Chapter 3:
------------------------
Disclaimer: If it belonged to me, why would I be posting my stuff here? So, no, it's not mine. Not "The Scarlet Pimpernel," not "Pirates," not The Badger Song, not any other random bit of insanity that may appear in the following. I'm just the one who's blending them together in the magical fan fiction Insanity Smoothie of DOOM(tm)!
A/N: No pirates were harmed in the making of this story.
With that note, On With the Show!
--------------------------
Captain Jack Sparrow stood on the bow of his gorgeous, if weather-beaten, ship, the infamous, fearsome, deadly, beauteous, majestic, et cetera ad infinitum Black Pearl. He was mad. No, he wasn't crazy (well, maybe he was). He was furiously angry -- at his crew, at the world, and at Norrington. Because of a recently-discovered leak in the ship, they were to land at the port of New Havana. Not that he minded landing there, he'd get to see his friend Will's hat collection, as well as being on land, around women. However, this prospect was ruined. You see Chau-Norrington had been fiercely on the lookout for pirate ships. So, in order to disguise the Black Pearl, Jack's crew insisted, they must paint the ship a new color. To Jack's dismay, the chosen color was to be magenta, as it was Norrington's favorite color. This, of course enraged Jack. It was the Black Pearl, for goodness' sakes, not the Magenta Pearl!
Eventually, though, an agreement was reached. The Pearl was to be repainted, to a light, masculine pink. "Masculine!" Jack had exclaimed. But, apparently, many of the crew had come from the continent of Europe, where pink was a masculine color.
To top all of this off, the crew had 'temporarily' changed the name of the ship. No longer the Black Pearl, it was now the Pink. Also, someone had 'accidentally' painted over the 'l' in Pearl. Now Captain Jack Sparrow was the captain of the Pink Pear.
So, Jack was very angry.
-----------------------------------
Will looked out over the ocean, into the sunset, allowing tears to melodramatically fill his eyes. For the last several months, he had not been on speaking terms with Elizabeth. This, however lead to problems, particularly as they were inexplicably married.
Since the last installment, many things had happened in their convoluted lives. For some strange reason (possibly influenced by the authoress's lack of ideas and need for a plothole), Elizabeth had turned in a few pirates to Norrington's newly- formed, anti-pirate Committee of Public Safety. By this time, Will had recovered from the insult, and was returning home to her. With his usual lack of luck, he'd found out about the turning in of the pirates, and now became guilt-stricken and angry about that.
In other words, the home of Mr. and Mrs. Will Turner was not exactly full of bliss.
But now, William H. Turner, the One and Only, had a plan. Dun dun dun. Da- Dun. A plan that would cleanse him of guilt, besides turning him into a regional star and being just plain fun. He would become a heroic quasi- superhero, and begin to save the pirates from Norrington and his Committee (now to be known as the CPS).
Now, though, he needed backup. One can't be a heroic quasi-superhero without, at least, a sidekick. Preferably a large group of sidekicks.
This was why Will was so overjoyed when Captain Jack Sparrow floated the Pink Pear into the harbor.
And that was how, shortly later, Captain Jack Sparrow & Co. found themselves sitting in the library of the Swann house (despite their cooling relationship, Will still managed to bury the occasional hatchet, particularly because it allowed him to live with Elizabeth--and the governer's mansion was a nice place). Also, it almost explained the expressions of disbelief and doubt of sanity that were spread across their faces: Will had just laid out his plan.
"Pieces of eight," croaked Tom's parrot, unconcernedly, in the midst of an awkward silence.
More moments of awkward silence followed before Jack finally decided to clear his throat loudly, and say: "Will, you've done it. You've finally done it."
"Done what?" asked Will, hopefully. Maybe now he was going to get the praise that he'd deserved all this time.
Or maybe not.
"You've cracked, Will, you've finally cracked. You know," he drawled drunkenly, as per usual, "all these years, I've expected you were not all right up there," (he patted Will's ponytail for effect) "but now you've finally gone completely bonkers, haven't you."
