Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean. Or any of the characters. Or Hersheys. Or Nestle. Or Pepsi. Or Coca-Cola. Or Kellog's. Or Skippy Peanut Butter. Or Crayola. Or General Mill's. Or Johnson & Johnson. Or Gerber. Or Band-Aid brand bands-aids. Or Mary Poppins. Or Harry Potter. Or Laura Ashley. Or Nike, Reebok, Addidas, Scholastic Inc., Columbia Records, Britney Spears, AT&T, Verizon Wireless, Timex, Toshiba, Panosonic, Quaker, Disney, Wal-Mart, Sharper Image, Slim Fast, Crate & Barrel, or Pottery Barn. Not that I plan on mentioning all those but I think it should be made known that I do not own any of these corporations/people. The only person/thing I own in this entire fic is me, the narrator.
Author's Note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I got really sick and then I got writer's block, and a serious case of it. Then I wrote some stuff down in a notebook during school and Surprise, surprise, I lost the notebook. And now for the news. There is good news and there is bad news. The bad news: We have the biggest paper any of us in the school district will have ever had to write thus far (If any high school juniors and seniors are reading this they'd laugh at be calling it "big") This means I probably won't be able to update for quite a few weeks. The good news: After that the three biggest things we have to do this year will be over and then I can update a lot. Until then here is a chapter: I hope it is satisfactory. Oh and the other good news: I found out how to do bold and italics and such. Thanks for your help everybody!
Almost Funny: Thanks for the review! I am glad you like my fic!
SparrowsLove: Go ahead and help yourself! I am glad your story makes you laugh. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Thanks for the review!
***POTCLUVA***: I am glad you like the fic! Who said anything about making Jack gay? I wasn't planning on it, never fear. Thanks for the review! Oh and by the way, Orlando's mine.
LOTRFreak144: I am glad you like my fic! Thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it despite the fact that I am not living up to my full potential here! Thanks for the review!
TalenelsMyYami: Yes you did help. You were the final verification I needed between the 'OC' and 'OOC' thing. Thanks! I am glad I had you laughing… Thanks for the review!
Cptnjcksparrow: Wow! Thanks for the review! I am brilliant!!??!! Whoa wasn't expecting that but I think I can deal with that! I hope I come up with some comical lines but as I said, I got sick again so who knows? (When I get sick I just tend to ramble) Now I am off to flaunt my brilliance in my brother's face. *Walks off occasionally yelling things like "E=MC^2!" and "To be or not to be, that is the question!"*
Alexandria Peterson: Thanks for your review! I am glad… damnit I am saying the same thing to everybody. I need to think up a new line. *thinks* I know! Have some chocolate! Ah that works, much better.
FireValkyrie: Whoa your review made me laugh! You Hmmm I just got a brilliant idea. ;o) Thanks for the review!... A few days later… I was reading about an episode of Charmed and well, "the Valkyries, demi-goddesses who preside over fallen warriors who have died in battle".. I dunno why that's relevant, I just thought it was interesting.
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Narrator: *playing the harmonica* Ooooh ma mama left me. *harmonica* An' ma papa did too. *harmonica* But I just like this country-western tune. *harmonica solo*
Jack: *hack cough cough*
Narrator: *looks up* Oh hello Jack! What are you doing wandering around this ship??
Jack: Bloody hell I am the Captain of this ship! I should not have to have a reason to walk around my OWN ship. I should be able to do whatever I please. Do I need a reason savvy?
Narrator: *blinks*
Jack: Well… If you MUST know I was off to find Norrington, I haven't seen the git in a few… *gets cut off by Elizabeth*
Elizabeth: Have you seen Norrington?
Narrator: *shakes head and disappears with a small pop* POP
Jack: *doesn't notice this* I was just telling the narrator that I was on my way to find the git myself.
Elizabeth: Ummmm Jack? The narrator isn't here… exactly how much rum did you have today?
Jack: Bloody hell she was here a minute ago.
Elizabeth: I'm going to leave you alone Jack. You obviously have some issues to work out.
Jack: *shouts to sky* Bloody hell Narrator! Making me seem crazy!!! *continues to rant*
Meanwhile….
