She understood it and wasn't afraid of it. The only thing she feared was the results. The murder of her friend, her comrade. Someone she had known for three years. Someone who had smiled and laughed. Dorcas struggled to battle the fresh wave of tears as she made her way into the smoking house.
And then she saw them. Marlene, her husband, and two children. The little girl, Sharon was her name, was clutching a small teddy bear. The bear was soiled and dirty, black from the ashes of the house. The little boy lay on top of his mother. His eyes were frozen in a timeless slumber. His hand was hanging limply by his mothers, he must have been holding onto it when he died. Marlene and her husbands face held a look of terror on them, but their eyes were defiant. No pools of blood surrounded the family, no weapons littered the ground. Only the cold feeling to their skins gave indication that they were dead.
Dorcas dashed from the house as fast as her legs would carry her. As soon as she got outside, she fell to her knees and retched, clutching her stomach. Unable to stop them any longer, tears slid silently down her cheeks. She looked up and gazed unclearly to the faces of the Order. They were all watching her, afraid to move. What could possibly break a Death Eater? Dorcas looked down again and the next thing she saw was darkness.
--
Dorcas woke to the feeling of a mattress beneath her. Soft blankets lay across her body and were tucked neatly beneath her chin. Her eyes fluttered open and she realized she was in her own bed. Sitting across from her was Sirius, his eyes searching hers as she struggled to remember what happened.
"What am I doing here?"
"You fainted," Sirius said softly.
Memories flooded Dorcas again, the faces of her lifeless friends who would never grow old together; the faces of the two children who would never grow and see the world, never live their dreams. It came back too fast and Dorcas leaned over the side of her bed, retching again. Luckily there was a tin basin there, no doubt put there for the precise reason that Dorcas would throw up.
"Shh," Sirius said, rubbing her back. "It's okay."
Dorcas raised a shaky hand to her mouth. "Where's Gideon?"
Was that pain flickering across Sirius face? No, Dorcas chided herself. Of course not. "He went to inform Dumbledore what happened."
Dorcas nodded and tried to fight the tears again. But she couldn't help it. They slid down her cheeks in silent streams, falling into her trembling lips. Sirius rubbed her back again, looking down at the covers.
Dorcas pulled away from him, throwing her head into her hands, rocking back in forth. Her strangled sobs became louder until she couldn't help it anymore and burst out crying.
"What is it?" Sirius asked in a worried tone, easing himself onto her bed and wrapping his arms around her.
"I was a part of that," Dorcas whispered harshly. "I did that Sirius! I did that!"
Sirius shook his head, confused, "No you didn't."
"Not to them, but to other people." This was what had been torturing Dorcas' mind and soul. "I used to kill people like that Sirius. I used to go from house to house and murder entire families without a second thought. I killed them without knowing who they were. I destroyed their lives and put an end to their dreams."
"Not anymore," Sirius said softly.
"But I did that!" Dorcas screamed, her chest was heaving with emotion and she could barely talk. Her heart was pounding so fast and she couldn't get the oxygen into her body. Her breath was coming out in choked gasps, her words were said between them. "I killed them Sirius! I killed innocent people! I never realized it. I never cared. The people I killed had friends, just like Marlene and her family. They had lives! And I stopped that!"
"You can't change the past," Sirius said soothingly. He was holding onto her shoulders, rubbing them in a comforting kind of way. "But you can change the future."
Dorcas's face scrunched into a silent howl of misery, knowing that he was right but wishing that he was wrong. Why was she alive? She didn't deserve to be. She didn't deserve to have these people as friends, didn't deserve to be in the Order. Why did she get a second chance? And not the people who she had killed?
"Please leave," she said, pulling away from Sirius.
He seemed to sense that she needed her time alone and so he left without a fuss, shutting the door behind him.