So much for the long-deserved praise. Will heaved a sigh common among the ill-used.
"Pirates," he pleaded, "what's so weird about it?"
More awkward silence.
And so it was that Will opened his mouth and began to whine.
"Vest-Button," he yelled, "this is getting nowhere."
The authoress promptly informed that that was his problem. She was busy.
But he persisted, claiming not to know what to do.
[Then make something up.]
"What?!!!"
[I don't know. Sing.]
"Sing?"
Some of the pirates looked up at this. Their faces filled with apprehension.
[It is a musical parody, after all.]
"Okay," said Will, as the introduction began
and the authoress decided to type at least some of the song out
because she couldn't think of anything better to do......
So.....
They sang about David walking into that one valley with that one stone, Which is supposed to be a metaphor for our boys facing insurmountable odds Because they have to stand up to the CPS Because the world is saying not to, which tells them that, BY GOD, They know they've got to Keep marching (Left, left, left right left, roll those feet, oops, was that the roll-off?)
[Before too long, the authoress's head began to fill with images of Douglas Sills hanging from that rope....]
And it's higher and higher and into the fire They went!
[.....but she continued, wiping drool form the keyboard.....]
Into fire.... Onward ho!
[And then she stopped, for now.]
------------------------------------------------
Wow. This is not a deadfic. I'm so proud of myself.
I think that the next chapter will be coming shortly, because I think that I have an idea....
Nebulia: Oh my gosh. You put me on your favorites list! You're the first person, besides my posse, to put me on their favorites list! I feel like a legitimate author now.
sweet775: Thanks for reading this. I didn't advertise it because I know you guys aren't familiar with it ... and confusing parodies aren't very fun. Too bad about the picture... I wonder if anyone has photo manipulation software....
Tooey: I am very proud to be the cause of such a happy-making fanfiction viewing experience! I've never seen the musical or the movie, but I've read the book and own the OBC (Terry! Doug!), so I think I'm an expert, right? Just kidding. I actually am writing this because I had a moment of inspiration, and thought that it was original. :D
Review................
------------------------
Disclaimer: If it belonged to me, why would I be posting my stuff here? So, no, it's not mine. Not "The Scarlet Pimpernel," not "Pirates," not The Badger Song, not any other random bit of insanity that may appear in the following. I'm just the one who's blending them together in the magical fan fiction Insanity Smoothie of DOOM(tm)!
A/N: No pirates were harmed in the making of this story.
With that note, On With the Show!
--------------------------
Captain Jack Sparrow stood on the bow of his gorgeous, if weather-beaten, ship, the infamous, fearsome, deadly, beauteous, majestic, et cetera ad infinitum Black Pearl. He was mad. No, he wasn't crazy (well, maybe he was). He was furiously angry -- at his crew, at the world, and at Norrington. Because of a recently-discovered leak in the ship, they were to land at the port of New Havana. Not that he minded landing there, he'd get to see his friend Will's hat collection, as well as being on land, around women. However, this prospect was ruined. You see Chau-Norrington had been fiercely on the lookout for pirate ships. So, in order to disguise the Black Pearl, Jack's crew insisted, they must paint the ship a new color. To Jack's dismay, the chosen color was to be magenta, as it was Norrington's favorite color. This, of course enraged Jack. It was the Black Pearl, for goodness' sakes, not the Magenta Pearl!
Eventually, though, an agreement was reached. The Pearl was to be repainted, to a light, masculine pink. "Masculine!" Jack had exclaimed. But, apparently, many of the crew had come from the continent of Europe, where pink was a masculine color.
To top all of this off, the crew had 'temporarily' changed the name of the ship. No longer the Black Pearl, it was now the Pink. Also, someone had 'accidentally' painted over the 'l' in Pearl. Now Captain Jack Sparrow was the captain of the Pink Pear.
So, Jack was very angry.
-----------------------------------
Will looked out over the ocean, into the sunset, allowing tears to melodramatically fill his eyes. For the last several months, he had not been on speaking terms with Elizabeth. This, however lead to problems, particularly as they were inexplicably married.
