A/N~ Well, folks, I'm afraid that with school starting back up, my updates won't be as often as I'd like. Thank you all for the reviews, they haven't gone unappreciated. There is some good news though, I'm taking creative writing this year, so I can write out my chapters for this for a grade!!!!!!! Woohoo. So read and enjoy, I promise no more torture of that kind for Hermione. I didn't want to do that to her, but for the sake of the plot, I had to. I also think that writing some areas of this story are going to come a lot easier to me now, considering the quote that "one writes from one thing only, one's own experience." Life's getting pretty rough right now, so I really can't guarantee updates. Read and review, please.
Chapter Ten
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"And what do you think you'd understand?"
I had left Gran- Aguila's little room, and walked back to my mattress. All of the others were asleep, and I slipped under my thin blanket, surrounded by complete darkness. I was still trying to grasp what had just happened. Aguila and I were actually on civil terms. I couldn't believe it, and yet I wanted to, with all of my being. I realized that both she and I had changed so much in just the space of one year. She had become desperate, seeming to survive only just to say that she had. She was still the smart witch she had been in school, and she still had her wits about her, but she had lost all hope for a good life. Even though she was ecstatic about escaping, her eyes gave away other emotions that she was experiencing. They showed fear and bitterness; anger and desperation. She had grown up a lot here at Carceris Crudelis, almost too much.
I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. My entire way of life had changed. I wanted to change, and I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to live, and have friends, have people who would care about what happened to me. I wanted to make up for all of the pain and misery I had caused. You would think that I, a Malfoy, was crazy for even thinking something along those lines, but it was the truth. People would think that I was a whole other person, and I was. I really had changed; the problem was convincing everyone else.
Soon, I fell into a restless sleep. I can't remember much of the dreams I had, but I remember that they were disturbing. I must have turned over so many times on my mattress; I was surprised that the noise didn't wake any of the others up. By the early morning, I had given up on decent sleep, so I resorted to staring up at the bunk above me. The relentless dripping of one of the faucets grated into my mind, interrupting my thoughts, and giving me a headache. The pain grew in my head, to the point where it was almost unbearable. Interesting how one simple sound can cause so much stress and pain. Finally, I sat up, unable to stand the silence in my room.
It was at that moment that I heard something. It sounded almost like an echo, a faint whisper that only I could hear. I sat still, my ears alert for the slightest sound. I didn't have to wait long; the sound was louder the second time, but not so loud that others could hear it. It sounded like a cry, a whimper of pain; like some injured being that was trying to be silent. I turned and placed my feet on the cold, bare floor, and waited for another sound. It came, and I followed it toward the other end of the bunker. As I got closer to the end, I realized I was heading back toward Aguila's room. And as I got closer to her door, the light dawned on me that the sound was coming from her room.
I made my way silently to her door in the pitch black. Standing before the door, I hesitated, thinking of what she might say if I walked in there and she turned out to be okay, if the sound was just my imagination. But then I heard the cry again, and I made out one word, "No." I waited no longer, and pushed open the door slowly. As I entered the small, dark room, I let my eyes adjust to the lighting, which was a little darker than it was in the main room. My eyes adjusted, and I looked over toward Aguila's bed. Lying on it was a crumpled form, huddled in the corner. Of course it was Aguila, but she was shaking, almost rocking back and forth. Every once in a while, as I stood there, she would let out another small whimper.
My mind was racing, and I couldn't think straight. Why was she acting like this? What caused her this much pain that she had to hide it away, only to let it out in nightmares when everyone was asleep. I knew that there had been something wrong earlier, but the way she was shaking proved that something far worse than I imagined had happened. But what? What could possibly cause her to shake like that? Why did she keep repeating the word "no' over and over? She was lost in her nightmares, and it seemed to me that she couldn't escape. What was I supposed to do? I had heard somewhere before that it could be dangerous to wake someone from a violent dream; it could damage their mind or something like that. But I couldn't just leave her there, shaking so violently like she was.
I moved closer to the edge of her bed, and then I realized that she had stopped her shaking. Instead, it seemed that she was waking up from her nightmares. She stirred from her huddled position, and rolled over, facing me and the door. I could barely make out her eyes that were just slightly opening.
