Disclaimer~ Once again, I repeat, that I do not own any Harry Potter
characters, nor any Harry Potter places, nor any Draco Malfoys, either.
To all my reviewers, thank you, I really appreciate them. I'm sorry it takes me so long to update, but this week I've got major testing and I'm really stressing. So, sorry for the delay. I still haven't figured out how to make italics work when switching from Microsoft word to the site, so if any of you have pointers out there, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanx!!
MAJOR AUTHOR'S NOTE~ I will be continuing this story, even after the fifth book comes out, because I have been planning, writing and stressing over this for a very long time and I will not let it go to waste. I know that not many people will read/review, but I just want to get the story written out and posted to the end. It is a good story, trust me, so please, even after June 21st, please keep reading. I have this uncanny feeling that Rowling will completely destroy all hopes for my plot, but CARE IF I SEE!!!!! (no wait!!!!)
Just to help you understand, this chapter is in Draco's POV, still in the semi past/present if that makes sense. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Chapter 4
"Not an answer to be heard, or a moment, that's held in your arms."
"My dear son, Draco, how."
At that moment, when I was about to read the rest of the entry, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. They were heavy, and sounded dull. They were my father's footsteps. Knowing that Father would forbid me to read anything in this diary, I tucked it quickly on the inside pocket of my dark green robes. I closed the lid of the trunk just as I heard a creak in the floorboards that told me Father was just around the corner. On cue, a few seconds later, he stepped through the doorway. Maybe it was just me, I'm not sure, but I realized that my father's face showed no change in expression from his usual contempt. It was as if nothing had happened. Didn't this man realize that his beautiful wife was laying only feet away from him wither lifeblood still trickling out of the back of her head? Didn't he know that he was a widow, and that he would never see my mum's beautiful smile, or hear her laughter fill a room again? What was wrong with this man?
He stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at me, and then slowly moving his eyes to the bed where my mum lay. I searched his face for anger, or sadness, or for any emotion for that matter. Still nothing. "What happened, Father?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"She was killed, Draco. I thought you were a Malfoy. I thought you would be smart enough to figure that one out," he said, once again, without emotion.
"I can see that, Father, but I want to know who did this to her. Who did this to her?"
"Does really matter, Draco? She is dead, life goes on. We will hold her funeral this weekend. Have the house elves take care of her body. I don't want the house to begin to smell," curling up his nose, my father turned sharply around and walked out of the room. I stared after him in shock. I knew that my parents had no love for each other, but to not even be affected by the fact that one's wife was just brutally murdered was just beyond my comprehension. I couldn't understand how he could make any comments as he just did, when his wife was dead. I sat back against the bed, inches away from Mum, unchecked tears streaming down my face.
I had forgotten what it was like to cry. It had been so long since I had allowed myself the freedom to express my pain. But I didn't care anymore. I was so confused, I didn't care about controlling my emotions anymore. I stared at the wall for what seemed like hours, remembering all the times I spent with Mum. It seemed as though the supply of tears was neverending, as though years of pent up frustration and pain were finally being set loose. I felt so alone.
But, I wasn't for long. One of our house elves, Tenka, came quietly into the room. She also was crying, but she avoided me completely. She crossed over to the bed where lay Mum, and snapped her fingers. In an instant, both of them were gone. Mum was being taken to the embalming rooms in the medical wing. I slowly stood up and straightened out my robes, as though I were about to meet someone. But I wasn't. I put my mother's trunk back into her closet, and put piles of her things over top of it, so that no one would notice it. I was lucky that Father was too busy being an arse, that he didn't see it. I felt that this trunk of hers was something Father didn't know about. It was filled with things of her past, which she had never told me about.
With one last look around, noticing another bloodstain on the bed, I left the room. I knew the house elves would take care of the sheets, and the cleaning of her room. Besides, I couldn't stand being in that room anymore. I could smell her; the perfume she always wore was quite distinctive. I had to get out of there. I ran down the hallway, to the back stairway. Skipping two steps at a time, I arrived at the next floor and to the door to my room. I walked in and lit the little candle lamp that was on my nightstand. I closed my door, and settled onto my bed, knowing that I now had full privacy. Father rarely came up here, unless it was for a punishment.
I took the little green book out of my robes and opened it back to the first page. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
"My dear son, Draco, how I love you so much. Today is the day you were born. It is one of the best days of my life. When I first held you, and I saw your face, I knew you would be your father's son. You looked up at me and smiled, as if you recognized, although you had never before seen me either. The laughter in your eyes reminded me so much of your father's that I began to cry. Your Father. Well, considering how I'm sure you would only be reading this because I'm gone, I feel I must explain your history, Draco, though I warn you that it might not be what you expect.
"My son, I went to Hogwarts, as I'm sure you will. While I was there, I met the man of my dreams. We fell in love, and we were inseparable. This man and I were the head boy and girl of our year, I was from Ravenclaw, and he was from Slytherin. This man was my life, and we were engaged soon after graduation. This man's name was Quinlan Malfoy. Oh, how much I love that man, and how much I miss him. We were married about ten months ago from today, and it is a shame that he isn't here to see his son.
