Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters. Those belong to Disney.
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! I am going to make it so there is more fighting with the narrator than actual story because that is a lot more fun to do. If you review I will respond. It's the least I can do to thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts.
FireValKyrie: your review really helped me make my decision final and your reviews kept me laughing.
Mrs-Spacemonkey-Jackson: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reading and reviewing
Estelisminegoaway: Interesting name! Thanks for reading!
FantisyChick: Yes I will keep updating. Never fear, thanks for reading and reviewing
Sparrowslove: Thanks for reading. I will be reading your fanfic as soon as I am finished with this chapter.
Girlgunslinger: Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Fairy of Obsession: Nice name! Yes it is unprofessional and I love it. In school it seems like we never get to do free lance writing, it's essays, essays, essays. So I decided to leap on the opportunity to do a parody in an unstructured manner. Thanks for the reviews.
Orlando-Bloom-Fangirl: Orlando Bloom is hot and did an amazing job in Lord of the Rings. However, he really pissed me off in this movie due to his "we must save Elizabeth!" attitude. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Alexandria Peterson: Hey like your name! Mine name is your name minus the I… OK sorry I just had to say that. Oh yeah and my last name's different. Hee hee. I am updating now to answer your question.
And now onto the story
Chapter 3: Norrington's speech
"I have been fighting pirates as long as I can remember. I can fight this entire ship with my right hand tied behind my back. I am a leader of men, a fighter for the people. I represent those that cannot represent themselves. I speak for those that cannot speak. I walk for those that cannot walk. In short, I do what others cannot do. I am a commodore, a man of honor, prestige. I am no filthy pirate. I take care of others. When I see a dog I do not kick it hard, only a little, and ONLY so that it will get out of my way. When I see a kitten stuck in a tree, I halt the cutting of such tree until the kitten has been shot down. I…" as Norrington continues his speech about how honorable he is, the men are forming their own plan.
All of the men, and in the case of Elizabeth and Anna-Maria, women, are working together to get Norrington to shut up. Gibbs is "dancing" in front of Norrington to distract him. Will is trying to get him to take one step back and "accidentally" fall overboard. Norrington's men are preparing the Dauntless to sail back to Port Royal. But it would seem that Jack and Elizabeth were the only ones who were really using their noggins. Jack was setting the boon so that he could cut it and it would fly up and hit Norrington in the face. Elizabeth was preparing to grab Norrinotn's wig and hide it as soon as Jack did.
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Piece of advice: never take a vain man's wig
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Norrington noticed none of this and continued on with his speech "I am a man of valor. A man worthy of notice. Yet despite all this I am not afraid to throw a piece of advice to the beggar on the street. Of course I wouldn't give them money but hey, I often pass through that part of town on my way to the tailor's to get my new suit fitted and I have to look good whereas they are a beggar so they don't need to look good. And what is this bit of advice you might ask? Why I simply tell them 'get your butt off the ground. You are making this city disgusting, why don't you make something of yourself? Look at me, look at you. Who do you think deserves to live in this city? You should get a job. If I find you here tomorrow I will have you hanged.' That usually gets them out of there. I hear that they go to the neighboring harbor town and become quite wealthy. Some of their businesses are so exclusive as to make sure that if me or any of my men were to ever set foot in their shop that we would be 'toast' whatever that means. It shows how grateful they are. Of course I sometimes have to fire my help but I always do it in such a gentle way that they leave this town. I once heard a rumor it was because I did something to their reputation, probably enhanced it. Now I don't mean to toot my own horn but I have been known to turn a few heads. I am not only a commodore but a handsome one as well. Most women don't even know that I am in my 50s. They say "really that young!" I do exfoliate my skin every day after all and…"
That was all Jack needed to hear. With one swift motion the boon was cut, hitting Norrington in the face. Elizabeth grabbed his wig, tossed it to Will, who tossed it to Gibbs, who threw it in the broom closet. They all looked smug knowing that Norrington wouldn't touch a broom closet even if Barbossa came back and threatened to curse him if he didn't. Norrington glared at Jack.
"THAT WAS INTENTIONAL. I'M GOING TO HAVE THE NARRATOR KICK YOUR RUMP INTO THE NEXT GENERATION!!!! TELL HIM NARRY!"
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Narrator: OK, first of all, I didn't see Jack do anything, I was, uhhh, washing my dog. Second, You do not, under any circumstances, call me "Narry" I should kick your *rump* into the next generation just for that. If you seriously think Narrator is too long well then, guess what? I don't care. It's narrator. Not Narry, Nar, Narb, Narro, tator, rator, bob, narrat, raty, or any other name you can come up with. It's Narrator. N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R. Kapish? OK. Seriously, you totally deserved whatever Jack gave you.
Norrington: B-but.
Narrator: No, I don't want to hear it.
Norrington: But I'm the commodore!!! *whimpers*
Narrator: Shut up. You aren't a dog. You don't need to whimper. Seriously. Even *WILL* isn't that pathetic.
Will: *smirks*
Norrington: But Will's a eunuch.
Jack: *Smirks*
Narrator: Well only one person can verify that, Elizabeth?
*all turn to Elizabeth*
Elizabeth: *smiles proudly* Believe me he's not eunuch. Believe me.
Will: *smirks at Jack*
Narrator: Now who's to prove that you aren't a eunuch, Norrington?
Norrington: But I'm the commodore!!! *continues to whimper*
Narrator: There, there. *pats Norrington on head, Whispers to Jack* Just hide him in the corner or something.
Jack: *nods and drags Norrington into the darkest corner on deck*
Narrator: *turns to Norrington's men* Now, back to business. Why don't you people just head on home to your families. No offense or anything but you aren't really adding to the plot. But I might bring you back later.
Norrington's men: Yeah…OK…That sounds fair….Sure….My wife's pregnant…Oh really?...Congratulations…Thanks…Yeah, I want to see my daughter off before she gets married…*the men continue with the pointless chatter as they sail off*
Narrator: Now that's that taken care of let's sail on to Tortuga
Jack: Wait we are taking Norrington with is?
Narrator: Oh shush up.
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Author's Note: Even if I make something bold in word it doesn't transfer over… can anyone tell me how to make it so that it does. Also, I was reading some other fanfics and they mention OCs, what are these? If you have any ideas as to how I can make this story better please tell me, your criticism is welcome. Flames are OK too.