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Norrington paced around his cabin. It was the smallest cabin on board but at least he didn't have to sleep with the crew. (Little did he know They wouldn't sleep with him.) 'How to get out of here' he thought. 'If only I had some parchment on which I could plan an escape.'
Norrington looked up when he heard his name however. "Norrington? Norrington?!!?"
"I KNOW THAT VOICE!" He opened the door in an excited rush. "Yes Elizabeth, my sweet?"
"Please refrain from calling me 'your sweet.' I am with Will now. I am truly sorry if you can't accept that."
"But Elizabeth! We are meant to be together. They put us together at the beginning of the movie."
"Yes but it was to Will to whom my affections were immediately drawn. Besides, I was ten and you were already grown, doesn't that disturb you at all… the thought that you are almost 20 years older than me?"
"No it does not, because we are soul mates."
"But will was the one who risked his life to save me, allowing plenty of time for me to act like the heroine of the movie AND allowed ample time to make corset jokes."
*retching sound comes from sky*
"Elizabeth, my peach, what were you calling me for?"
"Oh yes. Will and I would like to see you."
"Will?"
"Yes, WILL. We will be expecting to see you up there shortly." And with that Elizabeth walked off.
Norrington sauntered on deck to find Will, Elizabeth, Gibbs, and a few other crew members playing cards. Elizabeth appeared to be winning, as was obvious by the mountain of poker chips surrounding her. Murmurs came from the man as they wondered how not just a woman, but a governor's daughter who had spent her whole life refraining from such activities, could be whooping their asses. "Beginner's luck." Some said. Others just shook their heads.
"Hello Elizabeth. I have come upon your request. I would not have left my cabin otherwise but you seemed to need my aid and I decided I best come to your side."
"Finally!" Exclaimed Elizabeth as she shot up. "Well first things first, does this dress make my chin look big?"
"That's what you called me here for?"
"No not just that… Will and I wanted to discuss our situation."
"Oh Will," The commodore mocked, "threatened that Elizabeth might fall for a real man?"
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Narrator: I thought we'd already discussed this Norrington, you are the eunuch.
Norrington: I'd appreciate it if you would stop appearing out of no where! Look you gave the pirate with the parrot a heart attack.
*All turn to face man with parrot clutching chest*
Narrator: *waves hand* there he's healed. We have bigger issues to discuss
Will: Like what?
Narrator: Tortuga
Elizabeth: Really?
Narrator: no that would be giving out top secret information on the next chapter. What I really came here to talk about are cameo appearances.
Will: What?
Narrator: If any one reading this wants to make a guest appearance as anything; fangirl, annoyance, or just someone to say hi, all they have to do is ask. The only thing I won't allow are requests from Mary-Sue wannabes. They can make their own cheap ass story.
Norringon: Actually I wouldn't mind having a few Mary-Sues. I could use the ego boost.
Narrator: I have something very special in mind for you Norrington.
Norrington: *color drains from face* W-w-w-what is it?
Narrator: Oh you'll find out soon enough.
*Jack comes on deck*
Jack: There you are!
Narrator & Norrington: (in unison) Me? Or him?
Narrator: *smacks Norrington upside the head* I'm a 'her' you twit.
Norrington: *whimper*
Jack: Actually both of you. But as you've made Norrington unavailable at the moment I will talk to you.
Narrator: …
Jack: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!!!??!!
Narrator: *shrugs shoulders* I dunno, it was fun, easy, amusing, enjoyable…
Jack: Enough with the synonyms.
Narrator: Hey! You were the one who asked me in the first place.
Jack: Oh be quiet.
Narrator: Oh by the way, would you like to have some fangirl cameo appearances?
Jack: yeah… sure… whatever.
Narrator: OK then
Norrington: *still whimpering* I want a fangirl
Narrator: I already told you, I have something special for you.
Norrington: *whimper*
Jack: Can we just get on with the next chapter please?
Narrator: fine, fine
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Coming Up:
- What does Jack say to Norrington?
- What is the secret surprise?
- TORTUGA!!!!!
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Author's Note: Will's too pretty to be a eunuch