Yes, Draco, Quinlan was your father. You see, Lucius and Quinlan Malfoy were twins. Don't believe the myth that the Malfoy family is nothing but dark wizards, Draco. Quinlan was the kindest person you could ever imagine. He and Lucius did not get along though, because Lucius had become evil. He has crossed over and joined with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I do not know what the future will be for us, now that the Dark Lord is rising in power. I fear Him Draco, but more, I fear for you.
Almost a month and a half after Quinlan and I married, his brother came to visit us. I tried to stay clear of him, knowing what kind of man he was. But I came home one night from visiting a friend in Surrey, and I couldn't find Quinlan. I was grabbed from behind, and I heard Lucius' voice mutter something from behind me. He turned me around and pinned me up against a wall. He put a bind on me, so that I couldn't escape, and dragged me into one of the spare bedrooms. On the floor was Quinlan, he was surrounded by dark red blood, and I knew then, that he was dead. Lucius threw me on the floor next to him and I reached out to my husband. He was barely alive, and I was able to whisper to him that he was a father, I had just found out that morning. Lucius had left the room, so he didn't hear me. Quinlan had only enough energy to tell me he loved me, and to take care of our child, because he wouldn't be there for it. He died a few moments later, Draco, and my heart died right along with him.
I knew that Lucius had killed his own brother, but I didn't find out why until a few hours later. Lucius had cast the Imperious curse on me and I had to do whatever he made me. His plan was to take me as his "wife", and produce an heir. With Quinlan dead, all he had to do was claim that it was his right as Quinlan's brother to take care of me. I was forced to marry him, and I was put under the Imperious curse almost every moment of my life. I was raped and beaten, and hidden from public. My friends believed that I had turned to the dark side, and stopped talking to me. Several months later, it became apparent to Lucius that I was pregnant, and he believed that the child was his. Draco, there were moments during these past few months when I would have given anything to end my pain. But I would be reminded of the child, you, who was growing within me. I also remembered that you were Quinlan's son, and the only thing I had left of him. Oh Draco, you look just like him. You have his grey eyes and his nose. You even make the same face when you're not happy. Oh Draco, I'm so scared for you. Lucius believes you are his, and he will raise you to become one of those dreaded deatheaters. I can't do a thing about it because I am rarely free of this curse, and when I am, I am too weak to do anything.
Draco, whenever you read this, no matter how far you probably are in your training, I want you to know that you aren't like Lucius. I can tell already by looking at your tiny form, that there is no speck of malice in you. Though, I'm sure with Lucius being the one to raise you, you will be forced into evil. Draco, you must stop. Get out of it while you can. Don't believe a word that Lucius tells you. You must have your true father's kindness somewhere within you. I don't know what your life will be like as you read this, so I advise you to be careful about how you escape. Lucius has no idea that you aren't his, and if he finds out, he most surely will kill you. Son, I love you, and I want you to live, so be cautious, and wait. I can only hope that you get out, and that you are able to experience true happiness, as I once have. One day, our family will be together again, and I await for that day every moment of my life. If only you knew your father, Draco, life would be so much different for you. I guess my apology to you for not being strong enough to escape is a little late, isn't it? I must go now, before Lucius finds this. I will continue to write in this, as you grow up, and maybe one day, there'll be a chance you might read this and escape. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
As I sat there on my bed, reading, my jaw dropped ever lower with each sentence. After that first entry, I saw that Mum had written many others, each mostly filled with encouragement to escape, and a few mentions of Quinlan, my father. Father. How can this happen? My entire life has been a lie. Lucius wasn't my father, and he had raped Mum. He had beaten Mum. He had killed Mum. And he had killed the man who was my true father. That bastard. He will pay for this. I will make him pay. I was trembling with anger now. I knew that what Mum had written must be true. It explained why it wasn't in me to torture anyone, why I couldn't bring myself to do what the other deatheaters did. I sat where I was, clenching my fist, ready to willingly kill the bastard on sight. How dare he do this to me? I didn't know what to do next. How do I get out of this place? How do I escape? How can I kill Lucius?
I don't know how long I sat there, seething with anger and hatred directed at the sorry excuse for a wizard who dared to hurt Mum. It was then that I reopened the diary to read the last entry. Mum had written it two days before: ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
"Draco, my son, you are now almost grown up. In a few weeks, you will be sixteen. I still cannot believe how much you look like your father more and more each day. My son, I fear that my time is coming near, and I will soon join my husband. Lucius has become more violent with the return of the Dark Lord and I cannot bear the pain much longer. One wrong movement and he will curse me with the Cruciatrus curse. Draco, when you find this, if you accept this, you must go to Professor Dumbledore. Forget what Lucius has put into your mind that he is a fool. He is quite the opposite, and he can help you beyond imagining. You must see him while Lucius is away, and you two must make a plan as to how you can escape Lucius forever. Do not run now, because he will hunt you down and kill you. You must wait until the right moment.
