Jay and I skipped work that day and went to his apartment. We sat on
his bed, he put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
"Jay..." I protested.
"I'm sorry..." he said.
"Its okay...I'm sorry for freaking out," I wiped the tears away.
"He really hurt you, didn't he?" he asked. He looked like he didn't know what to do.
"Yeah, you could say that," I answered.
"What happened?"
"After...the rape, I went to the doctor. She said...that the rape was so traumatic and that he had done so much damage," my voice broke. I tried to keep from crying, "that I would be lucky if I ever had children."
"Oh my God," he muttered.
"It's okay...I've dealt with it. I just thought that he wasn't here anymore...I thought he was gone. But he wasn't....Jay, what am I going to do?"
"It's okay," he said. "I wont let him hurt you."
I looked at him, and our eyes locked. I couldn't have looked away if I had tried. And then...something I never dreamed of happening happened. He kissed me. He wasn't testing me, he wasn't teasing me, it was a REAL comforting kiss. We fell back on the bed, kissing. I slid my hands under his shirt, feeling his chest...his skin.
"Are you sure?" he asked when I slipped my shirt over my head.
I answered him with a kiss and pulled him closer.
He was gentle, not rough and hurting like Joshua...not traumatic like Chris. He was gentle and loving.... He made me feel like he wanted me, not my body. Me.
Afterwards I lay in his arms, my back to him. He traced small circles on my back and kissed my shoulder and my neck. I turned to face him.
"You don't think I'm easy, do you?" I asked.
"Of course not," he said.
"I was just making sure," I answered.
"Well, you're not easy," he kissed me. "I love you, Emma."
I smiled. "I love you too."
I fell asleep before long.
I woke up with the sun shining in my eyes. I turned to Jay and shook him gently.
"Hey," he said sleepily.
"Hey," my voice matched his.
Then the door opened and a toddler stood in the doorway. "Daddy?"
"Jay..." I protested.
"I'm sorry..." he said.
"Its okay...I'm sorry for freaking out," I wiped the tears away.
"He really hurt you, didn't he?" he asked. He looked like he didn't know what to do.
"Yeah, you could say that," I answered.
"What happened?"
"After...the rape, I went to the doctor. She said...that the rape was so traumatic and that he had done so much damage," my voice broke. I tried to keep from crying, "that I would be lucky if I ever had children."
"Oh my God," he muttered.
"It's okay...I've dealt with it. I just thought that he wasn't here anymore...I thought he was gone. But he wasn't....Jay, what am I going to do?"
"It's okay," he said. "I wont let him hurt you."
I looked at him, and our eyes locked. I couldn't have looked away if I had tried. And then...something I never dreamed of happening happened. He kissed me. He wasn't testing me, he wasn't teasing me, it was a REAL comforting kiss. We fell back on the bed, kissing. I slid my hands under his shirt, feeling his chest...his skin.
"Are you sure?" he asked when I slipped my shirt over my head.
I answered him with a kiss and pulled him closer.
He was gentle, not rough and hurting like Joshua...not traumatic like Chris. He was gentle and loving.... He made me feel like he wanted me, not my body. Me.
Afterwards I lay in his arms, my back to him. He traced small circles on my back and kissed my shoulder and my neck. I turned to face him.
"You don't think I'm easy, do you?" I asked.
"Of course not," he said.
"I was just making sure," I answered.
"Well, you're not easy," he kissed me. "I love you, Emma."
I smiled. "I love you too."
I fell asleep before long.
I woke up with the sun shining in my eyes. I turned to Jay and shook him gently.
"Hey," he said sleepily.
"Hey," my voice matched his.
Then the door opened and a toddler stood in the doorway. "Daddy?"