Title: This Thing About Birthdays
Author: Andrea … e-mail is CarbyLove@aol.com. Use it. If you have something to say about my fics, I'd love to hear it. And if you are looking to read any of my other smutty, unposted fics … please write and ask ME for them.
Rating: R. For the last time … this story is rated R. Once you open up any story rated R (much like turning on an R-rated movie), you have to be prepared for R-rated material. Whether that is in the body of the story or the intro … it's rated R … as far as I'm concerned that makes everything within the story fair game. If you don't care for, or are offended by, foul language or sexual content … I suggest you keep to the G, PG, and PG-13 -rated fics. If I wanted this to be for everyone, I would have rated it G and not used "bad words" … but it is rated R because I'm the author, and it's my choice to write it that way. It's your choice whether or not to read it.
Summary: The little fucker fell out. Although I doubt Abby would use the term "fell out."
Author's Note: Big, giant THANKS to COURTNEY for being a good little bitch and reading and reviewing this chapter in fine style. I tell you, COURTNEY really knows how to review. And by that I mean that she tells me every little thing that she likes about the chapter which I love, being a giant feedback whore. KEL, CATH, sorry you guys missed out on the chance to preview/edit this one … but alas, you weren't here. And there wasn't much editing to do, anyway. COURTNEY, the big shoutout whore, only found two grammatical errors/ typos. So if anyone finds any others, blame COURTNEY who loves to see her name in print. Sorry, she wanted a big shoutout. Also, a big shoutout to everyone who reviewed chapter 12 … that was really great. I got lots and lots of reviews and enjoyed them all. Again, I won't name names and take the chance on leaving someone out. So I'll just stick with THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! And … um, could you do it again? One last note … NO, this isn't the last chapter. Stay tuned for more. Although I'll be updating the others first … so stay tuned for more of ADL and FAWH. Yay!
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This Thing About Birthdays
Part II
Chapter 13: A Happy Little Family
"It's a girl!" I announce gleefully to the waiting room.
Immediately, there's a sudden flurry of excited exclamations from everyone in the room. Well, maybe not everyone. The people I've never seen before in my life, who are undoubtedly waiting for news of their own, don't feel compelled to cheer. But my dad, my mom, Eric, and various friends and colleagues from the ER are happily congratulating me.
My mom gets to me first, and I'm a little bit surprised to see tears in her eyes as she hugs me. "Oh, a little girl." She sounds a little teary, too. "Isn't that wonderful? Oh, I'll bet she's gorgeous."
"She is. She's beautiful. She has your hair." I tell my mom.
"Really? A red head?"
"So far. Red and curly. Maggie says she looks like Eric with her curls."
"She takes after her uncle, huh?" Eric says, sounding very proud of that fact.
"Congratulations, son." My dad says, first shaking my hand and then pulling me into a hug and clapping me on the back. "How's Abby?"
"Great. Tired. Sore. But great. Happy."
"And how's the baby?" Luka asks.
"Beautiful. Did I mention that? She's beautiful. Perfect. Big."
"How big?" Eric asks. "What exactly did the fruit of your loins do to my sister?"
"Uh …" I say a little sheepishly, having not thought about it in those terms. "21 inches long. And she weighs … 8 lbs and 12 oz."
"Wow." Luka says.
"Poor Abby." Chuny contributes.
"You said it." Lydia tells her.
"No wonder she's sore." Deb says.
"When was the baby born, Dr. Carter?" Gallant asks.
"Five o'clock. Well, 4:57 to be exact. And she came out screaming."
"So what's her name?" Deb wants to know.
"Ah, you'll find out when I introduce you to her."
"And when will that be?" Deb asks.
"Is she in the nursery? Can we take a peek at her now?" My mom asks, sounding … interested. Well, what do you know?
"Yeah, when can we see the little bugger?" Eric enquires.
"Well, she's rooming in, so I don't think she'll be in the nursery much. But you can see her soon. Abby's feeding her now. And I'm gonna go get Abby something to eat. And then she wants to take a shower, get cleaned up. So she said maybe an hour or so. We'll come and get you when we're ready. Anybody who feels like waiting around."
"Well, where am I going?" Eric asks. "Besides, I'm not leaving until I get to see my niece."
"You'll get to see her soon." I assure him.
I promise to return as soon as Abby is ready for company, and then I head off to do the rest of my errands. My next stop is the ER to pass on the good news.
"Carter!" Haleh calls from the admit desk, catching sight of me coming down the hall.
"What's the word, man?" Malik asks.
"It's a girl!" I exclaim. "I'm a daddy!"
"Oh, Carter … congratulations! That's wonderful!" Haleh grabs me and hugs me.
"Way to go." Malik says, shaking my hand.
"I didn't do anything. It was Abby. It was all Abby. She was incredible."
"How is she?" Jerry asks.
"Abby or the baby?" I ask.
"Either. Both."
"Abby's great. The baby is perfect."
"I hope it looks like Abby." Pratt says, showing up behind me.
"She does. She's beautiful. She has lots of hair. And it's red." I'm still a little surprised by that one.