Son, I have been able to contact Professor Dumbledore, and I have told him about us, about Quinlan. He knows, and he is most eager to help you. You must trust him, Draco; he will take care of you. Severus Snape will also look after you, you need only to trust them. I love you, Son, and I want you to never forget who you are, and who you can be. I know that you have already pledged to Lord Voldemort, but I feel that somehow your heart was not in it. Please prove me right, and escape. Professor Dumbledore mentioned something about a way to get rid of the dark mark. Draco, I know your heart. I have seen how much you detest what the deatheaters do, and I know that it is not what you want to do. Once again, Son, I love you, and I will always love you. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
Dumbledore. The mention of him reminded me of Hogwarts. All those years there, all of the people whose lives I had made miserable, because "Father" insisted on it. How many times had I watched the other kids in any of the houses laugh and have fun together? I remember those three from Gryffindor: Potter, Weasely, and Granger. I remember being so jealous of the friendship they had, and how I treated them. My life at that school could have been so much better. Those two stupid pigs who followed me around like puppies weren't friends. I had no friends.
I decided right then that I would see Dumbledore. I knew that I couldn't possibly make up for all the pain I had caused the others, and I knew that they probably wouldn't believe me, but I knew also that if I went back to Hogwarts, I might have a chance at avenging my father, and ridding this world of that ugly bastard. Perhaps, I might be able set things right between all of my former classmates. No matter. I would leave this cold mansion and never look back, once Lucius was dead.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Three days later, after Mum's funeral, I got the chance to escape to Dumbledore. Mum's funeral had been short, barely anyone had come, and I fought hard not to cry in front of everyone. Lucius, the bastard, had sat through the whole thing looking as though he had better things to with his time. I restrained myself from reaching over and strangling him so that he begged for mercy, which he would not receive.
The day after the funeral, Lucius went back to Voldemort's headquarters. I had been given the week off, to deal with my grief. I waited several minutes before apparating to Hogsmeade. I was standing outside of one of the little shops, and I turned to go to the carriage shop. I paid a driver to take me up to the castle, and soon, I was on my way. As we were riding through the village, I noticed how bleak it looked. Only a few years before, I had been strolling down the main road on one of the class trips. Now, the place was bordering on ruin. All of the buildings were decaying; the fronts of the shops and homes were unkept. There were fewer people wandering about, a far cry from the once crowded streets this infamous town once hosted.
Soon, the road left the village, and turned into a wooded path. As the carriage bounced me around from rolling over small stones and ditches, I stared at the trees outside the window, contemplating what I was going to say to Dumbledore. Hell, how was I going to even begin speaking to him? Although all my years at Hogwarts were spent loathing the man, Mum trusted him, and I had no choice but to try and do the same, for her. Don't get me wrong, I am most definitely not the most easily forgiving person in the world, but if Dumbledore could help me avenge the father I never met, then I must swallow my pride and move on. My "other half" came back saying, "What about Potter?" What about him? Then it dawned on me. No doubt, Potter was probably working closely with Dumbledore, and would make life hell for me, as well as his flame-haired twit of a sidekick.
The hell I'm going to put up with their endless taunting. I could hear it now: "What's the matter, Malfoy? Couldn't handle killing the bastard yourself?" Then there was their other little sidekick, Granger. I'm sure she'll have the pleasure of sticking her nose in the air and arrogantly saying "I told you so." Just the thought of them getting the best of me, and being right for it was enough to make me want to turn this carriage around right now. I wasn't about to be ready to handle any of their immaturities. But then, something in the back of my mind spoke up, saying that I must try, for Mum. I didn't know how I was going to get through this, but I owed it to Mum, and. Father. I spent the rest of the way there swallowing my pride as best as I could. I would never have guessed a few months ago that I would go willingly to the "other" side. That I would completely switch my loyalties.
Since Voldemort was the one who was ultimately behind everything, the one who influenced Lucius so much, and ultimately caused my parents' deaths, I could no longer willingly claim support for that delusional, insane monster. It was still dawning on me, after several days, how much I detested that. creature. Voldemort and all of his ideals really didn't suit me. I mean, I wasn't about to go frolicking in some beautiful meadow with the butterflies and become a perfect angel; no, I still was annoyed and impatient with the same things as before. I just wasn't going to help Voldemort torture and kill innocent and ignorant people, just because his father paid no attention to him. The man was clearly demented; your typical I-hate-my-father-and-everyone-must-suffer-for-it kind of person. But what about the dark mark?
How ironic that I just remembered that fact that I was a deatheater. I don't think that will fly very well with Dumbledore. And if I wanted to help the Light side, as I guessed it was called, who would trust me with the black skull on my left arm. That was no small cookie for anyone to miss. Oh well, it was too late to reconsider, because the carriage had arrived at Hogwarts. The building still looked the same from the outside, and the grounds didn't look any different from when I left. I thanked the carriage driver, who looked at me oddly, as though I had something on my face. I was about to look for a mirror before I realized that it was unnatural for a Malfoy to be polite, in any way.
I turned back to enter into the castle through the main entrance. No one was around, so I headed towards Dumbledore's office. I was stopped on my way by a very irritated-looking Professor McGonagall. "Mr. Malfy, what are you doing here?" she asked while partially glaring at me.