Dorcas collapsed onto her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She didn't leave, even when Gideon persistantly knocked on her door, begging her to let him in. Slowly she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, fighting the nightmares that she had never let bother her. She had blocked those memories, put a kind of barrier across the things that she didn't want to see. She realized she had done that all her life; numbed herself so she wouldn't feel the pain of what she was doing. For the first time in twelve years, Dorcas felt that pain. She felt it and it hurt like a thousand knives stabbing into her heart. She was a murderer. The cold word echoed throughout her mind and her crimes played like a movie inside her head.
--
A/n: This was a bit darker, no? In the books, the times of Voldemort are always spoken of with fear and a certain sadness. I felt it was time that I bring that to life. Dorcas has always hidden, if you will, the pain of her crimes. Seeing someone that she knew die brought the things that she had wanted to forget to the front of her mind. Hence the. . .breakdown, for lack of a better word. Thanks for reading! Please review!
R/n:
Nkittyhawk: Lmao. . .I'm trying to figure out how you know what mormons are and their beliefs, considering most people are like. . .uuum. . .yah. So what's a mormon? Lol! Neways, I'm sorry you didn't like the sex scene thing. Was it only because they weren't married or you just don't like the small details of it? And I'm so glad you liked the beginning. Yay! Neways, thanks so much for your review! Luv hearing from ya hun *muah*
Muffinlover: I totally respect your opinion. If you aren't into the intimate scene's, I won't write them as detailed. Thanks for letting me know! Whoo! I'm glad you liked the arguing in the beginning. I was trying to make it seem like how adults would argue, you know? Hopefully it worked!
Mojo: Yay! You're back! WoooHooOo! Lolz. I'm glad you liked Gideon and Dorcas. ^_^ I tried, heh. Thanks for everything hun. Love ya!!
Noa: I can't tell you how happy your review made me. I had come to think that last chapter was a complete failure but you gave me hope. Thanks!! I am so honored that you are into this story and look forward to my updates. That's so kind of you! *dances around happily* Thanks so much girl! *hugz*
--
Dorcas woke the next morning in Gideon's arms, knowing he was the reason she was feeling happier than she had in years. She watched him slowly wake up, his long eyelashes flickering open, the smile registering on his face when he saw her.
"Good morning," he said softly, kissing her lightly.
"How about good afternoon?" Dorcas replied, a grin lighting up her features.
Gideon raised his eyebrows and was about to answer when knocking punctuated the air. Soon Sirius' voice bellowed, "Wake up Dorcas! Hurry!"
Dorcas flew up, Gideon right behind her, and the two made their way hurriedly to the front door, throwing on their clothes as they went. "Hold on!" Dorcas cried, pulling her robes over her head.
She was too late as Sirius threw open the door. Dorcas looked up to see a stunned look cross his face. He saw Gideon, who was straightening his robes and running his hand through his ruffled hair, and took a step backward. Dorcas was waiting for him to start laughing and embarrass her with some horrible joke or comment but it didn't come. Instead Sirius looked down nervously and put his hands in his pockets. When his head came back up again, Dorcas was surprised to see something other than humor lining his features. Was it hurt? Anger? Jealousy? She couldn't tell.
"So um. . .you're. . .together. . .?" he asked gruffly.
Gideon wrapped his arms around Dorcas' shoulder and said, "Yah, we are."
Dorcas couldn't believe the way Sirius was looking. This wasn't the man that she knew. The real Sirius would have laughed this off and ran to tell James what he had seen. This Sirius was hiding something. Hiding something that even Dorcas, one of his best friends, couldn't read. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.
Sirius shook his head, as if clearing unwanted thoughts from his mind, and replied, "Of course. I came to tell you that the real resistance is beginning."
Dorcas' jaw dropped. "What do you mean?"
"Marlene McKinnon was the first to start the war. Surely you noticed that she wasn't at the Order meeting yesterday?" Sirius asked, avoiding her gaze.
"No, I didn't. . ." Dorcas replied, her voice trailing off. Why was her heart beating so fast? So what if Sirius was mad at her? Why should she care?