"So what's her name? How much does she weigh? Come on, Carter. We want details." Haleh says.
"Her name is Meg. For Margaret. Margaret Abigail Carter. She weighs 8 lbs and 12 oz and she's 21 inches long."
"8 lbs and 12 oz?" Haleh asks in disbelief. "You didn't say it was a c-section."
"It wasn't." I assure her.
"Abby? Our little Abby? Had an almost-nine-pound baby?" Haleh still can't seem to believe this turn of events. I nod. "Oh, that poor thing. I hope you're gonna make it up to her."
"I don't see why it's such a big deal." Frank grouses from the other side of the desk. "You women are always bitching and moaning about childbirth like it's something unnatural. And it's not like you don't all get drugs. You wanna talk about pain, let me tell you about the kidney stone I passed. And no one gave me an epidural to do it, either."
"Don't pay any attention to him." Jerry tells me. "He's just mad because someone stole his Metamucil."
"I heard that, punk." Frank says.
"And just what is wrong with having an epidural?" Haleh asks Frank. This seems like a good time to go. I'm sure that our news will get passed down the line.
"Well, I promised Abby I'd get her something to eat, so I'd better go."
Everyone takes a break from their fighting long enough to ask me to send their good wishes to Abby. And then I go on my second burger and milkshake run of the day. But this time for Abby.
"Weren't you in here earlier?" The woman handing me my -- Abby's -- order asks.
"Yeah."
"Burger and shake then, too, wasn't it?"
"Yes, but this one's not for me. It's for my wife. She just had a baby. I'm a daddy." I tell her, still amazed when those words come out of my mouth.
"Congratulations. Is this your first?"
"Yep."
"A boy or a girl?"
"A beautiful little girl."
"Oh, isn't that nice. A daddy's little girl. You take good care of them." She instructs.
"I will." I assure her.
"And don't forget about the mommy now that the baby is here. Even if she sometimes seems to forget about you. It's not easy on her, going through all those changes. Try to remember that."
I nod. Advice from strangers. Gotta love that. But she does seem to have a point. And she looks like she's probably done a lot of living and gained some wisdom. I thank her for the advice and for Abby's meal, and head back the way I came. But then I think about the advice I just got and make a short detour.
"Roses?" I ask the lady behind the counter in the gift store. She looks like a sweet little old lady. Like everybody's grandma. She comes out from behind the register to lead me over the refrigerator that serves as the floral department of the hospital gift shop. I'm in luck because it's pretty well stocked with pink roses, just what I wanted.
"I'll take all the pink ones." I tell her.
"My goodness, that's a lot of roses. It must be for someone special."
"Yes. Absolutely. My wife. We just had a baby. Our first."
"Oh, you're a new father. It's such a special time, having a first baby. A girl?"
"Yeah." I can't help but grin. I have a little girl.
"Well isn't that nice? Would you like a vase for these roses?"
"Sure."
"I think I've got one that's big enough."
She shuffles off to look for the vase she has in mind, and I head to the other side of the store after catching the display of teddy bears. There's a cute pink one, the same color as the roses, that caught my eye. I pick it up and find it to be just right. Soft and squishy, not too big and not too small. Just right for sitting in the corner of the crib or for Meg to cuddle … when she gets a little bit bigger. I head back to the register with my latest find.
"You know what else I think you need?" The saleslady ask me, and I begin to see that the sweet old grandma routine might be a really great sales tactic. By the time I leave the gift shop, I've got a box of candy, the roses in a vase, the teddy bear, and attached to ribbons wrapped around that teddy bear is a big bouquet of pink balloons interspersed with shiny Mylar balloons with such sentiments as "It's A Girl," "Congratulations," "Thank You," and "I Love You." Carrying all this stuff along with Abby's dinner proves to be something of a challenge. I just hope I've gotten all the tripping and falling out my system by now.
Luckily, I manage to make it back to the room without incident. I put all my things down on the countertop in the little hallway that leads into the room. And when I walk into the main room, I find a much different atmosphere than when I left. It's quiet and peaceful. It smells good. Abby must have gotten that shower she wanted because it smells like our bedroom at home in here now. Susan seems to have departed and Maggie is in the recliner, working on her knitting. I see she's got something pink going now. She looks up and smiles at me as I enter the room. I return the smile as I move over next to the bed.
And there they are. My girls. My family. A radiant Abby is sitting up in the bed, with her knees pulled up slightly, the baby reclining against her legs. Abby's freshly showered, her damp hair pulled back into a ponytail. She's wearing her own pajamas and seems to have fresh sheets. You wouldn't know a baby was born here just a couple of hours ago. Well, maybe the newborn resting in her mother's lap might give it away. God, she's perfect. Abby has her unwrapped from her blanket and seems to be inspecting her thoroughly while she whispers to her. For her part, Meg seems to be watching Abby quietly, with rapt attention.
"Hi." I say, kissing Abby's cheek and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Hi, Meg." I say as I reach down to pick up one of her hands. She's really here. She's real. And I can reach out and touch her. Still amazing.
"Oh, who's here? Yeah, that's Daddy. You knew that voice didn't you?" Abby looks up at me. "Did you see that? She turned her head. She recognizes your voice."