"I've come to see Professor Dumbledore. I must talk to him, soon," I replied, looking around for an easy escape. This woman had a way of holding you captive until you lost your mind, if you let her. Ah, thank the gods; I could see Professor Dumbledore's graying form moving quickly down the front corridor. "Hello, Mr. Malfoy, nice to see you. What, may I ask are you doing here?" he asked very politely, as opposed to his fellow nosy, Gryffin Head. "I'm doing fine, Professor. I was wondering if I might speak with you, if you have the time," I answered as polite as I could. I could remember all of the times Mum tried teaching me manners, but it was going to take some getting used to.
"Of course, follow me." With a huff, Professor McGonagall turned and headed down the right corridor as Dumbledore and I headed down the left. Soon, we arrived as the headmaster said his password (sugar roaches), and entered his large office. I had been in there several times, back in my early Hogwarts days, for some childish troublemaking. It was filled with piles and piles of books, parchments, and other little odds and ends. "Have a seat, if you will," said the Professor, breaking the silence that had followed us from the hall. I walked over to the large, overstuffed armchair located in front of Dumbledore's over stacked desk, and sat down. He walked around and finally sat down in his own chair, and then looked up at me.
*********
For the next hour or so, I told the Headmaster everything. I explained to him about that day that I found Mum, about everything in the diary, about my lineage, and about my initiation into deatheaterhood. He listened calmly, and interrupted very few times to ask detailed question about a certain point in my story. It was everything I could do not to show my sadness when I told him of Mum's death. I think that I will not forget everything that Lucius had driven into my mind, and I will always have a problem letting my expressions show.
Dumbledore was, well, he understood. I could tell the news about Mum made him very upset, but somehow I got the impression that he already knew it would have happened. When I was finished telling him about everything, I continued with apologizing, which was so unnatural to me, that I didn't know where to begin.
"Professor, I, I'm not sure what to do. I am sorry for everything that I've done, and I.I know that I've made life miserable for too many people for you to forgive me, but I am sorry, and I really need help. I don't know what else to do, or who else to go to. Mum told me to come to you so, I did. I." I was interrupted from my nervous babbling. I had lost control of my thoughts and my mouth, saying things that I know I meant, but I didn't think I'd say in the first place.
"Mr. Malfoy, you've no reason to fear not being accepted by us here. I knew about your true father. As a matter of fact, I knew him when he went to school here. Your mother was able to get messages to me almost every month with updates on yours and her life after Lucius claimed her. You have nothing to worry about right now, except how to escape from Lucius' grasp. I am thankful that you came to your senses. We have been hoping you would realize the truth soon, and now that you have, I think I have a plan." Dumbledore looked at me intently all through this little speech, and then began to tell me of this plan of his.
"Mr. Malfoy, I know that by now, you must want nothing but revenge on Lucius. But I think that if you wait, your personal revenge will be sweeter for you. You see, we have a need for information. We need as much information as we can get, and we need someone to get that information for us. Draco, you are already a deatheater, and believe somehow, that, if you stayed at Lucius' house, and don't tell him what you've found out, you could get that information for us. No one could suspect you as long as you cover your tracks, and be careful. I know what I am asking of you is very difficult, and you would be risking your life many times, but we need you. Do you think you can do this?"
I took a moment to take this all in. They wanted me to become a spy, a double agent. They wanted me to stay in that mansion with that bastard for longer than I should. I wasn't sure how long I would last in that place without strangling the monster. Voldemort would find out, summon me, and kill me. Then where would we be? But if I stayed, and did this spying for the Light side, we'd win the war and Lucius would go down with Voldemort. Then I remembered Mum, which I seemed to be doing a lot lately, and I knew that she would have wanted me to do this. I told the headmaster that I would help as best as I could.
He was so happy, I could claim that his smile literally stretched from ear to ear. I knew that what I had just agreed to had changed my life completely, once again. My stress level was going to skyrocket, and who knows what else will happen? After this very long talk, Dumbledore and I worked out the details of when I would meet him and what information I would need to get for him. In exchange, he promised what he could, which was sanctuary for me, should I need it, and the help in avenging my parents. Then the topic of our conversation turned to a more heated subject.
"Since you will be working so closely with us, you must know who all you will be working with. I must inform you that Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley are both helping me in several ways, and I have a feeling that you will also be working with them, rather closely, so you might want to start considering what you will say to them next time you come." With that said, Dumbledore allowed me a moment to take that in. So, I did. I was going to have to explain everything to those pompous jerks that had made life miserable for me. Not that they knew it, they were just the reason Lucius beat me so much, because I could never get the better of them. And now I was going to have to work with them.
At that thought, Dumbledore interrupted my thoughts. "Now, about your darkmark."
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Taaadaaa!!1 I know, it's reeeeaaaally long, but I apologize for the end here, it was really late at night and I wasn't quite thinking clearly. Or perhaps it was nervousness from the glare that Jenn has been giving me the past week because of taking so long with this chapter.(runs away and hides while meekily threatening, "I'll sic my mommie on you!!' we all know how big that threat is;}) Anyway, please review people!!!!!