It was then that I had to ruin the silence, and I spoke the first word that came to mind.
"Hermione…?"
Immediately, I saw her eyes widen in recognition, and she pushed herself back toward the wall in the corner, as she had done earlier. I don't think that she recognized me, but more so, her name. My hand reached out toward her, almost involuntarily, as I was still new to the friendship/comforting idea. At the movement of my hand, she cringed, and shook again, burying her face in her arms. She cried out again. She was behaving so strangely, and I couldn't figure out was wrong. So I called her again, this time by her new name.
"Aguila…?"
At this, her head shot up, and instantly, I think she realized where she was, and who I was. She glared at me, as though I had caused her the nightmare, and she hissed at me.
"Get out."
"Aguila, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked, worried about her condition. She continued to glare at me, and then at the door, ordering me to leave. I didn't get it. She had obviously been in pain, and needed some sort of help, and when I finally start being concerned, she locks me out. So, I gave up. I looked at her for a moment more, a little angry with her, but more so worried. If she wanted to be left alone, then, fine, I'd leave her alone. I left the small, pathetic room, and headed back to my bunk.
Whatever hope I had in sleeping was now completely gone, all thanks to this new turn of events. I tossed and turned until it was time to wake up, because I was so angry. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know what happened to Aguila, and I was angry that she wasn't telling me. There I was trying to help her, and I was truly concerned, mind you, and she goes and treats me like I did something wrong. I just couldn't understand. We had made a truce. I thought that meant that we were on good terms now. I thought that meant we were supposed to help eachother, look after eachother. I guess not.
Finally, morning came. The morning bell rang, and my fellow inmates, slowly stirred from their individual bunks. I also yawned, and stretched out my arms, preparing myself for another long day to come. I knew that within the hour, I would be feeling the full effects of a sleepless night, and I really wasn't looking forward to another day in the fields. I rolled off my mattress, and got into our line formation. Granger exited her room a few moments later, and passed me without so much as a glance, and took her place at the front of our line. Once we were all assembled, she opened the door, and held it as we each left the cabin. As I passed her, I tried making eye-contact with her. Big mistake, for all I got was a glare, quite similar to that which I received last night. We headed silently out towards the mess hall for our breakfast, as the sun slowly rose over the horizon.
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Throughout the entire day, Aguila avoided me as much as she could. Every time she had to pass me, she continued on, looking the opposite direction. I was starting to get very frustrated with her. I know I probably deserved her mistrust, what with the cruelty I had treated her with for the past five years, but I had changed. I wasn't perfect, but I was trying to get better with the whole being-nice-to-people bit. Come on, I should at least get some credit for trying. We had less than two weeks to prepare for the escape, but how were we going to be able to prepare at all if Aguila wouldn't even talk to me?
Finally, the sun had set, and it was time for us to return to the mess hall for our tasteless dinner. Granger still avoided me every step of the way to the mess hall, choosing to walk beside the front person in line. This whole ordeal was starting to get old with me. We needed to tell her friends about the plan, and we needed to get everything in order. Her childishness was aggravating, and yet I couldn't quite blame her because I couldn't understand why she was acting this way. She was avoiding me for some reason, and as I tried racking my brain for anything I might have said to set her off, I couldn't come up with anything. As we reached the doors of the mess hall, she held them open for the rest of us, as usual. I walked slower so that I would be at the back of the line. This way, she had no choice but to be in line next to me.
She realized what I was doing and glared at me, because she knew there was nothing she could do about it. Soon, the person in front of me entered the building, and I entered behind him. Granger followed behind, letting the door close, and walked up beside me, as we waited in the line for our food.
"Aguila, we need to talk." I turned my head towards her as I said this quietly, and she glared at me again.
"There's nothing to talk about, Bran," she hissed under her breath.
"Oh, but there is. If you don't want to tell me what this is all about, then at least give up on the silent treatment long enough for us to tell the others about the plan. I don't know why you're angry with me, but right now we need to focus on the plan." She looked back up at me, and bit her lip. I could tell that she was debating over whether or not to agree with me, so I stared back at her, waiting for her to answer. She looked as if she was fighting with herself, and she was frowning. Then she started to speak, almost hesitantly.