Since the last installment, many things had happened in their convoluted lives. For some strange reason (possibly influenced by the authoress's lack of ideas and need for a plothole), Elizabeth had turned in a few pirates to Norrington's newly- formed, anti-pirate Committee of Public Safety. By this time, Will had recovered from the insult, and was returning home to her. With his usual lack of luck, he'd found out about the turning in of the pirates, and now became guilt-stricken and angry about that.
In other words, the home of Mr. and Mrs. Will Turner was not exactly full of bliss.
But now, William H. Turner, the One and Only, had a plan. Dun dun dun. Da- Dun. A plan that would cleanse him of guilt, besides turning him into a regional star and being just plain fun. He would become a heroic quasi- superhero, and begin to save the pirates from Norrington and his Committee (now to be known as the CPS).
Now, though, he needed backup. One can't be a heroic quasi-superhero without, at least, a sidekick. Preferably a large group of sidekicks.
This was why Will was so overjoyed when Captain Jack Sparrow floated the Pink Pear into the harbor.
And that was how, shortly later, Captain Jack Sparrow & Co. found themselves sitting in the library of the Swann house (despite their cooling relationship, Will still managed to bury the occasional hatchet, particularly because it allowed him to live with Elizabeth--and the governer's mansion was a nice place). Also, it almost explained the expressions of disbelief and doubt of sanity that were spread across their faces: Will had just laid out his plan.
"Pieces of eight," croaked Tom's parrot, unconcernedly, in the midst of an awkward silence.
More moments of awkward silence followed before Jack finally decided to clear his throat loudly, and say: "Will, you've done it. You've finally done it."
"Done what?" asked Will, hopefully. Maybe now he was going to get the praise that he'd deserved all this time.
Or maybe not.
"You've cracked, Will, you've finally cracked. You know," he drawled drunkenly, as per usual, "all these years, I've expected you were not all right up there," (he patted Will's ponytail for effect) "but now you've finally gone completely bonkers, haven't you."
So much for the long-deserved praise. Will heaved a sigh common among the ill-used.
"Pirates," he pleaded, "what's so weird about it?"
More awkward silence.
And so it was that Will opened his mouth and began to whine.
"Vest-Button," he yelled, "this is getting nowhere."
The authoress promptly informed that that was his problem. She was busy.
But he persisted, claiming not to know what to do.
[Then make something up.]
"What?!!!"
[I don't know. Sing.]
"Sing?"
Some of the pirates looked up at this. Their faces filled with apprehension.
[It is a musical parody, after all.]
"Okay," said Will, as the introduction began
and the authoress decided to type at least some of the song out
because she couldn't think of anything better to do......
So.....
They sang about David walking into that one valley with that one stone, Which is supposed to be a metaphor for our boys facing insurmountable odds Because they have to stand up to the CPS Because the world is saying not to, which tells them that, BY GOD, They know they've got to Keep marching (Left, left, left right left, roll those feet, oops, was that the roll-off?)
[Before too long, the authoress's head began to fill with images of Douglas Sills hanging from that rope....]
And it's higher and higher and into the fire They went!
[.....but she continued, wiping drool form the keyboard.....]
Into fire.... Onward ho!
[And then she stopped, for now.]
------------------------------------------------
Wow. This is not a deadfic. I'm so proud of myself.
I think that the next chapter will be coming shortly, because I think that I have an idea....
Nebulia: Oh my gosh. You put me on your favorites list! You're the first person, besides my posse, to put me on their favorites list! I feel like a legitimate author now.
sweet775: Thanks for reading this. I didn't advertise it because I know you guys aren't familiar with it ... and confusing parodies aren't very fun. Too bad about the picture... I wonder if anyone has photo manipulation software....
Tooey: I am very proud to be the cause of such a happy-making fanfiction viewing experience! I've never seen the musical or the movie, but I've read the book and own the OBC (Terry! Doug!), so I think I'm an expert, right? Just kidding. I actually am writing this because I had a moment of inspiration, and thought that it was original. :D
Review................