To all my reviewers, thank you, I really appreciate them. I'm sorry it takes me so long to update, but this week I've got major testing and I'm really stressing. So, sorry for the delay. I still haven't figured out how to make italics work when switching from Microsoft word to the site, so if any of you have pointers out there, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanx!!
MAJOR AUTHOR'S NOTE~ I will be continuing this story, even after the fifth book comes out, because I have been planning, writing and stressing over this for a very long time and I will not let it go to waste. I know that not many people will read/review, but I just want to get the story written out and posted to the end. It is a good story, trust me, so please, even after June 21st, please keep reading. I have this uncanny feeling that Rowling will completely destroy all hopes for my plot, but CARE IF I SEE!!!!! (no wait!!!!)
Just to help you understand, this chapter is in Draco's POV, still in the semi past/present if that makes sense. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Chapter 4
"Not an answer to be heard, or a moment, that's held in your arms."
"My dear son, Draco, how."
At that moment, when I was about to read the rest of the entry, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. They were heavy, and sounded dull. They were my father's footsteps. Knowing that Father would forbid me to read anything in this diary, I tucked it quickly on the inside pocket of my dark green robes. I closed the lid of the trunk just as I heard a creak in the floorboards that told me Father was just around the corner. On cue, a few seconds later, he stepped through the doorway. Maybe it was just me, I'm not sure, but I realized that my father's face showed no change in expression from his usual contempt. It was as if nothing had happened. Didn't this man realize that his beautiful wife was laying only feet away from him wither lifeblood still trickling out of the back of her head? Didn't he know that he was a widow, and that he would never see my mum's beautiful smile, or hear her laughter fill a room again? What was wrong with this man?
He stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at me, and then slowly moving his eyes to the bed where my mum lay. I searched his face for anger, or sadness, or for any emotion for that matter. Still nothing. "What happened, Father?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"She was killed, Draco. I thought you were a Malfoy. I thought you would be smart enough to figure that one out," he said, once again, without emotion.
"I can see that, Father, but I want to know who did this to her. Who did this to her?"
"Does really matter, Draco? She is dead, life goes on. We will hold her funeral this weekend. Have the house elves take care of her body. I don't want the house to begin to smell," curling up his nose, my father turned sharply around and walked out of the room. I stared after him in shock. I knew that my parents had no love for each other, but to not even be affected by the fact that one's wife was just brutally murdered was just beyond my comprehension. I couldn't understand how he could make any comments as he just did, when his wife was dead. I sat back against the bed, inches away from Mum, unchecked tears streaming down my face.
I had forgotten what it was like to cry. It had been so long since I had allowed myself the freedom to express my pain. But I didn't care anymore. I was so confused, I didn't care about controlling my emotions anymore. I stared at the wall for what seemed like hours, remembering all the times I spent with Mum. It seemed as though the supply of tears was neverending, as though years of pent up frustration and pain were finally being set loose. I felt so alone.
But, I wasn't for long. One of our house elves, Tenka, came quietly into the room. She also was crying, but she avoided me completely. She crossed over to the bed where lay Mum, and snapped her fingers. In an instant, both of them were gone. Mum was being taken to the embalming rooms in the medical wing. I slowly stood up and straightened out my robes, as though I were about to meet someone. But I wasn't. I put my mother's trunk back into her closet, and put piles of her things over top of it, so that no one would notice it. I was lucky that Father was too busy being an arse, that he didn't see it. I felt that this trunk of hers was something Father didn't know about. It was filled with things of her past, which she had never told me about.
With one last look around, noticing another bloodstain on the bed, I left the room. I knew the house elves would take care of the sheets, and the cleaning of her room. Besides, I couldn't stand being in that room anymore. I could smell her; the perfume she always wore was quite distinctive. I had to get out of there. I ran down the hallway, to the back stairway. Skipping two steps at a time, I arrived at the next floor and to the door to my room. I walked in and lit the little candle lamp that was on my nightstand. I closed my door, and settled onto my bed, knowing that I now had full privacy. Father rarely came up here, unless it was for a punishment.
I took the little green book out of my robes and opened it back to the first page. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
"My dear son, Draco, how I love you so much. Today is the day you were born. It is one of the best days of my life. When I first held you, and I saw your face, I knew you would be your father's son. You looked up at me and smiled, as if you recognized, although you had never before seen me either. The laughter in your eyes reminded me so much of your father's that I began to cry. Your Father. Well, considering how I'm sure you would only be reading this because I'm gone, I feel I must explain your history, Draco, though I warn you that it might not be what you expect.
"My son, I went to Hogwarts, as I'm sure you will. While I was there, I met the man of my dreams. We fell in love, and we were inseparable. This man and I were the head boy and girl of our year, I was from Ravenclaw, and he was from Slytherin. This man was my life, and we were engaged soon after graduation. This man's name was Quinlan Malfoy. Oh, how much I love that man, and how much I miss him. We were married about ten months ago from today, and it is a shame that he isn't here to see his son.