"See? All those months of talking to your belly weren't for nothing."
"Look at her. She is so perfect." Abby says, running her fingers down Meg's chubby legs and over her feet which she then proceeds to pick up and kiss. Such tiny little toes. My God, I've never seen anything so adorable.
"I know." I tell Abby. "You did good. You made a perfect baby." And she is perfect. Healthy, happy. All her fingers and all her adorable little toes. Round little face. Big, wide, alert eyes. Chubby little body. And that hair.
"Well, I had some help. But she's just gorgeous. I mean, have you ever seen a baby this beautiful before?"
"Nope. And of course, as her parents, we aren't at all biased."
"But look at her. She's just so cute. And her hair is so pretty the way it just curls so nicely. Her head is so round -- she's not a cone head at all. She's a nice pink color and all filled out, not wrinkly and scrawny. She doesn't even have any birthmarks. And, as Susan pointed out, she has all the right number of appendages. She's perfect."
"She's beautiful. Just like her mother. She's just like you, you know that?"
"No. She looks like you, too. Look, she has your eyes. And she has your chin." Abby says, running her finger over Meg's chin. "And your ears. And your forehead and your eyebrows." Every part she names, she touches lightly. "And look how long her eyelashes are." Clearly, Abby has memorized Meg's every feature by now.
"She's a beauty. That's for sure. We're gonna have to lock her up until she's twenty-one." I say.
"Twenty-one? Try thirty-five. At least." And here I thought I would be the overprotective one. "Meggie? Wanna go see Daddy? He barely got to hold you." She turns to me. "You want her?"
"Of course." While Abby's wrapping her back up, I ask, "How are you feeling?"
"Like I did about five thousand sit-ups and then went horseback riding. For three days straight. Bareback." Across the room Maggie chuckles.
"So you're a little sore?" I ask.
"A little bit. But that's okay," Abby says, getting a big goofy grin on her face as she looks at Meg, "She's worth it. Yes, yes you are." Abby picks up the swaddled baby and gives her a kiss before passing her over to me.
"Hi, Meg. Hi, baby." I say as I eagerly take her in my arms. I held her right after she was born, of course, and then later when we were passing her around, but only for a few minutes each time. This time I intend to get to know her. And I realize right away that Abby's right. This baby is gorgeous. I hold her out in front of me, one hand under her bottom, the other cradling her head. My little girl. I feel like I know her already. I definitely love her already. I'm a daddy. No matter how many times I've announced that fact to friends and strangers alike, it is still overwhelming. In a good way. I have a child of my own now. And she's incredible. I look at her and see Abby, but maybe a little of myself too. She's the two of us, together. She was born from our love. And she's easily the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And, holding her in my arms like this, I feel as though my whole life has been leading me to this moment. There's suddenly a very clear purpose and meaning in my life. Meg. She's what matters now. More than anything else. I just want to take care of her, to love her, to guide her through this life that can be so scary and uncertain. I don't want her to ever feel alone in this world. I won't let that happen. And now I know that I'll never be alone again either. I have a daughter now. My flesh and blood. And I have Abby. The woman I promised to love until death do us part. My family. I'm a lucky man. Just holding my baby girl in my arms and knowing that we belong is enough to make me want to cry.
"Aww, Meg, you're making your daddy cry." Abby says, leaning over to stroke Meg's head.
"I'm just so glad she's finally here. And she's healthy and happy and perfect."
"She's the best thing we ever did. Even if we didn't exactly mean to."
"Don't say that, Abby. You'll give her some kind of complex."
"I wouldn't worry about it, dear," Maggie calls over to me, chuckling. "Most of us wouldn't be here if it weren't for surprises. You want her now and that's all that matters."
"We wanted her then, too." I say.
"We just didn't know it until we already had her." Abby says.
"Her conception may have been a surprise," I concede, "But her existence was by choice. Right from the start, I couldn't wait for this day. And now, looking at her, holding her … I couldn't imagine it any other way. And I can't help but think that it happened for a reason."
"Yeah. Because we got caught up in the heat of the moment, so to speak. That's the reason. But thank God for careless moments. Where would we be without her?" Abby says, still touching the baby's face gently. She smiles at Meg and her voice goes up several octaves. "Yeah, where would we be without you, peanut? Huh? Daddy and I are so lucky to have you."
"That's right," Maggie says, "Don't forget how lucky you are. Some people wait a lifetime for moments like this."
"And we got it without even trying." Abby says.
"We're blessed." I say, meaning that sincerely.
"Yes, we are." Abby kisses Meg for emphasis of our sentiment. And then sitting up, she looks at me says, "We're also hungry. Did you bring our dinner?"
"Our dinner? Are you going to share?" I ask. She looks a little taken aback at the thought. "Just kidding. I'm not hungry. And yes, I brought your dinner. Along with some other stuff." I say, nodding my head, gesturing toward the hallway. I shift the baby into one arm and stand up, moving to get the goodies.
"These are for you." I say, presenting the roses to Abby.
"Thank you," Abby says. "They're beautiful."