"She was apparently at the Ministry. Started a riot there by accusing Narcissa Malfoy of being a Death Eater."
"She accused Narcissa?" Dorcas asked, horrified. "Why on earth would she do that? Does she have any idea how angry my Master will be?"
"Voldemort?" Sirius asked calmly.
Dorcas flinched but nodded. How was it that Sirius, James, and Remus never feared to speak his name?
"Of course, which is why we are all so worried. We haven't heard from her or been contacted by any members of her family. We are gathering at Headquarters and are going to go over there, just in case there is trouble."
Dorcas didn't need telling twice. She dashed to her room, grabbed her wand from her desk, and returned to the front door. "What are we waiting for?"
"You," a voice called from outside. Dorcas peaked around Sirius to see the entire Order waiting for them. She blushed as Gideon came up behind her and loud laughter filled her ears.
"And your boyfriend," this time she saw who spoke, James.
"Haha," Dorcas replied, shutting her door as she walked down the steps, an uncomfortable Sirius and Gideon in her wake.
Dorcas stole a quick glance at Fabian and was a little surprised to see an angry red patch on his cheeks and anger boiling in his eyes. She shrugged it off however, her thoughts returning to Marlene.
"Where are we Disapparating to?" she asked.
"Marlene lives on Merlin Way," Edgar Bones offered.
"I can't Apparate first," Dorcas said wistfully. "If there are Death Eaters there and they see me, my spying days are over."
"Understood," Moody said. "We'll send someone back as soon as we get there. If no one comes, know that we are being attacked and send a message to Dumbledore immediately."
Dorcas nodded and stepped back as her friends formed a large group. Gideon blew her a kiss before Disapparating, leaving Dorcas standing alone, waiting in suspense.
Just when her heart began to pump faster, Gideon reappeared. His face was ashen and his normally sparkling and happy eyes were filled with a dread that Dorcas feared to see.
"What happened?" she asked quickly.
"Just come," he said hoarsely and disappeared.
Dorcas followed him soon after, feeling the familiar sensation of leaving the earth completely and suddenly being thrown into another place.
A house, or what remained of it, stood burning before her. Dark red and orange flames roared from sections of the dwelling and a great, black symbol twinkled from the sky. It was the familiar skull and snake, showing exactly who did this.
Every single member of the Order stood motionless before the rubble. Lily was on her knees sobbing, James was running his hand across her back, trying to soothe her. Remus was on his feet and he stared at the flames, they danced in his eyes, reflecting the turmoil he was sure to feel inside.
Dorcas was the first to react. She stepped forward numbly, her foot stepping on the charred remains of a mailbox. She refused to cry, refused to let that weakness overpower her. She could feel the itching behind her eyes but fought it back with a deep, shuddering breath. She took hesitant steps forward, edging her way past the stunned group of people. Her tread echoed around the silent neighborhood, they sounded loud and unnatural to the people who didn't trust themselves to move forward.
Dorcas slowly made her way to the house. She knew that she should be the first to verify the deaths. She was familiar with murder, had committed the crime herself. Everyone else present didn't know what it was like to kill for the sheer purpose of killing. Dorcas did. She understood it and wasn't afraid of it. The only thing she feared was the results. The murder of her friend, her comrade. Someone she had known for three years. Someone who had smiled and laughed. Dorcas struggled to battle the fresh wave of tears as she made her way into the smoking house.
And then she saw them. Marlene, her husband, and two children. The little girl, Sharon was her name, was clutching a small teddy bear. The bear was soiled and dirty, black from the ashes of the house. The little boy lay on top of his mother. His eyes were frozen in a timeless slumber. His hand was hanging limply by his mothers, he must have been holding onto it when he died. Marlene and her husbands face held a look of terror on them, but their eyes were defiant. No pools of blood surrounded the family, no weapons littered the ground. Only the cold feeling to their skins gave indication that they were dead.