Yes, Draco, Quinlan was your father. You see, Lucius and Quinlan Malfoy were twins. Don't believe the myth that the Malfoy family is nothing but dark wizards, Draco. Quinlan was the kindest person you could ever imagine. He and Lucius did not get along though, because Lucius had become evil. He has crossed over and joined with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I do not know what the future will be for us, now that the Dark Lord is rising in power. I fear Him Draco, but more, I fear for you.
Almost a month and a half after Quinlan and I married, his brother came to visit us. I tried to stay clear of him, knowing what kind of man he was. But I came home one night from visiting a friend in Surrey, and I couldn't find Quinlan. I was grabbed from behind, and I heard Lucius' voice mutter something from behind me. He turned me around and pinned me up against a wall. He put a bind on me, so that I couldn't escape, and dragged me into one of the spare bedrooms. On the floor was Quinlan, he was surrounded by dark red blood, and I knew then, that he was dead. Lucius threw me on the floor next to him and I reached out to my husband. He was barely alive, and I was able to whisper to him that he was a father, I had just found out that morning. Lucius had left the room, so he didn't hear me. Quinlan had only enough energy to tell me he loved me, and to take care of our child, because he wouldn't be there for it. He died a few moments later, Draco, and my heart died right along with him.
I knew that Lucius had killed his own brother, but I didn't find out why until a few hours later. Lucius had cast the Imperious curse on me and I had to do whatever he made me. His plan was to take me as his "wife", and produce an heir. With Quinlan dead, all he had to do was claim that it was his right as Quinlan's brother to take care of me. I was forced to marry him, and I was put under the Imperious curse almost every moment of my life. I was raped and beaten, and hidden from public. My friends believed that I had turned to the dark side, and stopped talking to me. Several months later, it became apparent to Lucius that I was pregnant, and he believed that the child was his. Draco, there were moments during these past few months when I would have given anything to end my pain. But I would be reminded of the child, you, who was growing within me. I also remembered that you were Quinlan's son, and the only thing I had left of him. Oh Draco, you look just like him. You have his grey eyes and his nose. You even make the same face when you're not happy. Oh Draco, I'm so scared for you. Lucius believes you are his, and he will raise you to become one of those dreaded deatheaters. I can't do a thing about it because I am rarely free of this curse, and when I am, I am too weak to do anything.
Draco, whenever you read this, no matter how far you probably are in your training, I want you to know that you aren't like Lucius. I can tell already by looking at your tiny form, that there is no speck of malice in you. Though, I'm sure with Lucius being the one to raise you, you will be forced into evil. Draco, you must stop. Get out of it while you can. Don't believe a word that Lucius tells you. You must have your true father's kindness somewhere within you. I don't know what your life will be like as you read this, so I advise you to be careful about how you escape. Lucius has no idea that you aren't his, and if he finds out, he most surely will kill you. Son, I love you, and I want you to live, so be cautious, and wait. I can only hope that you get out, and that you are able to experience true happiness, as I once have. One day, our family will be together again, and I await for that day every moment of my life. If only you knew your father, Draco, life would be so much different for you. I guess my apology to you for not being strong enough to escape is a little late, isn't it? I must go now, before Lucius finds this. I will continue to write in this, as you grow up, and maybe one day, there'll be a chance you might read this and escape. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
As I sat there on my bed, reading, my jaw dropped ever lower with each sentence. After that first entry, I saw that Mum had written many others, each mostly filled with encouragement to escape, and a few mentions of Quinlan, my father. Father. How can this happen? My entire life has been a lie. Lucius wasn't my father, and he had raped Mum. He had beaten Mum. He had killed Mum. And he had killed the man who was my true father. That bastard. He will pay for this. I will make him pay. I was trembling with anger now. I knew that what Mum had written must be true. It explained why it wasn't in me to torture anyone, why I couldn't bring myself to do what the other deatheaters did. I sat where I was, clenching my fist, ready to willingly kill the bastard on sight. How dare he do this to me? I didn't know what to do next. How do I get out of this place? How do I escape? How can I kill Lucius?
I don't know how long I sat there, seething with anger and hatred directed at the sorry excuse for a wizard who dared to hurt Mum. It was then that I reopened the diary to read the last entry. Mum had written it two days before: ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
"Draco, my son, you are now almost grown up. In a few weeks, you will be sixteen. I still cannot believe how much you look like your father more and more each day. My son, I fear that my time is coming near, and I will soon join my husband. Lucius has become more violent with the return of the Dark Lord and I cannot bear the pain much longer. One wrong movement and he will curse me with the Cruciatrus curse. Draco, when you find this, if you accept this, you must go to Professor Dumbledore. Forget what Lucius has put into your mind that he is a fool. He is quite the opposite, and he can help you beyond imagining. You must see him while Lucius is away, and you two must make a plan as to how you can escape Lucius forever. Do not run now, because he will hunt you down and kill you. You must wait until the right moment.