"Just like you. Just like our baby."
"They really are beautiful, John." Maggie says, coming over to inspect the flowers and then finding a place for them on the windowsill where Abby can see them while she's resting in bed.
"You didn't have to get me roses." Abby says.
"I wanted to."
"But you already gave me these fancy silk pajamas."
"Yeah, I see you found those in the suitcase."
"Well, they were right on top. I couldn't miss them. And they're great, but don't you know what happens when you have a baby? I'm afraid all the random leaking -- from me or the baby -- will ruin them."
"Well, if there's ever a time for me to spoil you … besides, I see you're wearing them anyway."
"Well, I couldn't resist, they go so nicely with my disposable underwear."
"What?"
"It's good though, absorbent underpants … no need to worry about those leaks."
"You're wearing absorbent, disposable underwear?"
"Sexy. I know." Abby says with mock seriousness.
"Oh well, the pajamas look nice. You look nice."
"Thank you. I'll look presentable now when everybody stops in to visit. That's why I decided to wear them. So I'd feel pretty."
"You're always pretty."
"Even this afternoon when I was screaming at you?"
"Yes, even then."
"Even when I was sweating and grunting, trying to give birth?"
"Especially then."
"I think you have a vivid imagination."
I shake my head at her. "No, I wasn't imagining things. And I have something else for you."
"Dinner?"
"Yes. But something else too." Meg and I duck back into the little hallway and return with the balloons tied onto the teddy bear and the box of chocolates.
"What's all this?" Abby asks, laughing.
"Balloons."
"Thanks, I see that."
"And some chocolate."
"Yum."
"I thought that would get your attention. And the teddy bear is for Meggie. Since she's too young for chocolate. The balloons are for you to share, I guess."
"We'll be sharing the chocolate too. I'll get it today, and she'll get it tomorrow." Abby says, as I go back one last time, bringing back her dinner.
"Well, here's your dinner to share with her too."
"Finally. It's about time. I was thinking about eating my pillow." Abby says, happily opening her dinner box. "John."
"What? Something wrong?"
"Where are the fries?"
"You didn't say you wanted fries."
"I thought it was understood. You always get fries with a burger. Who doesn't know that?"
"You want me to go get you some fries?"
"No, that's okay." She pauses for a minute, then looks up at me. "Would you really go all the way back just for some fries?"
"Abby, for you? I would do anything. Now more than ever. I mean, look what you did for me." I say, smiling down at Meg, tucked into the crook of my arm.
"Well, you helped out a little bit with her." Abby says, smiling over at us. "It's so weird. I can't believe she's here. She's not inside me anymore. When I took a shower … I looked down, and no more belly. Well, no more giant belly. I almost wanted to cry. It's kinda sad not being pregnant anymore." Abby's looking down at her recently flattened stomach and looking a bit teary even now. And then she looks back at Meg and smiles. "But then all I have to do is look at her. And I'm glad she's here."
"Me, too. You've been hogging her all this time. And now I can finally enjoy her, too."
"Hard to believe that just a few hours ago she wasn't born. We didn't even know she was a girl. And now, I can't imagine it any other way. I can't imagine having any other baby but Meg. And already I have no problem thinking of her as Meg. She's not 'the baby' anymore. She's my Meg. It's like she's been with us all the time."
"Well, in a way, she has. I almost can't remember a time when she wasn't part of our lives. But it is weird how quickly you adjust. Didn't we always have a baby girl named Meg?"
"No. In fact, three hours ago we didn't. We had an unborn baby whose name and gender were still unknown."
But not anymore, now we have a little girl. A little Margaret Abigail. And she's starting to fuss in my arms. I jiggle her a little bit, but she just starts crying in earnest.
"Uh … Abby?"
"What?"
"She's crying. Why's she crying?"
"Well, I don't know. Babies cry."
"Do you think she's hungry?"
"Oh, no. Don't try that. You're not gonna pass her off to me every time she cries. I'm hungry. I'm trying to eat."
I glance over at Maggie whose back to her knitting, but judging from the smile on her face, not missing a moment of this exchange. Strange. Who would have ever thought that Maggie presence in a room could be so … unobtrusive. I wonder if she wants to hold the baby.
"And don't look at her, either." Abby says, between sips of her milkshake. "I've seen you with babies often enough. You've got plenty of paternal instincts."
"Yeah, but none of those babies were mine."
"That's good to know." She goes back to her milkshake.
So I guess she's not gonna help me. I look down at a wailing Meg cradled in my arms. Just you and me, kid. Okay, Abby's right, it's not like this is the first time I've held a baby. I try a little rocking, a little jiggling, I try talking to her, whispering, letting her suck on my finger. And she still cries. Maggie knits. Abby eats. Meg cries. I think they are all out to get me.
But then I shift Meg into an upright position, cuddled against my chest. Her arm is curled up next to her, and, quite by accident I think, she seems to find her own fist and start sucking happily on it. With just a few hiccupy cries, she quiets down. I bounce her gently in my arms, patting and then rubbing her back slowly. I can feel her little back rising and falling steadily under my hand. After a few minutes her breathing is slow and even.