Dorcas dashed from the house as fast as her legs would carry her. As soon as she got outside, she fell to her knees and retched, clutching her stomach. Unable to stop them any longer, tears slid silently down her cheeks. She looked up and gazed unclearly to the faces of the Order. They were all watching her, afraid to move. What could possibly break a Death Eater? Dorcas looked down again and the next thing she saw was darkness.
--
Dorcas woke to the feeling of a mattress beneath her. Soft blankets lay across her body and were tucked neatly beneath her chin. Her eyes fluttered open and she realized she was in her own bed. Sitting across from her was Sirius, his eyes searching hers as she struggled to remember what happened.
"What am I doing here?"
"You fainted," Sirius said softly.
Memories flooded Dorcas again, the faces of her lifeless friends who would never grow old together; the faces of the two children who would never grow and see the world, never live their dreams. It came back too fast and Dorcas leaned over the side of her bed, retching again. Luckily there was a tin basin there, no doubt put there for the precise reason that Dorcas would throw up.
"Shh," Sirius said, rubbing her back. "It's okay."
Dorcas raised a shaky hand to her mouth. "Where's Gideon?"
Was that pain flickering across Sirius face? No, Dorcas chided herself. Of course not. "He went to inform Dumbledore what happened."
Dorcas nodded and tried to fight the tears again. But she couldn't help it. They slid down her cheeks in silent streams, falling into her trembling lips. Sirius rubbed her back again, looking down at the covers.
Dorcas pulled away from him, throwing her head into her hands, rocking back in forth. Her strangled sobs became louder until she couldn't help it anymore and burst out crying.
"What is it?" Sirius asked in a worried tone, easing himself onto her bed and wrapping his arms around her.
"I was a part of that," Dorcas whispered harshly. "I did that Sirius! I did that!"
Sirius shook his head, confused, "No you didn't."
"Not to them, but to other people." This was what had been torturing Dorcas' mind and soul. "I used to kill people like that Sirius. I used to go from house to house and murder entire families without a second thought. I killed them without knowing who they were. I destroyed their lives and put an end to their dreams."
"Not anymore," Sirius said softly.
"But I did that!" Dorcas screamed, her chest was heaving with emotion and she could barely talk. Her heart was pounding so fast and she couldn't get the oxygen into her body. Her breath was coming out in choked gasps, her words were said between them. "I killed them Sirius! I killed innocent people! I never realized it. I never cared. The people I killed had friends, just like Marlene and her family. They had lives! And I stopped that!"
"You can't change the past," Sirius said soothingly. He was holding onto her shoulders, rubbing them in a comforting kind of way. "But you can change the future."
Dorcas's face scrunched into a silent howl of misery, knowing that he was right but wishing that he was wrong. Why was she alive? She didn't deserve to be. She didn't deserve to have these people as friends, didn't deserve to be in the Order. Why did she get a second chance? And not the people who she had killed?
"Please leave," she said, pulling away from Sirius.
He seemed to sense that she needed her time alone and so he left without a fuss, shutting the door behind him.
Dorcas collapsed onto her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She didn't leave, even when Gideon persistantly knocked on her door, begging her to let him in. Slowly she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, fighting the nightmares that she had never let bother her. She had blocked those memories, put a kind of barrier across the things that she didn't want to see. She realized she had done that all her life; numbed herself so she wouldn't feel the pain of what she was doing. For the first time in twelve years, Dorcas felt that pain. She felt it and it hurt like a thousand knives stabbing into her heart. She was a murderer. The cold word echoed throughout her mind and her crimes played like a movie inside her head.
--
A/n: This was a bit darker, no? In the books, the times of Voldemort are always spoken of with fear and a certain sadness. I felt it was time that I bring that to life. Dorcas has always hidden, if you will, the pain of her crimes. Seeing someone that she knew die brought the things that she had wanted to forget to the front of her mind. Hence the. . .breakdown, for lack of a better word. Thanks for reading! Please review!