Son, I have been able to contact Professor Dumbledore, and I have told him about us, about Quinlan. He knows, and he is most eager to help you. You must trust him, Draco; he will take care of you. Severus Snape will also look after you, you need only to trust them. I love you, Son, and I want you to never forget who you are, and who you can be. I know that you have already pledged to Lord Voldemort, but I feel that somehow your heart was not in it. Please prove me right, and escape. Professor Dumbledore mentioned something about a way to get rid of the dark mark. Draco, I know your heart. I have seen how much you detest what the deatheaters do, and I know that it is not what you want to do. Once again, Son, I love you, and I will always love you. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~
Dumbledore. The mention of him reminded me of Hogwarts. All those years there, all of the people whose lives I had made miserable, because "Father" insisted on it. How many times had I watched the other kids in any of the houses laugh and have fun together? I remember those three from Gryffindor: Potter, Weasely, and Granger. I remember being so jealous of the friendship they had, and how I treated them. My life at that school could have been so much better. Those two stupid pigs who followed me around like puppies weren't friends. I had no friends.
I decided right then that I would see Dumbledore. I knew that I couldn't possibly make up for all the pain I had caused the others, and I knew that they probably wouldn't believe me, but I knew also that if I went back to Hogwarts, I might have a chance at avenging my father, and ridding this world of that ugly bastard. Perhaps, I might be able set things right between all of my former classmates. No matter. I would leave this cold mansion and never look back, once Lucius was dead.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Three days later, after Mum's funeral, I got the chance to escape to Dumbledore. Mum's funeral had been short, barely anyone had come, and I fought hard not to cry in front of everyone. Lucius, the bastard, had sat through the whole thing looking as though he had better things to with his time. I restrained myself from reaching over and strangling him so that he begged for mercy, which he would not receive.
The day after the funeral, Lucius went back to Voldemort's headquarters. I had been given the week off, to deal with my grief. I waited several minutes before apparating to Hogsmeade. I was standing outside of one of the little shops, and I turned to go to the carriage shop. I paid a driver to take me up to the castle, and soon, I was on my way. As we were riding through the village, I noticed how bleak it looked. Only a few years before, I had been strolling down the main road on one of the class trips. Now, the place was bordering on ruin. All of the buildings were decaying; the fronts of the shops and homes were unkept. There were fewer people wandering about, a far cry from the once crowded streets this infamous town once hosted.
Soon, the road left the village, and turned into a wooded path. As the carriage bounced me around from rolling over small stones and ditches, I stared at the trees outside the window, contemplating what I was going to say to Dumbledore. Hell, how was I going to even begin speaking to him? Although all my years at Hogwarts were spent loathing the man, Mum trusted him, and I had no choice but to try and do the same, for her. Don't get me wrong, I am most definitely not the most easily forgiving person in the world, but if Dumbledore could help me avenge the father I never met, then I must swallow my pride and move on. My "other half" came back saying, "What about Potter?" What about him? Then it dawned on me. No doubt, Potter was probably working closely with Dumbledore, and would make life hell for me, as well as his flame-haired twit of a sidekick.
The hell I'm going to put up with their endless taunting. I could hear it now: "What's the matter, Malfoy? Couldn't handle killing the bastard yourself?" Then there was their other little sidekick, Granger. I'm sure she'll have the pleasure of sticking her nose in the air and arrogantly saying "I told you so." Just the thought of them getting the best of me, and being right for it was enough to make me want to turn this carriage around right now. I wasn't about to be ready to handle any of their immaturities. But then, something in the back of my mind spoke up, saying that I must try, for Mum. I didn't know how I was going to get through this, but I owed it to Mum, and. Father. I spent the rest of the way there swallowing my pride as best as I could. I would never have guessed a few months ago that I would go willingly to the "other" side. That I would completely switch my loyalties.
Since Voldemort was the one who was ultimately behind everything, the one who influenced Lucius so much, and ultimately caused my parents' deaths, I could no longer willingly claim support for that delusional, insane monster. It was still dawning on me, after several days, how much I detested that. creature. Voldemort and all of his ideals really didn't suit me. I mean, I wasn't about to go frolicking in some beautiful meadow with the butterflies and become a perfect angel; no, I still was annoyed and impatient with the same things as before. I just wasn't going to help Voldemort torture and kill innocent and ignorant people, just because his father paid no attention to him. The man was clearly demented; your typical I-hate-my-father-and-everyone-must-suffer-for-it kind of person. But what about the dark mark?
How ironic that I just remembered that fact that I was a deatheater. I don't think that will fly very well with Dumbledore. And if I wanted to help the Light side, as I guessed it was called, who would trust me with the black skull on my left arm. That was no small cookie for anyone to miss. Oh well, it was too late to reconsider, because the carriage had arrived at Hogwarts. The building still looked the same from the outside, and the grounds didn't look any different from when I left. I thanked the carriage driver, who looked at me oddly, as though I had something on my face. I was about to look for a mirror before I realized that it was unnatural for a Malfoy to be polite, in any way.
I turned back to enter into the castle through the main entrance. No one was around, so I headed towards Dumbledore's office. I was stopped on my way by a very irritated-looking Professor McGonagall. "Mr. Malfy, what are you doing here?" she asked while partially glaring at me.