"Hey." Abby says quietly. "Look at you … all being a daddy. You've got the touch. Good job."
"Quieting her down?"
"Putting her to sleep."
"She's sleeping?" I knew she was quiet, I didn't know she was asleep.
"Well, what did you think she was doing? Yoga?"
"I put her to sleep?"
"Yep. See? You're a natural." Well hey, that wasn't too tough. Maybe I am a natural. "I'll take her back now." Abby tells me, holding out her arms.
"Hey, I put her to sleep. I should get to keep her for a while."
"Aren't you going to go get our visitors?"
"You want them to come in while she's sleeping?"
"Well, she might sleep for five minutes, or five hours, or for the better part of the next five days. And if they wake her up, you can just put her back to sleep."
"I think you just want to hold her now that she's quiet. Now that I've done all the work."
"Yeah, you did all the work today." She shoots me a look. Okay, so maybe she did a little more work today. "Give me my baby."
"She's my baby, too."
"Fine. Our baby. But I'm the one that pushed her out … so c'mon, hand her over. You know, so you can go get everybody."
"I see how it is, now that you're done with the dinner that I brought you, you're trying to get rid of me again."
"Pretty much."
"So I'm just good for fetching things and holding the baby while you eat?"
"Yeah, now you got it."
"But now that I got the baby to sleep and you're done eating … I should just automatically hand her over?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I'm her mommy."
"Well, I'm her daddy."
"Sorry, Mommy trumps Daddy."
"How's that fair?"
"It's not."
"That's what I'm saying … it's not fair."
"You two are like children." Maggie says, putting away her knitting and coming over to pat a sleeping Meg. Who? Abby and I? Gee, what does she mean?
"Nice example to set for my granddaughter. What are they teaching you, huh Meg?" I think Grandma is scolding us. But I don't know why, it's just friendly banter. Of course, Abby and I probably won't feel the same way when it's Meg and her little brother or sister exchanging 'friendly banter' in the backseat.
"How about if I go get everyone else? And you two can keep fighting?" Maggie offers.
"Thanks, Maggie." I say as she goes to retrieve the rest of the family.
Abby's looking up at me. "I still want her. Everyone else will be in here in two minutes and then I'll have to share her again. Come on … please? I'm her mother. I miss her. I spent nine months growing her inside of me, and it's not easy getting used to having her outside of me. So is it so much to want to hold her?"
"Oh no, a guilt trip. Now that's really not fair. Especially if you're going to give me the sad eyes."
"Whatever works." Abby gives me a hopeful smile. I shake my head at her, but smile back.
"You know, Meg," I say to the little bundle sleeping against my chest, "I think your mommy wants to see you." I carefully put my hand behind Meg's head and lower her into Abby's anxiously waiting arms. The baby stirs a bit, sighing slightly in her sleep.
Abby just stares down at her, smiling. Happy. She's so happy. And so am I. All because of this little bundle of love. It seems incredible that something that doesn't even weigh nine pounds can have such an unbelievable impact on so many lives. Oh Meg, you'll never known what you've done for all of us just by being born. She really is a gift.
"Listen to those little sounds she's making." Abby says, referring to the coos and gurgles that Meg is making in her sleep. "She looks so sweet when she's sleeping. Like a little angel."
"She is a little angel. Our little angel."
We're both still transfixed, staring at the little angel, when the door opens and a whole party spills into the room. And suddenly we are surrounded by a bunch of pushy, shoving animals trying to get their claws on our precious little baby. Of course, since those animals are our family, I guess Meg is gonna have to learn to deal with them sooner or later.
"Oh, look at her!" My mother says, having beat out the rest of the crowd to get to Meggie first. "Oh Abby, she's beautiful." Abby? Hey, she didn't do it alone. But okay, she did do most of it. And if providing a beautiful granddaughter can get Abby into my mom's good graces, I won't complain about Abby getting all the credit.
"You wanna hold her?" Abby asks. I can see she's trying her best to be gracious to my mother. After all, their last meeting wasn't exactly pleasant. Still, I know how much Abby wants things to be civil between all of us, for Meg's sake.
"May I?"
"Of course, you're her grandmother." Abby carefully lifts the sleeping Meg to my mom, holding her up like an offering.
Mom cradles Meg gently in her arms, and I think that I see tears in her eyes. "Oh … she's gorgeous. Such a cute little girl. And it's nice to have a little girl in the family. What's her name?"
"Go ahead." I say to Abby. "Tell them."
"Meg." She says. "Margaret Abigail Carter."
"Named after her grandmother, I see." My dad says, giving Maggie a smile. She smiles back, proudly. I'm glad that she's proud to have Meg as her namesake.
"Oh … Meg." My mom says to the baby, in a voice that sounds like it's actually approaching baby-talk. "Well, hello, Baby Meg. I'm your other grandmother. Eleanor. Grandma Eleanor. But you can call me … Grandma Eleanor." She sounds somewhat reluctant, yet happy, to label herself with that name as she smiles down at Meg, still sleeping in her arms.