"Fine, but… just…please don't ask about last night. I'm sorry for how I treated you, I just…I can't… I can't tell you. It's… just please don't ask." She looked at me pleadingly, her eyes filled with her fear and sadness.
"Agreed. Now let's go find those friends of yours." With that, we got our food and joined Niamh, Ceara, Liam, and Connor at their usual table. The entire dinner time, we spent whispering in our little huddle, explaining and discussing our plan. The other four agreed to the plan, and we began working out the details. Soon, the bell sounded warning us that it was time to head to our bunks. The six of us left the table, promising to finish the details of our plan the next morning. Throughout the conversation, Granger's attitude changed slowly. She had gotten even more excited about the plan, and she had begun to smile at the mere mention of the escape. Well, who wouldn't? But her happiness was one that showed in every part of her expression, and she had stopped frowning. When it was time for us to head back to the bunks, through the dark, the light went out of her eyes again, and her expression returned to the cold, emotionless one she had mastered so well.
We marched back to our cabins, and I looked up at the sky as we walked. The sky was clear tonight, and the stars were so distinct, so clear. For some reason, I had a strange feeling somewhere within me. I couldn't describe it, nor explain it, but just looking up at the stars made me feel whatever it was. My head had started spinning, and I was getting dizzy quickly, but I snapped out of it, shaking my head and looking back around me. I continued marching, the odd feeling that had startled me, went away.
Still a bit shaken from what had just happened, I entered the cabin behind the rest of my unit, and headed towards my bunk. I was exhausted from lack of sleep, and the day's work. Granger said goodnight to each of us, and with a pointed look directed at me, entered her own room. I fell onto my long awaited mattress, and settled back into the sleep that I had been waiting for. I had already decided that I was just going to push all of my problems out of mind, and sleep. No worrying about the incident with Granger, nothing. Just sleep…
*****
Apparently the gods have a sense of humor, at my expense. I must have been asleep only an hour, when I was awoken by something. I opened my eyes slowly, and tried to register just had woken me this time. I waited in the silent dark of the room, straining my ears to listen for any sounds. Almost instantly, I heard it, and it was familiar. It was a cry coming from Granger's room. Her nightmares had come back, and she was crying again. Groaning with exhaustion, I rose from my mattress and headed back towards the door to her room. Once again, I pushed it open quietly, wondering if this was going to be a repeat of last night.
Again, my eyes adjusted to the light of the room, and I closed the door behind me. I saw Granger huddled in the same position as I had found her last night, against the wall. I walked over this time, and sat next to her on the bed. She was shaking violently still, crying out with whispered pleas for help. Just the sight of her acting like this, the obvious pain she was suffering in her nightmare was unbearable. I didn't know what to do again. I was struck dumb with any knowledge of how to help. So I did what I could.
I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her from her huddled position, and closer to me. She was still crying, and as soon as I had touched her, she started kicking me, and punching me with all of her strength. She was still asleep, still stuck in her nightmare, and she was trying to fight me off. I wrapped my arms around her flailing arms tighter still, trying to calm her down. I held her there in my arms, rocking her back and forth, hushing her until she stopped fighting. She was so light, almost weightless, and when she had finally stopped resisting, she tensed. Knowing then that she was now awake, I kept my arms around her so that she couldn't escape. She started to whimper again, only this time, she was awake. She started crying out "no" over and over again.
"Shhh, Hermione, it's just me. It's only me, Draco. I'm not going to hurt you. Calm down, you're alright now, you're safe. Shhh…" I continued holding her because she was still tense with fear.
"Are they gone?" she whispered. I didn't know who she was talking about, but all I wanted to do was calm her down, and make sure she was alright.
"Yes they're gone, and they won't come back. I'm here now, they won't come back." I had hoped this would settle her a little bit, and help ease her fear of whoever "they" were.
"You're wrong, they will always be here. They won't ever leave." At this she began sobbing into my chest. I still had no clue what was going on. I voiced the major question that was ringing through my head.