"I've come to see Professor Dumbledore. I must talk to him, soon," I replied, looking around for an easy escape. This woman had a way of holding you captive until you lost your mind, if you let her. Ah, thank the gods; I could see Professor Dumbledore's graying form moving quickly down the front corridor. "Hello, Mr. Malfoy, nice to see you. What, may I ask are you doing here?" he asked very politely, as opposed to his fellow nosy, Gryffin Head. "I'm doing fine, Professor. I was wondering if I might speak with you, if you have the time," I answered as polite as I could. I could remember all of the times Mum tried teaching me manners, but it was going to take some getting used to.
"Of course, follow me." With a huff, Professor McGonagall turned and headed down the right corridor as Dumbledore and I headed down the left. Soon, we arrived as the headmaster said his password (sugar roaches), and entered his large office. I had been in there several times, back in my early Hogwarts days, for some childish troublemaking. It was filled with piles and piles of books, parchments, and other little odds and ends. "Have a seat, if you will," said the Professor, breaking the silence that had followed us from the hall. I walked over to the large, overstuffed armchair located in front of Dumbledore's over stacked desk, and sat down. He walked around and finally sat down in his own chair, and then looked up at me.
*********
For the next hour or so, I told the Headmaster everything. I explained to him about that day that I found Mum, about everything in the diary, about my lineage, and about my initiation into deatheaterhood. He listened calmly, and interrupted very few times to ask detailed question about a certain point in my story. It was everything I could do not to show my sadness when I told him of Mum's death. I think that I will not forget everything that Lucius had driven into my mind, and I will always have a problem letting my expressions show.
Dumbledore was, well, he understood. I could tell the news about Mum made him very upset, but somehow I got the impression that he already knew it would have happened. When I was finished telling him about everything, I continued with apologizing, which was so unnatural to me, that I didn't know where to begin.
"Professor, I, I'm not sure what to do. I am sorry for everything that I've done, and I.I know that I've made life miserable for too many people for you to forgive me, but I am sorry, and I really need help. I don't know what else to do, or who else to go to. Mum told me to come to you so, I did. I." I was interrupted from my nervous babbling. I had lost control of my thoughts and my mouth, saying things that I know I meant, but I didn't think I'd say in the first place.
"Mr. Malfoy, you've no reason to fear not being accepted by us here. I knew about your true father. As a matter of fact, I knew him when he went to school here. Your mother was able to get messages to me almost every month with updates on yours and her life after Lucius claimed her. You have nothing to worry about right now, except how to escape from Lucius' grasp. I am thankful that you came to your senses. We have been hoping you would realize the truth soon, and now that you have, I think I have a plan." Dumbledore looked at me intently all through this little speech, and then began to tell me of this plan of his.
"Mr. Malfoy, I know that by now, you must want nothing but revenge on Lucius. But I think that if you wait, your personal revenge will be sweeter for you. You see, we have a need for information. We need as much information as we can get, and we need someone to get that information for us. Draco, you are already a deatheater, and believe somehow, that, if you stayed at Lucius' house, and don't tell him what you've found out, you could get that information for us. No one could suspect you as long as you cover your tracks, and be careful. I know what I am asking of you is very difficult, and you would be risking your life many times, but we need you. Do you think you can do this?"
I took a moment to take this all in. They wanted me to become a spy, a double agent. They wanted me to stay in that mansion with that bastard for longer than I should. I wasn't sure how long I would last in that place without strangling the monster. Voldemort would find out, summon me, and kill me. Then where would we be? But if I stayed, and did this spying for the Light side, we'd win the war and Lucius would go down with Voldemort. Then I remembered Mum, which I seemed to be doing a lot lately, and I knew that she would have wanted me to do this. I told the headmaster that I would help as best as I could.
He was so happy, I could claim that his smile literally stretched from ear to ear. I knew that what I had just agreed to had changed my life completely, once again. My stress level was going to skyrocket, and who knows what else will happen? After this very long talk, Dumbledore and I worked out the details of when I would meet him and what information I would need to get for him. In exchange, he promised what he could, which was sanctuary for me, should I need it, and the help in avenging my parents. Then the topic of our conversation turned to a more heated subject.
"Since you will be working so closely with us, you must know who all you will be working with. I must inform you that Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley are both helping me in several ways, and I have a feeling that you will also be working with them, rather closely, so you might want to start considering what you will say to them next time you come." With that said, Dumbledore allowed me a moment to take that in. So, I did. I was going to have to explain everything to those pompous jerks that had made life miserable for me. Not that they knew it, they were just the reason Lucius beat me so much, because I could never get the better of them. And now I was going to have to work with them.
At that thought, Dumbledore interrupted my thoughts. "Now, about your darkmark."
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Taaadaaa!!1 I know, it's reeeeaaaally long, but I apologize for the end here, it was really late at night and I wasn't quite thinking clearly. Or perhaps it was nervousness from the glare that Jenn has been giving me the past week because of taking so long with this chapter.(runs away and hides while meekily threatening, "I'll sic my mommie on you!!' we all know how big that threat is;}) Anyway, please review people!!!!!