"And I'm your Uncle Eric." Eric looks over my mom's shoulder, talking to the baby. "You can call me Uncle Eric. Of course, you'll have to learn to talk to first. Which is pretty scary, considering the mouth on your mother."
"Eric." Maggie says, giving him a swat on the arm.
"Hey, who do you think taught me all those words that you used to wash my mouth out with soap for saying?" He looks back over at the baby. "Hey, Sis, can I hold her?"
"Have you ever held a baby this little?" Mom asks. Not unpleasantly, but like she's just trying to make sure.
"I've held a puppy that little. Same difference, right?"
"Eric." Abby says.
"I promise I won't drop her, Abby."
"Okay, just … be careful. Support her head." My mom carefully puts the baby into Eric's arms, and I realize that I'm holding my breath. But she seems to fit nicely into the crook of his arm, and she doesn't even stir while being transferred.
"Hey, this is easy." Sure enough, he seems comfortable holding a newborn. Meg doesn't seem in danger of randomly falling to the floor, so I relax. Eric looks down at his niece in his arms. "I didn't think a new baby would feel this heavy. But wow, she's heavy."
"You're telling me." Abby says. I squeeze her shoulder lightly. Wouldn't want her to think I don't appreciate all that effort.
"Isn't she adorable?" Maggie asks Eric.
"Ehn. I've seen better."
"Eric!" Maggie scolds.
"If you're gonna say things like that, you can just pass her right on." Abby says, referring to the pass-the-baby party that seems to be going on.
"Geez, nobody can take a joke, Meg. I hope you get my sense of humor. And of course you're adorable. You look like me." He looks over at us, seeming to contemplate something. "I think she's a keeper, Abby. "
"Well that's good," Abby says, "Because I'm pretty sure there's a 'no return' policy on these things. No refunds. No exchanges."
"Well," I say to Abby, "There's no way we'd want to exchange her, anyway. She's the best baby here."
"And how would you know?" Abby asks me.
"Well, look at her."
"True enough."
"Oh, she is a beauty." My dad, says, taking his turn with Meg. "Abby, John … you did good."
"It was all Abby."
"You contributed." Nice of Abby to throw me a bone. "Well, you or the mailman."
"Haha. Okay, I deserved that."
"Yeah, ya did. But really, I think it must be you because when I look at her I see you." Abby tells me.
"No, she looks like you."
"Actually, John," My dad says, studying Meg. "I think Abby's right. Meg looks likes her mother, but she must look like you, too. Because she looks like all the Carter babies."
My mom looks over at Meg, seeming to study her too. "Yes, she does look like a Carter." Well, that's a relief. Not that I was ever worried, but I'm glad my parents don't seem to have any doubts about Meg's origins. Abby must be thinking the same thing because she elbows me gently, looking up at me with her characteristic wry smile. Thankfully, though, things really do seem to be going pretty smoothly which is quite a relief.
The next few hours are spent with Meg getting to know her family through osmosis as she continues to sleep on peacefully. She never wakes once as she's passed around between her grandparents, her uncle, and our friends who stop by to meet her. The general consensus seems to be that Meg really is adorable. Everyone seems to comment on her hair. And while just about everybody agrees that she looks a lot like Abby, they seem to think there's some resemblance to me. Which makes me inordinately proud.
As wonderful as it to our friends and family so excited and happy to meet Meg, eventually I can tell that Abby's had about enough. She's tired. After all, she's had a long day. And she's a little agitated. All this sharing of her brand new baby is getting kinda rough. Luckily Maggie seems to notice as Abby yawns yet again. She announces that it's probably time for her to go, inspiring a mass exodus. Somewhere in the flurry of good-byes, Meg wakes up and starts to cry. She gets passed back to Abby who is then busy trying to comfort her crying baby and politely say good-bye to friends and family all at the same time. I finally manage to herd everyone out of the room, leaving Abby to deal with just the baby. I see my parents off and make sure Maggie and Eric can find their way to our place. Taking my keys, Maggie brushes off my offer to drive them or at least put them in a cab. She assures me that they will be fine, and I should stay with Abby and the baby. So I say good night and return to my family.
When I get back to the room all is quiet. Well, not exactly quiet, but the baby is no longer crying. I can hear Abby whispering to her. And I can hear smacking and sucking sounds from Meg.
"Is she nursing?" I ask Abby, who's lying on the bed with her back to me.
She looks over her shoulder at me, and shakes her head.
"Nope, we're trying out the pacifier. I don't think she's sold yet. But she's so busying trying to figure it out that she quieted right down when I plugged her up."
I walk over to the bed and look down at my girls. Watching them, I'm amazed at how at ease Abby seems. She's only been a mother for a matter of hours, yet she seems very comfortable. She's lying on her side with the baby lying next to her. One arm is wrapped around Meg, holding her securely. Abby's other hand rubs Meg's belly and strokes her arms, legs, face tenderly. The baby looks around, wide-eyed. And Abby watches Meg intently with a happy, peaceful smile on her face. I move around to the other side of the bed, sitting down in a chair and joining Abby in watching our daughter. We're both hypnotized by this little one and the fascinating show she's putting on. Currently, she's just working on the pacifier, trying to coordinate her sucking in such a way that the thing will stay in her mouth. I guess it's not that easy to do when you are only a few hours old because every few seconds, the pacifier threatens to fall out. But Abby seems to anticipate this and each time moves her hand to hold the pacifier gently in Meg's mouth. I marvel again at her maternal instincts that seem to have appeared immediately. I feel like I could stay here like this, just watching them, for hours. I realize that this is the first time that we've really had a chance to be alone together. As a family.