"Who are "they"? Who are you talking about? What did they do to you?" She tensed up at the last question. I was getting so frustrated. She wasn't answering me, and I had no idea how to make her feel better. I couldn't understand.
"I can't… I can't tell you. You would… you would never want… anything to do with me…" She said all of this in between sobs, whispering so that I could barely hear her. I thought long and hard on what she meant as she continued crying, her shoulders shaking with each sob. I thought so hard, trying to come up with answers.
"Hermione, I must know who did this to you. I can't help you if you won't tell me." I had pulled her back so I could look at her face to face. I was looking intently into her eyes, trying to convince her that she could tell me. Her lower lip trembled, as more tears escaped the corners of her eyes. She closed them tightly and shook her head.
"I can't… I… the guards… they might come back…they might…" And then it dawned on me. The way some of the guards had looked at her, the way she cringed whenever one came near her. The countless times she had cried out "no" in her nightmares. It all made sense now, why couldn't I have seen it before? How dare they? If what I was thinking was true, there would be hell to pay.
"Did they… did they…" Why was it so hard for me to ask? "Hermione, did they take advantage of you?" Finally, it was out. I waited for her to answer, but she didn't. She looked up at me, and the tears started flowing harder. She started shaking again with her sobs, and I pulled her back closer to me. I couldn't believe it. How dare they do that to her? Of all people, she was the least of a threat to them, and they degrade her in the most savage way. She had done nothing to deserve any of it. They were in for it now, whichever ones they were. They were going to regret the day they were ever born male.
"Please, I know it's hard for you, but tell me, what happened?"
She did. Amazingly she did. In broken sentences, mixed with short sobs, she finally told me the whole story. I was so angry, so full of rage at what they had done. The pain that they had caused this innocent was downright wrong. I started shaking myself with the anger that was welling up inside me. But then I remembered Agu-Hermione, and I knew that she needed someone to be with her. I figured I'd save their punishments for tomorrow. She had finished talking, and had continued weeping. And I continued rocking her back and forth.
"Shhh… it's okay. It's going to be okay. They won't hurt you again, I won't let them. I promise." I whispered. This felt so odd to me, comforting someone like this. But I knew that she needed it, and if we were to be friends, I needed to be there for her.
"Why are you still here?" she asked, after a few minutes of crying.
"What do you mean?" Now I was confused again. She had a way of doing that to me lately.
"Why haven't you left me? How can you even voluntarily be near me after… after…"
So that's what she feared. Of course, she was insecure now. Why wouldn't she be? She was afraid that I would abandon her now that I knew. Well, she was wrong.
"No one should have to endure their pain alone." I left it at that, and continued holding her.
"Thank you," she whispered. I held her for what seemed like hours. She had stopped crying, and slowly drifted off to sleep. I sat there thinking of all the pain that she had suffered and she had survived. I realized that for these many months, she had endured her pain, and still put on a brave face for the rest of the camp. She had been so strong in their eyes, and she was. She showed her strength with each day that she faced without giving up. She gained all of my respect that night. If only the guards were there, I would have tortured them to no end for causing her this pain.
Her breathing had slowed, so I gently laid her back on her mattress. She stirred slightly, but remained asleep. I covered her with the small blanket, and then leaned in and kissed her forehead. My own actions startled me. If someone had told me two years ago that I would do what I did tonight, I would have laughed in their face. But somehow, it didn't matter to me. All that mattered to me was to keep Hermione, yes; I realized I had been calling her Hermione now, safe. I needed to get her out of here, away from the guards, and soon. That's all that mattered.
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A/N~ Finally!!! I feel so much better now that this is all done!!! I fully apologize for the wait, I just haven't had the time to write anything. But not to worry, more updates will come. All questions, comments, critiques are welcome as long as they are in the form of a review;} Oh, good news for those who are interested!!! I have finally decided how I'm going to end the story, when I get that far!!! I was debating so hard as whether or not to end it tragically or happily ever after. So yeah, I've decided, and y'all are going to have to wait till I finish to find out just what I decided;P Happy Thanksgiving!!!!