"Can you believe she's ours?" I ask Abby.
"No, not really. But she is. She's here to stay. No one's gonna take her back."
"Of course not. We made her. We should get to keep her." I give Abby a smile.
"Thank you." She looks over at me with misty eyes, reaching out her hand to me.
"For what?" I ask.
"For giving me Meg." She looks from me to the baby, running a fingertip along Meg's cheek while making funny faces at her.
"You're happy, huh?"
"Of course." She furrows her brow at me, probably thinking I'm crazy for even asking. "Why wouldn't I be? I have a perfect, healthy, beautiful baby. And you got your Daddy's little girl that you were looking for, so you must be happy too."
Just then Meg loses her pacifier and begins to cry. I pick it up and put it back in her mouth, but she promptly drops it again.
"She's not too good at it yet, you kind of have to hold it in there for a minute." Abby advises.
I do as Abby instructs and sure enough, after a minute Meg quiets down.
"There you go, sweetie." I say to her.
She turns her little head to look at me. With respectful admiration, I'm sure. Or maybe just idle curiosity. She seems to recognize my voice, but I wonder if she's busy trying to figure out who I am. Meg's connection to Abby is so obvious, almost tangible. Which makes sense, considering they've been two people in one body for the last nine months. So now all it takes is Abby's voice, Abby's touch … Abby's boobs to comfort Meg seemingly instantly. I have no doubts that Meg knows exactly who Abby is. On the other hand, I'm not sure she has the faintest clue who I am. But she does respond to my voice consistently, and it's amazing how much that means to me.
Who would have ever thought that a baby turning her head toward the sound of my voice would make my heart swell with pride … and love? So much love. It's incredibly, really, how much I love this little person. She has me wrapped around her little finger. And if I thought I had it bad for her mother, I know already that I'm gonna be in big trouble with Meg. It's gonna take an awful lot of willpower not to spoil her rotten.
"You wanna join us?" Abby asks.
"Huh?" I say, shaking off my reverie.
"I see how you're looking at her. But I'm not giving her up. However, if you want to join us …"
"You think there's room?"
"We'll make room."
She scoots over a bit on the bed while I kick off my shoes, and slide in next to her, Meg happily nestled in between us.
"Remember when you were pregnant, and we used to say that in just a few months we'd have a baby lying in between us? And here she is."
"When I was pregnant … my God, I was pregnant this afternoon. And now … I'm not. It's so strange. I kinda miss it."
"Well, you just let me know when you get to missing it too much."
"Uh-huh. I'll do that. Just don't hold your breath; I don't expect it to be anytime soon."
"No?"
"As much as it may be your dream to keep me barefoot and pregnant perpetually, I think I need a few years. I want some time with just Meg. Right, Meggie? Right? You want to be the center of attention for a while, don't you? Yeah … you don't want to share the spotlight too soon." Abby's crinkling up her nose and looking perfectly adorable as she coos at Meg. Then she turns back to me. "After she's walking and talking and out of diapers … then we can think about a little brother or sister."
Speaking of diapers … I do an exaggerated sniff.
"I didn't do it." Abby says, pointing the little bundle between us. "I think it was you-know-who." Meggie regards us calmly, sucking happily on her pacifier. Seemingly unperturbed by odor emanating from her diaper. If I was lying around with something that stinky in my diaper, I think I would cry. "You better change her." Abby tells me.
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. Here." She reaches behind her to the bedside table and then hands me a diaper and a little plastic box full of baby wipes.
"Here? You want me to change her here?"
"Well, you can take her over to the isolette thing if you want to, but here's fine, just don't make a mess."
Sounds easy enough. Until I lay Meg down in front of me and get her unwrapped. At first she's not the least bit perturbed. And nothing is oozing out of the side of her diaper, so that's a good sign. I start to undo the tabs of her diaper, but Abby puts her hand on my arm. Am I doing something wrong already?
"You might want to open up the other diaper and slip it under her. Just in case."
Just in case of what? But I just nod and take Abby's advice. And when I finally get Meg's diaper open I'm confronted with a sticky, dark mess. Seems my baby poops tar. And she's none too happy about it, apparently. She spits out the pacifier and starts howling. What? I couldn't have hurt her, I haven't even touched her.
"Why's she crying?" I ask.
"She's mad." Abby tells me. I give her a look. "They hate to be naked. It makes them cold and scared. She just trying to say 'hurry up, Daddy … I wanna be all wrapped up again.'" Nice of Abby to do a baby voice. However if she really wants to do an impression of Meg, she's going to need to wail like a siren. The sound of Meg's somewhat frantic crying is kind of disconcerting.
"It's okay, Meg." I grab the pacifier and try sticking that back in her mouth. "Here … do you want your binky?"
I guess not since she spits it back out in favor of screeching some more. Meanwhile I'm trying to scrape this goop off her tiny little bottom. What is this stuff? My God, I'm gonna need that Goof Off stuff that we use to get our parking stickers off our car bumpers. Finally, a half a dozen wipes later I get Meg sufficiently cleaned up, re-diapered, and wrapped up again. Since she's still crying, I pass her over to Abby while I get up to wash my hands and dispose of the dirty diaper in a lead-lined hazardous waste receptacle. Geez, that's just plain gross.
I make my way back to the bed, crawling in next to Abby and the baby once again. Abby's trying to interest Meg in the pacifier, but Meg's not having it. You would think she'd be happy now that she's clean and dry again.
"Okay," Abby says with a sigh, "I guess this thing isn't gonna do it for you anymore, huh? Time for the real deal?"
I watch as Abby hooks the ring of the pacifier over her finger, having given up on it as a tool to … well … pacify Meg. Instead she unbuttons her pajama top and moves the baby closer to her, arranging Meg so that she's lying on her side.
"Can you feed her like that?" I ask.
"What? Lying in bed? You better believe it. I don't intend to sit up all night in some hard rocking chair. And I seriously doubt that Meg cares."
Sure enough, she doesn't really seem to care. I watch as she snuggles up against Abby, and then begins nursing with gusto. She stops crying, of course. I guess it would be hard to scream and eat at the same time. In fact, she seems to sigh happily in her mother's arms. Such simple needs. And that Abby and I, but especially Abby, seem to be able to satisfy those needs is amazing to me. Maybe we'll do okay with this whole thing.
"You're pretty good at this." I tell Abby.
"It's early yet. Give me time and I'm sure I can think of some way to mess up." But there's laughter in her voice.
"No, you really know what you're doing."
"Well, all those years in OB, I guess."
"Nuh-uh. It's more than that." She just looks at me. I smile and shrug. "And … that's really incredible." I say, watching Abby and Meg breastfeeding.
"I know." Abby says, looking down at the baby and stroking her little head.
"It's a beautiful thing." She just smiles contentedly. "You're beautiful. And you gave me a beautiful baby girl. It's … wow."
"It's a miracle."
Yes. Yes, it is. In so many ways. Where would we be with this little baby? I shudder to think about it. I know that news of her impending arrival was a complete surprise. But this isn't the first time that I've felt an immense relief that she came into our lives. The timing may not have seemed ideal, but really, I think it's the best thing that could have ever happened to us. And now here we are. A family.
I realize suddenly that someone is humming. It's not me. I doubt it's Meg. I look over at Abby.
"What's that you're humming?"
"Huh?"
"You were humming something. But I didn't quite catch what it was."
"Oh … um … nothing."
"C'mon, you can tell me."
"No, it's dumb."
"So?"
"I don't even know all the words."
"Since when does that stop you?"
"It's silly, really. And not your typical lullaby."
"Abby, I would never expect anything typical of you."
She looks at me for a minute, like she's trying to decide whether that's a compliment or an insult. Then she sighs, and looking down at Meg, starts to sing quietly.
"I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do. Just call my name, and I'll be there. Let me fill you heart with joy and laughter. Togetherness, well that's all I'm after. Whenever you need me, I'll be there."
She looks up at me and shrugs. "I don't know. It just popped into my head."
"Well, it's appropriate. But you're right, I never would have thought of the Jackson 5 as lullaby material."
She shrugs again. "There's more. But I couldn't remember … something about 'I'll be there to comfort you' …"
I hate to admit it, but I actually know the words. I'm not about to sing, but I guess I can recite them. "I'll be there to comfort you. Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you." Abby gives me a bemused smile, but I keep going. "I'll be there with a love that's strong. I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on."
"I can't believe you know that. Oh God, this is so sad. We are so going to warp this kid."
"With Motown hits of the 70s?"
"The fact that we sing them as lullabies … I think there just may be a little something wrong with us."
"Hey, I wasn't singing. You were singing."
"Then I think you should sing with me."
"Abby …"
"You obviously know the words." She looks at me. Raises her eyebrows in question. I give her a little eye roll in response. Agreeing, I guess. She starts singing again, and this time I chime in, looking down at a sleepy Meg.
"I'll be there to protect you. With an unselfish love that respects you. Just call my name, and I'll be there."
I look over at Abby just in time to see her yawn and then look down at Meg with a sleepy little smile on her face.
"I think she's gonna fall asleep."
"I think you're gonna fall asleep."
"Well, I had a long day."
"You both did."
"We all did. It's hard work. This having a baby thing."
"But worth it?"
"Absolutely. We're a family now. For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to be a part of a real family. And now I am."
She kisses the top of Meg's head, looking a little teary. I wrap my arms around my wife and baby, holding them close. Abby closes her eyes, a small little smile playing on her lips. And here we are. Just the three of us. Abby, Meg, and I all wrapped up together, falling asleep together for the first time. A happy little family. Just what I always wanted.